How many people have you had sex with?

[momhappy]

If you put it out there, you should expect that it could be used in some way, shape, or form…
I had someone steal one of my FB images and post it to a fashion web site (it was my profile pic and all of my other images were set so that only my "friends" had access to them). It's not like it was horrible, but it was still creepy and got me thinking about over-sharing on the internet. When I interview & hire babysitters, I check their FB pages. There was one instance where I chose not to even interview a potential candidate because she had lots of sloppy, drunk pictures on her FB page.

But I think the point of this poll is people vary even on # of partners.
All 114 voters are equal.

Each of us gets to run only one life.
We don't get to dictate how others should be, short of breaking laws.

I suggest that it's not cool to say or suggest that what the overwhelming majority here has chosen to do during their life is the moral equivalent of being sloppy drunk.

I think MZ was not so much referring to individuals who check up on babysitters or even a lot employers. Every response in this thread as well as others (Income polls, etc..) have been recorded by large information sourcing companies. To think otherwise is naive. Public forums have been hacked into time and time again.

I consider everything I write, search for, buy, etc... online to say Jane Doe at 1234 address & 10 other previous addresses & a suprisingly personal list about everything I have ever done just said she likes AVCs, has $XXX income, and X sexual partners.

Yes, I agree - everything we write, share, etc. can be used in different ways. My babysitter/employer conversation was just one example.

 

[momhappy]

I'm not thinking job interview [however, some employers are NOT ethical about asking around or trying to find "the dirt"] although also if applying for a security job [no not the mall security type] it could be used against one.....

while many are now happily married, that does not always remain so and attorneys do employ PI's to get "the dirt" to be used in not only the divorce but child custody cases....and then there is the scary reality these days of stalkers and just plain nasty people out to blackmail you.

I think the real question for me is does anyone have a right to expect privacy at all in this society when we give info so willingly over the internet. but, hey, each to their own.

in case you all didn't catch it, more or fewer sexual partners is of no concern to me....each one makes their decision about that as well!

I get what you mean. You tell your hubby you've only ever slept with him but on the internet you're telling how you've slept with his entire department at work. Extreme example but I get what you're saying.

I get why someone might not put their number up because you may not know my name or who I am but you could say "I saw that post Niel made she is such a tramp/prude"
But still I dont see why you can't vote. No one even knows you've voted.

As for you're larger remark about privacy I understand what you mean. I do still think there's an expectation of privacy as if I'm not putting it all over facieb or twitter, there must be a reason. KWIM

Because some of us don't want to vote - it's just that simple and I don't know why that would be difficult to understand. If others want to participate by voting, fabulous, but some of us may not feel comfortable voting or even have a desire to do so.

 

[Niel]

I'm not thinking job interview [however, some employers are NOT ethical about asking around or trying to find "the dirt"] although also if applying for a security job [no not the mall security type] it could be used against one.....

while many are now happily married, that does not always remain so and attorneys do employ PI's to get "the dirt" to be used in not only the divorce but child custody cases....and then there is the scary reality these days of stalkers and just plain nasty people out to blackmail you.

I think the real question for me is does anyone have a right to expect privacy at all in this society when we give info so willingly over the internet. but, hey, each to their own.

in case you all didn't catch it, more or fewer sexual partners is of no concern to me....each one makes their decision about that as well!

I get what you mean. You tell your hubby you've only ever slept with him but on the internet you're telling how you've slept with his entire department at work. Extreme example but I get what you're saying.

I get why someone might not put their number up because you may not know my name or who I am but you could say "I saw that post Niel made she is such a tramp/prude"
But still I dont see why you can't vote. No one even knows you've voted.

As for you're larger remark about privacy I understand what you mean. I do still think there's an expectation of privacy as if I'm not putting it all over facieb or twitter, there must be a reason. KWIM

Because some of us don't want to vote - it's just that simple and I don't know why that would be difficult to understand. If others want to participate by voting, fabulous, but some of us may not feel comfortable voting or even have a desire to do so.

