BFs that seem less than enthusiastic about proposing...

[slg47]

So...anyone else has a BF who seems less than enthusiastic about proposing? Stories?

 

[slg47]

OK I''ll start, I think BF is just not that excited about this whole process. I know he wants to be with me, but he thinks the idea of spending a lot of money on something so small is sort of silly (and so do I, but since I grew up in a culture that does that sort of thing I wanted a beautiful engagement ring!!!) Also it has taken some time to get my ring because we switched jewelers and then I had trouble deciding on a design...but the final CADs will be in next week then it''s all up to the BF!!!!

He kind of gets this ugh look on his face when I look at wedding stuff/PS...etc...anyway just wanted to share...anyone have similar experiences? I guess it also kinda took away some of the magic or whatever because I was picking out the ring and so he didn''t go through this whole nervousness and trying to get it right...

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Yeah my BF is the same way. He is very responsible with his money so he gets frustrated about how much erings cost. I agree that they can be very expensive but it''s a forever ring so I want a nice one (not huge and expensive but a good quality). He has said lots of times now how he wants to get engaged but every time I''m looking at rings online he gets this look

and this one

.

I know it''s just about the money and not because he''s not ready so it doesn''t really bother me. I do wish he showed a little more excitement though.

 

[slg47]

ditto about the more excitement! although maybe when he is planning the proposal he''ll get excited I think paying for the ring was...less exciting for him. every time i casually mention or allude to the fact that he''ll have to plan a proposal, he gets that look too...maybe it''s just stress. i know he wants to be with me, and he already bought the rock

 

[CushionNovice]

Just read my post from a few hours ago and you will see that I''m sort of in this boat! BAHHHHH

 

[slg47]

cushion novice

i hope everything works out for you two!!!

 

[CushionNovice]

Date: 6/28/2010 1:43:07 AM
Author: slg47
cushion novice

i hope everything works out for you two!!!

We''ll get there!

 

[Callisto]

I know my SO is thrilled about the IDEA of getting engaged... the PROCESS however is a bit stressful for us. We''ve gotten into a few arguments about ring related things that have kind of tainted the whole experience. None of our fights are about wanting to take this next stage of commitment, however. It''s all stupid things like we got in an argument a long time ago because I wanted to be a part of the ring choosing process. Then just this weekend we got in a tiff because I got jealous that one of his friends is getting married in December - even though I tried to explain to him that I knew I was being silly and I know we''ll get engaged soon, but I couldn''t stop myself from being a bit jealous.

So all that definitely has a negative effect on the process. I''m really hoping we can get some of the romance back into the process this summer while looking at rings and such. Right now it''s a bit of a business transaction (which is largely my fault).

 

[CMC]

SLG and Callisto: I feel your pain!

My bf isn''t the romantic type, but just once in a while I wish he''d be a little mushy now and then.. these are one of those times.

Callisto, I involved myself in the "ring process" too because I was terrified BF was going to go to a mall shop for my Ering... that''s where he bought my xmas diamond pendant (which i think he paid $300 more than he should''ve for)... so why would he do any different? I was concerned that he''d get ripped off, nothing to do with the actuall ring he''d pick. Part of it is my fault for being too practical and not wanting him to fall prey to mall jewelers.

Anyway... over the past 6 months we''ve gone to my friend''s jeweler twice, and an appraiser once, mind you on his own free will. Each time, he realized how little he knew about diamonds, and was actually very interested in what we saw and learning about them. This past weekend we just went to the appraiser (Patrick Davis who is amazing btw) to check out a GoG stone and we both were WOWED. When we left the appt, my bf was talking about how we would go about to purchase it etc. and was excited about it. But then as his teams in the world cup and baseball lost this weekend and the actual cost of the diamond sunk in (I found a diamond that was $10k less than the original budget he set, and $5k less than his new budget)... his mood changed and called off our search. And now I don''t have the heart to tell GoG we have to wait on the stone, and they don''t hold stones =(

 

[MayFlowers]

My BF is the exact same way. Anytime I bring up anything about rings, weddings, etc. he gets, like you said, that ugh face. It''s like he''s completely not excited about it. I think once everything starts falling into place financially and we will be able to afford a ring, he will get more excited. He was dreading going ring shopping the last year. But, once we left the store, he admitted that he had fun, and that he was really excited about giving me a beautiful ring.

And I feel the same way as you ladies do...I just wish he showed a little more excitement.

