A terrible event

[allycat0303]

I am writing this because I am so devestated. Yesturday afternoon a neighbor''s dog broke into our yard and attacked my cat. My boyfriend and I came home, and heard from the neighbors. However, we had so many conflicting reports, that we did not even know what happened to my cat. We talked to the police (who were on the scence according to witnesses) but a police report was not filed. The emergency SPCA intervened but because it was Canada day and we couldn''t get anyone on the phone. We spent the night combing the neighborhood looking for his body. We went to the SPCA and a worker was there, but wouldn''t let us check to see if our cat had been brought in injured. He did not give us any info. This morning at 9 o''clock sharp we were at the SPCA. The emergency worker told us that our cat was attacked by the dog, and dragged through the streets. However he was still alive. But when he brought us in the back, my cat had passed away during the night.

I feel like I am too blame. I should have forced the SPCA to let me in on Canada day. I could have taken him to vet, and done soemthing. I don''t know what is wrong with me. My boyfriend and I have cried and cried all day. My cat was only 2 years old. I feel like he was there with me during the hardest year of my life and I let him down. The emergency worker assured me that his injuries (although unapparent on the outside) were severe, and that he probably died of an internal hemorrage. I keep thinking about how scared he must have been when the dog grabbed him.

The owner of the dog is a severe alcholic. When my boyfriend went to talk to him yesturday (witnesses said that it was his dog) he lied to us and said that he had worked all day outside, and the dogs never left his sight. He was clearly drunk, but we believed him. However, today, we finally got a copy of the police report (filed last night) and learnt that it was indeed his dogs that ran wild into our yard. We filed a police complaint against him, but the police said we should sue him because the law doesn''t allow them to much. We aren''t going to sue, because it won''t bring our cat back, but I don''t know how to deal with the guilt, and I keep crying. The worst is that we were at my house discussing my ring when my cat was attacked. We should have gone to his house. And the stupid thing is, for all I cared about my ring, I would have gladly given it away without a moment''s notice to save my cat''s life. It just snapped everything back into perspective really fast.

 

[sevens one]

OMG alleycat, I don''t know what to say.
You poor thing.
I''m so terribly sorry about your cat.

Please try to not blame yourself. Give yourself some time.
Again, I''m so sorry.

 

[MissAva]

Oh Ally, I am soo sorry. *hug* I dont know what to say. I doubt that if you had been let in last night that things would have turned out any different, perhaps you were beign spared the pain of watching your much loved cat pass on. I am so sorry for you loss. If there is anything just ask.

 

[Jennifer5973]

My heart is breaking for you. This is a terrible, terrible thing. My prayers are with you.

You must grieve and work through this guilt--it is not your fault that this man allowed his dogs to run wild (they probably aren''t well trained or disciplined either)...HE is to blame. That isn''t going to make the hurt go away but you must rid yourself of the guilt over what happened and focus on mourning your precious cat and trying to heal eventually.

It is NOT because you were at your boyfriend''s or discussing your ring. It is becasue, as usual, some jerk of a person failed to care for his animals properly.

Nothing will make you fele better or get over this for a long time, but you did NOT fail your cat. This is a terrible tragedy and you need to take care of yourself. Perhaps when/if you are ready, you can adopt a cat from the shelter and save another animal in your cat''s honor/memory.

You''re in my thoughts.

 

[rms]

Dear allycat,
What a terrible story. Our cat had to put to sleep a few days ago because of heart disease and a blood clot that paralyzed his back legs (I posted a little while ago about it in the topic "heart disease in cats") without warning. Although the way he died was totally different, I too felt like I had done our cat wrong and that I could have done something differently to have made the situation different. Please try not to blame yourself. It sounds like you did everything you could, and it is not your fault at all. I am so sorry about everything.

 

[teebee]

Oh Ally...

