Another Friend Engaged...

[ringless]

Not sure how to feel about it, of course really happy for them (duh) but I also feel a little stung. They have been dating just as long as we have. We share the same circle of friends, which most are engaged/married. And her and I were pretty much the last 2 left. I know, I know... stop comparing yourself... but it's SO hard not to. I am not really wondering IF it will happen, my bf has reassured me it will be this year definitely, but I guess my timeline soon and his timeline soon is different and it's just frustrating. He has thrown out many hints that it will be summer soon, so I'm really hoping that is the case. I want to include more details of what I know so far (hints from friends, etc.) that has me completely reassured it will happen soon but I will wait to tell all of you those details when I'm actually engaged...
It's just really hard feeling like the last one being engaged and I know most of you can sympathize. Will people be as excited? Will they only say "Finally"? I know it's silly to think this way, please tell me I'm silly and make me feel a little better!

 

[mrscushion]

From my experience, a couple of people may say, "finally" (or something similar...with a smile), but they''ll still be very happy for you. But, no one will be as excited as you and your fiance! The engagement is a very happy time and I promise it won''t be any less exciting because you''ll have waited for it for a long time.

I''m so glad that you are sure that the engagement is happening. That is so key. I am sorry the waiting is getting just soooo annoying now. I really hope "summer" means ASAP for you.

 

[ringless]

Aw thank you!!! That means so much. I know these things, but it''s so nice to hear from others!

 

[sammyj]

Date: 5/13/2009 4:19:49 PM
Author: mscushion
From my experience, a couple of people may say, ''finally'' (or something similar...with a smile), but they''ll still be very happy for you. But, no one will be as excited as you and your fiance! The engagement is a very happy time and I promise it won''t be any less exciting because you''ll have waited for it for a long time.

I''m so glad that you are sure that the engagement is happening. That is so key. I am sorry the waiting is getting just soooo annoying now. I really hope ''summer'' means ASAP for you.

mscushion said everything I wanted to say! A few people said ''finally'' when we got engaged but they were still really, really happy for us...and I''m sure it will be the exact same for you.

The waiting sucks but the weather has been amazing lately (at least where I am) so I can feel that it''s almost summer...so let''s keep our fingers crossed that your SO sticks with his ''summer soon'' timeline!

 

[CurlySue]

Aww, ringless... I really hope it''s this summer for you, and I can''t wait to hear your story.

I *literally* will be the last in my circle(s) of friends of friends to get engaged... so I definitely sympathize. But it''s for that exact reason that I know people will be excited when it happens. In fact, in some ways, I think they will be more excited.

I bet it''ll be the same for you.

 

[absolut_blonde]

I was going to make a similar post.

It''s like every freaking time I log on to Facebook someone is either: pregnant, engaged, just had their baby or is posting their wedding photos. GAH!

Don''t get me wrong, I''m very happy for all of my friends & family. But it does sting, a little bit, when those are things you want for yourself too.


And like you, I''ve also wondered if people will even care much by the time I finally get engaged. Of course, I do realize that nobody cares about your engagement (or your wedding, or your baby) as much as you do - that''s a given. But I feel like we''ll be the last ones to do everything and it will be routine by then. That''s probably silly. I think I am just having a bad week.

But no, you aren''t alone!

 

[ringless]

Thanks girls!!! Absolut_Blonde - I noticed you''re on the top of the list too, are you anticipating anything soon? It''s really reassuring to know i''m not alone in this!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/13/2009 4:54:31 PM
Author: ringless
Thanks girls!!! Absolut_Blonde - I noticed you''re on the top of the list too, are you anticipating anything soon? It''s really reassuring to know i''m not alone in this!

My timeline is fairly similar to yours-- maybe a tiny bit later! Should be late summer/early fall... I really hope it doesn''t creep into the fall, but what can ya do? It''s mostly a money issue right now and I know he''s waiting for a few specific things to happen so he''ll be able to afford the ring (though I would get engaged with whatever, he cares about the ring).

I''m so impatient that I''ve stooped to reading wedding magazines at the bookstore. But I haven''t caved and purchased any... yet?

