BFs that seem less than enthusiastic about proposing...

[VetChecker]

and P.S. slg47 has been one of the many people helping out me out! THANKS!

 

[damons]

Date: 6/30/2010 1:37:30 PM
Author: VetChecker

Date: 6/29/2010 8:00:14 PM
Author: sillyberry

Date: 6/28/2010 9:56:17 PM

Author: VetChecker

Well I hope im not giving away any secrets here but.........

Not all guys hate it as much as we show. I see some of the same names on this thread that have been helping me out over the past few days. From my posts you might see that I am excited and putting thought and effort into this....



If you talked to my gf and used that description about me and engagement...she would call you a straight faced liar!



For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.



Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this. I cant wait to be done just so I can share all the interesting and funny stories I have so far! From sneaking out to insane sales people to the greatest web forum out there (and thats hard to say as I am in the process of starting one myself!(veterinary stuff)).



As you know some of us guys just like to put up a fuss about everything. We are expected to give you a hard time about it. Deep down inside though most of us (not all) do like the engagement process....just good luck getting us to admit it to you! :-p

Honestly? I think that''s cruel. There reaches a point where ''putting up a fuss'' and ''giving you a hard time'' becomes mean, and five years of seemingly stringing someone along passes that point.

I''d agree if it was a daily thing. Some woman are pushy and thank god mine is not. ''Five years of seemingly stringing someone along'' suggest that I knew I wasn''t going to marry her and that I still kept dragging her along with the hope of some day I would change my mind. The fact of the matter is that in life, I rush into everything. I am very impulsive. Marriage is the one thing that I will not, would not rush into. During the first four years, could I see myself married to her? Yes. It wasn''t until the last year, specifically the last couple months that I have finally felt ready.

Marriage is not something that can nor should be rushed. It takes some people 10 minutes and others 10 years to know they are ready to marry someone. It took me 4+ years. So technically, I have been stringing her along for the past couple months while I put together her ''dream ring'' (or at least a replica of it). You can read about it in Rocky Talky if you so desire!

(sorry for the rant, just felt a little offended on the ''cruel'' comment)

vetchecker, I completely agree with you. I proposed to my partner a few weeks ago, and I was very excited about the whole thing. We have been together for almost 4 years, and I knew she was the one I wanted to marry. It took me time to get to that point, though. I take marriage very seriously, and I only want to get married once. Whenever my partner would make comments about getting married or enagaged, I would joke that I would propose by the year 2015. She never pushed me. The most she would do is sing that Beyonce song "if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it" every once in a while when I told her I love her. I thought it was adorable.

The result: an unforgettable proposal and a girl that was completely surprised when I pulled the ring box out of my pocket. She had absolutely no idea that I had a ring. Personally, I think that''s how it should be.

I don''t think that your comment is cruel at all. I think nagging and pushing someone to propose when they are not ready is cruel.

 

[sillyberry]

Date: 6/30/2010 2:03:12 PM
Author: damons

Date: 6/30/2010 1:37:30 PM

Author: VetChecker

Date: 6/29/2010 8:00:14 PM
Author: sillyberry

Date: 6/28/2010 9:56:17 PM

Author: VetChecker
Well I hope im not giving away any secrets here but.........

Not all guys hate it as much as we show. I see some of the same names on this thread that have been helping me out over the past few days. From my posts you might see that I am excited and putting thought and effort into this....

If you talked to my gf and used that description about me and engagement...she would call you a straight faced liar!

For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.

Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this. I cant wait to be done just so I can share all the interesting and funny stories I have so far! From sneaking out to insane sales people to the greatest web forum out there (and thats hard to say as I am in the process of starting one myself!(veterinary stuff)).

As you know some of us guys just like to put up a fuss about everything. We are expected to give you a hard time about it. Deep down inside though most of us (not all) do like the engagement process....just good luck getting us to admit it to you! :-p

Honestly? I think that''s cruel. There reaches a point where ''putting up a fuss'' and ''giving you a hard time'' becomes mean, and five years of seemingly stringing someone along passes that point.

I''d agree if it was a daily thing. Some woman are pushy and thank god mine is not. ''Five years of seemingly stringing someone along'' suggest that I knew I wasn''t going to marry her and that I still kept dragging her along with the hope of some day I would change my mind. The fact of the matter is that in life, I rush into everything. I am very impulsive. Marriage is the one thing that I will not, would not rush into. During the first four years, could I see myself married to her? Yes. It wasn''t until the last year, specifically the last couple months that I have finally felt ready.

Marriage is not something that can nor should be rushed. It takes some people 10 minutes and others 10 years to know they are ready to marry someone. It took me 4+ years. So technically, I have been stringing her along for the past couple months while I put together her ''dream ring'' (or at least a replica of it). You can read about it in Rocky Talky if you so desire!


(sorry for the rant, just felt a little offended on the ''cruel'' comment)

vetchecker, I completely agree with you. I proposed to my partner a few weeks ago, and I was very excited about the whole thing. We have been together for almost 4 years, and I knew she was the one I wanted to marry. It took me time to get to that point, though. I take marriage very seriously, and I only want to get married once. Whenever my partner would make comments about getting married or enagaged, I would joke that I would propose by the year 2015. She never pushed me. The most she would do is sing that Beyonce song ''if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it'' every once in a while when I told her I love her. I thought it was adorable.

