Dust Please? Youngest Son and His Bully

[rubybeth]

House Cat, I am not a parent, but I want to applaud your efforts to keep your son safe from bullies. I myself was bullied as a child and teenager, and I still have emotional scars from this experience. Some things you can get over as you get older, but I still cringe and want to cry when thinking of some of things I was told as a child/teen. It's very harmful and even potentially dangerous to just let kids work out their bullying issues on their own--I never really told my parents about the hassling I received, and I doubt they could have done much (I was in school in the 80s and 90s, so the attitudes about bullying were different), but maybe having their support would have helped. Just wanted to put that out there. You go, momma!

 

[momhappy]

House Cat...so glad that the meeting went well and your son got into a different class. I had a whole message written out for
you yesterday and my computer ate it!

Just to address some of the the things you mentioned earlier.

- No need to go ballistic in these situations. Like I said, calm but firm. I always try to think of the possible negative responses
they will give and have a counter for it in my head. Sometimes it's hard to think on your feet when dealing with these
tough conversations. If you've already thought of it and are prepared then it will come to you easier. Pretend like it is your
job to make sure this child has a safe school environment. Try to take the emotion out of it. Just so happens that the
child is yours but, what if it were your job to protect other kids at school from this situation?

- Try to come up with a plan for your son that he can use when a bully tries to get at him. I was nervous when my son went
into Jr. High (face it, Jr. High can be rough). So, we decided if someone said something to him that he would say "Whatever"
and walk away. Giving your son a "plan" will give him more confidence and will give him something to concentrate on vs. thinking
about what the bully has said. I'm sure your child psychologist can help with this "plan". Practice the plan. I think it really
empowered my son just having a plan (as simple as it was). I also love the Tae kwon Do idea or self defense class. Great ideas
to build his confidence. Bullies don't usually pick on kids with confidence because they don't get the power they are looking for
from the situation.

-And playing the devils advocate to someone who mentioned the idea that bullying will make him stronger in the long run, bullying
can also ruin someone's self-esteem and in extreme cases cause suicide so you are doing/have done the right thing by taking
care of this.

-And also, when your school/principal is not acting in the best interest of your child, going to the district/county is absolutely
the right answer. Again, don't go ballistic, stay calm, be logical and be firm. Do your research.

I sincerely hope you and your son have a great school year and can put all this behind you!

Tyty333

I didn't necessarily say that bullying makes you stronger. I said that in some cases, it can help to make you stronger and it can also provide valuable coping strategies. I acknowledged that bullying can be more difficult to manage for some and that there are different degrees of bullies/bullying. I was trying to point out that while situations like this can be very difficult to deal with, they can sometimes impact us in some positive ways too. I advocated that HC do what is right for her and her family. I agree with you, tyty333, that HC is doing the right things and that she should continue to be an advocate for her son

 

[House Cat]

Oh my goodness, thank you everyone for your support and input!

After giving your suggestions thought, I have decided that if this child does attend my son's school this year and if something else happens, I will take some very serious action. I will ask the principal for his help in the matter and frame it as such with the safety of the entire student body in mind. "I really think WE should make a formal complaint to the district (or call the police) because I am very concerned about the safety and well-being of the entire student body. This is a child who had done X, Y, and Z. We can support one another in doing this." If he refuses, I will do it on my own.

My son's school isn't a school that has ANY teachers that are out of line. To give you a picture of the school's culture, it is one large open building, the classes are partitioned with bookshelves, and in the center is a library. It is done this way on purpose to foster a feeling of community rather than a feeling of separation. A teacher can't really get out of line when they can be heard by all of the other classes. Also, each family is required to volunteer 12 hours per trimester. This means that tons of parents are ALWAYS in the classes and on the campus.

No security guards on campus. I am not sure they have security guards on campus out here until high school. Although with the way things are going, it feels like this should change.

The martial arts idea is a great one. I asked him if he would like to do it, he said "yeah! I want to do jiu Jitsu like the MMA fighters!" Ok then! Thank you for giving me this input. It is good to know of the positive impact it has had on bullied children.

It is good to know that I can always file for a restraining order if things get really bad.

