Anonymity can turn people nasty

[OUpearlgirl]

Eh.. I don''t really see the humor of it. My boyfriend has been made fun of for being half jewish, my friend has been made fun of for gaining weight, and several very nice girls have lots of fake stories posted about them that don''t sound too nice.

I just hope when we''re all trying to get jobs that any employer wouldn''t look for our name in a search there.

 

[Kaleigh]

I am much nicer here, than IRL. I am not a meanie in RL. Just VERY sarcastic and blunt. But am a very caring person, so what you get from my posts is pretty much who I am. I just hold my tongue now and then, fore I want to yell at someone.

 

[beau13]

Date: 9/24/2008 10:06:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I think I am probably nicer online too or at least more polite (in most threads). There are times I want to say something but don't (b/c often times the OP doesn't want to hear the truth). There are certain people's threads I just ignore b/c I simply don't like them.

But the threads I frequent regularly (Like the mommy thread) I think I am the same online as in person. Does that make sense?

Even if I am not crazy about a certain "poster" I still have to look at their thread, how can you possibly pass up the chance to view some serious eye candy? lol

The only sections I really look at is the "show me the ring" section followed by "hangout" then sometimes "rocky talk"..that's it..the only reason I'm here is for my "sparklie fix", and it doesn't matter WHO gives it to me!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Beau, true but not every post shows eye candy. Some are just for showing off and attention seeking. I don''t like show offs

 

[beau13]

Date: 9/25/2008 8:13:04 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Beau, true but not every post shows eye candy. Some are just for showing off and attention seeking. I don''t like show offs

I guess it is kind of "showing"..this is the only site (that I know of) where you can post diamond jewelry..not everyone shares the same kind of sparkle addiction as us PS''ers do..so it would be considered "showing off" if we posted our jewels on other sites I suppose! I think this is a place to gain an abundance of knowledge about diamonds, and when one finally receives or gives a diamond, they are proud of that accomplishment, and want to post all the details! I''ve never come across any posts that I feel the poster is seeking attention..just maybe excited to share that she/he found a great deal (me on E-bay), or wants to show us a new piece she/he received,purchased, inherited..,whatever!! BTW Tacori, I agree with the others, PS is fortunate to have a member like you on board!

 

[Steel]

Date: 9/24/2008 4:13:13 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m actually meaner in PERSON.

I am generally a nice lady, but do not suffer fools gladly. I am very restrained on-line. On line conversations are not directed at any particular individual (generally) so it is easy to contribute or in my case not contribute. On line I mostly choose not say anything if I cannot be nice - who wants more conflict in their life. Real life conversations involve direct participation in which I would reply with my point of view, even it is not PC. That said if I feel strongly enough I will offer a pro or counter opinion on line. It just depends.

My point is; to me, the detachment of being online allows me to be restrained and diplomatic, more so than in real life. I would never take it as an opportunity to be mean. I am disgusted by the cowardice in (I think, particularly the youth of society) which ''allows'' citizens to bully, yes I said bully another person for whatever valid (or not so valid) reason.

Boyfriends and Girlfriends, Mothers and Fathers, Sons and Daughters, Best friends and Enemies have fallen out with each other since time began. The injured party in my view should not use an anonymous forum to reveal that anger - I suppose in an attempt to berate or shame and insult the other party. I would never air my laundry in public, just because you are anonymous does not negate the fact that the internet is public domain.

I am baffled also by the bullies who post about their peers in school. My heart breaks for schoolchildren who must contend with this beastly behaviour, I am very thankful that this was not around in my day. But it is not just schoolchildren who are bullied in this faceless manner, what about sites that allow the public to rate their teacher or solicitor (and so on). They allow for positive (yeah right - who really chooses to leave positive comments on these sites) and negative comments. When the poor Soul at the centre of debate decides to participate, they can tend to come off looking like they are a guilty party covering their tracks. Who can defend against an invisible foe?

Doesn’t the computer used to post leave electronic fingerprints when you visit a site? Perhaps this data could be made more available so that the anonymity of certain inappropriate comments be in jeopardy. Then again, free speech and all, who should decideswhat is inappropriate?

I live by these words - ''Do not write down what you would not be prepared to wear on your tee shirt''.

Would the designers of comments which we consider mean, inappropriate or downright bulling be prepared to wear their comments on their shirt? I wonder.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 9/25/2008 8:43:34 AM
Author: beau13

Date: 9/25/2008 8:13:04 AM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Beau, true but not every post shows eye candy. Some are just for showing off and attention seeking. I don''t like show offs

I guess it is kind of ''showing''..this is the only site (that I know of) where you can post diamond jewelry..not everyone shares the same kind of sparkle addiction as us PS''ers do..so it would be considered ''showing off'' if we posted our jewels on other sites I suppose! I think this is a place to gain an abundance of knowledge about diamonds, and when one finally receives or gives a diamond, they are proud of that accomplishment, and want to post all the details! I''ve never come across any posts that I feel the poster is seeking attention..just maybe excited to share that she/he found a great deal (me on E-bay), or wants to show us a new piece she/he received,purchased, inherited..,whatever!! BTW Tacori, I agree with the others, PS is fortunate to have a member like you on board!

