BTDT Moms: if you could spend 2 years at home, which would you choose

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/6/2010 1:42:04 PM
Author: phoenixgirl

I wonder if those studies about children of SAHM are comparing apples to apples regarding the happiness of the marriage (if there even is one), the education of the parents, the financial security of the family, etc. I don''t think I need to explicate the implications if the study had uneducated single moms making minimum wage as part of the ''non SAHM'' group. I would argue that the type of couple capable of supporting a SAHM, whether or not they choose to do so, had it in the cards to produce a more secure child from the beginning.

I don''t hold much faith in the majority of studies as they''re always bias.

 

[upgrade]

Just wanted to say that while studies and statistics can be used to demonstrate almost anything, in my opinion it boils down to this:

A happy mommy is a good mommy.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 1/6/2010 1:17:40 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/6/2010 9:15:53 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Where are these studies being done? I don''t know of any SAHMs in real life. I''ve never met one and thinking back, I don''t remember any of my friends having one when I was a child. I don''t think it''s the norm where I live, although I''m sure there are some out there. Maybe it''s because we have longer maternity leave arrangements? Or maybe workplace childcare and child-friendly workplace policies are more common here? I suppose it depends on the employer.

If the choice had been to go back to work after a few weeks or even months or give up work, I''d probably have given up work (I''m talking about my own preferences only, not what I think is ''right''). Having the opportunity to be at home for the first year plus was perfect for me, especially with a part time working option thereafter.

Jen

ETA now that I think about it, my cousin is a SAHM, but she lives in the US where it seems to be more common. I know I''m generalising, but I find these discussions really interesting, because I think there are significant differences in different cultures.

Janinegirly, do you have a plan to take a break from work for a while?

Mrs. Mitchell - where do you live? In my kids'' school and among my friends, 3/4ths of them are SAHMs even now that they''re kids are in school. It''s fairly common around here. I live in the US (in Washington State - just outside of Seattle).

Some of the moms are well-off and others have made sacrifices. We do live in an upper middle class neighborhood, so we picked THAT - nice house & great school disctrict, over having other luxuries. I do not sport large diamonds and my car is 9 years old and those are two things I decided were not as important as being home with my kids. I wish I could have it all, but nope, not in the cards.

I live in a fairly small village in Scotland. I''m not saying there aren''t any SAHMs, just that I don''t know of any here or amongst my friends and relatives in Scotland. I know of two SAHDs though, if that''s any use.

 

[snlee]

I would choose the first 2 years.

 

[Mara]

i'm still gestating, but i would choose the first 2 years. a fair amt of coworker moms have told me that they feel like they miss out seeing a lot of 'first' milestones with the babies esp in the first year. i will have to go back to work at 4-5 months since surviving on one income is not in the cards where we live, but am hoping for a somewhat flex schedule.

i wish in the US we had mat leave more like Europe... a lot of my EMEA counterparts get 1-2 years of paid mat leave. so jealous.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/6/2010 2:12:11 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 1/6/2010 1:17:40 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/6/2010 9:15:53 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Where are these studies being done? I don''t know of any SAHMs in real life. I''ve never met one and thinking back, I don''t remember any of my friends having one when I was a child. I don''t think it''s the norm where I live, although I''m sure there are some out there. Maybe it''s because we have longer maternity leave arrangements? Or maybe workplace childcare and child-friendly workplace policies are more common here? I suppose it depends on the employer.

If the choice had been to go back to work after a few weeks or even months or give up work, I''d probably have given up work (I''m talking about my own preferences only, not what I think is ''right''). Having the opportunity to be at home for the first year plus was perfect for me, especially with a part time working option thereafter.

Jen

ETA now that I think about it, my cousin is a SAHM, but she lives in the US where it seems to be more common. I know I''m generalising, but I find these discussions really interesting, because I think there are significant differences in different cultures.

Janinegirly, do you have a plan to take a break from work for a while?

Mrs. Mitchell - where do you live? In my kids'' school and among my friends, 3/4ths of them are SAHMs even now that they''re kids are in school. It''s fairly common around here. I live in the US (in Washington State - just outside of Seattle).

Some of the moms are well-off and others have made sacrifices. We do live in an upper middle class neighborhood, so we picked THAT - nice house & great school disctrict, over having other luxuries. I do not sport large diamonds and my car is 9 years old and those are two things I decided were not as important as being home with my kids. I wish I could have it all, but nope, not in the cards.

I live in a fairly small village in Scotland. I''m not saying there aren''t any SAHMs, just that I don''t know of any here or amongst my friends and relatives in Scotland. I know of two SAHDs though, if that''s any use.