 

[luckynumber]

yep, FI wants like anything to get married, but the whole engagement process he could have done without! he loved getting me my beautiful ring, but didn''t like the associated societal "pressure" surrounding the whole Perfect Engagement Ring Thing

 

[SlotMonster]

My girlfriend doesn''t want an ERing

Yeah, I know she loves very much and already said "YES" (I haven''t proposed yet LOL) but she said she don''t want a ring, she wants ME

So, I''m the only one who wants to buy ERing

well I already bought it secretly and just waiting for THAT moment

 

[peach_tea_for_me]

YES! Finally, someone else to share this with!
My bf and I are totally committed, happy to share our lives together, but the engagement/wedding stuff completely overwhelms him. Defintiely not his favorite topic. I know my bf is going to get to the ring shopping eventually (hopefully soon) and he''ll get excited on his own time. I get frustrated whenever any wedding talk comes up, because I just want him to be more excited about it. I know it''s such a different experience for men than for women, but I don''t think it''s too much to ask to see your man smile thinking about that!

Feels sooo good to read that other people are going through this and I''m not alone with it!

 

[4ever]

Well, it''s not that BF''s not excited, it''s just everytime I talk weddings or jewllery he gets the same expression on his face that I get when he talks to me about electronics and cars.

 

[stepcutgirl]

My now fiance was never giddy/excited like I was. I read stories where the guy got the ring and was so excited he couldn''t wait even one day to propose. Honestly, those stories made me jealous. I used to ask him why he didn''t seem to have the same enthusiasm I did and he would tell me time after time that the engagement/wedding weren''t what it was about to him. That he was excited about being a family and husband/wife, not about the ring and the wedding. I have to admit hearing that helped me to realize what was important.

Hopefully I can provide you all with some hope! Mr. Its only about becoming a family the wedding isn''t important to me has become Mr. I have an opinion and a vision about all things wedding related!

 

[beezygal]

Date: 6/28/2010 5:59:34 PM
Author: stepcutgirl
My now fiance was never giddy/excited like I was. I read stories where the guy got the ring and was so excited he couldn''t wait even one day to propose. Honestly, those stories made me jealous. I used to ask him why he didn''t seem to have the same enthusiasm I did and he would tell me time after time that the engagement/wedding weren''t what it was about to him. That he was excited about being a family and husband/wife, not about the ring and the wedding. I have to admit hearing that helped me to realize what was important.

Hopefully I can provide you all with some hope! Mr. Its only about becoming a family the wedding isn''t important to me has become Mr. I have an opinion and a vision about all things wedding related!

omg.. I wish my bf is like that. We finally got it after having it fixed TWICE. Now, it''s sitting in the safety deposit box in the bank. Why can''t he propose already?

 

[slg47]

Date: 6/28/2010 5:59:34 PM
Author: stepcutgirl
My now fiance was never giddy/excited like I was. I read stories where the guy got the ring and was so excited he couldn''t wait even one day to propose. Honestly, those stories made me jealous. I used to ask him why he didn''t seem to have the same enthusiasm I did and he would tell me time after time that the engagement/wedding weren''t what it was about to him. That he was excited about being a family and husband/wife, not about the ring and the wedding. I have to admit hearing that helped me to realize what was important.


Hopefully I can provide you all with some hope! Mr. Its only about becoming a family the wedding isn''t important to me has become Mr. I have an opinion and a vision about all things wedding related!

yes stepcutgirl I think this is how my BF feels too, he''s not into all the ceremony of wedding stuff but I know he wants to be married to me and have a family with me eventually (he has said so! and it makes me so happy!)

and I did remember that the first day we went ring shopping he said it ''wasn''t so bad'', I think he is just sort of getting the UGH face now because the ring process has ''dragged on'' a little (the final CADs should be here any day now...and then it''s all up to the BF!

anyway, no, I am completely happy that BF is excited about the important stuff, but sometimes it still kinda sucks to read these stories on PS about the guys going to so much trouble to find the perfect ring, and getting all excited about it...you ladies understand

 

[VetChecker]

Well I hope im not giving away any secrets here but.........

Not all guys hate it as much as we show. I see some of the same names on this thread that have been helping me out over the past few days. From my posts you might see that I am excited and putting thought and effort into this....

If you talked to my gf and used that description about me and engagement...she would call you a straight faced liar!

For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.

Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this. I cant wait to be done just so I can share all the interesting and funny stories I have so far! From sneaking out to insane sales people to the greatest web forum out there (and thats hard to say as I am in the process of starting one myself!(veterinary stuff)).

As you know some of us guys just like to put up a fuss about everything. We are expected to give you a hard time about it. Deep down inside though most of us (not all) do like the engagement process....just good luck getting us to admit it to you! :-p

 

[Mashira]

Date: 6/28/2010 9:56:17 PM
For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.

Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this.

That is very reassuring! SO and I have been talking about marriage, and he is very excited about it, but doesn''t seem to be getting ''into'' the ring process. I decided to back off because
for a while I honestly felt as though I was pushing it on him rather than looking with him.

I''ve asked him about it and he says, "Because the engagement may be a while away, I don''t want to talk about it a lot now, and have the moment be
anticlimactic due to your expecting it. I want you to be totally surprised, and I can''t do that if we always talk about it." I can understand this, and in his defense I do tend to go a bit ring crazy,
but I so wish there was a little more enthusiasm coming from his end lol.

 

[Indylady]

If your BF is unethusiastic about proposing, why not propose to him?

 

[Callisto]

Date: 6/29/2010 9:17:53 AM
Author: IndyLady
If your BF is unethusiastic about proposing, why not propose to him?

You know i would but I actually think it would really hurt his feelings, and make him feel really emasculated. I think he''ll get more enthusiastic about proposing once the ring choosing process is over as that''s the main source of stress right now. I think once he feels he''s more in control, which he will be after we choose a ring, he''ll get excited.

I think women proposing to men is awesome, but for my guy I''m pretty sure it would be the worst idea ever. I honestly think he might say no if I asked because he wants to be the one to propose.

 

[Indylady]

That''s really interesting! I have no idea whether or not my SO would mind. Come to think of it, we''ve never talked about the propsal at all. We haven''t picked a ring yet, so perhaps that is why.


It reminds me of the time he asked me to prom in highschool. It pretty much went like this as we were dress shopping:

Me: You''re supposed to ask me to prom.
Him: Do you want to go to prom with me?
Me: You''re not supposed to ask me right after I asked you to!
Him:

Me: Its ok, I''ll go to prom with you!

Bahaha, it still cracks me up.

 

[slg47]

Date: 6/29/2010 9:17:53 AM
Author: IndyLady
If your BF is unethusiastic about proposing, why not propose to him?

he''s not that unenthusiastic about it, just not all giddy/excited like some of us ladies are

 

[Callisto]

Date: 6/29/2010 11:47:47 AM
Author: IndyLady
That''s really interesting! I have no idea whether or not my SO would mind. Come to think of it, we''ve never talked about the propsal at all. We haven''t picked a ring yet, so perhaps that is why.



It reminds me of the time he asked me to prom in highschool. It pretty much went like this as we were dress shopping:


Me: You''re supposed to ask me to prom.

Him: Do you want to go to prom with me?

Me: You''re not supposed to ask me right after I asked you to!

Him:

Me: Its ok, I''ll go to prom with you!

Bahaha, it still cracks me up.

Hehe that''s really cute.

 

[Anonymous]

*lurker alert* Ugh I need to stop posting here, but this is the forum that I love the most on PS and I''m not really in planning mode yet, so I hope it''s ok that I keep coming back to chime in now and then. >.<

Anyhow, for my FI, when we first started looking he was definitely intimidated, which came across as not really enthusiastic about it b/c men tend to avoid the unknown/uncharted territory. Once we went to look and we were lucky enough to have a sales woman that was kind and didn''t push, he was really glad we went.

Between that first day or two of toe dipping and when we were financially ready to buy the ring, he definitely had less interest in looking and planning than I did. We talked about it, and he admitted that he was interested, but worried that an unexpected large expense would set us back. By keeping himself on an even keel, he knew it''d keep me from going bonkers with excitement (at least partially!) and he was genuinely worried about letting me down.

Soooo maybe that''s part of it? Whatever the case, I hope you feel better soon and everything works out!

 

[beezygal]

Date: 6/29/2010 6:27:17 AM
Author: Mashira


That is very reassuring! SO and I have been talking about marriage, and he is very excited about it, but doesn''t seem to be getting ''into'' the ring process. I decided to back off because
for a while I honestly felt as though I was pushing it on him rather than looking with him.

