Dust Please? Youngest Son and His Bully

[Queenie60]

Have you considered changing schools? I am so sad to hear that your son is being bullied. It's unfair that you must deal with this -

 

[Jambalaya]

House Cat, I am so sorry. I am feeling really frustrated on your behalf.

What amazes me about all the stories on here about bullies is how the bullies are pussyfooted around, procedures have to be followed, maybe the policeman will talk to the bully but probably not....Why are these nasty little children not sharply reprimanded? I am just amazed. The bully needs swift punishment- a very thorough talking to followed by a suitable punishment such as helping to clean up the dining hall at the school for a week. Why is no one telling these horrible children that their behavior is utterly unacceptable, will not be tolerated, and made to apologise to the victim?

There were kids who got teased more than others for not fitting in at my high school, but I don't think that there was anything like the incidents described here. Only once, there was a seriously nasty little boy. He started on me and wouldn't stop so I slapped him round the face. I am not advocating violence - I was desperate to make him stop and he provoked me into a fury with the result that one day I saw red and just went for him because he pushed me too far. He totally crumpled and never, ever bothered me again, although he bothered others. I was a child and obviously wouldn't do that now and I don't condone violence. But I have to say it was totally effective. It stopped the bullying in a nano-second and that boy never gave me a moment's trouble again, not even a look. My life returned to complete peace from the moment I hit him. I am not saying that any child should do this, I'm just telling the story of how I dealt with a bully. It was a crime of passion though - I could never have premeditated it. While I don't think a child should hit, my experience made me see that some bullies do crumple when someone stands up to them. That is the received wisdom, that bullies are cowards and they melt into a puddle when someone stands up for themselves, but I would never have believed how true that was until I saw it. Of course, it might not be true for every bully, but it was for mine. I also don't believe that he stopped because he was a nice boy underneath it all - he was a thoroughly nasty individual who went on to bully other girls.

Perhaps the children who are bullied should try standing up for themselves? I don't mean to sound old school, but other methods don't seem to be effective.They can't hit but they can scream and shout when something happens, make a fuss and generally make it very uncomfortable for the bully to do the bullying. I only suggest this because it seems intervention by parents and teachers doesn't stop the bullies. For example, if a bully threw something at a child or plunged a pencil in their hand or whatever, I think the child is totally within their rights to start screaming and crying at the top of their voice and bawling the boy out "YOU STABBED MY HAND! YOU REALLY HURT ME! HOW DARE YOU! YOU NASTY LITTLE BOY! DON'T DENY IT! I SAW YOU!" and generally create absolute merry hell. Anything is better than suffering in silence. Perhaps the bully will choose a quieter target the next time.

 

[mom2dolls]

I am so sorry House Cat.
Is it possible to transfer your son to another school or home school him? If the school/principal is not going to do anything helpful to protect your son, maybe removing him is the only option?

My oldest daughter was bullied by a classmate for two years while we lived in Iowa. We ended up moving back to California because the principal and teachers were not willing to protect her or sufficiently discipline the other girl. Once my youngest daughter started kindergarten at the school, the girl began bullying her as well. Her mother thought her daughter was an angel and would not even hear of it. Seven years later, my oldest daughter still cannot even say the girls name.

 

[azstonie]

Jambie, years and years as a teacher showed me just the scenario you related. Hundreds of times. Good on ya, girlfriend!!

The problem is when the child is so restrained that they don't have that very in-the-moment response right then and there the first time. There is that crucial moment when a bully tests the waters with another person and if the other person freezes or placates or argues with the bully, the dye is pretty much set.

A perfect world does not exist: There are bad people in this world, people who abuse other people and push them and bait them and bully them. They do it as children and they do it as adults. When I was teaching, I knew who the bullies were and if I was involved when a victim fought back, I handled it very lightly---and if the bully protested, I looked them hard in the eye and said: You provoked that and you know it, so if you don't like the outcome, stop your bad behavior.

Every now and then there would be the actual psychopath in my class and that required some real oversight including the rare time I advised the parent of the target to get their child out of the entire situation.

 

[House Cat]

I feel you pain house cat, my son is 7 his bully is 8 they are in second grade. Just before the end of term 3 which was a few weeks ago now (there are 4 terms in our system) the bully said to my son I am going to kill you, I am going to poke your eyes out. He then proceeded to throw a sharp pencil at my sons head narrowly missing one of his eyes.

The bully has been punching and kicking my son and telling him things like he should just "go kill himself" which is a totally inappropriate thing for one child to say to another. My son has gone from a child that loved school to one that doesn't want to go and "feels sad and is never happy" as reported by one of his teachers. He has also gone from being one of the top children academically in his class to being distracted, wont do his work and can't focus.

