Wanting but Waiting...

[NewEnglandLady]

MP, I can understand why the spotting is a bit discouraging. I know that you're not technically "trying", that it's still a little early and that your expectations are adjusted so you weren't expecting to get pregnant right out of the gate. I also know you have a plan in place in case it doesn't happen within a certain timeframe, so logically you are as prepared as possible. But you're still allowed a moment to be frustrated because it doesn't just happen easily.

I'm having some frustration with my cycle that I won't get into here, but I'm thinking "really? I've had totally normal cycles for 8 or 9 months and now that ready to start easing back into TTC, my body is going to go crazy?" It's just frustrating because I really wanted to take this laid-back approach to trying and if my body is going to be difficult, it takes the relaxation that I was looking forward to out of the equation. I'm sure you can relate to that as well.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Thanks Dani and NEL. If nothing else, this cycle proved to me that I'm definitely in more of the wanting than waiting category.I mentioned to DH that there would be no surprise baby this month, and he said he wants to keep better track next cycle, so we can give it a better try. I guess that means we're not really in the wanting or waiting or NTNP camp anymore. But you're right NEL, we do have a plan, and that plan produced a beautiful little miracle last time around. I just need to stop mourning the fact we will never be that couple who can take fertility for granted.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Thanks Dani and NEL. If nothing else, this cycle proved to me that I'm definitely in more of the wanting than waiting category.I mentioned to DH that there would be no surprise baby this month, and he said he wants to keep better track next cycle, so we can give it a better try. I guess that means we're not really in the wanting or waiting or NTNP camp anymore. But you're right NEL, we do have a plan, and that plan produced a beautiful little miracle last time around. I just need to stop mourning the fact we will never be that couple who can take fertility for granted.

It sounds like you need to move right on over to the official TTC thread!!! As for the fact that you actually have to try to conceive, I think that just shows how much more you want it and how you may even appreciate it more than the couple that has a surprise. Don't worry, I'm rooting for you!

 

[blacksand]

mp, does this mean you'll be TTC soon? Much dust to you in whatever you decide. I hope it will be easy for you this time, but you are prepared either way, so you know it will happen when it happens, and it will be another little miracle.

I cannot stop looking at strollers online. And carseat adapters, weather shields, and snack trays. And looking up breastfeeding schedules for newborns and trying to figure out how in the heck I will be able to pump at school as a new teacher, if I even get a job. Wondering if I should just go the formula route, or if I will just have to stay home a little longer than originally planned rather than going back to work. And how we would be able to afford that. And then back to looking at strollers again. I am absolutely out of my mind. Insanity.

 

[tammy77]

mp, does this mean you'll be TTC soon? Much dust to you in whatever you decide. I hope it will be easy for you this time, but you are prepared either way, so you know it will happen when it happens, and it will be another little miracle.

I cannot stop looking at strollers online. And carseat adapters, weather shields, and snack trays. And looking up breastfeeding schedules for newborns and trying to figure out how in the heck I will be able to pump at school as a new teacher, if I even get a job. Wondering if I should just go the formula route, or if I will just have to stay home a little longer than originally planned rather than going back to work. And how we would be able to afford that. And then back to looking at strollers again. I am absolutely out of my mind. Insanity.

Blacksand, I just wanted to chime in on the formula vs Bf'ing with full time work. As a teacher I'm sure it's a little different, but you can make it work! A good double electric pump and three 15-20 min pumping sessions a day should keep your supply up enough to at least provide most (possibly all) of your LO's feedings. With my second DD I worked full time and wasn't able to exclusively BF but pumped enough to provide about 80% of her feedings and still nursed when I was home. It's worth it!

As for online shopping, all I have to say is that once you get pregnant it's going to increase exponentially! If you really want a good fix, look at the nursery things. Holy goodness it's fun! I'm not going to admit to how much online shopping/window shopping I've already done.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

mp, does this mean you'll be TTC soon? Much dust to you in whatever you decide. I hope it will be easy for you this time, but you are prepared either way, so you know it will happen when it happens, and it will be another little miracle.

I cannot stop looking at strollers online. And carseat adapters, weather shields, and snack trays. And looking up breastfeeding schedules for newborns and trying to figure out how in the heck I will be able to pump at school as a new teacher, if I even get a job. Wondering if I should just go the formula route, or if I will just have to stay home a little longer than originally planned rather than going back to work. And how we would be able to afford that. And then back to looking at strollers again. I am absolutely out of my mind. Insanity.