I''m so sorry about your kitty.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself... I know you feel guilty for not being there... but you have such a big heart and you know that if you''d been aware of what was happening, you would have done anything you could have to stop it ~ you weren''t being neglectful or abusive ~ you just didn''t happen to be there when it happened and that is not your fault. I know that it is no consolation ~ but all you were doing was living your life when this tragic even occurred and that is not selfish or negligent by any means. If anyone deserves your anger and blame it is your neighbor. You should not be shouldering this guilt. Bless your heart... I''m so sad for you both. I think the best thing to do when something like this happens is to just indulge your grief for a couple of days ~ cry and cry... and share stories about her... I still get sad and choked up about my dog that died 8 years ago ~ but I try to remember how much fun we had and how much love and joy she shared with us... It makes me smile through the tears a little. Take care sweetheart ~ I''ll be thinking of you.

 

[fountainfairfax]

Oh allycat, I am so very sorry to hear of your tragic loss. The blame lays entirely on that careless dog owner, how terrible that your poor kitty (and you & your boyfriend) were victims of this idiot! You really did all you could under the circumstances, looking as frantically as you did and going to the SPCA. Please do not blame yourself, just spend all the time you need healing and taking care of each other.

Everyone here is thinking of you and hoping that you will be ok......

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh Allycat I am so very sorry, that''s awful. Hugs!!!

 

[Blue824]

Ally,

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. It is hard enough to lose a cat at old age, not to mention losing one to such a tragic ending. Please don''t blame yourself.
Please realize that this was an unpredictable and tragic event, the dog owner is to blame, not you. I hope you get some more answers and some peace as time goes on.

 

[mightyred]

Dear Alleycat,

Nothing anyone says here can take away your pain but I know they can ease it somewhat. I am sure the SPCA did everything to make him feel comfortable so please take some peace from that.

It is normal to feel guilt after a traumatic event but please know that you beat yourself up over this out of love for your pet.

You petted, stroked, loved your cat....you changed his litterbox, you played with him and you did everything you knew to do at the time to keep him safe. I am sure whenever you looked in your kittys'' eyes he knew you loved him. Please remember that and know that it is not your fault.

Have another good cry...... it''s normal, everything you are feeling is normal.

I send big hugs..... and know your kitty loved you too

Mighty Hug

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Allycat...*HUGS* I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. Like others have already said, please try NOT to blame yourself. There's no way that you leaving you house that you would've known that this could've happened. The person to blame is your alcoholic neighbor who cannot be a man and accept his wrongdoings...

I wish you well during this tough time....my heart goes out to you!

 

[hlmr]

I am so sorry for your loss alleycat.

Please don''t blame yourself...I know it is hard not to, but you were there for your kitty and you shouldn''t blame yourself for someone else''s ignorance and lack of caring.

Heather

 

[gingerBcookie]

oh no ally! i''m so sorry for your loss. i''m not very good with words of comfort, just know that you and your kitty are in my toughts.

 

[TheDiamondangel]

I am sooooo soory for your loss. The irresponsible pet owner should have the dog destroyed, IMHO.

What if you had a small child playing in the yard, and it attacked the child instead?

 

[allycat0303]

Hi everyone,

I can''t even express how grateful I am to all of you for your kind words. I have read every word twice, and it helps to remind me that there are good people everywhere. Every post helped me get through the day and helped me look at this in a new perspective.

I feel terrible that I keep crying over this, I am sure some people will say, "it''s just a cat". But it was so terrible going from being convinced he was dead, to not knowing who to believe and thinking there was hope, to having the SPCA tell us he was still alive and then them pulling out the cage and saying, "Oh no. He''s dead." And my boyfriend didn''t believe it, he kept calling the cat''s name. And I knelt down next to him, and he was curled up in a ball and his eyes were half open. I could only pet his head through the bars and apologize but I knew he had been dead for a long time. I wish I got gotten there sooner, I feel like he died alone, thinking we didn''t love him enough to be there with him.

