Are you and introvert or an extrovert?

[zoebartlett]

TGal gave the following definition for being an introvert in the Pregnant PSers thread. Here it is below. That got me thinking about whether I was an introvert or an extrovert. That definition is coming.

So, which one are you? I always love taking personality tests and I was debating to make a separate thread about them, but this will do for now.

Here''s the def. for an introvert:


Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.

 

[zoebartlett]

Here''s the extrovert definition, from the same website that the def. for introvert came from:



Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone.

Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. In fact, extroverts tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are far more likely to think before they speak. Extroverts often think better when they are talking. Concepts just don''t seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn''t enough.

Extroverts enjoy social situations and even seek them out since they enjoy being around people.
Their ability to make small talk makes them appear to be more socially adept than introverts (although introverts may have little difficulty talking to people they don''t know if they can talk about concepts or issues).

Extrovert behavior seems to be the standard in American society, which means that other behavior is judged against the ways an extrovert would behave. However, extroverted behavior is simply a manifestation of the way an extrovert inteacts with the world. Extroverts are interested in and concerned with the external world.

 

[zoebartlett]

Oops. The title should obviously be "Are you an introvert or an extrovert?"

 

[mimzy]

i''m definitely an introvert.......but sort of by default because i don''t have any friends

just kidding. i really am an introvert though.

 

[Selkie]

Total introvert, here! There''s another thread around somewhere where people posted their Myers-Briggs type results (ISTJ, etc.). Zoe, what are you?

 

[zoebartlett]

I always thought I was definitely an introvert but according to this definition, I don''t think I am. I enjoy people -- getting to know them, hanging out, etc. I love being around others. I definitely get bored if I''m alone. I am defintely shy at times and I definitely have shy, apprehensive, and nervous feelings, but apparently, that alone doesn''t make me an introvert. Hmm...

My FI, hands down, is an introvert. When we''re with others, he''s much more of a quiet observer than our friends and family. I love observing and sitting back watching and listening also, but he''s a little exreme. It actually has caused several disagreements between us. Not the fact that he''s an introvert but that he has had (in the past) a hard time showing that he''s enjoying himself when we''re with others. He''s extremely quiet and not the most talkative person. He hates small talk and he feels that socializing isn''t something he''s the best at. I don''t have a poker face at all -- you can read me like a book I guess, or so he says.

I love getting together with others and I''m always looking for something to do. My FI is not the same way. We are alike in so many ways but so completely different in others too. It''s interesting.

 

[jcrow]

intro all the way

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Selkie!

I''m going to search for the Meyer-Briggs tests and post a link if I can find one. I''m pretty sure on those (I''ve taken them before) that I always come out as being introverted, so who knows. I''ll let you know what I find out and I''ll give a link.

 

[Selkie]

Can I bring up a pet peeve here? People often assume that because someone is reserved, or shy, they need to be "forced out of their shell," or need to "get over" it. Almost like it''s a character flaw or disorder of some kind, when it''s really more a personality trait. While I''ve often been told I''m too quiet (both by more outgoing people, and ironically by my own extremely shy father!) I would never THINK of telling an extroverted, highly social person that they talk too much! Argh!

Zoe, I hope you don''t mind a bit of a threadjack!

 

[Selkie]

Date: 1/4/2008 6:10:31 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Hi Selkie!

I''m going to search for the Meyer-Briggs tests and post a link if I can find one. I''m pretty sure on those (I''ve taken them before) that I always come out as being introverted, so who knows. I''ll let you know what I find out and I''ll give a link.

It''s really a spectrum. I think Meyer-Briggs rates you in terms of percentages, so you can be anywhere on a wide range from very introverted to very extroverted. I think a lot of it is situational too.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/4/2008 6:07:04 PM
Author: zoebartlett
I always thought I was definitely an introvert but according to this definition, I don''t think I am. I enjoy people -- getting to know them, hanging out, etc. I love being around others. I definitely get bored if I''m alone. I am defintely shy at times and I definitely have shy, apprehensive, and nervous feelings, but apparently, that alone doesn''t make me an introvert. Hmm...

I''m totally like this too. However I wouldn''t say that I''m a total extrovert either, I''m sort of inbetween.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 1/4/2008 6:11:05 PM
Author: Selkie
Can I bring up a pet peeve here? People often assume that because someone is reserved, or shy, they need to be ''forced out of their shell,'' or need to ''get over'' it. Almost like it''s a character flaw or disorder of some kind, when it''s really more a personality trait. While I''ve often been told I''m too quiet (both by more outgoing people, and ironically by my own extremely shy father!) I would never THINK of telling an extroverted, highly social person that they talk too much! Argh!