I live in Canada and also do not know anyone who is a SAHM, either in my social cirlce (which is not surprising given that people with similar jobs etc tend to be friends), but also in my extended family and in-laws. I don''t know what the statistics are in Canada but i feel like it is more like the UK just based on my observations. I do have some friends who only worked part time and probably would have been SAHM''s if they could have afforded to do it. But I think they also would not have worked generally if they would have afforded it

 

[upgrade]

Date: 1/6/2010 10:18:16 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 1/6/2010 2:12:11 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 1/6/2010 1:17:40 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/6/2010 9:15:53 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Where are these studies being done? I don''t know of any SAHMs in real life. I''ve never met one and thinking back, I don''t remember any of my friends having one when I was a child. I don''t think it''s the norm where I live, although I''m sure there are some out there. Maybe it''s because we have longer maternity leave arrangements? Or maybe workplace childcare and child-friendly workplace policies are more common here? I suppose it depends on the employer.

If the choice had been to go back to work after a few weeks or even months or give up work, I''d probably have given up work (I''m talking about my own preferences only, not what I think is ''right''). Having the opportunity to be at home for the first year plus was perfect for me, especially with a part time working option thereafter.

Jen

ETA now that I think about it, my cousin is a SAHM, but she lives in the US where it seems to be more common. I know I''m generalising, but I find these discussions really interesting, because I think there are significant differences in different cultures.

Janinegirly, do you have a plan to take a break from work for a while?

Mrs. Mitchell - where do you live? In my kids'' school and among my friends, 3/4ths of them are SAHMs even now that they''re kids are in school. It''s fairly common around here. I live in the US (in Washington State - just outside of Seattle).

Some of the moms are well-off and others have made sacrifices. We do live in an upper middle class neighborhood, so we picked THAT - nice house & great school disctrict, over having other luxuries. I do not sport large diamonds and my car is 9 years old and those are two things I decided were not as important as being home with my kids. I wish I could have it all, but nope, not in the cards.

I live in a fairly small village in Scotland. I''m not saying there aren''t any SAHMs, just that I don''t know of any here or amongst my friends and relatives in Scotland. I know of two SAHDs though, if that''s any use.

I live in Canada and also do not know anyone who is a SAHM, either in my social cirlce (which is not surprising given that people with similar jobs etc tend to be friends), but also in my extended family and in-laws. I don''t know what the statistics are in Canada but i feel like it is more like the UK just based on my observations. I do have some friends who only worked part time and probably would have been SAHM''s if they could have afforded to do it. But I think they also would not have worked generally if they would have afforded it

I would think that it varies, depending on the area. Certain cities and neighbourhoods within those cities will differ. I''m in Canada too (West Coast- where are you?) and of the moms at my son''s school I would say probably half are SAHM''s. Of the working half, at least half of those are part time only.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I was thinking about this last night - Janinegirly pointed out we''re lucky to have choices that our grandmothers did not have, and I was talking to my mother about that. She snorted and told me that my grandmother was a printer and her mother ran a haulage business (great big horses and wooden carts in those days). To find a SAHM on that side of my family, you have to back to my great, great grandmother. I''m not totally sure she counts either, since she had a full staff of domestic servants, including a nanny and two nursery maids.

I must ask my dad about his family.

 

[gardengloves]

Hi Janinegirly,

Your two year sabbatical with the children sounds wonderful. I hope you can make it work out. Sounds like a great plan.

From the perspective of a mom with grown kids looking back, I can say that being with my young children in the toddler stage was the happiest, most fulfilling years of my life. I stayed home with them from birth through school age years. Mine were 21 months apart and my hands were full. But, as it happened I meet other moms in the neighborhood and we formed a little band with play dates, early childhood classes, kinder ceramics, kinder gym, swim class, dance, trips to zoos, parks, all sorts of excursions to places with child friendly entertainment and educational activities for tots. There were even field trips to see leaf turning in Vermont, Williamsburg, Sea World, etc. It was an active, vibrant time of my life, and the support of this group of other moms was terrific as we went through all the phases of early childhood. Had I been isolated, I may have returned to the work force earlier, but it was such a rich, supportive environment and I felt stimulated by the company of these other ladies and our children formed a happy group.

It started with a cup of tea with another lady I meet in the park with her toddler and a lifelong friendship started. In fact today, our two children who played as toddlers, are now still friends. Many of us worked part time, or were in grad school, went though second pregnancies together and watched our families grow. I feel very blessed to have had this time with them in the early years.

One thing I can say from the perspective of looking back, is that they grow so fast. I realize I sound ancient saying this, but savor every minute of these early years. I hope your two year plan works out.