My son came up with the "whatever" response on his own when we were talking about it yesterday! He was rehearsing with me and he said he was going to say that to him!

My hopes are that this child won't be present today. I do feel a great deal of concern for this kid, even though he has terrorized my son. I can see in his eyes that he is jaded beyond his years. Sigh.

So, I will take a lot of time to strengthen my son. I won't fool myself, he is an easy target for bullies due to his demeanor. I keep telling him that his sensitive nature is a gift. He will be able to hone it when he is an adult and he will have a gift for reading people, he will be able to meet his loved ones needs, and he is already so beautiful.

Thanks again for the support everyone.

 

[Tuckins1]

House Cat, I'm glad to hear that your son will not have to face (at least one of) his tormentors on a daily basis. It sounds like the school is definitely aware of the situation, and is working toward a solution. I know you said your son is receiving therapy, and that is good to hear as well. I wonder if your son's school has a program such as Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports. There are a lot of good interventions here at this site. You could inquire about school-wide initiatives, possibly run by a committee, the school psychologist, school counselor, or the social worker. http://www.pbisworld.com/ If the school has no initiative for dealing with bullying or other behavior problems, perhaps that could be a suggestion for the PTO or something...The other young man who was involved with your son sounds like he may need therapy as well, and I hope his family is able to help him! Best wishes to your son for the school year!

 

[azstonie]

Well, here's the thing: What happened to your son is not textbook bullying, it is something worse. Your son was targeted and preyed on by a young psychopath (I know, a lot of you will feel that psychopath is harsh but please remember that "sociopath" is neither an actual word nor a diagnosis). I know people don't like to believe that psychopathy starts in young, but it does and you do your children no favors by pretending that all people are good and have good intentions.

Your son received a SPECIFIC and graphic death threat. That is not bullying.

Bullying is give me your lunch money OR ELSE. Bullying is "Hey, fat a$$." Bullying is "We're going to tell everyone you wet your pants." Bullying is "If you don't XXXX then we aren't your friends any more." Bullying is "You can't sit here" on the school bus or in the lunch room.

This was not bullying, it was worse and more serious than that.

Housecat, you've said in the past you've been on outofthefog.net so I'm assuming you are familiar with the "Gray rock" method of dealing with psychopaths. Google it again, read it. Discuss it with your son. If this kid comes back to school, until a solution is struck your son will need to utilize the gray rock method of handling things.

 

[momhappy]

But "textbook bullying" has changed over the years. Because of the world we live in (with people becoming desensitized to graphic violence), the bullying that used to be "give me your lunch money" has now become "I want to kill you by doing X,Y, or Z." I know young elementary school-age boys that play video games rated for adults, tweens that engage is sexual activity, etc. The world is a much different place and as a result, bullying is too. I don't necessarily think that characterizing someone (that we don't even know) as a psychopath is fair. I do agree that some people are just born mean/violent, so I certainly don't want to minimize the situation, but I think that HouseCat's scenario is all too common these days because of the environment that we live in. If this particular kid has serious mental/emotional/behavioral issues, then it's likely that he's been identified as such within the school system and they take action as needed. I think that HC has reacted appropriately and it sounds like she plans to stay on top of it, so good for you HC and please, keep us posted! I will be crossing my fingers that your son has a better school year.

 

[decisively_unsure]

The school has a "duty of care" to protect your son. I would be looking at threatening legal action if there are anymore incidents, and the school isn't being receptive, then they are legally accountable.

I have a 7yr old daughter who has been enjoying Muay Thai (Thai boxing) for around a year now, perhaps this is also worth a consideration, so that your son knows how to defend himself.

 

[momhappy]

I have thought about putting my children into some form of martial arts. With all of the suggestions for it here in this thread, I think that I will finally follow-up with it and let my children give it a try

 

[decisively_unsure]

The most important thing with martial arts is a) consistency, so they go at least once a week and b) they enjoy themselves. Finding the right gym or dojo is important.

Beware of "McDojos" that hand out belts like cheeseburgers, and also consider that some martial arts such as Judo / Ju Jitsu and boxing / Muay Thai / kickboxing are going to be much more effective than other martial arts for real situations.

