Boy/girl sleepover?

[Daisys and Diamonds]

It’s really scary isn’t it? We own a few and used to keep them in the house, locked up of course with a separate locked safe for ammo. I let parents know before play dates always!!! We keep them out of the house at the range now, even stored properly it made me nervous once we had kids. My husband used to collect old guns and fix them up, mostly WW1 and WW2 but that hobby is on pause. I ask, and I also ask about pool safety- lots of pools near me and most people dont have fences/alarms.

This is something i never thought to shear with others
we abide by the law, he's licenced and everything is appropriately locked up
In our old very small house the (locked) gun rack was behind the front door in the lounge because the garage got a bit damp and we didn't want anybody getting a rusty barrel but now we have a much bigger house
I dont actually know where the key is or where the amo is kept (im not licensed) that made the police firarms officer happy when she did her house check when Gary's licence needed renewing

 

[FL_runner]

This is something i never thought to shear with others
we abide by the law, he's licenced and everything is appropriately locked up
In our old very small house the (locked) gun rack was behind the front door in the lounge because the garage got a bit damp and we didn't want anybody getting a rusty barrel but now we have a much bigger house
I dont actually know where the key is or where the amo is kept (im not licensed) that made the police firarms officer happy when she did her house check when Gary's licence needed renewing

When it was just my husband and I I did not think much of it, but kids are so curious and want to get into everything, even if you teach them about safety! Our safes were in the master bedroom closet away from everything.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

When it was just my husband and I I did not think much of it, but kids are so curious and want to get into everything, even if you teach them about safety! Our safes were in the master bedroom closet away from everything.

I pretty much have no idea about being a parent
The cats basically raised them selves

 

[TooPatient]

No.

I was either still 12 or had just turned 13 when I had my first full blown intercourse. I was not the first in my class by far. My cousins were allowed mixed sleepovers and I know for sure things happened there....

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I grew up in the 50s
i mean it was the 70's and 80s but in my house it was still the 50s

 

[OdetteOdile]

I am not big on sleepovers in general. I like to host parties for the kiddos that run late, like movies and pizza, but then send the kids home. I’d steer away from a co Ed sleepover at that age, maybe if you knew the parents well and the parents slept in the room with them.

I agree. We call these “lateovers” and I think they are a better idea than sleepovers.

 

[FL_runner]

I agree. We call these “lateovers” and I think they are a better idea than sleepovers.

Yes we call them “sleep unders” but “late over” sounds better!

I am a camp chaperone for my kids scout troop but we split the parents up to be in the tents with the kiddos.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Coming back after having read some more replies that shocked me. I apparently grew up under a rock since nothing nefarious ever happened at my childhood sleepovers.

So surely, if one's own child's seems to be the type to be rather early and one is afraid of one's child imposing any unwanted behaviour on other children, then yes , absolutely for the sake of others , no sleepovers. If one thinks that one's own child would be very interested in seggs already at 12, then I'd understand a no sleepover policy, but talking with the child , maybe taking a workshop that caters to parent/ children couples and helps parents uncomfortable with the topic to tackle it in a positive and healthy way is way more important.

If one is concerned one's child might be coerced into seggs by a peer or secsually assaulted at a sleepover by a member of the family, then there is no way my child would go anywhere near that place or have those people around. And the sleepover situation with a pedophile predator might facilitate the assault, but just being there at 3 p.m. isn't much safer. So I thinks the sleepover is a problem if the situation is already fragilized but other factors. Those have to be tackled absolutely. Just saying no to sleepovers doesn't solve any of this.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I'm not a parent, I'm still in my 20s. But I personally don't see the big difference between a coed sleepover and a single-sex sleepover (given, of course, that I know and like all the children attending, I consider the parents responsible/good parents etc.)

Kids will be kids, and whatever you're afraid of happening in a coed sleepover can happen anyway, either in a single sex sleepover or at another time. To put it bluntly, your child can have sex at literally any hour of the day. I wasn't allowed coed sleepovers either, growing up, but that didn't put a damper on my sex life, frankly.

Imo having conversations with your kid, preparing them for the future, teaching them about their body, peer pressure, the importance of consent, protection, STDs etc. is the best way to raise levelheaded kids who either make good decisions or are equipped to deal with the consequences.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

At the end of the day I think parents just need to do what makes them comfortable and what makes sense for their child. Different people have different levels of risk tolerance and while I might let our 15 year old a certain amount of freedom, sleepovers involve a level of risk I’m not willing to take on for my son.

Live and let live.

