Are you less tolerant of other children or more tolerant after you had your own?

[TravelingGal]

Probably for most of us, the answer is both, but I thought I''d put this out there anyway.

I''m especially tolerant of babies crying on planes, but I was pretty understanding of that before. What I can''t STAND now is ill behaved kids and the parents who don''t do anything to nip the behavior. I think I came to the realization that I''m less understanding because I am trying hard to set boundaries (and we all know that''s exhausting) and other parents just don''t...and my kid sees that.

Wouldn''t it just be easier if I just threw a psycho kid out there in society? It seems like everyone else is doing it.

 

[radiantquest]

I don''t have any of my own. I don''t mind babies crying at all. I know it is odd, but I think it is kind of sweet. Little baby expressing its disgust of the situation. We complain and they do too.

Kids that behave badly are the worst. Since I work with the public I see it all. Some parents come in and their kids are so good. You hardly notice that they are playing. Then the others come in and they are running everywhere, their parents give the chips in hopes that that will help and then the little rugrats make a mess everywhere. Do the parents offer to clean up the mes their kid made? Nope.

I have noticed this though, it seems that little boys are more crazy and little girls are more calm and then when they get older the girls are terrors with their teenage attitude and boys are more laid back. I am not saying that is the case all the time, but has anyone else noticed that?

 

[neatfreak]

I'm just as tolerant of babies/small kids crying. Which is to say I am VERY tolerant.

But actually I am LESS tolerant of older kids running wild. Because it makes me think if I can control MY kids why can't *you* control yours??? Or at least give it a good old college try???

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 11:59:54 AM
Author:TravelingGal
Probably for most of us, the answer is both, but I thought I'd put this out there anyway.

I'm especially tolerant of babies crying on planes, but I was pretty understanding of that before. What I can't STAND now is ill behaved kids and the parents who don't do anything to nip the behavior. I think I came to the realization that I'm less understanding because I am trying hard to set boundaries (and we all know that's exhausting) and other parents just don't...and my kid sees that.

Wouldn't it just be easier if I just threw a psycho kid out there in society? It seems like everyone else is doing it.

This explains my stance... you can't help a baby crying, no matter where you are... However, toddlers on the other hand, CAN be dealt with. The parents that don't control them, absolutely infuriate me.

ETA: The crazy thing is, whe you see a mom with a crying baby you can see that she feels horrible for everyone and is trying to rememdy the situation. But when you see the mom of a ravaging toddler, they are usually in the middle of a conversation with someone else or on the phone, and couldn't care less about the situation.

 

[Rachel9]

Same here, the cry of an infant is OK. Bad behavior of 2 and up due to irresponsible/lazy parents....isn''t cute, can''t stand when they just smile instead of doing something about it.

 

[ChinaCat]

Ditto to the above comments. I am way more tolerant of crying babies than I was before. It used to set my teeth on edge, and now it makes me miss my little one, or feel sorry for the parents.

But have always been and still am less tolerant of undisciplined older kids, especially when their parents are ignoring them.

But ask me again when O is a toddler. My mom said she tried everything with me and I still threw tantrums. My parents were very disciplined, set boundaries, etc., but nothing worked. She would just walk off and leave me in the middle of the grocery aisle screaming my head off as it was the only way to get me to stop. Pretty sure other people thought she was a bad parent, but turns out I was just a bad kid.

 

[qtiekiki]

My tolerance level had not change after having my own. I had always been ok with crying baby, well except for in the movie, which I think it’s just poor judgment on the parents. Babies are not supposed to be in the movie theater unless they are designated mommy and baby show times. And I had always been intolerant of ill-behaved kids whose parents don’t care. I am ok with kids who are having tantrums when the parents are telling them no or disciplining them.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:28:59 PM
Author: qtiekiki
My tolerance level had not change after having my own. I had always been ok with crying baby, well except for in the movie, which I think it’s just poor judgment on the parents. Babies are not supposed to be in the movie theater unless they are designated mommy and baby show times. And I had always been intolerant of ill-behaved kids whose parents don’t care. I am ok with kids who are having tantrums when the parents are telling them no or disciplining them.

This, this, this. I am still baking our first baby, but this is still how I feel about it. I don''t get why it''s so hard to control your kids.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:19:04 PM
Author: ChinaCat
Ditto to the above comments. I am way more tolerant of crying babies than I was before. It used to set my teeth on edge, and now it makes me miss my little one, or feel sorry for the parents.

But have always been and still am less tolerant of undisciplined older kids, especially when their parents are ignoring them.

