Anyone NOT live with their SO?

[fuzzers]

WHOOHOO got a lot of Hoosiers on this thread.

 

[dec2410]

I don''t live with my SO and I personally wanna save that for after we''re married.

Plus, it doesn''t help that my mom (whom i live with..and will be living with til I get married) is a supperrrrrrr conservative Korean woman and living together before marriage is just unheard of. As crazy as it sounds, I''m not even "allowed" to spend a night away ANYWHERE with my SO. *sighhh*

but...that hasn''t stopped us...

hahahaha....

 

[bee*]

D and I are together nine years and we only moved in last month. I didn''t want to move in until we were engaged and also I wanted to make sure that I had substantial savings.

 

[Anna0499]

Julie04 - I have a super conservative VIETNAMESE mother and father who would never stand for it either - the moving in or the overnight stays! So, one of my reasons for not cohabitating is how I was raised

Headoverheels - Yay for Indiana! It''s always great to meet others in your state on PS. I definitely understand what you mean by learning new things when you live together no matter what, but I would like to think that if someone''s SO is truly "The One," those things will be minor compared to the big picture relationship. I think most relationships that end after cohabitation, or as a "result" thereof, would probably have ended anyway because the people weren''t right for each other...the incompatibility just may become apparent more quickly for those who cohabitate.

Fuzzers - Let''s not call it a coincidence!

I wonder if there is a correlation between geography and cohabitation...obviously there are no over-arching "cohabitation states" & "non-cohabitation states," but I would venture to say that the more liberal states have more cohabitating couples. We all have our own reasons for doing everything we do, but you are definitely not alone in your views here. I had never lived alone before law school - lived with parents and then roommates in college - so I want this time to become independent and grow on my own so that I know I can make it regardless of my relationship with my SO. Sounds like you are in my boat!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:30:12 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
Julie04 - I have a super conservative VIETNAMESE mother and father who would never stand for it either - the moving in or the overnight stays! So, one of my reasons for not cohabitating is how I was raised

Headoverheels - Yay for Indiana! It''s always great to meet others in your state on PS. I definitely understand what you mean by learning new things when you live together no matter what, but I would like to think that if someone''s SO is truly ''The One,'' those things will be minor compared to the big picture relationship. I think most relationships that end after cohabitation, or as a ''result'' thereof, would probably have ended anyway because the people weren''t right for each other...the incompatibility just may become apparent more quickly for those who cohabitate.

Fuzzers - Let''s not call it a coincidence!

I wonder if there is a correlation between geography and cohabitation...obviously there are no over-arching ''cohabitation states'' & ''non-cohabitation states,'' but I would venture to say that the more liberal states have more cohabitating couples. We all have our own reasons for doing everything we do, but you are definitely not alone in your views here. I had never lived alone before law school - lived with parents and then roommates in college - so I want this time to become independent and grow on my own so that I know I can make it regardless of my relationship with my SO. Sounds like you are in my boat!

Curious about that, because it seems like more conservative states have more teenage pregnancy (this could be exploited by the media, however), which I think falls along the lines of living together before marriage. By that I mean that sex before marriage, as well as cohabitation before marriage are not considered "conservative." I wonder, statistically, how all of that plays out.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:33:19 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/21/2008 12:30:12 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
Julie04 - I have a super conservative VIETNAMESE mother and father who would never stand for it either - the moving in or the overnight stays! So, one of my reasons for not cohabitating is how I was raised

Headoverheels - Yay for Indiana! It's always great to meet others in your state on PS. I definitely understand what you mean by learning new things when you live together no matter what, but I would like to think that if someone's SO is truly 'The One,' those things will be minor compared to the big picture relationship. I think most relationships that end after cohabitation, or as a 'result' thereof, would probably have ended anyway because the people weren't right for each other...the incompatibility just may become apparent more quickly for those who cohabitate.

Fuzzers - Let's not call it a coincidence!

I wonder if there is a correlation between geography and cohabitation...obviously there are no over-arching 'cohabitation states' & 'non-cohabitation states,' but I would venture to say that the more liberal states have more cohabitating couples. We all have our own reasons for doing everything we do, but you are definitely not alone in your views here. I had never lived alone before law school - lived with parents and then roommates in college - so I want this time to become independent and grow on my own so that I know I can make it regardless of my relationship with my SO. Sounds like you are in my boat!

Curious about that, because it seems like more conservative states have more teenage pregnancy (this could be exploited by the media, however), which I think falls along the lines of living together before marriage. By that I mean that sex before marriage, as well as cohabitation before marriage are not considered 'conservative.' I wonder, statistically, how all of that plays out.

