Wanting but Waiting...

[lliang_chi]

Gem Lots of job dust! Are you happy with your current company? Hoping you find an awesome gig quickly so you get to choose to TTC on your own timeline.

NEL Sounds like we're pretty similar in terms of our opinion on age gaps. Yeah, I'm hoping that J and his sister is more a personality issue and then "conditioning" because of it. It's kinda funny they're both/all (parents included) so hyper-sensitive in their interactions with SIL (and to a much lesser extent each other), that I think it's just "conditioning" over time as they were growing up. Wow, I can't believe you've been painting since January.
OK so funny painting story: I picked 2 paint colors for J to choose from in the bedroom. I liked one but he liked the other, so to make him happy we went with the other. It's pretty much the same freaking color as the living/kitchen/dining room. So this is going to piss me off... I totally should've just picked it and not worried about his input. Sigh.... Might be doing some re-painting in the near future. We'll see.

FPS, OMG boys are SO SILLY. Your DH *does* know how babies are made, right? LOL. Well, my response in that situation would be to just stop using any and all birth control, and take the chance with surprises that way. I think the statistics of falling pregnant (who came up with that phrase anyway?) is like 20% or something?
My DH and I are the opposite, where I love the DIY stuff and he totally doesn't. If it were up to him he'd just buy a house that's move in ready and live there as is until we move out. Me? I like getting a slightly older house that has good potential and redoing the house. The potential of house hunting starts in the fall, so we'll see how our tastes shake out...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

LC, I have a sensitive sibling and I love her to pieces, but it can be really tough to handle her. Your point about conditioning is a good one. That's what's happened in our family. The rest of us have thick skin and prefer honestly, but with her we all just tell her what she wants to hear, even if we disagree. It's easier, if unhealthy.

The paint color story is pretty funny. When you do buy a house, you'll know better. When I was choosing colors for the rooms we're repainting (oh lord, what a process), I did it on my own. I told D that he should be able to weigh in, so I let him choose a color he liked, but I got to decide where to put it. He chose a bright color, so I'm pairing it with some muted colors and sticking it in a dark staircase. He was not amused.

Fancy, I think it's normal for men to feel like "trying" takes the fun out of baby-making. Mine was the same. So I just tracked my O-days on my own and didn't clue him in to when I was ovulating. I have a feeling that he caught on (in addition to keeping an emergency condom, my husband once dropped an entire box of cupcakes while running from me as I attempted to coral him into the bedroom). I think hiding OPKs might work better for someone who is less bossy than I am. Still wishing you lots of luck with NTNP!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I told DH last night that is he really wants a surprise, we won't be using any form of bc during my O days. I don't think he realizes how hard it is to get pregnant when doing any form of prevention. Scheesh! We'll see in about a week how he really feels.

I do love our old house (it's a little over 100 years old) but it needs a TON of work! Now that we're married and not planning a wedding, my goal is to make house stuff a priority.

LC, your hubs is too funny! Your husband wants to keep it simple, apparently!

NEL, DH is now hip to when I'm having my O time (which I really don't mind), but I think I shouldn't have been so vocal with it. If I would have just kept my dang mouth shut, we would probably have had that little surprise by now lol I haven't done any of the OPK's, but I may start to do so in the future. I'm trying to keep the tracking to the FF app with temps and CF tracking. DH did mention that he doesn't like the idea of having to 'try'. We'll see what he really thinks about a surprise when I have my next O. If he pushes for bc, then I'll know it was a rouse lmao

 

[aviastar]

You ladies are cracking me up with your emergency condoms and fickle husbands!

Fancy- to me, surprise means you stop tracking, too. You don't know, he doesn't know and you take your chances with when you feel in the mood. No tracking, no birth control = NTNP. At the moment he's still preventing Seriously, though, best of luck and I wish you patience, it's such a big choice to make and you know how they are...they just can't envision that kinda of change when they are really happy with how things are right now. I think what he's really saying is exactly what NEL mentioned above- he doesn't want to be "clinical" about sex "for baby-making only". I get it, we're trying to keep it really fun and sexy, too. And not only do I feel that's good for baby making in general, I think it will also be really good for our marriage.

 

[amc80]

April - aviastar
May - NewEnglandLady
July - honey22, gem_anemone
August - nysurg
September - StacylikesSparkles
October - Blacksand, lliang_chi (LC)
November - Megumic, amc80

Adding myself. Still not ready but I think I will be by then.

 

[mayerling]

Wow! It seems that out of the ladies that I made the first pregnancy journey with I'm the only one who wouldn't even consider trying until quite a few years down the line.