Zoe, I hope you don''t mind a bit of a threadjack!

Nope, I don''t mind at all.

When I was little, all my teachers would tell me I was shy. I think I had every teacher write some comment on my report cards that mentioned that. When I was speaking in front of my class, my teachers would always tell me to pretend that I was yelling so others could hear me. That totally annoyed me. I used to work so hard at projecting my voice, which was SOOO hard for me to do. Now, I have no problem with that. I''m still quiet and reserved I suppose but I do have a set of lungs on me that can be heard far and wide.

 

[TravelingGal]

I think with these definitions, you''ll find that more people will say they are an introvert. Not too many people will say they get energy from other people instead of within. However, it''s probably most likely that some people are "mostly" extroverted or introverted, but not completely one or the other. From my group of friends, they''d say that they are introverted with this definition, but they are most definitely not! Hehehe.

I''d say use the following as a gauge. Lots of people can manage to be alone (and everyone needs down time)...but do you PREFER to be alone? And when you are, do you need TV, or some other type of entertainment where it''s mindless, or would you rather be introspective and in your own mind? Can you entertain yourself with only yourself?

As for me...I said in the other thread that Zoe mentioned that I get drained even THINKING about a big night socializing. Doesn''t mean I''m socially inept or anything...in fact, most people don''t believe ME when I say I''m an introvert. I''ve just learned to be social, and somewhat charming and humorous along the way.

So I am definitely an introvert to a huge degree. Per my moniker, even when it comes to travel, I refuse to travel with other people...it''s draining and often can bring down the trip for me. I''ve gone on ski trips (to Utah) alone on several occasions where I rent a condo by myself and just ski the week away in solitude. Some people find it weird, but since the point of a vacation is to recharge, I find it''s the only way to really have a vacation. The only other person I can travel with and not feel drained by is my husband...because I don''t feel the need to socialize with him if I don''t want to!

 

[cnspotts]

Very cool thread.

I am most definitely an introvert, my closest friend is an extrovert. Together we have the greatest conversations be we both understand each other and what drives each other.She gets me to act, I get her to think. I''ve actually had to learn to be comfortable as an introvert, it is who I am, but I didn''t always realize that and struggled with my need to be alone. My friends know now that I might not hang out with them, but it''s not because I''m not interested it just wears me out. Good grief I work alone, in the dark, it''s peaceful, calming etc.....I like that.

My girlfriend and I are alot alike, but she has the need to be going going going....so I get to hear all about that without all the stuff that goes with it. I''ve done so much that I''m in a place I like to be. She is still exploring, life, the world, guys, herself etc.....I jump in when I feel the need. She''s from here so she knows a lot of people and that is exhausting.

My husband is alot like me too, good thing. We''re guiet people, no drama, we like to talk about everything and expand on it. We like to explore together and share the experience, we read together.

My daughter is definitely a bit of both, so I''m not sure exactly where she''ll fall as an adult. I think teenage habits and the need to be with her peers masks that she really is an introvert at heart. She was always happy being alone as a little one, no so much as a teen, now she''s in college and it''s all social all the time. She recharges in solitary ways though.

 

[Independent Gal]

I am both extremely introverted and extremely extroverted. I LOVE being by myself, traveling by myself, spending weeks completely alone living and working in a new city where I don''t know a soul. And I LOVE going to parties, meeting new people, spending time with my friends, shooting the $h!t, cracking jokes...

In fact, with the Myers-Briggs stuff, if I recall correctly, I became really frustrated because I am not ''somewhere along the continuum'' but a combination of the extremes in many cases. The introvert / extrovert one is a prime example.

And when you think about it, it really is kind of silly, because it implies that one excludes the other, or that you can be moderately one and moderately the other. But that''s no more the case than saying that you either love chocolate ice cream or vanilla, or like one a little and the other a little. As though there are 10 points and 10 only, and you can give a 6 to chocolate and a 4 to vanilla, but not a 10 to each. Nope. You can absolutely LOVE chocolate and absolutely LOVE vanilla, completely separate from each other and at the same time.


And you can be COMPLETELY introverted and COMPLETELY extroverted and there is nothing contradictory in that. And that is how I am.

 

[cnspotts]

TGal we are twins!

I used to go skiing alone too! My friends & ex thought I was nuts but I loved it!!! I also was very picky about who I'd take horse back riding & camping....I can't stand a whiner. (someone who thought it would be fun until they realized it is work, and no easy outs).