I get you don't want to play along. Maybe you don't find the topic interesting and don't care. Or maybe you find it vulgar and don't want to participate in a discussion because you find it inappropriate. I can wrap my mind around that, But the idea that you don't want to answer a poll because it makes you uncomfortable: you're right I guess i don't understand. You're literally only telling a random group of people SOMEONE had that number of sexual partners. I didn't know it was you, I didn't even know you voted. You're only essentially telling yourself "i had this many partners" and putting it down on "paper". Im not saying you have to vote. what do i care if you do? Im just saying to feel uncomfortable about it admittedly doesn't make sense to me. But to each their own. No one should feel forced into doing something, and thats really not what I'm trying to do.

 

[TooPatient]

I wish my husband was my one and only. However that is not the case and I was young with very low self esteem and self worth and thought the only thing of value that I had to give was sex at one point in my life. If I could go back and redo it I wouldn't have slept with any of them. I will say though that due to sexual trauma and rape in both my childhood and young adult life contributed to that low self worth and affected many of the poor sexual decisions that I made thought out my life. Thankfully the Lord restores all things and none of the poor decisions I made had any life long (physical) consequences-which easily could have happened. I am still dealing the the trauma that occurred in my life and am actually gearing up for some serious therapy here in the near future that will hopefully lay to rest the emotional and spiritual repercussions of both my actions and the traumas that happened in my childhood.

I wish you the best vintagelover229. Takes a lot of courage to have gone through this and share. May God continue to bless you and walk with you on your journey to restoration and healing.

LLJsmom-I thought it was best to be honest. I'm at a very good place in my life now-and am very happy with who I am. But that wasn't always the case. I know far too many young women who are doing the same thing or perhaps have done-and are still lying to themselves about the reasons they are making the sexual decisions that they are. One was raped twice (2 different times) and was with her boyfriend and decided she would have sex with him so she wouldn't lose him (and in part I believe because the decision was taken from her the first 2 times that this decision she made on her own) but told me had the other times never happened-she never would have had sex with him. I find this heart breaking because she tells me she feels dirty and worthless (another separate thread).

More than once I was raped while in a drunken state (took me years to admit this to myself) and I feel that men think it's okay due to our movie/media culture to 'take advantage' of a woman since she isn't 'saying no' that means it's a 'yes' which IMO is NOT the case at all. I feel that if you want to enter into a relationship with such high repercussions (kids-STDs/etc) that both parties should know that is a very firm YES on all accounts. Alas many people seem to disagree with me and blame the women. I agree I should have been more responsible and perhaps surrounded myself with people who I trusted more but someone else I know (very close to me) had her virginity taken from her while hanging out with her cousin-her cousins bf and a mutal male friend that she had known all her life. Someone she thought she could trust-raped her when she was blacked out-at 16. She is now thinking of having sex with her bf for the same reasons that I posted above like the other young adult woman I know.

The even sadder part is that the women that I am talking about are unable to enjoy sex since the way that they were brought into sexual maturity wasn't in a healthy manner and it can and will (until they face it and deal with the hurt) impact their sexual relationships for life. This is coming from someone who has a fairly healthy sex life with her husband but if I am totally honest with myself-know that I have issues to deal with if I really want to connect on a deep and spiritual level that sex was intended for.

Sex with those you love is always different than those you don't. Which IMO says something about the act itself. Now I realize this is different for everyone but as kenny has stated so many times in this thread 'people vary'

I want to thank you for taking time to acknowledge my post-I didn't post for anyone but myself and perhaps to help someone lurking who may feel the same way. However that being said I did find it interesting to see it passed up for must 'lighter' reading material.

VL -- I'm glad you are taking the time to share this. I've known many women who have similar stories and the more this is talked about, the more likely it is that they will be able to begin to recover.

 

[aljdewey]

"Yes, and I'm pointing out # of sex partners is not on the list of things that can be used against you, except perhaps if you break your vow of monogamy, which is a different topic and thread."

I'd have to disagree here.