However, any martial art is going to not only help with confidence, but also against the "everyday" person or pupil will be a huge deterrent.

 

[House Cat]

Ok, well, the bully kid did show up for school. My son didn't seem to be disturbed. He was disappointed. Although, this morning was definitely what I would call a high anxiety morning, with no real reason for the extreme level of anxiety that my son was displaying. Sigh, huge emotions pointed toward me. It is a difficult mix for sure, considering my background, but I do my best to employ soothing tools to get him through it. Then after I get him off to school, I have some difficulty functioning for a few hours until I work it out.

So, thanks to all of you, I feel as though I have an action plan for future dealings with this boy. I also feel that with more therapy and martial arts, my son will be better prepared to handle himself.

Now, to address some of the comments...

Well, here's the thing: What happened to your son is not textbook bullying, it is something worse. Your son was targeted and preyed on by a young psychopath (I know, a lot of you will feel that psychopath is harsh but please remember that "sociopath" is neither an actual word nor a diagnosis). I know people don't like to believe that psychopathy starts in young, but it does and you do your children no favors by pretending that all people are good and have good intentions.

Your son received a SPECIFIC and graphic death threat. That is not bullying.

Bullying is give me your lunch money OR ELSE. Bullying is "Hey, fat a$$." Bullying is "We're going to tell everyone you wet your pants." Bullying is "If you don't XXXX then we aren't your friends any more." Bullying is "You can't sit here" on the school bus or in the lunch room.

This was not bullying, it was worse and more serious than that.

Housecat, you've said in the past you've been on outofthefog.net so I'm assuming you are familiar with the "Gray rock" method of dealing with psychopaths. Google it again, read it. Discuss it with your son. If this kid comes back to school, until a solution is struck your son will need to utilize the gray rock method of handling things.

azstonie,

I know exactly what you are talking about. My son received two specific and graphic death threats from two different boys. The other boy said, "do you think I can kill you?" and my son said "no." Then the boy said, "what if I take a knife and slit your throat?" So we have two very disturbed little boys on this campus. These threats were within the span of three weeks. The principal was shocked and said these were the only reportings he has received all year. My son said that the boys threaten to kill one another all the time on the playground, but these threats seemed more scary than usual.

When I heard about the first threat, the knife threat, my first instinct was boys will be boys, until thirty seconds went by and it actually settled in. Then danger bells and whistles went off in my mind and I knew this wasn't normal bullying. When the second death threat happened, I didn't take it lightly (I will kill you.) The third, super graphic threat was revealed in therapy and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I did tell the principal how serious I was about protecting my child and that my expectations were clear in the sense that I wanted something done.

My son's therapist has said this is a very disturbed young man. Of course there will be no diagnosis by proxy.

Momhappy, the boy does wear Call Of Duty t-shirts. This is a subject we should address too and I actually brought the video game culture up with the principal. I asked if death threats are just a sign of the times. I then covered with the fact that I didn't care because we can't discern whether or not death threats are serious or not and we must treat every threat seriously.

My oldest son works at a popular video game store. He says that everyday parents walk in with their very young kids, ages 8-12 and ask for games like Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto. My son warns them that the game is highly inappropriate for their child's age and most of the time the parent asks, "is there cussing?" When my son says "yes." The parent contemplates that fact for a minute and buys it anyway. There is no thought to the realistic graphic violence or the strip bars with naked women or the actual CONTENT being pumped into the young brains of their children...just cussing and they buckle on that value too.

So somewhere I believe that this bullying issue falls in the middle. The children ARE seeing graphic, realistic violence and sex via their video games and this raises the bar for what they will say to one another because they are totally desensitized. BUT, I believe that when this sort of poison hits just the right (or wrong) mind, the kind of kid who has had the perfect amount of abuse and neglect, it is a total recipe for disaster.

I know this isn't normal bullying. I know this isn't a normal kid. Maybe at some other time we would have called him a delinquent...but times have changed. I will be thinking about this more..