I stll feel this overwhelming guilt. The past few weeks, I''ve been so obsessed over my stupid ring, that I haven''t been as attentive as I should have been. I feel like this is a punishment for caring so much about a material thing. I don''t even know how to start dealing with everything that is going on inside me. I wrote down every single memeory I had of him, pages and pages, to try and start to focus on all the good things that happened in his life instead of the terrible events of the past days. I think the reason we love animals so much is because they only bring us joy, I can''t remember a moment that looking at him didn''t make me smile. Even through this terrible year, when I felt like I had nothing, I would pick him up and feel like at least I had him and it made me feel like a lucky girl.

I can only thank god that my boyfriend is going through the same thing. We''ve been together for 10 years, and have seen a lot of personal and professional heartache, but all of these things were bad things happening to me, and bad things happening to him seperately. This was something that hurt us both terribly. Yesturday he had to go to work, and since it was a Saturday, he brought me along because we couldn''t bear to be apart. He was working when I wrote down all the memories of my cat. After we read them together, and we both cried together. It''s as if this event has just fused our hearts together. I''ve always thought we had an exceptionally supportive relationship, but now I feel as though we''re even closer.

I want to thank everyone for making this such an exceptional forum, for making it so easy to post what is in my heart without fear of being ridiculed.

 

[MelissaSue]

I''m SOOOOO SORRY. I can''t imagine how terrible this must before you. My fiance and I are die-hard cat lovers and this makes me cry just reading your story.

It is definitely not your fault. You had no way of knowing it would happen, and if the SPCA took your cat in, you should have been notified and been able to go get him. You did absolutely nothing wrong, so while you are heartbroken, you should not feel guilty as well.

Its terrible of THE SPCA.. to have let him die rather than seeking further care for him. I think you really have reason for legal action both against the dog owner and the SPCA.. but that is up to you to decide.

 

[icekid]

oh ally! i am so sorry. i know how much you guys must be hurting! but please know this is NOT your fault. we cannot control everything all day long, unfortunately. this was a terrible ACCIDENT. and it''s not punishment for your ring either! i know PSers tend to obsess about our rings a bit much, but- that''s ok! think of it as another hobby, not to mention that is signifies the commitment between you and your bf! it''s much more than a material object.

again, i''m so sorry! i hope you and your bf are feeling better soon...

 

[MINE!!]

Alleycat:

You should let your voice be hear about this man letting his dogs run wild. I know that it is hard.. but if a man such as this will let his animals run around and kill other peoples pets.. what happens when those dogs attack a small child next time? Do what you can. I am sorry to hear about your cat. IT was not your fault... speak up and save others if you can. Draw strength and try to stop this happening again.. perhaps even to a human life.

 

[sasa]

oh alleycat, I''m so sorry to hear about this *HUGS* ...it just bring back terrible memory of when my dog was attacked few years back.

My mom was walking my dog in the morning and she came back screaming and crying. She said two Germen Shepherd break down the back yard door of the owner''s house and attacked her and my dog. She ran, my dog want to stayed behind to fight them. Out of survival instinct she ran back home and leaving my dog behind...but she went back and grab my dog, he is not light...he''s about 30 lbs. I went to check on my dog and I start crying, there were blood all over his face. I called my boyfriend and we meet up at the Vet. I was holding my dog and crying so hard at the Vet. He got two deep scratch on his face. One was very closed to his right eye, the vet said he is lucky that he is not blind. After we went home, we called the animal control, the animal control caught the two dogs and left a note on the owner''s front door. He said if we decide to sue, he will be a witness (because when he arrived, the dogs was wondering outside the owner''s house)

I''m not saying you should sue, but I agree with Mine! that you should let your voice be heard.

 

[allycat0303]

Hi everyone,

I''m feeling a little bit better although I am still second guessing the events. We filed a police report (a very detailed acoount of what happened) and an official complaint at the police station against his dogs. The witnesses are also going to file their own report, because people have children! This is totally unacceptable that a guard dog is running around, at 3:30 pm on friday (when all the children are out!) in such a state. On friday (when this happened) the SPCA called the police against the owner because he was drunk and belligerent.