The result: an unforgettable proposal and a girl that was completely surprised when I pulled the ring box out of my pocket. She had absolutely no idea that I had a ring. Personally, I think that''s how it should be.

I don''t think that your comment is cruel at all. I think nagging and pushing someone to propose when they are not ready is cruel.

I don''t agree with nagging or pushing, either, and I never recommend anyone do that. Guys shouldn''t be pressured or bullied into proposing - bad news bears. But when your significant other thinks you are never getting married? Or you refuse to talk about engagement? I hope I''m not giving away any secrets, but from the girl''s perspective, those are the hallmarks of feeling strung along. And you have no idea how much that can corrode a relationship.

Perhaps it was the way you worded things originally, VetChecker. In your reply you made it sound like you''ve been sneaky and intentionally ignoring her feelings just so she could be completely blindsided in the end by a surprise proposal. However, perhaps you''ve given her every indication that you were planning on getting married in the future and spending a life together and you''ve both completely happy with the state and status of the relationship. I sincerely hope that''s the case. I do apologize for my response, though, in that I should have worded my thoughts more clearly to avoid offending.

 

[VetChecker]

Date: 6/30/2010 3:34:55 PM
Author: sillyberry

Date: 6/30/2010 2:03:12 PM

Author: damons

Date: 6/30/2010 1:37:30 PM


Author: VetChecker

Date: 6/29/2010 8:00:14 PM

Author: sillyberry

Date: 6/28/2010 9:56:17 PM


Author: VetChecker

Well I hope im not giving away any secrets here but.........

Not all guys hate it as much as we show. I see some of the same names on this thread that have been helping me out over the past few days. From my posts you might see that I am excited and putting thought and effort into this....


If you talked to my gf and used that description about me and engagement...she would call you a straight faced liar!


For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.


Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this. I cant wait to be done just so I can share all the interesting and funny stories I have so far! From sneaking out to insane sales people to the greatest web forum out there (and thats hard to say as I am in the process of starting one myself!(veterinary stuff)).


As you know some of us guys just like to put up a fuss about everything. We are expected to give you a hard time about it. Deep down inside though most of us (not all) do like the engagement process....just good luck getting us to admit it to you! :-p

Honestly? I think that''s cruel. There reaches a point where ''putting up a fuss'' and ''giving you a hard time'' becomes mean, and five years of seemingly stringing someone along passes that point.

I''d agree if it was a daily thing. Some woman are pushy and thank god mine is not. ''Five years of seemingly stringing someone along'' suggest that I knew I wasn''t going to marry her and that I still kept dragging her along with the hope of some day I would change my mind. The fact of the matter is that in life, I rush into everything. I am very impulsive. Marriage is the one thing that I will not, would not rush into. During the first four years, could I see myself married to her? Yes. It wasn''t until the last year, specifically the last couple months that I have finally felt ready.


Marriage is not something that can nor should be rushed. It takes some people 10 minutes and others 10 years to know they are ready to marry someone. It took me 4+ years. So technically, I have been stringing her along for the past couple months while I put together her ''dream ring'' (or at least a replica of it). You can read about it in Rocky Talky if you so desire!



(sorry for the rant, just felt a little offended on the ''cruel'' comment)

vetchecker, I completely agree with you. I proposed to my partner a few weeks ago, and I was very excited about the whole thing. We have been together for almost 4 years, and I knew she was the one I wanted to marry. It took me time to get to that point, though. I take marriage very seriously, and I only want to get married once. Whenever my partner would make comments about getting married or enagaged, I would joke that I would propose by the year 2015. She never pushed me. The most she would do is sing that Beyonce song ''if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it'' every once in a while when I told her I love her. I thought it was adorable.


The result: an unforgettable proposal and a girl that was completely surprised when I pulled the ring box out of my pocket. She had absolutely no idea that I had a ring. Personally, I think that''s how it should be.


I don''t think that your comment is cruel at all. I think nagging and pushing someone to propose when they are not ready is cruel.

I don''t agree with nagging or pushing, either, and I never recommend anyone do that. Guys shouldn''t be pressured or bullied into proposing - bad news bears. But when your significant other thinks you are never getting married? Or you refuse to talk about engagement? I hope I''m not giving away any secrets, but from the girl''s perspective, those are the hallmarks of feeling strung along. And you have no idea how much that can corrode a relationship.


Perhaps it was the way you worded things originally, VetChecker. In your reply you made it sound like you''ve been sneaky and intentionally ignoring her feelings just so she could be completely blindsided in the end by a surprise proposal. However, perhaps you''ve given her every indication that you were planning on getting married in the future and spending a life together and you''ve both completely happy with the state and status of the relationship. I sincerely hope that''s the case. I do apologize for my response, though, in that I should have worded my thoughts more clearly to avoid offending.

I have never avoided the topic in a mean way. I think I have been good not to hurt her feelings about it. I have been playfully uninterested when the topic arises. Don''t get me wrong, we have had healthy talks about it but when it comes to ring shopping. NO THANKS! That is my way of avoiding it and setting up the surprise...which is coming sooner then later now!