Bridal Showers/Wedding Gift Registry Poll

[~*Alexis*~]

Ok, I need some advice over my BF''s neices wedding registry.

Over the past 6 months (since i moved in with FFI) I have been called a gold digger, manipulative, selfish and only out for his money. His sister and his neice (mother and daughter) have both made comments about how I have it made in this house (its 3200 sq ft) and how I drive an escalade ( I PAY FOR MY CAR PMT AND HE DOESNT).

Well there have been a war of words with his family for the most i have stayed out of and I chose not to response to their negativeness and FI did. Among things calling them out on their behavior and other few choice words. He thinks it ok not to talk to his sister and go to her wedding and all that. I would rather just move on and not talk about it. However the rest of his family has to hear about how bad he is and how mean he is about what he said...yadda yadda yadda....you get the idea....

Well his mother (is 65) got involved and told them to invite me to her bridal shower, her bachelorette party, etc...

I hate this girl with a passion. I have sucked it up and "taken my place in the family" as suggested by the rest of his family. I have ignored them at family events and we have not discussed what was said/done.

Well I got an invitation to the shower (her MOH is hosting it) and the wedding. Which I will attend of course, however, I have an issue with getting her a gift.

She does not deserve one from me and she has a behavior that she wanted elegant things and expects everyone else to pay for it.
When you enter her house, its one of those houses where you can''t sit or touch anything because everything is just for "looks".

So my issue is what to get her. I pulled her registry from both stores from online and I am appalled with whats on it. Keeping in mind, her and her FI built a home 3 years ago and it is fully furnished with all new furniture and the like.....

The cheapest thing on her registry is $10 (a wash cloth) 1 washcloth. the most expensive is a luxury chaise for her "sitting room'' starting at 1200. She would like 2. This family dynamic is strange to me. FFI''s sister thinks her children can do no wrong. They are angels and they get whatever they want no matter what they do. (the bride had an affair with her FFI while he was married and his then wife was 8 mo pregnant and her other daughter started having sex at 15 with her bf who was 23 at the time.)


If i get her something cheap I will be labeled the one who didnt get her enough although I cannot afford to spend extravagantly on her, no do i want to.

What do I do in this situation? It seems like a no win situation for me. I don''t go and I dont get her something then I am the bad one and they can say I didnt come, although I think the only reason they sent me the invite was so they could say they sent one...

If I go, whatever I get her will not be good enough. I went and bought her 2 wedding albums that were not cheap and thats all I plan on getting her. What else should I get her or should I just stick with what I got???

I am frustrated beyond belief with this situation....

What was the most expensive thing on your lists? How should I handle this situation??

Thanks All--

 

[stryeyes102]

Wow.. She sounds like a witch..

What about going a different direction? Perhaps something like making a donation in her name? It would still be a gift but, she wouldn''t get to joy of getting anything from you per say.

*i haven''t been to many weddings so don''t jump me everyone

*

*BIG HUGS* Your a tough chick

 

[Pandora II]

I had one item that was $800 and everything else was under $200 with most being in the $25 - $60 range. My SIL had said she''d get all of DH''s family to chip in on the expensive item (a top of the range titanium Kenwood mixer that if it''s anything like my mother''s will still be going strong in 40 years time!). Unbelieveably, she and my BIL bought it on their own, which is incredibly generous of them.

My advice would be to buy off the registry.

 

[littlelysser]

First - buy off the registry. Giving someone two wedding albums is kind of an odd gift - particularly when she didn't register for them.

Second - there is a HUGE amount of difference between a $10 washcloth and $1200 chaise lounge. There is a middle ground here.

Were I you, I would buy something off of the registry - perhaps around $50-$75 and not attend the shower.

 

[Haven]

I do think you should give her a gift, but it does not have to be extravagant. I''d get her something that matches your affection for her, so . . . a bag of coal?

Just to play devil''s advocate, we registered for some very expensive items at Crate & Barrel because we were told that we would be able to purchase anything left on our registry for 10% off after the wedding. Perhaps this is what happened here.

 

[somethingshiny]

I would get her something NOT on the registry. Something that no one could actually find out the cost of. And, of course, when you give it to her, say something like "I just thought of you when I saw it!"

I just think you''re in a lose-lose situation. If you get her something "cheap", you''re going to be a "witch", if you get her something "pricey", you''re going to be "showing off." So, I say go with something that they can''t determine the value. Think original artwork, original ceramics, stuff that you really can''t nail down a value.

 

[FrekeChild]

To go along with what somethingshiny said--maybe something from an antique store?

 

[CJ2008]

Alexis, I know it's really, really hard to do, but don't worry what anybody else will label you.

Do what you want to do/spend what you want to spend. I think a $50-$75 gift off the registry would be fine. If there are no items in that range on her registry, get her a gift card.

Taking into account how you feel about her, I would seriously think about NOT attending the shower, and just sending the gift.

My most expensive item on my registry was about $400 (espresso machine) but I did also have china (I think the whole set would have been about $1200). Just like Pandora, though, I know my family would want to know what we really wanted and would all chip in.

I didn't get any of those items, though...everyone gave us cash.

ETA: somethingshiny has a good point...and it would be fun for you to give her something she couldn't prove or guess the value of

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I just got the invite and the shower is this coming Saturday. Nice notice huh?? LOL

FFI''s one sister (he has 4) and I went to one of the stores (1/2 hour away) and went to the customer service desk and asked where we could find these items. Only to find out she did her registry online and we couldn''t get any of the items and we had to order them online and it wound not arrive in time for the shower.

So not only did we go and try and get her something off her registry, we could not get anything. So we wasted out time and we still got nothing she wanted...

as far as middle ground everything else was out of ffui''s other sister''s and my budget.

Duvet covers for $239?? George Forman grill which was relatively (exclusive edition) in my price range and yet still could not order that style because it would not be ready in time for the party.

I dunno. I might add a bottle of wine or something to the gift just to make it seem like I like her and put some effort into it....

 

[blondebunny]

are any of the things available at another store??? Or you could order it, have it shipped to her house and in the mean time print out a picture of it and wrap it up, and if she says anything just say that there wasnt enough time in between receiving the invite and ordering it to get to you to bring it to the shower..

I wouldnt do the 2 wedding albums bcuz they might have something from their photog ya know, and it might not get used...

Whats ur budget?? I could search some things for u if ya want...

 

[blondebunny]

this place has some cool customized rhinestone things that might be nice, so it wouldnt be "over" the top but it will look like u put some thought into it, maybe some brownie points..
http://www.advantagebridal.com/adbrexde.html

 

[blondebunny]

here it is on ebay and I think u could probably get it in time if ya ordered it tomorrow or something..
http://cgi.ebay.com/Future-Mrs-Personalized-T-Shirt-w-Rhinestones_W0QQitemZ310075883834QQihZ021QQcategoryZ3268QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
they had a really cute tote too...

 

[JerseyGrl81]

What I would do in your situation would go in on a gift with your FSIL that you went shopping with. That way they can''t say anything negative about you, without it being about her as well. And since she is part of the family they probably wont speak badly about her. I would also order something off of her registry and have it shipped to her house. At the shower give her a card with a picture of the item and a note saying that you are having the item shipped to her house, because even though you order the item right after you received the invite it was unable to arrive in time for the shower.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

((Hugs)) I am sorry you are going through this..

..but it looks like everyone has great advice. As for my registry, I voted $200-500 or whatever because I don''t have a single item over about $500. I have a variety of price ranges and whatnot.