 

[bobbin]

Nope, Mayerling, I definitely want to have no less than a 3.5 year gap between Charlotte and our next child! At this point I even have thoughts of "maybe we should only have one?" But I know I will eventually want another!

I just can't imagine doing it all again so soon, and DH has just been told that he has been made redundant from August, so it is not even an option for us at the moment!

 

[mayerling]

Nope, Mayerling, I definitely want to have no less than a 3.5 year gap between Charlotte and our next child! At this point I even have thoughts of "maybe we should only have one?" But I know I will eventually want another!

I just can't imagine doing it all again so soon, and DH has just been told that he has been made redundant from August, so it is not even an option for us at the moment!

Bobbin, those are my sentiments exactly!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

You ladies are cracking me up with your emergency condoms and fickle husbands!

Fancy- to me, surprise means you stop tracking, too. You don't know, he doesn't know and you take your chances with when you feel in the mood. No tracking, no birth control = NTNP. At the moment he's still preventing Seriously, though, best of luck and I wish you patience, it's such a big choice to make and you know how they are...they just can't envision that kinda of change when they are really happy with how things are right now. I think what he's really saying is exactly what NEL mentioned above- he doesn't want to be "clinical" about sex "for baby-making only". I get it, we're trying to keep it really fun and sexy, too. And not only do I feel that's good for baby making in general, I think it will also be really good for our marriage.

I agree. I asked him about it last night and told him that if he really wants to be surprised, we'll stop with the bc using during O (the only time we use it). If not, I think I may just go back on the pill. The positive about that is he won't have to monitor and I'll have shorter AF time. If he really and truly isn't ready to start TTC, then I'm not going to rush him. BUT, I am getting kind of sad about dangling the carrot with the talks about how he would be happy if I got pregnant now, as it would be a big surprise. Either you want it, or you don't, but preventing it and saying you'd like to be surprised just really drives me nuts! I told him so last night because you can't have both! We'll see what he wants next week during O. I'm sincerely curious if he'll let us actually be surprised. If he really wants that, I'll stop tracking (or at least not tell him I'm tracking) and let it happen without trying to make it happen or not make it happy...the true definition of NTNP, indeed. Sex certainly isn't all for baby making now and I don't want it to be! I do agree that he is probably worried about that happening, which would only really happen if we have trouble conceiving. Even then, most of the month would be for pleasure only and I would have want us to get clinical during O. Sex should be fun!

 

[gem_anemone]

Fancy your DH is funny. It can hardly be a surprise when we know how it works and when you O! But I guess it would be a surprise if you had been trying for a while with no results. So maybe if you don't tell him when you O next month and take full advantage of him around that time it will come as quite a surprise!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Fancy your DH is funny. It can hardly be a surprise when we know how it works and when you O! But I guess it would be a surprise if you had been trying for a while with no results. So maybe if you don't tell him when you O next month and take full advantage of him around that time it will come as quite a surprise!

He's getting smarter and actually says, 'you're going to O this week, right?!' Dang it!

 

[monkeyprincess]

FPS, if your DH is open to a "surprise," I bet you are not too far away from him being fully on board with TTC. I'm of the mind that there are very few true surprises when it comes to these things, and a lot of people are more comfortable saying they are NTNP because it takes a little of the pressure off the situation. Hoping you are able to fully TTC soon I do think you and Aviastar are very wise to keep it as lighthearted as possible in the beginning. It's only after you've been trying for several months that the fun really wears off, and by then, most people are already pregnant!

I'm not sure how to categorize myself. We are in the NTNP camp, which for us means that I'm not using OPKs or timing BDing. We'll just BD when we feel like it and won't do anything to prevent. My little guy will be 6 months tomorrow, so it feels too soon to actually TTC, but given the fact we needed fertility help the first time around, it doesn't feel right to prevent pregnancy, and we are definitely open to another little life at any time and would be thrilled if we were able to get pregnant naturally. Knowing me, it is going to be hard to control my impulse to try to control everything, but I'm at least going to give it a try If nothing has happened by this fall, I'm planning to return to the nurse practitioner who helped us conceive the first time around.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

MP, my DH is such a weirdo lol...but I love that guy! I think that he is feeling the pressure of being a future parent and I know I've mentioned it before but he thinks we will be pregnant as soon as we say we're 'trying' and have the baby arrive the very next week! He doesn't understand that these things can take some time and even if we do get pregnant right away, we have 3/4 of a year before a baby actually does arrive on the scene. I don't want to analyze things and would really like to just stop using bc and hope for a pregnancy, but not to stress out unless we're 6 months into trying with nothing happening. At that point we can re-assess and go from there. I definitely don't want to be like 'well, my temp is up and my CF is where it needs to be so its time to BD RIGHT NOW!' I still want to stay lighthearted about it and not really stress in the beginning if we don't have to.