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Trust me, as one of the last of my group of friends to get engaged not a single person was any less excited for me than they were for the first to take the plunge. In fact, I rather like being close to last as I didn''t have to contend with any friends who were terribly upset that they were waiting themselves. Plus, I had a large number of people who were VERY excited to help share their planning hints and tips. I was even bestowed with multiple boxes of wedding **** as soon as our engagement became common knowledge. The best part is we have no other friends getting married within the same period so everyone is super excited to share in our day because they don''t feel like they have to attend several weddings in a year (as was the case back when engagement fever ran rampant among our friends somewhere in our mid-twenties).

 

[Lilac]

I felt the same way you do when I was a LIW - I felt like just about EVERYONE around me was getting engaged and married! I had been dating my boyfriend for three times as long (or more) as everyone getting engaged and I kept thinking how I was happy for them, but it also WASN''T FAIR!!

It''s normal for you to feel this way - we all have at some point. Just try not to compare yourself to others (trust me, I know how hard this is) because everyone has a different timeline and comparing yourself probably will only make you feel worse. So instead, focus on how exciting it is that you know your turn is coming up within the next few months!

Everyone will still be excited for you when you get engaged, especially because they''ll know you have waited so long for it!

 

[Vani]

Ringless - from what I''ve seen people will definitely still be as excited, possibly even more so as they aren''t focusing on their own engagement/weddings. Also - a few married friends have confided in me that, while they obviously love being married, they feel a little sad that the whole wedding thing is "all over" for their lifetime. The pre-engagement excitement, not knowing how/when the proposal is coming, the wedding daydreaming, telling everyone when it finally happens... You still have everything to look forward to.

I know it''s tough and I promise I''m not trying to sugarcoat it, but remember, there are aspects of your situation that old married folk would be jealous of

Maybe try to see things that way rather than focusing on being "the last".

 

[inloveinpa]

ringless - I totally feel your pain! 2 of my friends have gotten engaged in the last 2 months. One was waiting for 5 years, so we all knew that was coming, but the other has only been with her bf for like 8 months. My bf and I have been together for over 3 years and while I know it is happening in the future, it is really hard to listen to your friends gush about their weddings and you be the only one left who is waiting to gush. It''s hard to feel included and not be envious. Hang in there! At least you know it will happen to you very soon!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh Ringless, what you''re feeling is perfectly normal. But keep telling yourself: everything in time.

I feel this way when I hear about my friends getting pregnant...that''s really hard for me. But, I keep reminding myself that it''s a blessing for them...and it will be a blessing for me in time too.

I hope this summer will bring your engagement!

 

[iioeo]

My best friend just got engaged last week. I am so happy for her, but every now and then I feel a slight twinge of resentment. She has been with her bf (now fiance) for less time than me and my bf, and she knew I was very anxiously waiting on a proposal. I don''t really know what to expect, definitely not for them to have waited for me to get engaged first, I dunno. I guess if the whole thing would have been a surprise to her, it would be different, but she picked out the ring and knew he was getting it/proposing soon.

Don''t get me wrong I am SO happy for her, I''m the maid-of-honor! I know this will all disappear once I''m engaged, too.

 

[trillionaire]

I am always super happy for my friends and their engagements, it''s the weddings that weird me out. Too many people asking me when I am FINALLY going to get married, bouquet tosses, BLAGH!!! How embarrassing. The last wedding SO attended, they surrounded a young lady that had been dating her BF for several years and started chanting her name. They continued doing this sporadically throughout the night.

SO is really excited about this wedding, but I let him know that I will be nothing less than mortified if that happens to me, and that I will be livid with HIM for putting me in that situation. Seriously, I can''t imagine anything more awful, unless SO broke up with me at the wedding in front of everyone. I would be more okay with being proposed to at a wedding than surrounded and taunted with my LIW status.

not looking forward to said wedding...

 

[lexychoo]

I''ve been feeling this way, too. Maybe it''s because I''m still waiting on my boyfriend to propose, but it feels like everyone is getting engaged but me. But I don''t think anyone will be less happy if waited for years to get engaged. I guess it happens. It''ll probably happen to me, too...

 

[misskitty]

Date: 5/13/2009 4:40:54 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
I was going to make a similar post.


It''s like every freaking time I log on to Facebook someone is either: pregnant, engaged, just had their baby or is posting their wedding photos. GAH!


Don''t get me wrong, I''m very happy for all of my friends & family. But it does sting, a little bit, when those are things you want for yourself too.