But ask me again when O is a toddler. My mom said she tried everything with me and I still threw tantrums. My parents were very disciplined, set boundaries, etc., but nothing worked. She would just walk off and leave me in the middle of the grocery aisle screaming my head off as it was the only way to get me to stop. Pretty sure other people thought she was a bad parent, but turns out I was just a bad kid.

I did this with my nephew when he was about 5. We were picking out a birthday gift at Target for a friend of his, and he was mad he couldn''t get one as well.

I took his older sister and we walked away. I heard him stop crying about 2 rows later and he came running. If I had stayed there, like his my sister (his mom) did, he would have done it for 30 minutes.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:08:06 PM
Author: neatfreak
I''m just as tolerant of babies/small kids crying. Which is to say I am VERY tolerant.

But actually I am LESS tolerant of older kids running wild. Because it makes me think if I can control MY kids why can''t *you* control yours??? Or at least give it a good old college try???

Yup, neatfreak, this is me now too.

I do know that some parents choose the ignore method, and I see validity in that. They walk away, because toddlers need an audience. So I do have more of an understanding for that kind of stuff (and will probably employ something similiar). But there are other situations where they need to do something and they don''t.

This is a thinly veiled vent, I guess. I had people over to my house for christmas and even with only two boys in the house (nearly 5 and 3), it was chaos. I know boys will be boys, but geez, it was nuts.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:32:36 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 12/29/2009 12:28:59 PM
Author: qtiekiki
My tolerance level had not change after having my own. I had always been ok with crying baby, well except for in the movie, which I think it’s just poor judgment on the parents. Babies are not supposed to be in the movie theater unless they are designated mommy and baby show times. And I had always been intolerant of ill-behaved kids whose parents don’t care. I am ok with kids who are having tantrums when the parents are telling them no or disciplining them.

This, this, this. I am still baking our first baby, but this is still how I feel about it. I don''t get why it''s so hard to control your kids.

MP, because they have their own personalities?

But I believe if you start EARLY, it is EASIER to control your children. Believe me, Amelia will scream in frustration when she doesn''t get her away. But that''s it...a short scream because she knows that when I say no, I MEAN no. No amount of whining or crying is going to make me change my mind. Doesn''t mean she likes it or that she won''t express it, but it doesn''t go on for a long time. I do believe that''s because I have never ever given in once I decide to say no (which obviously I have to choose my battles, otherwise I''d be very very tired!)

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Probably less, but not in a stink-eye, complaining way. I hate to hear a baby cry, it really gets to me. I feel for the parent and I ache physically if it goes on too long. I never really noticed a crying baby before I had my own.

As for behaviour, that''s different. I don''t let my child run screaming around in a restaurant (or eat the brightly coloured crap on the kids menu, which might not be unrelated) so it really annoys me when other people do. I also think it''s unfair to A -if she has to sit quietly and eat a meal with us, it seems unfair that other kids can do whatever they like with no boundaries. She loves to eat out though, so maybe that makes it easier and I shouldn''t be too smug!

All kids have bad day, they all have meltdowns, they all get bored / frustrated / angry at times, and I''m more understanding of that now I have one of my own.

 

[So Excited]

This is a good topic!

Babies - Equal to before (I have alway loved kids/babies so I had a decent amount of patience as I babysat often)

Toddlers- LESS.. okay, maybe I should rephrase that to Bad Behaved Toddlers - LESS... It is sooo hard as a parent to set boundries and rules with our toddlers, but it HAS TO BE DONE...!!! So, when I see parents allowing to let their childeren have fits, misbehave, have sassy mouth, endlessly scream in stores, be extremely loud in restaurants, etc, etc, ... I just can''t handle it!! Establish boundries and rules at home and let them go through their fits and rebelling there so you can go in public and they know how to listen.


Thanks for the ability to vent...

It was a rough morning (AT HOME) with our almost 3 year old - she felt the need to rebel on multiple occasions so wasn''t very happy with me until we got 3/4 of the way to Daycare and then decided it wasn''t getting her anywhere and forgot about the naughtyness and started singing her ABC''s... It''s amazing how they test us!

 

[msb700]

i think i have become more tolerant now that im a mother than i was before for sure. However, certain cases it still makes me want to poke some parents eyes out for being so blase about what is happening (talking toddlers here) especially when the toddlers are just causing havoc for no reason other than attention..

i am tolerant of babies crying on a plane, in the mall and restaurants..i am NOT tolerant of ANY babies (no matter the age) crying in the movies ESPECIALLY if it is not a child movie!!!

 

[meresal]

I think I should clarify a little: I was more or less talking about above toddler I think, lets say 5-10 y/o.