Blacksand, I just wanted to chime in on the formula vs Bf'ing with full time work. As a teacher I'm sure it's a little different, but you can make it work! A good double electric pump and three 15-20 min pumping sessions a day should keep your supply up enough to at least provide most (possibly all) of your LO's feedings. With my second DD I worked full time and wasn't able to exclusively BF but pumped enough to provide about 80% of her feedings and still nursed when I was home. It's worth it!

As for online shopping, all I have to say is that once you get pregnant it's going to increase exponentially! If you really want a good fix, look at the nursery things. Holy goodness it's fun! I'm not going to admit to how much online shopping/window shopping I've already done.

I'm afraid to start looking because I know damn well that IT WILL NOT STOP!! I have gone to a few garage sales and I have already told DH that if we find a great crib, we're buying it. He is actually ok with this because he knows it'll be better ti find something now than when we're stuck with having to buy all the baby stuff at once. Finger crossed I find something! I know if I hit up any of the second hand children shops that I will start buying maternity clothes...yeah, Blacksand, I am right there with you, which is why I have not started lmao

 

[blacksand]

Thanks, tammy! I would definitely like to try breastfeeding, pumping, etc., My biggest concern is that, if all goes according to plan, I will be dealing with a new teaching position and a new baby at roughly the same time (just a few months in between). So I would be in a new environment, with new coworkers, a new schedule, etc., and it would be rather difficult to ask for break time for any reason. Anyway, I realize the whole plan is somewhat insane, and more than likely, I will have to take a bit more time off to be home with the baby and go back to work later instead. Really, the point is, there are so many factors here that are so far outside of my control that it is a bit silly for me to even be thinking this far in advance. We'll have to take it one day at a time and see how it goes. DH may be moving into a new position at work soon, we may be buying the house we currently rent soon (or moving out of it), and I have no idea how long it will take to get pregnant (assuming I can), much less when the baby will come or what my job situation will be when that happens. With so many balls in the air, I really shouldn't be planning anything. But I am so ready. I would love to be pregnant right now.

And online shopping is already my biggest weakness! I can't even imagine how bad it will be with a baby on the way! There is one piece of good news, at least. I've already decided on the stroller!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

And online shopping is already my biggest weakness! I can't even imagine how bad it will be with a baby on the way! There is one piece of good news, at least. I've already decided on the stroller!

Do tell! I don't even know where to begin my search for baby products! It just seems so overwhelming and I don't want to research things to death lol

 

[tammy77]

I've found a combination of reading the Baby Bargains book plus perusing Amazon by rating/popularity to be SO helpful. We made a registry with everything that we want and to help our budget I've been stalking Craigslist (oh BFF Craigslist...) for exactly what we want. So far, we've saved TONS of money this way and know that we're getting good quality stuff.

 

[lliang_chi]

Blacksand, take things one day at a time. You're not there yet, so the best thing you can do is not sweat these details. But just know that pumping, nursing and having a baby is totally do-able.
Personally, when I needed to tell my manager/director that I would be taking maternity leave, I kept worrying about how they'd feel about it. But the reality was: It's not my job to worry about how they FEEL. It's my job to do MY JOB 100%. If they can't handle covering Mat Leave then they didn't do THEIR job right. Same attitude went for pumping. I told myself I can't feel bad that I need to go and pump, as long as I'm stilll doing my job. I scheduled my day, best I could, around it, that meant giving up my lunch so I can fit a session in, pumping during a less busy time, working sessions around standing meetings, etc. It'll work out for you, I'm sure of it.

NEL, sorry to hear about the frustration of your cycle. Maybe this is a one off. Things were probably very a higher stress level for you with everything happening in Boston this past month. And remember our bodies can be very sensitive with minor levels of stress.

 

[blacksand]

FancyPants, we need a jogging stroller because there are very few sidewalks where we live. We mostly walk (and run) on the canal path near our house. It's beautiful and pretty flat, but the surface varies, from grass to dirt to stones and gravel. We definitely need something heavy duty. I'm looking at a BOB stroller. They're expensive, but I think it would be worth it for us, given the terrain, and I'd also like to be able to jog with the baby eventually (I know it's not safe for newborns).

tammy, thanks for the bargain-hunting tips!

lliang_chi, thanks for the encouragement. You're right, I need to take deep breaths and just wait and see what happens. There are a lot of factors outside of my control here. But it's so nice to hear from moms who have made it all work! I know my DH and I will make it work, too, one way or another.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Tammy, thanks for the tips! I always appreciate advice from Moms!