And like you, I''ve also wondered if people will even care much by the time I finally get engaged. Of course, I do realize that nobody cares about your engagement (or your wedding, or your baby) as much as you do - that''s a given. But I feel like we''ll be the last ones to do everything and it will be routine by then. That''s probably silly. I think I am just having a bad week.


But no, you aren''t alone!

So true. I plan on making my engagement NOT a big deal on Facebook, just because it''s so frustrating to me now when my friends can''t post about anything but their wedding planning. I''m happy for them, but the constant status updates keep it fresh in my mind that it''s not my turn yet.

 

[trillionaire]

Actually, there is something that makes me a little jealous... it''s when people haven''t been dating for very long (around a year isn''t that long IMO), and the guy is super excited, runs out and buys a ring and proposes so enthusiastically! I love the idea of a man not being able to wait to get his lady off the market, and that is the only thing that makes me really sad about my long @$$ relationship. I don''t regret waiting, I really don''t, and I wouldn''t have been ready much before now anyway, so it''s a little illogical, but yeah, that makes me jealous, when men CAN''T WAIT! Because clearly my man CAN and is WILLING to wait, and something about that is far less romantic.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Try not to let it bother you so much. It will happen for you when it happens and when it does, you might get some of those "Finally!" comments (I''m sure I certainly will

) but regardless of what comments you may receive, you will be engaged so who cares!

 

[tlh]

Date: 5/13/2009 7:47:02 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Oh Ringless, what you''re feeling is perfectly normal. But keep telling yourself: everything in time.

I feel this way when I hear about my friends getting pregnant...that''s really hard for me. But, I keep reminding myself that it''s a blessing for them...and it will be a blessing for me in time too.

I hope this summer will bring your engagement!

I again, agree with Italia.

 

[ringless]

Misskitty and Absolut-Blonde, I totally understand what you mean about FB status's! lol It also irks me when friends who are engaged say things like "So stressed with wedding planning, wish I could elope!".. it's comments like that which make me upset. If I was in that position I would be ECSTATIC and not complaining about planning one of the most happy days of my life!

Thanks girls for all the support! I am hoping the proposal is this summer. Just yesterday through email I sent him a link to a place I would like to visit {we do this all the time as we both love to travel and try out new places} and he gently reminded me he is saving for something and that we can take a fun trip after that...

 

[Bia]

How the hell did I forget to post in here?

ringless, I''m glad you''re feeling better now. It''s been a hard journey for you, but it''s going to pay off, I just know it. As for other people, some will be excited, and some will be "eh...that''s cool" (remember I too have been with FI for a long time, so some people just expect it to happen already!). Try not to care. With me, I noticed the most unlikely people made the biggest to-do about our engagement, and the person (not including my parents or brother) that I thought would care the most, didn''t. It hurt. But I have gotten over it because really, it''s her problem, not mine.

I cannot wait for your thread here announcing your engagement.

It will be party time at LIW!!!

 

[misskitty]

Date: 5/14/2009 1:08:12 PM
Author: trillionaire
Actually, there is something that makes me a little jealous... it''s when people haven''t been dating for very long (around a year isn''t that long IMO), and the guy is super excited, runs out and buys a ring and proposes so enthusiastically! I love the idea of a man not being able to wait to get his lady off the market, and that is the only thing that makes me really sad about my long @$$ relationship. I don''t regret waiting, I really don''t, and I wouldn''t have been ready much before now anyway, so it''s a little illogical, but yeah, that makes me jealous, when men CAN''T WAIT! Because clearly my man CAN and is WILLING to wait, and something about that is far less romantic.

Trill, this JUST happened with a friend of mine. They''ve been together just shy of a year, and he was just so excited and couldn''t wait any longer, and proposed a few days ago. I''m so happy for her, but I''m also feeling that little sting of jealousy.

 

[stacy]

I felt something very similar recently when a dear friend got engaged totally unexpectedly with a big, gorgeous diamond ring -- and she could care less about diamonds. (Her fingers are a size 3 though, so I''m not sure how "huge" the stone really is -- but it looks ginormous to me!) I''ve been with my significant other for more than 8 years, and I don''t think he will ever buy me a ring (but I do think we will marry). In any event, even though I am super happy for my friend, I also felt a little twinge of jealousy.