Hubbs and I love to dive, it's like being alone but together without extra noise from others. My fav group get togethers are 60 feet down.

I also should add that I know I had to be with a mostly introvert after dating an extreme extrovert while living in Vegas.....he needed a leash, now I have dogs.

 

[TravelingGal]

IG, I'd say with this definition, you are an introvert...meaning you get energy from within. You can still love to socialize and go to parties, but your energy does not come from the people around you. You seem to create your own. Do you know people who are pretty blah until they get to a party and then they perk up? I daresay that you are perked before you even hit the party.

There are tons of definitions and personality tests...the one I found is just a sample.

cns, I LOVE to dive as well, although I haven't done it in years. It's the best social gathering where you don't have to be all that social (i.e. make small talk). I always said diving is the closest thing to heaven we'll get on earth.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''m a bit of both, but do find social situations draining especially IF the person I''m socializing with is the type to "take" energy, if that makes sense. For me, it''s better to have small bits of interaction throughout the day rather than hours of contact with the same person because I like to have time to think and veg out.

Being too introverted, as I''ve discovered, makes parenting kids and handing cats more difficult. It''s hard to find quiet time to recharge because someone always needs attention. Seems like my cats always start rubbing up against me as soon as they know the kids are gone and it''s safe to come out! lol

 

[Selkie]

Date: 1/4/2008 6:48:55 PM
Author: MC
I''m a bit of both, but do find social situations draining especially IF the person I''m socializing with is the type to ''take'' energy, if that makes sense. For me, it''s better to have small bits of interaction throughout the day rather than hours of contact with the same person because I like to have time to think and veg out.

Being too introverted, as I''ve discovered, makes parenting kids and handing cats more difficult. It''s hard to find quiet time to recharge because someone always needs attention. Seems like my cats always start rubbing up against me as soon as they know the kids are gone and it''s safe to come out! lol

Hee, I think I''m a CATrovert! See, I''m a total extrovert when it comes to cats wanting attention, and they tend to LOVE me for some reason so it works out perfectly!

 

[sera]

I am inexplicably a shy but friendly inextrovert.

I love being around people (hate sitting in the teacher's lounge by myself), yet at home, I'm totally fine being by myself (growing up as an only child I have a lot of interests that I'm rarely bored).

Being shy it's really hard for me to start talking to people, but if someone starts the convo or I feel comfortable with someone, I can be quite talkative. I hate talking on the phone unless the other person is keeping the convo going. (small talk

)

Oddly enough, any time I mention to people I'm shy, they disagree! They say,

gasp! "You aren't shy!"

Um, yeah huh!

And yeah, being shy is not something to "get over;" that misconception is so annoying! Forcing me to talk will just make me that much more quiet!

 

[Selkie]

Date: 1/4/2008 6:23:23 PM
Author: zoebartlett

Nope, I don''t mind at all.

When I was little, all my teachers would tell me I was shy. I think I had every teacher write some comment on my report cards that mentioned that. When I was speaking in front of my class, my teachers would always tell me to pretend that I was yelling so others could hear me. That totally annoyed me. I used to work so hard at projecting my voice, which was SOOO hard for me to do. Now, I have no problem with that. I''m still quiet and reserved I suppose but I do have a set of lungs on me that can be heard far and wide.

I bet teaching 2nd grade helps keep you in practice!

I used to have teachers do that to me too. In fact, until 3rd or 4th grade I liked reading and speaking in class, but then someone picked on me (repeatedly) for talking too quietly or something like that, to the point where ended up crying. I''ve had anxiety about public speaking ever since.

 

[AmyBride]

I''m an introvert and completely agree that I sometimes need time away from people just to "recharge." I''m not being rude!!

 

[ringster]

introvert

like tgal i definitely have no problem with traveling alone. although i do like going to a destination to visit someone and then having my own to time to do what i like. i like shopping by myself too. i don't really find shopping with others to be that much fun cause i generally am very goal driven and don't really like to try on alot of things. i have no problem going to movies or dinner by myself too.

i used to come home from one of my jobs and just sit quietly without any TV or radio on sometimes reading and sometimes not. my roommate thought this was so strange!

i do like to socialize and meet up with friends and be active and am more of a city girl in that i like being able to walk outside where i live and be around people. my new suburban life is a big change and not sure if i can get used to it.

but i definitely need recharge time.