No, I mean NON jewelry related posts. Not that I am saying every non jewelry related post is about seeking attention. Only a few and the ones that are seem obvious (to me anyways). I guess I am not explaining myself well! Haha. But luckily they are few and far between. I think it is great when people find good deals (like you) or share the beautiful jewelry. And there are some people I wish would share MORE of their jewelry

Having a digital camera should be a REQUIREMENT for membership on this board

Thanks for the nice comment. I feel lucky to have PS!

 

[starsapphire]

There is another forum on the web that I used to post in, but the people there are so hostile, that I never have gone back.

It is a politically charged forum about music.

 

[Lorelei]

Tac - you are a treasure and PS would not be the same without you!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 9/25/2008 8:58:51 AM
Author: Lorelei
Tac - you are a treasure and PS would not be the same without you!

I feel the same about you

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

There is a fair amount of research in this area--I recall reading articles in Grad School (some years ago) about "behaviors" associated with anonymity and online counselling.....

cheers--Sharon

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 9/25/2008 8:13:04 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Beau, true but not every post shows eye candy. Some are just for showing off and attention seeking. I don't like show offs

Yeah, I've often found that the forums here can veer into the direction of "bragging" forums. Stuff that would be innappropriate to shove in a friend's face saying, "hey look I bought a new brand name "X," what do you think?" I'm not talking about jewelry, exclusively, but consumer goods, in general, that are expensive, not something an average person could buy AND when brought up, would be considered rude bragging in "real life." I wouldn't take my WF pendant out and hold it up for all my friends to see and then ask for opinions.

All goes back to us being anonymous!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 9/24/2008 10:06:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
There are certain people''s threads I just ignore b/c I simply don''t like them.

But the threads I frequent regularly (Like the mommy thread) I think I am the same online as in person. Does that make sense?

ha, there are a few people on here that I find VERY annoying and it''s so difficult to restrain myself! I guess in real life and online, I''m just about the same as far as nice wise (mostly nice, but can be a bit bratty at times), BUT, the part I try to keep under control is my tendency to become irritated (which I often become) and not vent out at the couple of people who bug the crap out of me. One of them doesn''t post as much anymore, so thank goodness, I don''t to worry about coming across that person''s posts, but the other person posts nearly every day and drives me nuts!

 

[princesss]

Date: 9/25/2008 8:45:45 AM
Author: Steel

Date: 9/24/2008 4:13:13 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m actually meaner in PERSON.

I am generally a nice lady, but do not suffer fools gladly. I am very restrained on-line. On line conversations are not directed at any particular individual (generally) so it is easy to contribute or in my case not contribute. On line I mostly choose not say anything if I cannot be nice - who wants more conflict in their life. Real life conversations involve direct participation in which I would reply with my point of view, even it is not PC. That said if I feel strongly enough I will offer a pro or counter opinion on line. It just depends.

My point is; to me, the detachment of being online allows me to be restrained and diplomatic, more so than in real life. I would never take it as an opportunity to be mean. I am disgusted by the cowardice in (I think, particularly the youth of society) which ''allows'' citizens to bully, yes I said bully another person for whatever valid (or not so valid) reason.

Boyfriends and Girlfriends, Mothers and Fathers, Sons and Daughters, Best friends and Enemies have fallen out with each other since time began. The injured party in my view should not use an anonymous forum to reveal that anger - I suppose in an attempt to berate or shame and insult the other party. I would never air my laundry in public, just because you are anonymous does not negate the fact that the internet is public domain.

I am baffled also by the bullies who post about their peers in school. My heart breaks for schoolchildren who must contend with this beastly behaviour, I am very thankful that this was not around in my day. But it is not just schoolchildren who are bullied in this faceless manner, what about sites that allow the public to rate their teacher or solicitor (and so on). They allow for positive (yeah right - who really chooses to leave positive comments on these sites) and negative comments. When the poor Soul at the centre of debate decides to participate, they can tend to come off looking like they are a guilty party covering their tracks. Who can defend against an invisible foe?

Doesn’t the computer used to post leave electronic fingerprints when you visit a site? Perhaps this data could be made more available so that the anonymity of certain inappropriate comments be in jeopardy. Then again, free speech and all, who should decideswhat is inappropriate?

I live by these words - ''Do not write down what you would not be prepared to wear on your tee shirt''.

Would the designers of comments which we consider mean, inappropriate or downright bulling be prepared to wear their comments on their shirt? I wonder.