As we speak, there is ongoing litigation because faith-based employers do not want to provide insurance coverage to employees for chemical birth control because it doesn't jive with their moral beliefs.

Last month, an elementary school teacher in my state was suspended because an anonymous person sent her bosses photos of her taken when she modelled semi-nude. FYI, the modelling was completely legal but was asserted to make her an unfit role model.

Does anyone seriously think that some people wouldn't pass judgment about # of sex partners? Of course it's possible to hold that against you. I don't think it SHOULD happen, but I can say with certainty that it sometimes does.

 

[Tuckins1]

Can anyone actually see what number a specific person voted for? if so,i'm screwed
Not really, DH knows everything i've done, so I don't care.

 

[TooPatient]

"Yes, and I'm pointing out # of sex partners is not on the list of things that can be used against you, except perhaps if you break your vow of monogamy, which is a different topic and thread."

I'd have to disagree here.

As we speak, there is ongoing litigation because faith-based employers do not want to provide insurance coverage to employees for chemical birth control because it doesn't jive with their moral beliefs.

Last month, an elementary school teacher in my state was suspended because an anonymous person sent her bosses photos of her taken when she modelled semi-nude. FYI, the modelling was completely legal but was asserted to make her an unfit role model.

Does anyone seriously think that some people wouldn't pass judgment about # of sex partners? Of course it's possible to hold that against you. I don't think it SHOULD happen, but I can say with certainty that it sometimes does.

Aljdewey -- I was thinking of similar stories in the news. It shouldn't be something held against you, but it very certainly is!

 

[momhappy]

I'm not thinking job interview [however, some employers are NOT ethical about asking around or trying to find "the dirt"] although also if applying for a security job [no not the mall security type] it could be used against one.....

while many are now happily married, that does not always remain so and attorneys do employ PI's to get "the dirt" to be used in not only the divorce but child custody cases....and then there is the scary reality these days of stalkers and just plain nasty people out to blackmail you.

I think the real question for me is does anyone have a right to expect privacy at all in this society when we give info so willingly over the internet. but, hey, each to their own.

in case you all didn't catch it, more or fewer sexual partners is of no concern to me....each one makes their decision about that as well!

I get what you mean. You tell your hubby you've only ever slept with him but on the internet you're telling how you've slept with his entire department at work. Extreme example but I get what you're saying.

I get why someone might not put their number up because you may not know my name or who I am but you could say "I saw that post Niel made she is such a tramp/prude"
But still I dont see why you can't vote. No one even knows you've voted.

As for you're larger remark about privacy I understand what you mean. I do still think there's an expectation of privacy as if I'm not putting it all over facieb or twitter, there must be a reason. KWIM

Because some of us don't want to vote - it's just that simple and I don't know why that would be difficult to understand. If others want to participate by voting, fabulous, but some of us may not feel comfortable voting or even have a desire to do so.

I get you don't want to play along. Maybe you don't find the topic interesting and don't care. Or maybe you find it vulgar and don't want to participate in a discussion because you find it inappropriate. I can wrap my mind around that, But the idea that you don't want to answer a poll because it makes you uncomfortable: you're right I guess i don't understand. You're literally only telling a random group of people SOMEONE had that number of sexual partners. I didn't know it was you, I didn't even know you voted. You're only essentially telling yourself "i had this many partners" and putting it down on "paper". Im not saying you have to vote. what do i care if you do? Im just saying to feel uncomfortable about it admittedly doesn't make sense to me. But to each their own. No one should feel forced into doing something, and thats really not what I'm trying to do.

You've demonstrated my point perfectly. You mentioned that the poll is literally telling a random group of people the number of sexual partners that you've had. That's exactly the issue. Why would I want to tell a random group of people something so intimate, so personal, so private? It doesn't matter if know one can see my vote, it's still the over-sharing of personal information IMO. No harm done, Niel I understand where you're coming from. I think that if people want to participate then that's great. I have found this discussion very interesting though and I'm sure that the poll has been a lot of fun for those who have participated.