When I say parents not controlling or even paying attention to their kids, I mean the three that were tossing a soccer ball back and forth over MY shopping cart at the grocery store on Saturday, and dribbling around me in circles. Then, the icing, one would attempt to guess what I was going after and then try to grab it before I could get there.

The mom was at least an aisle away.

Does THAT count?

If your kid is obviously bothering someone else, especially a stranger, don't ignore them just to prove a point. Kids also need to be taught manners and that their personal actions do affect others around them.

 

[Burk]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:34:55 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/29/2009 12:08:06 PM

Author: neatfreak

I''m just as tolerant of babies/small kids crying. Which is to say I am VERY tolerant.


But actually I am LESS tolerant of older kids running wild. Because it makes me think if I can control MY kids why can''t *you* control yours??? Or at least give it a good old college try???

Yup, neatfreak, this is me now too.


I do know that some parents choose the ignore method, and I see validity in that. They walk away, because toddlers need an audience. So I do have more of an understanding for that kind of stuff (and will probably employ something similiar). But there are other situations where they need to do something and they don''t.


This is a thinly veiled vent, I guess. I had people over to my house for christmas and even with only two boys in the house (nearly 5 and 3), it was chaos. I know boys will be boys, but geez, it was nuts.

I agree with what Neat said as well.

Tgal, I''m right there with you, our nephew was an absolute terror on Christmas. My child has her moments, but I at least try to keep her in check. I understand that kids will be kids and sometimes there''s just nothing you CAN do, but at least make a concerted effort!

 

[fieryred33143]

M
O
R
E

I am so patient now with children in general and in all situations. Even when I see a 5 year old acting up in a restaurant, I always bite my tongue because I think that could be me some day. I have no idea how Sophia will be when she''s 5 or how I will be for that matter. I''d like to think that she wouldn''t dare act that way or that I would take care of it right away but I honestly don''t know.

I''m more judgy now though. I hate that I do it but I always give the side-eye to parents in certain situations. I actually cried in Burlington last week because of what I saw a mom do to a 2-3 week old. I find myself doing that a lot when before I didn''t even think twice about it.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 1:34:58 PM
Author: fiery

I''m more judgy now though. I hate that I do it but I always give the side-eye to parents in certain situations. I actually cried in Burlington last week because of what I saw a mom do to a 2-3 week old. I find myself doing that a lot when before I didn''t even think twice about it.

I am this way, but it is not b/c I have a child, since I don''t. It is becuase I have seen the VAST difference between the temperment of my oldest niece and nepwhew (From one sister) compared to the temperment of my youngest niece (From another sister).

Both sisters have completely different parenting styles, one has one and other does not, and it is obvious that the way a child is raised is almost a direct correlation of how the child behaves. I would say this applies up until 13 y/o, and then some kids tend to stray from their parents teachings a bit.

 

[D&T]

I''m more tolerant now than before I had kids, BUT I''m less tolerant with my SIL''s kids (though as she lets her DD get away with everything

and I have to leave the room, as I don''t see her set boundaries at all) or Parents that don''t discipline their kids when they are behaving badly or the parents are on the phone just chatting away while their kids are screaming

 

[decodelighted]

I don't have kids of my own but thought one story from our Xmas celebration relates here ... one of my sisters has kids aged 5 & 3 ... the other, 3 and 18 months. Granted there is an age difference but the first set is preternaturally well behaved & the latter: wild feral devious monkeys. Well on our Xmas eve adult gathering Sister #1 got HAMMERED and while Sister #2 & her husband were responding to another outbreak of chaos as heard on the baby monitor someone asked where they were & we said they were checking on their kids. Another person asked how they could tell it was Sister #2's kids and Sister #1 quipped quite loudly "BECAUSE I *KNOW* ITS SURE AS HELL NOT *MY* F'ING KIDS" Much horrified laughter (the truth is funny!). That was the first time I'd heard her compare the behavior of their respective kids in public - though the distinction is clear to all. I'm sure she wouldn't have done it sober but I guess it *IS* how she feels. Like WHY can't Sister #2 get a grip on them?


ETA: I'm exaggerating for effect a bit. Sister #2's kids are just a real handful & the older is particularly, um, defiant. Hopefully it is a phase as she seems exhausted as is! And the younger of the two isn't really a wild feral devious monkey ... yet.

 

[Mara]

I'll have to come back and answer this LATER...or see if my answer changes!!

But overall, I have become more tolerant of babies, and parents who are obviously TRYING to do something with an unruly child. However, it does drive me up a wall when I see parents who have no control, and therefore don't attempt to even try to discipline or control a child in public and try to just ignore it.