ETA : i traveled with a guy friend once and had to warn him that there probably will be times when i will just need to go off on my own and we can meet back together but that it wasn't anything personal. he thought it was weird. i just told him that i wasn't used to being around anyone for such a prolonged period of time.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/4/2008 6:33:54 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I am both extremely introverted and extremely extroverted. I LOVE being by myself, traveling by myself, spending weeks completely alone living and working in a new city where I don't know a soul. And I LOVE going to parties, meeting new people, spending time with my friends, shooting the $h!t, cracking jokes...
.

I am both; there are days I am super shy and rather not be outgoing. I can totally relate to the above!!! hehe Then there are other days I am an extrovert. I tend to lean to being extrovert. I use to be all extrovert until I met my hubby; he is introvert. I learned to do things on my own (which is big, I even did a trip by myself and loved it) and I need to have alone time. I am lucky to be able to do both and crave both if you know what I mean

Fun thread Zoe!

 

[princesss]

I am a complete and total extrovert. This definition describes me perfectly. I get my energy when I''m around people, and can be out for hours and feel more energized at the end than at the start. The only time I''ll skip going out and seeing people to be alone is to sleep (or, okay, the RARE occasion when I need me-time, but that honestly happens once every few months). I recharge by being around a lot of people, and my idea of the perfect spot to go by myself is a cafe where I can still watch and interact with people.

I often don''t know what I''m thinking until I talk it over, so I incessantly interrupt my boyfriend''s studying/game playing/tv watching to bring up points to him, or talk over something I''m confused by. It also ends up with me talking a lot during class discussions, because I understand things better when I talk through them.

However, I will say that these definitions sound like they were written by a slightly bitter introvert. I''m not trying to make any waves or anything, but it seems rather biased against extroverts (and sounds a little like my ex when he was explaining what was "wrong" with me, and why he didn''t think I was that smart).

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/4/2008 8:21:09 PM
Author: princesss


However, I will say that these definitions sound like they were written by a slightly bitter introvert. I''m not trying to make any waves or anything, but it seems rather biased against extroverts (and sounds a little like my ex when he was explaining what was ''wrong'' with me, and why he didn''t think I was that smart).

Ha, quite possibly! The introvert probably sat at home and thought things out and wrote this...upset that the extrovert was partying it up without draining her energy reserves!

 

[monarch64]

I never thought of the introvert/extrovert thing in terms of where one''s energy comes from before I read these definitions. I don''t think I could really label myself as one or the other, although before reading this thread I''d have said I was an introvert rather than an extrovert. Interesting stuff, these definitions, but I don''t feel like I lean towards one more than the other. I''m like IndyGal, though...I never seem to fall into any neat little label as far as personality.

 

[KimberlyH]

I have no idea which one I am. I love to be alone, spend time just reading, driving, being. I''m not a person who needs companionship to be content. I don''t turn the tv on when I''m alone for noise, etc. But I do spend my alone time being busy, not just sitting and thinking. I spend a lot of my free time by myself reading, baking and exercising, and I''m not happy if I don''t have peace and quiet for at least a little while each day.

On the other hand I love being around other people. I enjoy gatherings, love hosting (wish I had the opportunity to do so more often), and in general just enjoy people. There does come a point where I''m just done, but when I''m around people I am comfortable with I tend to be quite talkative and animated.

I am a very different version of me when I''m socializing and when I''m at home. My husband was shocked at how quiet I am and how much time I like to spend by myself when I first moved to the same city as him. He has grown accustomed to it, but having mostly seen me in social settings (dates, traveling as a couple, with friends, etc.) before I moved he had no idea that I was such a loner.

So I''m neither? or both?

 

[perry]

I don''t get the draining energy & being recharged with energy concept - and I feel that whoever wrote these definitions has it really wrong.

By any definition and test that I have ever taken I tend towards the introvert side. That does not mean that I cannot be sociable. It does not mean that I get drained by being arround people. In fact at times I really get charged up by being arround people.

The key on my reaction to people is based on are we doing or talking about a subject of interest to me. If so - then I get charged up. If not, then I get drained.

To me the key difference between an introvert and an extrovert is does the person have the ability to be stable and enjoy life and things by themselves - or need to be with other people to be stable and enjoy life and things. Myself, I''ll head off and do all kinds of things by myself if I cannot find someone interested in doing it - and really enjoy myself. But I do admit - I sure wish I could have shared some of the key experiences with someone special (watching a sunrise on a mountain top, etc).

Do have a nice day all of you great folks...

Perry

 

[Steel]

I am a true introvert (INTJ) and very happy about it.

...except DH is my opposite and at times it drives me c.r.a.z.y

.

I am learning to accept we are different (sigh), but it is frustrating.