Blacksand, the jogging stroller sounds necessary, given where you live, so I think splurging on a big thing is a good thing! Maybe you'll have some luck at secondhand though!

AFM, I went to the baby shower this weekend and attacked the mom-to-be. It was delightful! Seriously, I was all warm and gooey and everyone kept telling me that I'm next. Here's hoping!

Oh and funny thing; so you know how there are all of these 'mom' brand things that you don't know about until you're in the ttc or waiting loop? The newest thing I have heard about is the Petunia Picklebottom brand. Oh my goodness lol...I was like 'what the...' when they brought out her new PPB diaper bag. Scheesh! Mom thing!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

FPS, so glad you had a great time at the shower. I know what you mean about being "in the know". I remember being at a shower before we TTCed and everybody swooning over a breast pump my friend got. Oh, and I'm a big fan of the PPB bags, I use one as my main diaper bag.

Blacksand, as a fellow over-planner, there really are things that are out of your control and the whole breastfeeding thing is the biggest one. I think it's good to have a plan (I definitely had one), but knowing that you'll likely need to roll with the punches is key--and it sounds like you already know that. You will be amazed at the pockets of time you'll find to pump. And how productive you can be at pumping while at work. Realistically I think 2x at work may be as good as it gets, but you'll figure it out. I think I focused so much on the logistics that the emotional impact took me by surprise.

We chose an all-terrain stroller for the same reasons you listed. We went with a Bumbleride over the BOB, but they're very similar. I used the all-terrain exclusively until K was a little older (~8 months?) when we got an umbrella, but I still use the all-terrain all the time. I think it's definitely worth the $.

LC, as always, thanks for your thoughtfulness. You are definitely right about the stress. I have been insanely stressed recently and it likely is having an impact on my cycle. I stopped using OPKs, so still have no clue, but am just focused on the next cycle.

Spring is in the air here and I think D and I are moving to the NTNP stage. Still have some mixed emotions this time around--very different from trying for #1.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Yay NEL. I know what you mean about it being different the second time around, but I hope you both feel ready to go forward and just see what happens. After thinking about things this weekend, we're sticking to the NTNP plan for awhile. We'll probably step it up to actually TTC in a few months.

Silly me wasn't even thinking of the fact I'm a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding in August, so it will probably be for the best if I don't get pregnant quite yet,so I fit in my dress. I also would like to get myself a little more toned up. I lost my baby weight pretty quickly, but I don't feel like I have time to regularly work out or make healthy eating choices anymore, and I'd love to shave off another 5 pounds or so and tone up before getting pregnant again.

 

[coda72]

Well, I debated about jumping in this thread, but sometimes I need someone to get input about this other than my husband. Not that he's not a great guy, but I need to interact with other women. I just had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago, and I really want us to start trying again. But I haven't even gone back to my regular cycle yet, so I know we really should wait until that happens. I'm one of those people who never really wanted to have kids. But then we weren't careful a few months ago, and I got pregnant on that one time. I'm 40, and I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant that easily! And now that I was pregnant, I decided I really wanted to have a baby, and so does my husband. But I'm just concerned with my age and having had a miscarriage that I won't be able to bring a healthy baby into this world. Any older mothers here that can alleviate my concern? Sorry for my rambling on, just putting my thoughts out there.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

While I am not an older mother my mother was! She had me fairly young, at 22 and that was it. Until she was 38 and found herself quite randomly pregnant with twins. She delivered two very healthy baby boys at 39. They weighed 6 lbs and 7.7 lbs. They are now almost 10 years old and it's amazing how quickly time has flown by. She had no complications in pregnancy or delivery so you never know!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Well, I debated about jumping in this thread, but sometimes I need someone to get input about this other than my husband. Not that he's not a great guy, but I need to interact with other women. I just had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago, and I really want us to start trying again. But I haven't even gone back to my regular cycle yet, so I know we really should wait until that happens. I'm one of those people who never really wanted to have kids. But then we weren't careful a few months ago, and I got pregnant on that one time. I'm 40, and I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant that easily! And now that I was pregnant, I decided I really wanted to have a baby, and so does my husband. But I'm just concerned with my age and having had a miscarriage that I won't be able to bring a healthy baby into this world. Any older mothers here that can alleviate my concern? Sorry for my rambling on, just putting my thoughts out there.