It sounds like you and your guy will be engaged -- ring and all -- soon. And I bet all your friends will be happy for you. If someone says sonething like "Finally," just take it with a grain of salt. Chances are that no one would really want to hurt your feelings.

 

[ringless]

Thanks so much everyone for the support!

Bia - Ahhhh you are getting me so excited! I seriously can''t wait... every Monday it''s like, ok I don''t think it''s this weekend! lol For some reason I think it will happen on a weekend? lol

Stacy - Thank you so much! I really hope it happens soon. I can''t wait for your announcement!

 

[16ocean]

Very promising . . .. not only the reassurance that your BF gave you but also the “saving up for something”.

I do know EXACTLY how you feel. I am 34 so not only were the majority of my friends married 8+ years ago but they have the home/young children thing going on.

You look around and think. When’s it my turn. -breath- sometimes easier said than done.

But while waiting you are also working on trust the two of you have as a couple.

In the meantime think how lovely your hand will look with a bit of a tan on it as you get to ware your ring . . .

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 5/15/2009 10:39:55 AM
Author: ringless
Misskitty and Absolut-Blonde, I totally understand what you mean about FB status''s! lol It also irks me when friends who are engaged say things like ''So stressed with wedding planning, wish I could elope!''.. it''s comments like that which make me upset. If I was in that position I would be ECSTATIC and not complaining about planning one of the most happy days of my life!

While I completely understand the whole getting lapped thing (I''ve been there and it''s definitely not fun) that doesn''t mean that people who are engaged shouldn''t be able to post on facebook if they are stressed. Sometimes we need a pick me up too, I mean, just read bww and you''ll see lol. I know I try not to post things like this on facebook but once in a while I do and I don''t feel bad about it...

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:42:27 AM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 5/15/2009 10:39:55 AM
Author: ringless
Misskitty and Absolut-Blonde, I totally understand what you mean about FB status''s! lol It also irks me when friends who are engaged say things like ''So stressed with wedding planning, wish I could elope!''.. it''s comments like that which make me upset. If I was in that position I would be ECSTATIC and not complaining about planning one of the most happy days of my life!

While I completely understand the whole getting lapped thing (I''ve been there and it''s definitely not fun) that doesn''t mean that people who are engaged shouldn''t be able to post on facebook if they are stressed. Sometimes we need a pick me up too, I mean, just read bww and you''ll see lol. I know I try not to post things like this on facebook but once in a while I do and I don''t feel bad about it...

Yes, we realize brides can get stressed. Thats why you guys have BWW here.

We have LIW to complain/get excited about things that are LIW related, which I''m sure you know, since you were here once.

The LIW are not all so oblivious to real life that we don''t think brides have a right to stress out,and no one is asking you to feel bad. But, we are allowed to complain about it here without you trying to make us feel bad!

 

[ringless]

I agree elledizzy5 -
I do feel that some of MY engaged friends, don't really think before they talk about all their wedding planning stresses. I can only imagine how stressful it is to plan a wedding, but my point is, when you know one of your best friends are not yet engaged/waiting on a proposal, it is a bit rude to always complain and say you're stressed about your wedding. When I'm finally engaged, I think I will be pretty excited to be planning such a special day, but maybe that's just me, I'm into the whole planning thing... can't wait!

 

[misskitty]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:42:27 AM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 5/15/2009 10:39:55 AM

Author: ringless

Misskitty and Absolut-Blonde, I totally understand what you mean about FB status''s! lol It also irks me when friends who are engaged say things like ''So stressed with wedding planning, wish I could elope!''.. it''s comments like that which make me upset. If I was in that position I would be ECSTATIC and not complaining about planning one of the most happy days of my life!

While I completely understand the whole getting lapped thing (I''ve been there and it''s definitely not fun) that doesn''t mean that people who are engaged shouldn''t be able to post on facebook if they are stressed. Sometimes we need a pick me up too, I mean, just read bww and you''ll see lol. I know I try not to post things like this on facebook but once in a while I do and I don''t feel bad about it...

Oh, I don''t get annoyed at the occasional post (especially right after the engagement -- I''m not going to begrudge anyone their excitement!), and I certainly think brides are entitled to vent their stress. I''m talking about the girls whose statuses 4x a day are something along the lines of "getting Starbucks...wedding in 412 days!" -- in other words, the ones who can''t seem to breathe without bringing up the wedding. They get the "hide" button super fast.