Well, the more conservative states probably are also against handing out birth control and preach abstinence...so that might be the reason.

I actually think most teenage pregnancies occur when kids are *not* living together...but maybe that's just how I understand it. I think most people live together after they're out of high school, don't they?

ETA: Another "liberal" notion is abortion...but I'm not sure how they get reported, if at all...but that's a whole nother discussion!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:39:12 PM
Author: IndyGirl22

Date: 7/21/2008 12:33:19 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/21/2008 12:30:12 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
Julie04 - I have a super conservative VIETNAMESE mother and father who would never stand for it either - the moving in or the overnight stays! So, one of my reasons for not cohabitating is how I was raised

Headoverheels - Yay for Indiana! It''s always great to meet others in your state on PS. I definitely understand what you mean by learning new things when you live together no matter what, but I would like to think that if someone''s SO is truly ''The One,'' those things will be minor compared to the big picture relationship. I think most relationships that end after cohabitation, or as a ''result'' thereof, would probably have ended anyway because the people weren''t right for each other...the incompatibility just may become apparent more quickly for those who cohabitate.

Fuzzers - Let''s not call it a coincidence!

I wonder if there is a correlation between geography and cohabitation...obviously there are no over-arching ''cohabitation states'' & ''non-cohabitation states,'' but I would venture to say that the more liberal states have more cohabitating couples. We all have our own reasons for doing everything we do, but you are definitely not alone in your views here. I had never lived alone before law school - lived with parents and then roommates in college - so I want this time to become independent and grow on my own so that I know I can make it regardless of my relationship with my SO. Sounds like you are in my boat!

Curious about that, because it seems like more conservative states have more teenage pregnancy (this could be exploited by the media, however), which I think falls along the lines of living together before marriage. By that I mean that sex before marriage, as well as cohabitation before marriage are not considered ''conservative.'' I wonder, statistically, how all of that plays out.

Well, the more conservative states probably are also against handing out birth control and preach abstinence...so that might be the reason.

I actually think most teenage pregnancies occur when kids are *not* living together...but maybe that''s just how I understand it. I think most people live together after they''re out of high school, don''t they?

Good point there on the contraceptives.

I think maybe I was unclear, I didn''t mean the teenagers lived together. I just meant that conservative people would feel the same way on both topics, so it would be likely to go hand in hand (lower teenage pregnancy, lower numbers or pre-marital cohabitation).

But yeah, the contraceptive thing is the kicker.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:42:08 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Good point there on the contraceptives.

I think maybe I was unclear, I didn''t mean the teenagers lived together. I just meant that conservative people would feel the same way on both topics, so it would be likely to go hand in hand (lower teenage pregnancy, lower numbers or pre-marital cohabitation).

But yeah, the contraceptive thing is the kicker.

OHHH! Okay, I read your post wrong, sorry!

I agree with you, cohabitation and sex before marriage are definitely not considered conservative ideals and maybe parents who are more conservative as a whole don''t talk to their kids about sex as much and therein lies the problem of teenage pregnancy.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:33:19 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/21/2008 12:30:12 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
Julie04 - I have a super conservative VIETNAMESE mother and father who would never stand for it either - the moving in or the overnight stays! So, one of my reasons for not cohabitating is how I was raised

Headoverheels - Yay for Indiana! It''s always great to meet others in your state on PS. I definitely understand what you mean by learning new things when you live together no matter what, but I would like to think that if someone''s SO is truly ''The One,'' those things will be minor compared to the big picture relationship. I think most relationships that end after cohabitation, or as a ''result'' thereof, would probably have ended anyway because the people weren''t right for each other...the incompatibility just may become apparent more quickly for those who cohabitate.

Fuzzers - Let''s not call it a coincidence!

I wonder if there is a correlation between geography and cohabitation...obviously there are no over-arching ''cohabitation states'' & ''non-cohabitation states,'' but I would venture to say that the more liberal states have more cohabitating couples. We all have our own reasons for doing everything we do, but you are definitely not alone in your views here. I had never lived alone before law school - lived with parents and then roommates in college - so I want this time to become independent and grow on my own so that I know I can make it regardless of my relationship with my SO. Sounds like you are in my boat!

Curious about that, because it seems like more conservative states have more teenage pregnancy (this could be exploited by the media, however), which I think falls along the lines of living together before marriage. By that I mean that sex before marriage, as well as cohabitation before marriage are not considered ''conservative.'' I wonder, statistically, how all of that plays out.

Ditto.