Aside from that, I feel less to blame, my sister pointed out that all of the events were out of my control, the owner being drunk, the dog getting out. The only thing I could of controlled was finding my cat, but the police were unhelpful and so was the SPCA. The eye witnesses had no idea where my cat was. I thought he was eaten by dogs, or that the body was around my house, which is where we were looking. We were looking in the wrong place....and my boyfriend keeps saying to me (and even if it sounds silly), our cat wouldn''t have wanted me to beat myself up over this. We did our best. Sometimes it''s not good enough, but I have to accept that.

Rms, Bobo: Thank you for sharing your stories. It makes me feel that I am not alone in feeling like this, that it has happened before and people do get through it. I am glad that I am not alone.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 7/3/2005 10:07:19 AM
Author: allycat0303
I feel terrible that I keep crying over this, I am sure some people will say, ''it''s just a cat''.

Ally...a cat is more than "just a cat," it''s a pet, a branch of your family...of course you''re going to be upset. We don''t have any children by choice, but our cats are much like our children. To lose either one of them would be devistating!! Grieve however you need to and please don''t allow anyone else tell you how you "should" feel...

My heart goes out to you....

 

[MissAva]

Bless your heart, I wish there was something that we could do. Pets are a deep and vital part of the lives of those who "own" them. I can only imagine how down you are feeling just now. I will besure to pray for you and for your kitty. I am so sorry Ally if you need anything dont hesistate to ask...

 

[fire&ice]

I''m so sorry about losing a member of your family. You feel like you need to be their protectorate; and, as such, the guilt can be maddening. What if. What if. You can''t beat yourself up wondering. Truth be, THAT DOG & his irresponsible owner are to blame. Honestly, you can''t watch over them 24/7.

Do they have leash laws in Canada? If the dog so violently attacked your cat, I would worry about it going after small children. The dog could see a small child as "prey" as well.

 

[perry]

Alleycat:

We all become attached to our pets and it hurts when we loose them. This situation just adds to the hurt.

You are right that sueing will not bring the cat back, nor will it improve things with your neighbor.

I''m not sure if you rent or not, but if you do perhaps a move would be appropriate when your lease is up. Unfortunately, I do not know how to gurantee good neighbors.

Perry

 

[appletini]

Ally,

I''m so sorry to hear about your kitty. I had this happen to one of my cats when I was 10, except that it was a stray dog and it got some of the neighbors cats too. In the end Animal Control came out and set traps. We caught the dog, and then one of the neighbors came over and shot it.

The one good thing about all of this is that it gave you and your boyfriend a chance to reconnect and make you realize whats most important in your lives, which is being with eachother.

 

[Bagpuss]

I''d like to add my condolences on the loss of your cat. I do understand your feelings of guilt, but really it wasn''t your fault that this happend and you did all you could to find him.

One of our cats wandered off one day and we were frantic to find him. Weeks later, we found out that he was living with a vicar and his wife who live about a quarter of a mile away. He''d had to cross a very busy road to reach their house. We were very grateful to them for taking him in and looking after him so well. I did think about leaving him there with them as he seemed so settled and content. Their house was much quieter than ours (no kids), but because he had been specially chosen by one of our children, we did decide to bring him home.

About a month later he was knocked down and killed right outside our house on that busy road. I felt really guilty. I kept thinking that maybe he was trying to go back to the vicar and his wife and that if we''d left him there, he might still be alive as they lived on a much quieter road.

My husband was just as upset as me and the kids, but he insisted that his death wasn''t our fault. He was just an adventurous cat and it could have happened just the same if we had left him where he was. I still think fondly of him and take comfort in thinking that in his life two families loved and cared for him.

 

[IrishEyes]

Ally, I just want to express my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your kitty.