While I may not know what my kid will be like yet, I can guarantee you that we, as parents, would not take a 3/4/5 year old to a restaurant and sit there trying to soothe, calm or talk sense into them while they scream and everyone stares and tries to talk around the noise. My Mom would take me OUT immediately and if brought back in I wasn't controllable, we'd just leave.

I know some parents might say 'wait to see what you will do' but I know we are solid on this point at least, because we have suffered for years at the mercy of lots of screaming kids in restaurants. We just saw an example of this last weekend, Greg was practically crawling the walls. We may not have control over what our kid will do (yet) but we have control over ourselves as adults.

Random note but we were just talking about this at a party with friends last weekend. The general feeling was we don't understand how there are families who need someone like SUPER NANNY to come and show them how to raise their kids. 'My kid doesn't do time outs because they won't stay in the corner.'

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:19:04 PM
Author: ChinaCat
My mom said she tried everything with me and I still threw tantrums. My parents were very disciplined, set boundaries, etc., but nothing worked. She would just walk off and leave me in the middle of the grocery aisle screaming my head off as it was the only way to get me to stop. Pretty sure other people thought she was a bad parent, but turns out I was just a bad kid.

Your mom''s a smart woman! And you weren''t a bad kid -- you were a KID period. Kids live to push the boundaries because that''s how they learn proper behavior.

I''m one that''s more and less tolerant of kids. The same thing drives me nuts as many of the others -- when a kid is acting up and the parent seems to be oblivious to it. When I was a Brownie leader, there were many times when I''d have to direct a girl to sit down and be quiet because she was being disruptive and her mother was sitting right there!

Babies crying on planes generally don''t bother me. However, I had the flight from hell earlier this year when there was a couple and their two toddler daughters sitting behind me. The girls kicked the backs of the seats so neither the guy next to me or I could actually sit back in our seats the entire flight. The girls also pounded on the ceiling and screamed as much as they wanted. Then the parents got into a fight. I''ve flown with my kids and would never tolerate them behaving like this, even as toddlers.

OTOH, last week I was at the grocery store with my 3 year old and he was acting crazy, running around, getting in the way of other people, OMG, he even tried to push this one other woman''s cart! Since I''m just about 37 weeks pregnant, he has the speed advantage on me. I don''t know that I''ve ever been so embarrassed -- and the lecture I gave him in the car on the way home reflected that.

I told SO that until I give birth, I am not taking Will out in public alone.

 

[VegasAngel]

I guess the same before & after having a child. When I see someone's kid acting up I'm just glad it's not mine. My daughter can frazzle the most calm people just by her activity level & chatter.

I try not to judge because I have one heck of a hyper, stubborn kid & I have no idea what else the parents of a "bad" kid(s) has/had been dealing with other than the few minutes I witness.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:37:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/29/2009 12:32:36 PM

Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 12/29/2009 12:28:59 PM

Author: qtiekiki

My tolerance level had not change after having my own. I had always been ok with crying baby, well except for in the movie, which I think it’s just poor judgment on the parents. Babies are not supposed to be in the movie theater unless they are designated mommy and baby show times. And I had always been intolerant of ill-behaved kids whose parents don’t care. I am ok with kids who are having tantrums when the parents are telling them no or disciplining them.

This, this, this. I am still baking our first baby, but this is still how I feel about it. I don''t get why it''s so hard to control your kids.

MP, because they have their own personalities?

Of course, that''s a given. But at least TRY to keep your kids under control in the grocery store, you know? And stay off your dang cell phone when one is having a breakdown in the aisle

 

[ChinaCat]

Fiery- I hear you on the more judgy thing. I was in Target when I was preggo and a mom was YELLING obscenities at her toddler. Toddler! Who, btw, was actually very sweet and wasn''t doing anything at all, just looking at toys. I almost took the toddler with me, it broke my heart. ANY sort of threat/abuse/negligent behavior towards children turns me into a sobbing mess these days. Poor little munchkin.

RPG- Aww, thanks! I will tell my mom you said so.

TGAL- I think you are exactly right on EARLY and CONSISTENT. I have already started telling O "NO" in a quiet, firm voice when he does something that he shouldn''t. It''s obviously too early for him to really get it, but I figured if I start now, when he does "get it'', then it will click more quickly. Now of course he just grins at me. It''s so hard not to smile back!!!!