 

[momhappy]

I was shocked to learn that it is pretty common around here to allow elementary school-age boys to play adult video games (like Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty, etc.) I have always found that very disturbing and while I wouldn't blame issues like this entirely on gaming, I think that it certainly contributes to a culture of violent actions/violent speech/violent thoughts.

 

[chrono]

Perhaps I am not reading it correctly but are threats to one's life in school considered commonplace these days and generally not taken seriously?

 

[telephone89]

Perhaps I am not reading it correctly but are threats to one's life in school considered commonplace these days and generally not taken seriously?

Imagine if this happened in a workplace - HR would be all over that shit, that person would likely not have a job anymore! Children should not be treated differently in these extreme cases.

 

[House Cat]

Perhaps I am not reading it correctly but are threats to one's life in school considered commonplace these days and generally not taken seriously?

The first two threats... meaning, the slit the throat threat and the "I will kill you" threat received no suspension. The graphic threat received an in-school suspension.


I don't know. When I type this out to all of you, it seems like insanity. It seems like the police should have been involved. But when I was in the moment, although I was very serious and alarmed, calling the police didn't seem like the right course of action.

 

[CJ2008]

Perhaps I am not reading it correctly but are threats to one's life in school considered commonplace these days and generally not taken seriously?

The first two threats... meaning, the slit the throat threat and the "I will kill you" threat received no suspension. The graphic threat received an in-school suspension.


I don't know. When I type this out to all of you, it seems like insanity. It seems like the police should have been involved. But when I was in the moment, although I was very serious and alarmed, calling the police didn't seem like the right course of action.

Yeah, that's why none of us can judge whether what you're doing is appropriate, or enough, or not appropriate or not enough...you're there, living it...and we all have different ideas, experiences, and comfort levels with certain things.

All we can do is tell you how we see it from the outside, and how we *think* we might handle it given the circumstances.

Reading it in black and white, a threat like that sounds very scary. And the thing is, you never know what's just talk, and what could be intent, or the sign of a truly disturbed mind.

So even though I DO agree that society has become somewhat desensitized, I wouldn't want to take the risk that it's just talk UNLESS I knew for 100% certain that he had been evaluated by the proper authorities ETA and I felt sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that the boy posed no real threat.

 

[Sky56]

House Cat, sending dust to you and your son. I don't have much to add, but I want to commend you for being a great mother. When I was a kid, I was a lot like your son. I was bullied by other kids, and on one instance at age 10 experienced death threats. I was so afraid, I ran into traffic to get away from a kiddie crew of tormenters who were yelling, "We'll kill you!" I did get a lot of relief when I asked the school to remove me from a class that had one of my worst bullies. I was 12 when I did that. My parents tried to help, but they didn't fully understand what I was going through. I have a good life, but have some emotional scars from those days 40 - 50 years ago.

 

[JDDN]

Housecat, do you know if the boy's parents know about the graphic threats they've been giving to your son?

I'm curious if they know and what if anything they are doing about it.

It's so hard because like some other posters have said, we are not there living it. But from everything you've said, this appears very serious. Think about it this way. God forbid some kind of harm ever came to your son by the hand of one of these boys, but if it did (for argument sake), how would it sit if the school said, "well he had been giving this boy graphic, detailed death threats but there wasn't anything we could do about it." You would be furious that nothing more was done because saying it out loud lends to how completely inappropriate and scary it truly is. It's like, there's nothing we can do about it, until something tragic happens. In today's world, that isn't going to work.

I applaud you for doing everything you can in this sticky situation. I'm just writing to say, I don't think you can be too careful about this. Name calling, being mean, etc. is one thing, but detailed graphic death threats?? It may just be tough talk and I really hope it is just that.

More dust coming to you and your son.

 

[momhappy]

Perhaps I am not reading it correctly but are threats to one's life in school considered commonplace these days and generally not taken seriously?

I don't know if such threats would be considered commonplace. As I said before, one of my children received death threats from a classmate in elementary school. I would suspect that this sort of violent language is thrown around more frequently than it used to be. I would like to think that most schools would take such threats seriously - mine did and it sounds like Housecat's school did as well. I know that many schools take bullying very seriously. Our public schools have anti-bullying campaigns.