Thank you for so eloquently stating everything I''ve been thinking about this nasty online behaviour.

It is not funny to hide behind annonymity to insult people. It''s what you do when you can''t be found out that shows who you truly are, and I hope people pay attention to how they act when they feel they can''t be discovered.

OUpeargirl, I hope your friends are okay. I''d be miserable if I were the target of something like that.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 9/24/2008 10:41:26 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 9/24/2008 10:34:02 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 9/24/2008 10:06:29 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

I think I am probably nicer online too or at least more polite (in most threads). There are times I want to say something but don''t (b/c often times the OP doesn''t want to hear the truth). There are certain people''s threads I just ignore b/c I simply don''t like them.

But the threads I frequent regularly (Like the mommy thread) I think I am the same online as in person. Does that make sense?

You, Skippy, and SDL are the sweetest people anywhere! We are lucky to have the three of you with us here on PS.

Even though I said I am meaner in person?!? Haha!

I think it helps I am at a good place in my life. Thanks Linda and Holly. Linda you are always so kind and Holly I love your honesty (and you are a Tacori lover!)

LOL Tacori!!!

Thanks Holly!! I like that you tell it like it is.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

In real life...like at work...I''m actually kind of a push over

. If my employees complain, or back out of a job for personal reasons...I''m totally understanding and supportive. I''ve been known to "okay" vacations on black out dates, over look late arrivals, or take on extra work from my big boss smiling the whole time like I "can''t wait to do it!" when on the inside I''m steaming. All in all, I''m pretty non confrontional.

But here, I''m a lot more direct.

If my friends came to me with some the issues I see pop up on this site, I''d probably be "sweeter" with my advice and probably lean more towards saying what they want to hear--at least for a while, and I''m absolutely not as "firm". But here, I can actually say what I mean, and mean what I say without worrying to much about "hurting feelings".

I''m not mean here, at least IMO...but I''m more blunt...and I''m not entirely sure thats a bad thing, either.

 

[Haven]

I am much more diplomatic here on PS than I am in real life.

In fact, when I direct friends to PS and they stumble on my posts they inevitably tell me how much nicer I am online. I can''t really explain why this is, and I didn''t even realize it until my friends gave me the feedback. I''m pretty blunt in real life, but bluntness is so easy to misconstrue as rudeness online, and I certainly don''t want to be rude to anyone.

It''s so interesting to read everyone''s perceptions of the differences in their behavior online vs. IRL.

 

[Maisie]

I am the same on here as I am in person. I suppose I sometimes get a little bit irritated with a thread like anyone else would so I usually just move on and don''t post anything.

 

[hibiscus]

Frankness and rudeness is often confused. In the process of giving advice, sometime, one thinks he/she is entitle to say whatever they want because they think being frank is the way to go.. Sometime, a little tact goes a long way. Generally, I think I see no reason to be impolite but the day before yesterday, I wasn't cos I needed to do so.. But today, I'm nice cos i just bake an almond torte for my hubby before I leave on a work trip.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Wow..that site is..absolutely horrible.

I never realized how bad it was..I am not on there thank God, but I found two of my friends. And I just don''t get people.

So mean.

 

[iheartscience]

I''m nicer on PS than I am in real life, too! I will say exactly what I think to pretty much anyone''s face. I''m certainly not mean or nasty, but I''m not afraid of a little confrontation when necessary. I''ve tried brutal honesty on here a few times and it hasn''t worked out so well...so I just refrain from it for the most part.

 

[Steel]

Date: 10/24/2008 1:24:34 PM
Author: Haven
I am much more diplomatic here on PS than I am in real life.

In fact, when I direct friends to PS and they stumble on my posts they inevitably tell me how much nicer I am online. I can''t really explain why this is, and I didn''t even realize it until my friends gave me the feedback. I''m pretty blunt in real life, but bluntness is so easy to misconstrue as rudeness online, and I certainly don''t want to be rude to anyone.

It''s so interesting to read everyone''s perceptions of the differences in their behavior online vs. IRL.

Haven, That is so interesting to me. I would never direct anybody to Pricescope if I felt that they could ''find me out'' here.

I have thought about this and I think it is because I am so very guarded in real life. Online I am more open that I could ever imagine being in real life. I think being anonymous allows me this ''freedom'' because I cannot really be hurt online. If I post and somebody upsets me - I can avoid that post, move on.

So I suppose, rather than being a person using the internet to express their more negative emotions, the internet allows a safe environment for me to be softer. Thank you, Pricescope.

 

[Lynn B]

Interesting thread. I've been thinking some about it.

I think that as technology continues to increase, and face-to-face encounters with one another become more and more *optional*, that the rudeness and unkindness that can come with so-called "anonymity" will only (sadly) increase.

That being said, I do take pride in always trying hard to be *nice*, both online and IRL. (

)

Life is just too short to be mean to other people on purpose!