My son is a quiet child who is liked by all his teachers and most of his peers, the bully is a child with behaviour issues, who bullies a lot of the students apparently. We are working with the school, which is generally a good school, to attempt to resolve the situation but it's very disturbing and incredibly frustrating as a parent. All children have the right to feel safe and happy at school.

I send you big heart hugs.

I am so sorry that your son is going through this. I am so sorry that you have to watch him go through this.


I keep hoping there is a greater wisdom working on the bullied children and that they will come out stronger, wiser, more compassionate. I can't accept that it is all for nothing.

 

[House Cat]

Things went well yesterday. The Student Resources Officer came down and spoke to the bully. Of course, the bully lied and said he NEVER had any issues with my son, that he didn't threaten my son, and then that he did threaten my son, but it was because my son kicked him. My son didn't kick him. The police officer told him how serious things were and that his presence meant that things have gotten very, very serious. Adults are put in jail for threatening to kill people and so are children. It was time to stop.

The kid is suspended. I don't know for how long. He was also kicked out of band. My son is also in band. The kid was a troublemaker in band and was told that if he did one more thing, he would be kicked out. My son is SO relieved to go to band without this kid. There will be an adult assigned to the bully at every recess to ensure my son's safety.

My son slept soundly last night and played full heartedly on the playground today.



I am very happy that I contacted the police because now they are in the loop. I won't have any problem calling them again if anything else happens with this kid.

 

[monarch64]

Housecat, I've been following your story a little and am so happy to hear that the police got involved and that the bully has been suspended from school/kicked out of band. And of course that your son is getting some rest and is back to playing music without worrying! I truly hope this is the end of the issue and that the bully's parents will seek special attention for him and get him on a more positive path in life that doesn't include harming or threatening others.

Good job, HC! You're a great mom. Sometimes parents don't hear that enough--you truly deserve to hear that and I hope you know it's true.

 

[missy]

I am so happy for you and your son housecat! What a huge relief and I second Monnie's thoughts about you being a wonderful mom. Your son is a very lucky boy because he has you in his corner. (((Hugs))) to you and your son.

arkieb, I am so sorry your son is going through this and I hope the situation is resolved to your and your son's satisfaction. I agree all children have a right to be safe at school. Sending you lots of PS dust and hugs.

 

[CJ2008]

I'm so happy to hear this HC - good job I hope the worst of it is over and done with for good.

arkieb I hope the situation with your son gets resolved soon, safely, and without any long-term consequence for him.

 

[partgypsy]

I am happy for your positive outcome! Good for you for your persistence and following up with the situation.

 

[Jambalaya]

That's fantastic news, and I'm so glad the policeman gave him a good talking-to! Was it the same one who seemed reluctant before, or a different one?

It's great that the police took it seriously, but I feel that the school should have been able to deal with this kid. That they had to call the police on a child shows how ineffective they are, in my opinion. Also, the school let it go on for too long, it seems. I don't know why the principal couldn't have given him a very thorough talk and then suspended him from school and band.

I hear this a lot, about schools not being able to deal with bullies and parents removing their child. If I were a principal I'd give these nasty little kids the lecture of their lives and then choose something from a number of punishments such as making the bully apologize, making them do clean-up duty, giving them extra homework, excluding them from activities, or for serious ones, suspension. I just don't see why it's so difficult for these schools to punish bad behavior. Schools have always punished children who misbehave. These days, they seem to find that almost impossible. I shudder to think of the number of bullies who are getting the message that bullying is OK and that if they persecute another, nothing will really happen to them.

Anyway, I'm really glad that the kid who bullied House Cat's son has received his just punishment. Excellent news!

 

[House Cat]

Thank you so much for saying that I am a good mom. <3 That really makes me feel good inside.

 

[JDDN]

Things went well yesterday. The Student Resources Officer came down and spoke to the bully. Of course, the bully lied and said he NEVER had any issues with my son, that he didn't threaten my son, and then that he did threaten my son, but it was because my son kicked him. My son didn't kick him. The police officer told him how serious things were and that his presence meant that things have gotten very, very serious. Adults are put in jail for threatening to kill people and so are children. It was time to stop.

The kid is suspended. I don't know for how long. He was also kicked out of band. My son is also in band. The kid was a troublemaker in band and was told that if he did one more thing, he would be kicked out. My son is SO relieved to go to band without this kid. There will be an adult assigned to the bully at every recess to ensure my son's safety.

My son slept soundly last night and played full heartedly on the playground today.



I am very happy that I contacted the police because now they are in the loop. I won't have any problem calling them again if anything else happens with this kid.

YAY!! This is huge! Big hugs to you and your son. You are a wonderful mom and you must be so relieved that action is being taken. And the reward is seeing your son acting like himself again . I hope things continue on this positive path.