 

[GoldenTouch]

My best friend in high school was a boy & I stayed at his house half the week sometimes. Nothing EVER happens between us EVER! I slept in a mattress on the floor in his room & sometimes in his bed. I was part of the family in the end. The fact that people assumed about us is what upset us then. It’s funny now.
I happened to see his Aunt “Aunt Jo” at the shops the other day & that us what I call her still & I’’m 47.
They are very young so I wouldn’t of been concerned. If something does happen it doesn’t mean it will happen on a sleepover, in a home etc I know my first kisses didn’t.
I do admit though I would prefer all sleep overs at my house m. This has nothing to do with the children but more to do with adults unless I know when well (which doesn’t make sense as most children abused are abused by people they know really well…

 

[Piper70]

I think it comes down to the individual child and his/her family. How well do you know these people? My BIL let his son’s female friend sleep over and I can guarantee shenanigans went on ( BIL not the best parent and girl was from a similar situation ). Our neighbors have a boy and girl who were the same ages as my two boys. The four of them played together a lot and both my boys would sleep at their house but the daughter would certainly have slept separately from the boys. Do you have a separate place for her to sleep? If that was the case, I might allow it at age 10.

 

[Decision_Decisions]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful replies. I wasn't asking for reasons to change my mind or make me feel vindicated, but it was helpful to hear what others think about it or what they may or may not consider as part of their decision making.

We know the boy's family quite well, have been to their home many times, and to their vacation home as well. We do not know the girl's family as well, but we do know them, have exchanged numbers, etc. I certainly didn't mean to imply that the girl is the "problem" in any way or that she will tempt my son. I'm honestly not even thinking of it in sexual terms at this time (although maybe I am being naive and I should be). It's just that I think it's a slippery slope and how do I know at what point it's no longer a good idea.

But people are right, any sleepover can open the door for things to go on that I may not want. My son or any of his friends could end up being curious towards anyone else regardless of gender. But I do feel that the boy/girl scenario is just an unnecessary temptation to add to the mix that I honestly just don't really want to deal. And also, several people said that it would be fine if the kids are in separate rooms/floors which I do think is a different situation than being in a shared space.

My concern is that these are my son's two best friends right now, and I know that he is feeling left out. Tough shit maybe some will say but I'm very empathetic to my kid's feelings. I do want him to understand that I believe boys and girls can have platonic friendships so this feels tricky.

We can draw a hard line this will never happen, but she may continue to be invited to the occasional weekend sleepovers, and then to the annual bday sleepover this kid has, to the weekends at their vacation home, etc. Are we prepared to exclude him from everything if that becomes the case? Or to essentially force the male friend to choose between her and my son? I'd really like the issue to just go away but the three of them have only grown closer over the last year.

Anyway, thanks again for all the food for thought!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I'm not a parent, I'm still in my 20s. But I personally don't see the big difference between a coed sleepover and a single-sex sleepover (given, of course, that I know and like all the children attending, I consider the parents responsible/good parents etc.)

Kids will be kids, and whatever you're afraid of happening in a coed sleepover can happen anyway, either in a single sex sleepover or at another time. To put it bluntly, your child can have sex at literally any hour of the day. I wasn't allowed coed sleepovers either, growing up, but that didn't put a damper on my sex life, frankly.

Imo having conversations with your kid, preparing them for the future, teaching them about their body, peer pressure, the importance of consent, protection, STDs etc. is the best way to raise levelheaded kids who either make good decisions or are equipped to deal with the consequences.

Im just remembering in the christmad holidays at our beach house we would have lots of house guests
all us kids would pile into my bedroom boys and girls
but of course my parents were right accross the hall

 

[Miss Confused]

Quite a few responses here make me sad

Your kids are going to do things independently of sleep overs, best way to try and avoid unwanted situations is communication and trust to build up your child - this applies to sex, alcohol and drugs. Honestly this type of attitude creates more issues than it solves

Anecdotally of course, but the people I know who were late to lose their virginity / didn't get into trouble etc. were always the ones with good communication with their parents and healthy co-ed groups of friends. The all -girl groups were much more likely to debut earlier and get into trouble

Either don't allow sleep-overs or create rules and communication, but making differences as to what's allowed depending on gender is highly unlikely to help in any way

 

[Gussie]

I grew up in the 50s
i mean it was the 70's and 80s but in my house it was still the 50s

Same!

I had sleepovers a lot with other girls and nothing ever happened. Some of my fondest memories are of slumber parties in elementary and middle school. I had one in 6th grade and 18 girls spent the night. (My mom was either a saint or absolutely crazy!) I am from a small town though and everyone knew everyone. No way in heck would my parents have allowed co-ed sleepovers and I wouldn't with my kids either. We do allow my girls to have sleepovers here or at their friends' house if I know their parents and trust the girls. We did the same for my son but he's a bit old for sleepovers now.

As far as gender goes, I know things are changing but there are far too many situations that I would be uncomfortable with. It's much easier to have a same sex sleepover rule.