It sounds like you're doing the right thing on your end though, MP. If you know you had some trouble conceiving, may as well just see what happens until you really and truly want to start 'trying'. Trying does imply work, so hopefully you get a nice surprise this time around. Do you mind if I ask what you used/did to conceive with your last baby?

 

[monkeyprincess]

It sounds like you're doing the right thing on your end though, MP. If you know you had some trouble conceiving, may as well just see what happens until you really and truly want to start 'trying'. Trying does imply work, so hopefully you get a nice surprise this time around. Do you mind if I ask what you used/did to conceive with your last baby?

We conceived via clomid and IUI after trying for about 10 months. I would do it again if we need to, but would obviously prefer to conceive the old-fashioned way.

Your DH will come around, or maybe he'll just make it possible for a little "suprise" to happen

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Thanks for the info, MP. Did it take you long on the clomid/IUI combo to conceive?

Yes, if he just lets it happen, that would be fabulous! If not, we will wait a few months or even start officially trying at the start of next year. I just want to know where we stand now and that is really on him at this time. No pressure from me, I just want to know, for goodness sakes!

 

[amc80]

Wow! It seems that out of the ladies that I made the first pregnancy journey with I'm the only one who wouldn't even consider trying until quite a few years down the line.

For us it's an age thing. We want 3-4 (probably 3) and I will be 33 this month, so we don't have a whole lot of time to wait.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Thanks for the info, MP. Did it take you long on the clomid/IUI combo to conceive?

Yes, if he just lets it happen, that would be fabulous! If not, we will wait a few months or even start officially trying at the start of next year. I just want to know where we stand now and that is really on him at this time. No pressure from me, I just want to know, for goodness sakes!

We were very lucky, and it happened our our first try. I so want to give my son a sibling or two, so I'm really hoping we are blessed again.

amc, ditto to what you said. I'm 32, so if we have any hope of having three (which is what I want, but DH thinks two would be sufficient), we do not have the luxury of time. I also feel like I would rather go through all of this baby stuff in one big chunk, rather than go through it again after Ev is older and we're out of practice

 

[amc80]

We were very lucky, and it happened our our first try. I so want to give my son a sibling or two, so I'm really hoping we are blessed again.

amc, ditto to what you said. I'm 32, so if we have any hope of having three (which is what I want, but DH thinks two would be sufficient), we do not have the luxury of time. I also feel like I would rather go through all of this baby stuff in one big chunk, rather than go through it again after Ev is older and we're out of practice

Yep, that's how I feel. I'm so used to being tired right now. It would be worse to get untired and then have to start from scratch!

 

[lliang_chi]

Mayer, Bobbin, I'm sure there are other Spring 2012 mamas who are waiting a little while still. Pancake is one that comes to mind. And there's something nice to be said about thoroughly enjoying your first child's toddlerhood before adding another infant to the equation.

FPS, Hoping you and your DH had a constructive chat about what he's comfortable with. I agree with NEL, sounds like your husband isn't very far off from making the jump to "OK, let's do this." And to be completely honest it still is a surprise even when you are actively trying because it's not like you can control your body to say, "OK ovary, release your egg now. Egg, get fertilized and implant. Zygote, stay implanted and grow." What does your DH do for his day job? Is he like an engineer or something?

MP, I totally get where you're coming from with the NTNP given your previous TTC journey. And I'm sure having Ev will help distract you from the TTC-crazy-brain, so hopefully things will be a little more spontaneous. Because honestly life with kiddos is always spontaneous. Wow, 3 kids... I'm tired just thinking about it.

AMC 3-4 kids is ambitious. I totally hear you about getting un-tired, then starting all over again. Ethan took a LOOONG time to STTN, finally did at 11 months. I told DH I want to enjoy this for a little while before we start all over again. Ethan still wakes up *early* like 5:45, so it's not all happy snoozes etc.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Wow! It seems that out of the ladies that I made the first pregnancy journey with I'm the only one who wouldn't even consider trying until quite a few years down the line.

I'm in that book. DH and I have at least 2 more years until we are ready to try. We are renting now and would prefer to own before we TTC.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

MP, that is AWESOME!! Congrats on a first try baby. Hopefully you'll have the same luck this time around, without having to be on the meds and doing IUI. Either way, a healthy and happy baby is what I wish you us all!!