 

[momhappy]

The most important thing with martial arts is a) consistency, so they go at least once a week and b) they enjoy themselves. Finding the right gym or dojo is important.

Beware of "McDojos" that hand out belts like cheeseburgers, and also consider that some martial arts such as Judo / Ju Jitsu and boxing / Muay Thai / kickboxing are going to be much more effective than other martial arts for real situations.

However, any martial art is going to not only help with confidence, but also against the "everyday" person or pupil will be a huge deterrent.

Thank you for the helpful advice

 

[House Cat]

Housecat, do you know if the boy's parents know about the graphic threats they've been giving to your son?

I'm curious if they know and what if anything they are doing about it.

It's so hard because like some other posters have said, we are not there living it. But from everything you've said, this appears very serious. Think about it this way. God forbid some kind of harm ever came to your son by the hand of one of these boys, but if it did (for argument sake), how would it sit if the school said, "well he had been giving this boy graphic, detailed death threats but there wasn't anything we could do about it." You would be furious that nothing more was done because saying it out loud lends to how completely inappropriate and scary it truly is. It's like, there's nothing we can do about it, until something tragic happens. In today's world, that isn't going to work.

I applaud you for doing everything you can in this sticky situation. I'm just writing to say, I don't think you can be too careful about this. Name calling, being mean, etc. is one thing, but detailed graphic death threats?? It may just be tough talk and I really hope it is just that.

More dust coming to you and your son.

All parents have been notified on all occasions.

The knife threat boy's father came to us and apologized. We know them. Our boys were good friends, sort of on again off again. They have been to one another's houses, to the movies together, trick or treated together, in little league together. We know these parents well enough. The father said he was so embarrassed, didn't know where this sort of thing came from, and is doing his best to make sure nothing like this happens again.

The other boy... His mother knows too. She has been pulled into the office both times. I don't know her. I don't know her demeanor when her boys act this way. I say "boys" because her older boy is trouble too. He was also vandalizing the school. He was also in trouble a lot at school. So to me, this seems like a family situation. Something is broken in the family.



I know what I will be doing in the future. I know that I will be escalating this situation to the district and most likely to the police. I wonder if I should call the police now and just ask questions... see what should be done if this happens again.

 

[CJ2008]

I know what I will be doing in the future. I know that I will be escalating this situation to the district and most likely to the police. I wonder if I should call the police now and just ask questions... see what should be done if this happens again.

I think this is a great idea, just so that you're prepared, rather than waiting until you're on high alert/anxious or (knock on wood) something happens and you have to call while you're already stressed...

It's just for preparation and to understand what your options (and ramifications of each) are.

 

[momhappy]

Housecat, do you know if the boy's parents know about the graphic threats they've been giving to your son?

I'm curious if they know and what if anything they are doing about it.

It's so hard because like some other posters have said, we are not there living it. But from everything you've said, this appears very serious. Think about it this way. God forbid some kind of harm ever came to your son by the hand of one of these boys, but if it did (for argument sake), how would it sit if the school said, "well he had been giving this boy graphic, detailed death threats but there wasn't anything we could do about it." You would be furious that nothing more was done because saying it out loud lends to how completely inappropriate and scary it truly is. It's like, there's nothing we can do about it, until something tragic happens. In today's world, that isn't going to work.

I applaud you for doing everything you can in this sticky situation. I'm just writing to say, I don't think you can be too careful about this. Name calling, being mean, etc. is one thing, but detailed graphic death threats?? It may just be tough talk and I really hope it is just that.

More dust coming to you and your son.

All parents have been notified on all occasions.

The knife threat boy's father came to us and apologized. We know them. Our boys were good friends, sort of on again off again. They have been to one another's houses, to the movies together, trick or treated together, in little league together. We know these parents well enough. The father said he was so embarrassed, didn't know where this sort of thing came from, and is doing his best to make sure nothing like this happens again.

The other boy... His mother knows too. She has been pulled into the office both times. I don't know her. I don't know her demeanor when her boys act this way. I say "boys" because her older boy is trouble too. He was also vandalizing the school. He was also in trouble a lot at school. So to me, this seems like a family situation. Something is broken in the family.