Can''t really generalize that certain areas have one set of values while others don''t.

 

[fuzzers]

Oops I misread your post too!

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:33:19 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Curious about that, because it seems like more conservative states have more teenage pregnancy (this could be exploited by the media, however), which I think falls along the lines of living together before marriage. By that I mean that sex before marriage, as well as cohabitation before marriage are not considered 'conservative.' I wonder, statistically, how all of that plays out.

This statement is also bordering on a pro-life/pro-choice ideal that pro-life is considered in politics to be more of a conservative ideal, and pro-choice the opposite. You could also probably find a statment along the lines of "more liberal states have more abortions". I like to stay away from statistics, because in all honesty, anyone can use numbers to get a figure that favors to their liking.

I'm not trying to make a discussion out of this, just stating an opinion. Also, I am in no way saying that all liberals are pro-choice, and all conservatives are pro-life.
Geese, I feel like a political ad, and this is where I should state who this post was funded by...

ETA: "Funded by the ad counsil for a greater Pricescope!!!"

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:47:04 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 7/21/2008 12:33:19 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Curious about that, because it seems like more conservative states have more teenage pregnancy (this could be exploited by the media, however), which I think falls along the lines of living together before marriage. By that I mean that sex before marriage, as well as cohabitation before marriage are not considered ''conservative.'' I wonder, statistically, how all of that plays out.

This statement is also bordering on a pro-life/pro-choice ideal that pro-life is considered in politics to be more of a conservative ideal, and pro-choice the opposite. You could also probably find a statment along the lines of ''more liberal states have more abortions''. I like to stay away from statistics, because in all honesty, anyone can use numbers to get a figure that favors to their liking.

I''m not trying to make a discussion out of this, just stating an opinion. Also, I am in no way saying that all liberals are pro-choice, and all conservatives are pro-life.
Geese, I feel like a political ad, and this is where I should state who this post was funded by...

Another good point. Lets hope this doesnt spiral into an abortion debate, or we could seriously be in trouble here....

 

[fuzzers]

LOL @ meresal.

Ok on topic now, ladies...

 

[Anna0499]

Haha - yes, no need to get into a debate on the LIW board!

I think it's important to reinterate that I, and I think you all who have commented, are talking about geographical regions rather than actual people in those areas, and how certain stances have been traditionally categorized as a whole, not how particular people feel. There are conservative/liberal people in every state and they may feel their values are better represented by another side of the debate than the one they are on for other issues - no biggie there! I was just simply wondering if there is any sort of data showing the number of cohabitating couples by region because I think it would be interesting, not because I think it would be scientific or necessarily say anything about the people who live there.

Anyway! Back to the OP - I think the thread definitely is going towards more cohabitation among all age groups, but no, you are not alone.

ETA: Funded by the ad council for the LIWitis Hope Foundation.

LMAO!

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:53:51 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
Haha - yes, no need to get into a debate on the LIW board!

I think it''s important to reinterate that I, and I think you all who have commented, are talking about geographical regions rather than actual people in those areas, and how certain stances have been traditionally categorized as a whole, not how particular people feel. There are conservative/liberal people in every state and they may feel their values are better represented by another side of the debate than the one they are on for other issues - no biggie there! I was just simply wondering if there is any sort of data showing the number of cohabitating couples by region because I think it would be interesting, not because I think it would be scientific or necessarily say anything about the people who live there.

Anyway! Back to the OP - I think the thread definitely is going towards more cohabitation among all age groups, but no, you are not alone.

ETA: Funded by the ad council for the LIWitis Hope Foundation.

LMAO!

The only place you will find any substantial information regarding this would be from the census bureau. I wouldn''t trust anything else, do to the fact that I know quite a few girls that also live with guys that are not their SO''s, and other survey''s may not have specific questions regarding this information.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

YAY fuzzers what part of indy are you?

 

[absolut_blonde]

I always figured I'd wait til I was engaged to live with a SO. I have never wanted to live with more than one significant other and it seemed a bit too risky unless there was a formal commitment in place.

However, now I AM living with SO and we're not (yet) engaged. And... I have mixed feelings about it. I love having him around all of the time and in general, we get along well. But we're having a few issues-- most of them are situational (he's working insane hours, stress, me adjusting to the new city)-- and honestly, part of me wishes we HAD made that commitment first.