FPS, Hoping you and your DH had a constructive chat about what he's comfortable with. I agree with NEL, sounds like your husband isn't very far off from making the jump to "OK, let's do this." And to be completely honest it still is a surprise even when you are actively trying because it's not like you can control your body to say, "OK ovary, release your egg now. Egg, get fertilized and implant. Zygote, stay implanted and grow." What does your DH do for his day job? Is he like an engineer or something?
/quote]

DH is actually a carpenter and does custom woodworking. You have an old house, he can restore that baby to it's original grandeur! You want some custom shelving to fit your space, he is your guy! I do love how handy he is, which makes our renovation projects seem more do-able. Although it's like the shoemaker who children don't have any shoes; our stuff comes last! Now that we're both not sick, we're planning to get back into the groove of doing house stuff.

He told me this weekend that he had a crazy dream about babies and took that as a sign that maybe we should practice the NTNP method and just go with it. So, we shall see. He knows O is coming this week (I'm basing this off of temp and CF charting, but haven't used OPK's yet..should I be using them?), so I am very interested in what he'll do. I do think we would be surprised either way, even if we're actively trying, because as you said, it's not like we can make it happen with our mind (even though I think he thinks that at times lol)!

This weekend we tackled cleaning the house and starting an herb garden in the back. We had family plans so we didn't get to plant the vegetables, but that will be sometime this week or the following week, at the latest. I'm ready to get our house to where it needs to be ASAP! We had lunch with DH's parents who were watching our niece and nephew for SIL & BIL (they did a nice weekend trip to Philly). MIL kept handing our nephew (who is about 10 months old) to DH and would tell him 'You're going to have to get used to this, so keep holding him!' Lol...I loved it! She also made sure to tell us that no matter what, we're not ever going to be 'ready' 100%. She told us that if they would have waited until they were 'ready', they would never have had kids. Plus, she made sure to point out that they love taking their grand kids so the parents can get away, so between my parents and the in-laws, I know we'd have a ton of help. It makes me feel good that MIL is trying to push for babies on the sly for us though! DH is very close with his mom, so having her there and reassuring him is a great thing! This was a great weekend though!

 

[blacksand]

Hi ladies, I'm just checking in to let you know I'm still alive, and we're still planning for October of this year! I'm getting nervous at it approaches, but also so excited. DH seems to be 100% on board. The only reservation he has thus far expressed is that he does not want to have to ride the roller coasters all by himself if I am pregnant when we go on our planned trip to Disney in December. Lol. I told him if that is his biggest concern when it comes to TTC, we are in good shape!

I've been off BC for several months now and my charting has been pretty regular and predictable, so I'm hoping for the best.

amc, we're about the same age and I also want three. Don't know if it'll happen, but that's what we hope for! I love following your story.

 

[amc80]

Hi ladies, I'm just checking in to let you know I'm still alive, and we're still planning for October of this year! I'm getting nervous at it approaches, but also so excited. DH seems to be 100% on board. The only reservation he has thus far expressed is that he does not want to have to ride the roller coasters all by himself if I am pregnant when we go on our planned trip to Disney in December. Lol. I told him if that is his biggest concern when it comes to TTC, we are in good shape!

I've been off BC for several months now and my charting has been pretty regular and predictable, so I'm hoping for the best.

amc, we're about the same age and I also want three. Don't know if it'll happen, but that's what we hope for! I love following your story.

Awww, thanks! And if things go as planned we will be pregnant together! BTW I went to Disney right after I found out I was pregnant. I had asked my OB and she said I could go on any ride at that point without concern. Of course if you get pregnant in October you'd probably want to be more careful...I guess the main concern isn't the motion as much as the bar that usually goes right across the belly.

 

[megumic]

LOL I thought I was pregnant all weekend that I actually took a test on Sunday. Ha. I finally just got my period, but seriously, I was so so so not thinking kindly of maybe being pregnant. Still thinking Fall for us, depending how the job goes, etc. but really also loving the stage C is at now and don't want to rush to baby #2. Although I suppose it does take a few months to get preg (maybe more...you never know) and then 9 more months to grow....

 

[blacksand]

Awww, thanks! And if things go as planned we will be pregnant together! BTW I went to Disney right after I found out I was pregnant. I had asked my OB and she said I could go on any ride at that point without concern. Of course if you get pregnant in October you'd probably want to be more careful...I guess the main concern isn't the motion as much as the bar that usually goes right across the belly.

I remember you going to Disney right after you found out, and was pleasantly surprised that your doctor okayed all the rides! I guess we'll see where we are at that point. Not even the vacation is confirmed at this point, much less a future pregnancy, so there are obviously no guarantees. I just thought it was funny, talking to DH about his concerns about TTC. I figured he'd bring up finances, the house, my job situation, or, you know, our ability to raise a child. But nope! His biggest concern was the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, lol. Of course we've talked about the serious issues as well, don't worry. But he's on board with all of those plans!

megumic, glad it worked out for you this time! And hoping you get pregnant easily when the time is right. Fall is around the corner....