I know what I will be doing in the future. I know that I will be escalating this situation to the district and most likely to the police. I wonder if I should call the police now and just ask questions... see what should be done if this happens again.

Only you can decide what's right for your family, so if you feel more comfortable notifying the police, then you should do so. There's no harm in calling and speaking with the authorities and it might be good to have some sort of informal record (or maybe a file?) of the incidents in case anything more serious happens in the future. Good luck and again, please keep us posted.

 

[TooPatient]

I know what I will be doing in the future. I know that I will be escalating this situation to the district and most likely to the police. I wonder if I should call the police now and just ask questions... see what should be done if this happens again.

I think this is a great idea, just so that you're prepared, rather than waiting until you're on high alert/anxious or (knock on wood) something happens and you have to call while you're already stressed...

It's just for preparation and to understand what your options (and ramifications of each) are.

It never hurts to ask questions. I would go in person and just talk to them. Explain what happened last year, the vandalism over summer, and the school's actions through it all. Ask what to do in future and what to document.

 

[House Cat]

Well, the kid threatened him again today.

And today, I called the police. They hooked me up with the school resources officer. He was very rushed on the phone, made it clear that this wouldn't be treated as a crime. I get the feeling that he deals with many enraged parents, but this made him too rushed with me. He didn't really want to hear about the profound impact this is having on my son. He said he would meet with the principal and they would work out what was to be done with the bully, but that they have steps that they have to take "and it is very difficult to expel a child." I never mentioned expulsion??

I DID ask that HE speak to the bully to hopefully have an impact on the child. He said that maybe that would happen, that maybe he would have a talk with the kid and his parents. maybe..


This school year, my son is failing in two subjects and his teacher said he is completely distracted (daydreaming.) This is new behavior. When I told her what happened last year with the bully, she said "Oh my goodness, now it all makes sense! He is just too anxious and isn't in a place of learning!" She said that she and the other teacher would help to figure out how to make him more comfortable in the classroom. That was on Wednesday. Now this.

I have had him in Therapy, but ever since school has started, my sweet little smoosh has been explosive, not sleeping, crying, full of emotion. I can't get him back to normal.


I wish this other kid would move...I wish my kid could find a way to beat this, but I know that sometimes it isn't that easy.

He broke his hand 6 weeks ago. I get to enroll him in Jiu Jitsu next week.

 

[ckrickett]

I am so sorry house cat. I am sorry for the stress and anxiety this is putting on your son, and for you as well.

Is there any PTA, or school board member or anyone you can talk to about this. I would be surprised if after other parents learned about the level of threats and violence your son is receiving would be comfortable having their kids be in the same school as him. Maybe getting a group of parents together might actually do something. I would also file a police report, and go to the principle and demand action. If the police officer was rushed, get his name and go above him. Death threats are no joke, and must be taken seriously, if this officer was so rushed about it, and something happened then it would be on him.
And Get a lawyer if you have too, to see what you have to do to get the school to really take this seriously.

But I have a gut feeling that this boy WILL do something. Threats like that are never 100% empty, and it is ridiculous that the school hasn't expelled him.

 

[momhappy]

Well, the kid threatened him again today.

And today, I called the police. They hooked me up with the school resources officer. He was very rushed on the phone, made it clear that this wouldn't be treated as a crime. I get the feeling that he deals with many enraged parents, but this made him too rushed with me. He didn't really want to hear about the profound impact this is having on my son. He said he would meet with the principal and they would work out what was to be done with the bully, but that they have steps that they have to take "and it is very difficult to expel a child." I never mentioned expulsion??

I DID ask that HE speak to the bully to hopefully have an impact on the child. He said that maybe that would happen, that maybe he would have a talk with the kid and his parents. maybe..


This school year, my son is failing in two subjects and his teacher said he is completely distracted (daydreaming.) This is new behavior. When I told her what happened last year with the bully, she said "Oh my goodness, now it all makes sense! He is just too anxious and isn't in a place of learning!" She said that she and the other teacher would help to figure out how to make him more comfortable in the classroom. That was on Wednesday. Now this.