 

[monarch64]

For those who like statistics and facts, here's a link to the Kinsey Institute's FAQ page, wouldn't you know "number of partners" is one of them.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#number

 

[momhappy]

^Yes, I've read through some of that info from the Kinsey Institute before - there's some very interesting data there. Thanks for sharing monarch

 

[Dancing Fire]

Can anyone actually see what number a specific person voted for? if so,i'm screwed
Not really, DH knows everything i've done, so I don't care.

yes, we know you are one of the 50+ ..

 

[perry]

For those who like statistics and facts, here's a link to the Kinsey Institute's FAQ page, wouldn't you know "number of partners" is one of them.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#number

While I have a lot of respect for the Kinsey Institute; have used the site extensively, and am probably the person who first published their link on this site...

Please note that the most recent information is from 2005 in this section (the total number of partners) and the other information is from 1994 (20 years ago).

Quite honestly, those numbers have been changing dramatically for the population under the age of 30 (or so); which tends to have more sex partners than previous generations. The research is out there (multiple studies with similar results). I have wondered why the Kinsey institute does not identify the more recent research in this area.

Have a great day,

Perry

 

[msop04]

Not everyone buys into the story that fewer partners is better … uhm … clearly.
IMO it's not okay to assume others are embarrassed for making choices that others do not 'approve' of.

...but more partners may make you better at it. Sorry, I couldn't resist!! This thread is cracking me up!!

Uhm, let's not mention cracks on a sex thread.

I think msop meant M&S...

What's M&S … backwards S&M?

 

[momhappy]

For those who like statistics and facts, here's a link to the Kinsey Institute's FAQ page, wouldn't you know "number of partners" is one of them.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#number

While I have a lot of respect for the Kinsey Institute; have used the site extensively, and am probably the person who first published their link on this site...

Please note that the most recent information is from 2005 in this section (the total number of partners) and the other information is from 1994 (20 years ago).

Quite honestly, those numbers have been changing dramatically for the population under the age of 30 (or so); which tends to have more sex partners than previous generations. The research is out there (multiple studies with similar results). I have wondered why the Kinsey institute does not identify the more recent research in this area.

Have a great day,

Perry

Wow. Is it that outdated? I don't even realize that so I'm glad that you pointed that out.

 

[monarch64]

For those who like statistics and facts, here's a link to the Kinsey Institute's FAQ page, wouldn't you know "number of partners" is one of them.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#number

While I have a lot of respect for the Kinsey Institute; have used the site extensively, and am probably the person who first published their link on this site...

Please note that the most recent information is from 2005 in this section (the total number of partners) and the other information is from 1994 (20 years ago).

Quite honestly, those numbers have been changing dramatically for the population under the age of 30 (or so); which tends to have more sex partners than previous generations. The research is out there (multiple studies with similar results). I have wondered why the Kinsey institute does not identify the more recent research in this area.

Have a great day,

Perry

Wow. Is it that outdated? I don't even realize that so I'm glad that you pointed that out.

Whoops, I posted it without checking the dates of the studies' publications. I wonder if they've done a new one since and if it will be published in the near future. At any rate, there is some fascinating material on the site that's fun to peruse.

 

[JulieN]

Quite honestly, those numbers have been changing dramatically for the population under the age of 30 (or so); which tends to have more sex partners than previous generations. The research is out there (multiple studies with similar results).
Perry

Please cite.

 

[NonieMarie]

Those who know me would be shocked at the number. I am quiet, refined and shy...but had a colorful past.

Me too!

 

[perry]

Quite honestly, those numbers have been changing dramatically for the population under the age of 30 (or so); which tends to have more sex partners than previous generations. The research is out there (multiple studies with similar results).
Perry

Please cite.

I wish I could. I did not keep copies of either the relevant studies or their web links. However, here is why I know about the change.