 

[amc80]

LOL I thought I was pregnant all weekend that I actually took a test on Sunday. Ha. I finally just got my period, but seriously, I was so so so not thinking kindly of maybe being pregnant. Still thinking Fall for us, depending how the job goes, etc. but really also loving the stage C is at now and don't want to rush to baby #2. Although I suppose it does take a few months to get preg (maybe more...you never know) and then 9 more months to grow....

Yeah, I had to take a test a couple of months ago. I was so freaking nervous, OMG. I'm warming up to it now. Not so much today, though, given B kept me up most of the night.

Not even the vacation is confirmed at this point, much less a future pregnancy, so there are obviously no guarantees. I just thought it was funny, talking to DH about his concerns about TTC. I figured he'd bring up finances, the house, my job situation, or, you know, our ability to raise a child. But nope! His biggest concern was the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, lol.

That's hilarious! My DH was the exact same way. Men!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Awww, thanks! And if things go as planned we will be pregnant together! BTW I went to Disney right after I found out I was pregnant. I had asked my OB and she said I could go on any ride at that point without concern. Of course if you get pregnant in October you'd probably want to be more careful...I guess the main concern isn't the motion as much as the bar that usually goes right across the belly.

I remember you going to Disney right after you found out, and was pleasantly surprised that your doctor okayed all the rides! I guess we'll see where we are at that point. Not even the vacation is confirmed at this point, much less a future pregnancy, so there are obviously no guarantees. I just thought it was funny, talking to DH about his concerns about TTC. I figured he'd bring up finances, the house, my job situation, or, you know, our ability to raise a child. But nope! His biggest concern was the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, lol. Of course we've talked about the serious issues as well, don't worry. But he's on board with all of those plans!

megumic, glad it worked out for you this time! And hoping you get pregnant easily when the time is right. Fall is around the corner....

Seems like his concerns are totally legit and I'm glad to hear his mind is in the perfect TTC mind set lol

 

[TooPatient]

I'm not here. I never wanted to be here. But.... here I am.

Been together for 9 years. FINALLY getting married 10/17/13.
I'm in school (will finish 2 associates degrees in fall, 2 bachelors to follow within a year and a half) and finances are already stressed since I'm not working and we live in a pricy area.

I used to want a kid but then decided firmly against after a year of taking care of B's 7 year old. Skip forward to a couple of years ago and I'm starting to doubt not wanting. Now we've had B's (now 13-year old) daughter with us full time since August and I keep finding myself thinking. Then a few months ago I was late (like 5 days!) when I'm usually predictable right down to a several hour window. I needed to start the next NuvaRing but didn't want to use if I was pregnant so decided to get some home tests before calling the doctor. The first test in the early morning was negative. I was surprised to be disappointed! Then when I went to take one more several hours later (right before calling dr), I was super sad to find AF had started.

So we've been talking. And talking. And talking.
I'm not sure when the timing will be right. The only certainty is that it HAS to be after the wedding.
FI is a bit older than me but his family tends to live into their 100's (all but one has lived that long, both parents are 80's and still working physically demanding full time jobs). I don't want to wait too long but I also don't want to end up not finishing school.
I also know that the big companies around here go to the university and hire on site. That would be a great chance to get started. I don't want to miss that and have to struggle to get hired.

I've been contemplating getting through my bachelors (or even just one) and then TTC while completing a masters. Not sure if this is good idea?

Like I said.... Lots of thinking and talking.

I also learned with the wedding that "the right time" never happens. There is always other stuff that makes it seem like "later" would be better. It is so easy to push stuff off for years that way. I don't want to keep waiting for "later" only to find that it is too late.

(I'm 2

 

[gem_anemone]

Hello TooPatient! I'm with ya! I wasn't sure I wanted kids until I found myself dating a guy who absolutely did not want them. I didn't like the idea of not being given a choice, so I broke up with him. I surely didn't want kids with the wrong guy, but with the right guy it seemed ok. DH has always wanted them and I know he will be a great dad. We wanted to wait until after we were married too which was last July. Then we thought we'd wait for our one year anniversary to try. So far so good we're still on schedule provided I am employed come July! It never seems like a "good" time, but having been planning, waiting, and anticipating I finally think the time is great!

Only three more packs of BCP to go!!!! Too long!

 

[megumic]

Was at a shower on Sunday with two preggo ladies. Was envious. While I'm not ready, I did want to be preg along with them. Can't wait til the time is right!