I know you can both be committed without the ring, mind you. And I'm not worried that he's going to walk away because I know from experience that he's probably more willing than even I am to stick things out. I just can't explain the difference... I would feel more like we were 'in this together' if we were engaged. As it is, sometimes I just feel a bit alone as we try to work through this transitional stage. (And yes, I know that the stress of planning a wedding could contribute; but my ideal would've been a longer engagement with no wedding planning involved right away anyhow)

It doesn't help that we have a sucky living situation and an unwanted roommate til the end of next month, too. I think once the stress is off, things will definitely improve. And then maybe I will completely change my tune! It's not that I regret it, per se, and I don't want to take it back ; I'm just not sure it's something I would do over again.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

In my case, I feel like the guy is lucky to live with me first... I can be a VERY hard person to live with! HAHA

HEY! At least I know it, and can admit it!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:04:26 PM
Author: fuzzers
Kokomo

But I got to school in SC (explained in the Introduce Yourself thread).

Yourself?

HOW FUNNY!! I live in Fishers. FF is from SC!!!!

 

[fuzzers]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:05:46 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James

Date: 7/21/2008 1:04:26 PM
Author: fuzzers
Kokomo

But I got to school in SC (explained in the Introduce Yourself thread).

Yourself?

HOW FUNNY!! I live in Fishers. FF is from SC!!!!

WOAH! Awesome!!

(Yay I finally found the "quote" button)

 

[GoingCrazy29]

I''ve been with my SO for over 3 years and we have made the choice not to live together until we''re married. We''re both somewhat religious, but it has more to do with the fact that we like the idea of the thrill of finally being able to live together when we''re married (although we do spend LOTS of time together now).

We also don''t want to upset our parents. Both sets would still love us unconditionally, but its more about the respect we both have for our parents. I would rather pay an extra $500 a month on rent than lose any of the respect that my parents have for me.

I think you should do what is best for you and your relationship, most of my friends live with their SO''s and I''m super happy that they have found what works best for them.

I can''t wait until we finally do move in together, but I can''t wait to do it as his WIFE!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

What school in SC? FF Went to Coastal Carolina..he is from Lake City

 

[fuzzers]

Hey absolut blonde, thanks for sharing your story! I sympathize... I hope things work out for you!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

AWESOME!!! Indiana is fun as always! haha NOT

 

[fuzzers]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:10:47 PM
Author: GoingCrazy29
I''ve been with my SO for over 3 years and we have made the choice not to live together until we''re married. We''re both somewhat religious, but it has more to do with the fact that we like the idea of the thrill of finally being able to live together when we''re married (although we do spend LOTS of time together now).

We also don''t want to upset our parents. Both sets would still love us unconditionally, but its more about the respect we both have for our parents. I would rather pay an extra $500 a month on rent than lose any of the respect that my parents have for me.

I think you should do what is best for you and your relationship, most of my friends live with their SO''s and I''m super happy that they have found what works best for them.

I can''t wait until we finally do move in together, but I can''t wait to do it as his WIFE!

Hey GoingCrazy, my parents don''t like the idea either. But not for religious reasons, just because they think it will prolong the engagement/marriage process, and they''re of the mind that when you find the right person, you marry them! I''ve seen too many cohabitations turn into stalemates.

I know it works great for some people and the more power to them! I''m just not willing to take the risk. I will act like a wifey when I become his wifey.

 

[fuzzers]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:14:14 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James
AWESOME!!! Indiana is fun as always! haha NOT

Lmao. I''m in IN for the summer. Wheeee it''s so fun isn''t it??

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:18:24 PM
Author: fuzzers

Date: 7/21/2008 1:14:14 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James
AWESOME!!! Indiana is fun as always! haha NOT

Lmao. I''m in IN for the summer. Wheeee it''s so fun isn''t it??

We need to find all the Indiana/near Indiana ladies and have a blingfest when we get our rocks! I''m jealous of all the ladies who have their get togethers and bling photo sessions!

 

[ImpatientOne]

My hubby and I married last year. We did not live together until the day we returned home from our honeymoon. To each his own, but for, this was the best option and we are both glad we did it that way.

 

[GoingCrazy29]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:24:51 PM
Author: IndyGirl22

Date: 7/21/2008 1:18:24 PM

Author: fuzzers

Date: 7/21/2008 1:14:14 PM

Author: HeadOverHeels4James

AWESOME!!! Indiana is fun as always! haha NOT

Lmao. I''m in IN for the summer. Wheeee it''s so fun isn''t it??

We need to find all the Indiana/near Indiana ladies and have a blingfest when we get our rocks! I''m jealous of all the ladies who have their get togethers and bling photo sessions!

I''m in Broad Ripple!! (and Fuzzy and HOHFJ- my sister is in Clemson, SC!)

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

OMG!! We are all so connected!!! How funny!