I know that this is a terrible time for you, you must be so devestated. I myself am a cat lover, and although I do not presently own any, I can''t imagine the kind of pain you must be going through. Please remember that your kitty knew how much you loved him. It is NOT your fault, and in kitty heaven, he knows that! It will take time, but this too shall pass; and though you will never forget him, you will be able to look back someday and smile at his memory. Remember that your PS family is here for you!

Take Care,
IrishEyes

 

[Tybee]

Bless your heart...and bit HUGS.
There is no such thing as "just a cat" in the eyes of loving owners.
Your story filled me with tears and sadness. But the saddest thing
is you blaming yourself.
I''m glad that you were able to step away and see how you are not to
blame. Your kitty was lucky to have such loving owners.
I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Mocha]

{{{{{ hugs }}}}} I still have tears in my eyes from reading your post.

I am so sorry about your cat. I have one too and totally understand where you are coming from. It wasn''t "just a cat" but a part of your life just like a human would be.

I don''t know what else to say that hasn''t been said above, except be strong and stay strong for your cat as he is truly in a better place.

{{hugs}}

 

[allycat0303]

Hi everyone,

Bagpuss: I am so sorry that you went through that. It's always hard to second guess yourself, I can totally relate to how you felt when he died crossing the street.

AchiOaluma, Matatora, Fire&Ice, Perry, Appletini, IrishEyes, Tybee:

My boyfriend and I read all of your posts with tears in our eyes. He lurks this board beside me, and we are both amazed at the support you've given us. We are both feeling better today. We have agreed to accept that our Kitty is not gone, but that he is watching over us.

I think we need to buy a house NOW. My boyfriend lives in a TERRIBLE part of town. In our present neighborhood, the next door neighbor is a hooker, the man down the street is a drunk, and everyone drinks beer on their balcony. But the rent was cheap ($350/month) so we figured we would stay there for a year, lock the neighborhood out, and buy a house next year.

Our initial plan was to pay 50% of a house in cash. At this point he has 30% of the total cost of a house saved up. We could have more if he would agree to give up my E-RING (trust me, I've tried to convince him) but he refuses to. We had been pre-approved for a mortgage a few months ago, but we were concerned that we were only putting 30% downpayment.

We have a lease, but we are going to break it. I am TERRIFIED every time the door bell rings, and because we filed a police report against the drunk, he has been in front of our building SCREAMING that he is going to get us. Now my boyfriend is spoiling for a fight (and my guy is TOUGH) so I don't want him to end up doing something awful. I figure if my boyfriend can't pay for all my schooling, all the bills, and the house, then too bad. I'll put any excess on my loan. In Canada (probably US too) Medical students are automatically approved for a $200 000 loan at prime. But I wasn't going to touch any of it, under any condition. However, I think that feeling safe at this point is much more important then getting out of school without owing any money. I'm a bit scared of owing money to the bank (I'm 25 and have never owned a credit card!), so I hope that we are doing the right thing. Besides, it will only be a few thousand dollars, so hopefully we are not committing financial suicide.

Believe it or not, last night at 10:00 pm, just two days after the dog killed my cat, it was running around free AGAIN. It just proves that he has no remorse for what happened. My cat's life meant NOTHING to him. We weren't home but the neighbors called the police, and the SPCA. The man was drunk and belligerent AGAIN. That is 3 police complaints in 4 days against this man. The police had better do something.

Again, we both thank you all for your advice and support. And to Perry, who said that we needed to leave this neighborhood if we could. The more I rationalize this, the more I see no reason in waiting another year to get my boyfriend out of this place. I think being scared of debt is a good thing, but maybe I've been too obsessed. I feel like this neighborhood has taken a peice of mine and my boyfriend's heart. If we are being snobs, then so be it, but we both feel like we don't belong there. We want to have a safe place for ourselves (and our cats

) It hurts both of us that it took one of our kitty's dying to show us how wrong we were.