I''ve asked him about it and he says, ''Because the engagement may be a while away, I don''t want to talk about it a lot now, and have the moment be
anticlimactic due to your expecting it. I want you to be totally surprised, and I can''t do that if we always talk about it.'' I can understand this, and in his defense I do tend to go a bit ring crazy,
but I so wish there was a little more enthusiasm coming from his end lol.

it''s ok to be ring crazy. I was.. and I still am. I was looking at rings on ps a few days ago. I''m like... that ring is sooooo pretty, isn''t it? and my FF was like I bought you a ring already, why are you still looking?

 

[sillyberry]

Date: 6/28/2010 9:56:17 PM
Author: VetChecker
Well I hope im not giving away any secrets here but.........

Not all guys hate it as much as we show. I see some of the same names on this thread that have been helping me out over the past few days. From my posts you might see that I am excited and putting thought and effort into this....


If you talked to my gf and used that description about me and engagement...she would call you a straight faced liar!


For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.


Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this. I cant wait to be done just so I can share all the interesting and funny stories I have so far! From sneaking out to insane sales people to the greatest web forum out there (and thats hard to say as I am in the process of starting one myself!(veterinary stuff)).


As you know some of us guys just like to put up a fuss about everything. We are expected to give you a hard time about it. Deep down inside though most of us (not all) do like the engagement process....just good luck getting us to admit it to you! :-p

Honestly? I think that''s cruel. There reaches a point where "putting up a fuss" and "giving you a hard time" becomes mean, and five years of seemingly stringing someone along passes that point.

 

[slg47]

well I think BF may be getting more excited now that it''s almost here, and final CADs are in!!! (see rocky talky)

 

[crossmyfingers]

BF has become much more enthusiastic about diamonds, settings, and proposing since we have gone to shop in person a few times. He wasn''t enthusiastic at all before we actually went. Now he brings it up almost as much as I do now! LOL! He even comments on photos on here when I''m looking at SMTB threads, even if I don''t think he''s looking.

From what I can tell about my friends'' relationships and my own, it seems like the guys don''t get excited until really close to when they propose. Even the ones who blindsided their GFs with proposals got all mushy about getting married once they had proposed. It''s cute.

 

[VetChecker]

Date: 6/29/2010 8:00:14 PM
Author: sillyberry

Date: 6/28/2010 9:56:17 PM

Author: VetChecker

Well I hope im not giving away any secrets here but.........

Not all guys hate it as much as we show. I see some of the same names on this thread that have been helping me out over the past few days. From my posts you might see that I am excited and putting thought and effort into this....



If you talked to my gf and used that description about me and engagement...she would call you a straight faced liar!



For the past 5 years I have purposely avoided any engagement or ring conversations. I made a fuss if she ever wanted to go into a jewelry store. She swears we are never getting married.



Why did I do all that? Because I knew when I was ready, I wanted it to be special and a surprise. Im not excited about all the planning and such that is bound to come for the wedding but for this special moment...I truly enjoy doing all this. I cant wait to be done just so I can share all the interesting and funny stories I have so far! From sneaking out to insane sales people to the greatest web forum out there (and thats hard to say as I am in the process of starting one myself!(veterinary stuff)).



As you know some of us guys just like to put up a fuss about everything. We are expected to give you a hard time about it. Deep down inside though most of us (not all) do like the engagement process....just good luck getting us to admit it to you! :-p

Honestly? I think that''s cruel. There reaches a point where ''putting up a fuss'' and ''giving you a hard time'' becomes mean, and five years of seemingly stringing someone along passes that point.

I''d agree if it was a daily thing. Some woman are pushy and thank god mine is not. "Five years of seemingly stringing someone along" suggest that I knew I wasn''t going to marry her and that I still kept dragging her along with the hope of some day I would change my mind. The fact of the matter is that in life, I rush into everything. I am very impulsive. Marriage is the one thing that I will not, would not rush into. During the first four years, could I see myself married to her? Yes. It wasn''t until the last year, specifically the last couple months that I have finally felt ready.

Marriage is not something that can nor should be rushed. It takes some people 10 minutes and others 10 years to know they are ready to marry someone. It took me 4+ years. So technically, I have been stringing her along for the past couple months while I put together her "dream ring" (or at least a replica of it). You can read about it in Rocky Talky if you so desire!

(sorry for the rant, just felt a little offended on the "cruel" comment)