In the last couple of years I have ended up in some fairly modest study periods on human sexuality in part for my interest (i.e. who I am personally sexually fits into a well known and well defined group with known characteristics) and in part to help some others (most people have struggled with some aspect of sexuality - some more than others). In one case I ended up produced a 12 page single spaced paper complete with numerous cited references and web links to articles and papers on a specific subject for someone. Now that Princess is enrolled in college and writing college term papers that would be at least a current 24 page college term paper.

I have extensively mined the Kinsey and related linked sites. I have at least skimmed many hundreds of published papers on different aspects of human sexuality; and in one situation I was focusing on the differences between older and younger adults due to changes in tolerance over the decades (although that topic did not focus on total number of sexual partners). While there are difficulties in getting quality sexual research (casual surveys by magazines and web sites are really not good data); the actual sexual researchers have learned how to ask questions that get to the truth of what they are looking for [for example: What is having sex? Is it cuddling with some breast massage - or is it full intercourse with both parties having an orgasm. A young teenager girl may claim just cuddling is sex; and there are people who will deny having sex unless both parties have essentially simultaneous orgasms no matter the degree of sexual participation and a resulting pregnancy].

Here is my memories of the general trends as it relates to age differences and sexual behaviors in the US and Western Europe.

For older adults (perhaps over 55 or 60) it is on average common for men to have had in the range of 1.5 to 2 times the number of sexual partners in their life than similar aged woman; and that the totals are on the lower end of the scales used to measure overall totals (i.e I would not be surprised to see a claim of an average of 2 to 4 lifetime sexual partners for woman and 3 to 8 for older men - depending on the cultural background). I also note that many people over 55 have been through more than one marriage.

For younger adults (perhaps under 30) there is essential sexual parity between men and woman on number of sexual partners and that their current total number of partners already is approaching or have exceeded the average total numbers of older adult men twice or three times their age. Some of this data (and this general trend) is in fact buried on the Kinsey or directly linked site. I am not sure why they don't cite more recent studies (or at least point out this age difference) on their general information page. But at least they do cite how old their data is from.

Now of course there are individuals within each age groups who have very few sexual partners in their life; and individuals who have large numbers. The overall averages account for that.

I think Kenny missed out in this thread by not building a chart that asked the age group of the respondents: I might suggest Under 35, 35-55, and over 56 if someone wishes to redo it. I believe you would see a clear difference between these age groups in the answers to the total numbers of sexual partners.

I hope that helps and have a great day,

Perry

 

[kenny]

I think Kenny missed out in this thread by not building a chart that asked the age group of the respondents: I might suggest Under 35, 35-55, and over 56 if someone wishes to redo it. I believe you would see a clear difference between these age groups in the answers to the total numbers of sexual partners.

I hope that helps and have a great day,

Perry

Kenny missed out?
Huh?

PS allows only 10 poll choices.
You are, or anyone is, welcome to start all of the polls needed to satisfy wherever your imagination goes.

Don't forget another one by gender.
Oh, and another one by race.
Oh and another one by every known religion.
Oh and another one by sexual orientation.
Don't forget to start one for each country on earth.

Wouldn't want to 'miss out' on every single possibility that every single reader could think up.

Writing polls is not easy but criticizing them is.
No wonder so few people start them.

 

[arkieb1]

9 P/S members got luckier than Lindsay Lohan her "conquest list" is 36 - now that is surprising ;

http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/famous/gossip/article/-/21953444/lindsay-lohans-list-of-lovers-adam-levine-joaquin-phoenix-and-heath-ledger-more/

 

[Sky56]

There's got to be some that she left off the list; she's way wilder than I ever was.

 

[perry]

Kenny:

Sorry. I did not mean that as a personal criticism. Hopefully we both have learned something here. I did not know the polls were only limited to 10 items. Recently I really do not spend much time here - lots of other things going on in my life and I spend minimal time on the internet these days. You have learned there is a difference between the older and younger generation.

As far as your other suggested differences: Except for very strict or very open religions & cultures there really is not much difference in sexual conduct in regards to total number of partners. Nor are there much difference between Bi's, Hetro's, and Homo's. Race either (culture plays is of more importance than race).

Have a great day.

Perry