 

[packrat]

I''m more tolerant after having my own. I don''t know what''s underneath it if a kid is wild, crying, having a tantrum, whatever..did they miss a nap? Did they decide to eat a late lunch to get finished early and the kid is hungry? Who knows. I know how MY son acts at times when he misses a nap, and it''s not pretty. We do our best to have dry cereal or something to snack on if we''re running late to eat, or just to keep them busy, and we try not to mess w/naps unless we can''t help it. And sometimes, kids just fuss. I''m 35 and there''s plenty of times I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and snap at JD, so I imagine it''s the same for little kids.

My bff, at the Black Friday sales, got up at 3..there were people there with little kids who were none too happy about being awake, I''m sure, so they were acting up. Mid morning in a store, she said something to a mom who was trying to corral tantrum throwing kids, like, "Not how you wanted to start your shopping is it?" and the mom''s like, oh, I had to get them up at 3 to hit the sales, so they''re just tired. Well duh? Sometimes people act like they don''t have the brains God gave a lugnut.

 

[elrohwen]

I don't have kids yet, but for the most part I agree with everyone else here.

I did want to throw out one other situation where the parents annoy me far more than the kids! Has anyone else seen those parents that just yell and nag all the time? I remember being in my pediatrician's office (I was an older teen) and they had a great fish tank. This little boy starts walking quietly around the ledge (meant for walking on) to see the fish and is watching them. His mom starts screaching "Get down from there! Come here! Sit down! Stop running around! Sit down right now!" Argh! I can't stand when parents nag for no reason - if your kid is being quiet and keeping himself entertained, then leave him alone, or he's never going to listen to a word you say. It's one thing to set boundaries and it's another to be a harpy

ETA: I am clearly in fiery's judgy catagory

 

[lili]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:28:59 PM
Author: qtiekiki
My tolerance level had not change after having my own. I had always been ok with crying baby, well except for in the movie, which I think it’s just poor judgment on the parents. Babies are not supposed to be in the movie theater unless they are designated mommy and baby show times. And I had always been intolerant of ill-behaved kids whose parents don’t care. I am ok with kids who are having tantrums when the parents are telling them no or disciplining them.

ditto.
i especially hate it when the unruly kid is seating behind me on the plane kicking and thumping the back of my seat and the parents not making a peep about it

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 12/29/2009 1:34:58 PM
Author: fiery
M

O

R

E


I am so patient now with children in general and in all situations. Even when I see a 5 year old acting up in a restaurant, I always bite my tongue because I think that could be me some day. I have no idea how Sophia will be when she's 5 or how I will be for that matter. I'd like to think that she wouldn't dare act that way or that I would take care of it right away but I honestly don't know.


I'm more judgy now though. I hate that I do it but I always give the side-eye to parents in certain situations. I actually cried in Burlington last week because of what I saw a mom do to a 2-3 week old. I find myself doing that a lot when before I didn't even think twice about it.

I agree. I feel so sad when there is a baby crying and the parent ignoring him/her, or any time I see a baby in a bad situation. I feel kind of judgy in those situations because the baby is totally helpless and I know I would handle it differently as a parent. I try not to judge older kids and their parents because I don't know what it's like.

Of my friends' kids, I am fond of some and less fond of others. This hasn't really changed since I've become a parent. I'm more interested in hearing my friends go on about their kids' latest exploits, though, when I used to kind of glaze over!

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 12/29/2009 2:40:16 PM
Author: Mara
I''ll have to come back and answer this LATER...or see if my answer changes!!


But overall, I have become more tolerant of babies, and parents who are obviously TRYING to do something with an unruly child. However, it does drive me up a wall when I see parents who have no control, and therefore don''t attempt to even try to discipline or control a child in public and try to just ignore it.


While I may not know what my kid will be like yet, I can guarantee you that we, as parents, would not take a 3/4/5 year old to a restaurant and sit there trying to soothe, calm or talk sense into them while they scream and everyone stares and tries to talk around the noise. My Mom would take me OUT immediately and if brought back in I wasn''t controllable, we''d just leave.


I know some parents might say ''wait to see what you will do'' but I know we are solid on this point at least, because we have suffered for years at the mercy of lots of screaming kids in restaurants. We just saw an example of this last weekend, Greg was practically crawling the walls. We may not have control over what our kid will do (yet) but we have control over ourselves as adults.


Random note but we were just talking about this at a party with friends last weekend. The general feeling was we don''t understand how there are families who need someone like SUPER NANNY to come and show them how to raise their kids. ''My kid doesn''t do time outs because they won''t stay in the corner.''

I agree with this too esp the bolded parts. There are situations in which I will just not bring my child, because I know it will be disruptive to other people. The ABSOLUTE WORST is if we are out on a rare date night and have to listen to someone else''s kid acting up!