I have had him in Therapy, but ever since school has started, my sweet little smoosh has been explosive, not sleeping, crying, full of emotion. I can't get him back to normal.


I wish this other kid would move...I wish my kid could find a way to beat this, but I know that sometimes it isn't that easy.

He broke his hand 6 weeks ago. I get to enroll him in Jiu Jitsu next week.

Oh no! I'm sorry Housecat. I feel so bad for your son (and you) It sounds like you did the right thing by reporting it. It's got to stop. I truly hope that things start improving for him. Please keep us posted.

 

[arkieb1]

I feel you pain house cat, my son is 7 his bully is 8 they are in second grade. Just before the end of term 3 which was a few weeks ago now (there are 4 terms in our system) the bully said to my son I am going to kill you, I am going to poke your eyes out. He then proceeded to throw a sharp pencil at my sons head narrowly missing one of his eyes.

The bully has been punching and kicking my son and telling him things like he should just "go kill himself" which is a totally inappropriate thing for one child to say to another. My son has gone from a child that loved school to one that doesn't want to go and "feels sad and is never happy" as reported by one of his teachers. He has also gone from being one of the top children academically in his class to being distracted, wont do his work and can't focus.

My son is a quiet child who is liked by all his teachers and most of his peers, the bully is a child with behaviour issues, who bullies a lot of the students apparently. We are working with the school, which is generally a good school, to attempt to resolve the situation but it's very disturbing and incredibly frustrating as a parent. All children have the right to feel safe and happy at school.

 

[ruby59]

In your city is there more than one elementary school and middle school?

What about taking your child out and placing him in another school district close by. For special circumstances children in our city can be transferred at a parents request. It would give your child a fresh start and get him away from the turmoil.

 

[azstonie]

Housie, I'm sorry to hear this.

Regarding talking to the other kid. No. Talking to him the last umpty-ump times got you right where you are today: More threats, nothing changes. This is the problem with psychopaths and progressive discipline: They learn that nothing *real* is going to happen: They'll get a letter of reprimand. Ooh. Scary. They get talked to by the teacher. They get talked to by the principal. They get talked to by the resource officer. And they learn that adults get paid a bunch of money by society to talk to them. This reinforces the message that when it comes to taking action, adults and authority figures are ridiculous windbags who aren't going to take *action* to stop them. So really, more talking to this kid will only focus him more on your son, not less.

Don't apologize for an effing thing with the school administrators, faculty and staff. IT IS THEIR JOB TO EDUCATE AND PROTECT YOUR SON. Period. Anything less is unacceptable and YOU apologizing for their inadequacy and failure is taking the focus off WHAT IS BEING DONE? Not talked about, DONE.

Frankly, any school district where I taught would expel this kid---he's a danger as he gets older/bigger. His parents have already lost control of him and he's in elementary school. He's repeatedly taking the time of the administration, the faculty and the staff away from the other kids and their education. He's a complete and total liability at this point. His parents would be told to get the hell out, home school him or find a charter who will take him on, but not in our school district.

You're going to need to get tough with the school people. Superintendent time. More attention on this very disturbing problem. School shootings and violence are a real and present danger.

Or. You have a second option.

Get your son out. There must be another school he can attend.

 

[partgypsy]

Not to make you feel any better, but my daughter was getting bullied, and it was verbal, emotional, and physical, and other than a couple meetings with the principal and also having them sit separately, nothing else was done. In addition to teasing her, while she is working walking behind her and saying things under his breath, calling her stupid in front of other people, other incidents included: tripping her, walking by her and dropping a pencil and then "accidently" stabbing her in the hand when he gets up. the worst was when he knocked her down in gym so her face was bruised and almost needed stitches.

I was getting frustrated. Each time he said it was an "accident". They would make him apologize to her. He was called to the principal's office a couple times. It WAS affecting her functioning in school. It was something that she talked about before bed, having to see this person in school the next day. I asked he be moved to a different classroom, since their attempts at separating them weren't working. They said that wasn't possible. Thankfully this year he is in a different class. However if it ends up ever that they are in the same class in the future, I will request my child to be moved to a different class.