Welcome, Coda! First off, I'm sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage. The good news is that now you and your spouse know that you are ready for a new and healthy baby! I have heard of many older women getting pregnant and having a healthy baby, so I wouldn't worry too much on that, especially since you conceived so easily. When your cycles do start back up again, hopefully you'll be pregnant again before you know it!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Coda, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must have had through that journey. I think it's exciting that you guys are opening up to this chapter of your life when you always thought it would remain closed. I wish you tons of luck.

Now on to the concern alleviation. I'm on the east coast and I have 3 friends who are 39 - 43 who are either currently TTC or are pregnant. One is a good friend who got married at 36 and wants 3 children. She's 40 and is TTC for #3. The other is a coworker who had her first at 37 and thought she was one and done. Now she's 42 and is TTC for #2. The other is a former coworker who had her first at 39 and is now 43 and 8 months pregnant with #2. All have had/currently have healthy pregnancies and children.

Also, much like asscherhalo's mother, my sister had her first child at 21 or 22 (I can't remember). Fast forward 16 years and she unexpectedly found herself pregnant again at 38. She is now 39, has a 12-week old son and is waiting to ovulate so she can TTC again.

Honestly, I don't think TTC around 40 is that uncommon these days and I wish you tons of luck!

 

[monkeyprincess]

Welcome, Coda. I join the others in saying I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. No matter the circumstances of the conception, once a women finds out she is pregnant, she is a mother, and I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a baby at any stage of a pregnancy. I guess that little baby's gift to you was to show you and your husband that you really do want to be parents. That's a pretty amazing gift if you ask me. As far as your age concerns, I agree that the fact you essentially conceived without trying bodes well for your future fertility. Age is only one factor. (I was only 30 when I started TTC, but I ended up needing an IUI to get pregnant). Because you are a little older, your risk of miscarriage may be a little higher, but plenty of women have successful pregnancies in their 40s. JGator is around your age, and although she had a little trouble conceiving and experienced a couple losses, she now has a healthy, beautiful 6 month old daughter. Best wishes to you!

 

[amc80]

Welcome Coda! Ditto what the others have said. I'm hoping you have a BFP sooner rather than latter.

For those who already have kids, a question. When TTC #1 I charted/temped/OPK'd for 6 months before actually TTC. This time, I'm not sure I'm going to do any of that. I think for #1 I was concerned about not getting pregnant right away and wanted to be sure we were doing everything right (timing wise) so that if it didn't happen I'd know it wasn't timing. For #2, I think I'm not going to do any of that stuff...and just go for it. Have any of you thought about your methods this time around? I do love charting (I'm in finance so data and numbers are FUN) but it's also a bit of a pain as well. And OPKs are fun too...who would have thought peeing on stuff would be so entertaining? I don't know, maybe I will do some prep work after all.

 

[dani13]

AMC, we did nothing to TTC. I think I used a one opk and them tossed it away and we just went for it. Much more fun that way!!!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

amc, prior to TTC #1, I also charted and used OPKs for 6+ months to make sure I was ovulating. This time around, it feels completely different. My cycle did change after having K (went from 50+ days to 30), so I used OPKs for several months to get an idea of when I was ovulating. But I'm not using them anymore and DH and I are taking a NTNP approach this time around. If we don't have any success going that route this summer, I'll go back to using OPKs for optimal timing. The more relaxed approach feels completely different this time around and it some ways I like it, but in other ways it's hard to give up my addiction to track things.

I'm also a numbers person (I'm an analyst married to a mathematician) and I liked having charts. I don't think temping is realistic this time around, though, because I tend to wake up more at night (I still wake up if K makes any little noise).

I say play it by ear. If you like using OPKs, there's no reason not to. But if you think it would fun to try a different approach the next time around, go for it.

 

[coda72]

Thank you for the warm welcome, everyone. As far as charting and using OPK for this attempt, I'm not sure yet. I doubt I'll go to the point of charting, but since the OPKs are relatively inexpensive I may buy a set and attempt to track my ovulation at least to a little extent. I know most of you said that I may not have many problems conceiving, but at my age, time is not on my side, so I may use OPKs to maximize our attempts to conceive again. But for right now, I just want AF to get back to normal!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I went to dinner this weekend for a friend's birthday and met a fabulous pregnant lady that let me bombard her with questions! She is on her second and was talking about the differences in pregnancies, which I found totally fascinating! This whole process is becoming more and more real and that much more exciting!

 

[coda72]

Finally got a BFN today on a HPT for the first time since the mc. Hopefully AF returns in the next few weeks, so we can start trying again soon. My cycles are not terribly irregular, they usually vary between 22 and 27 days. So, with any luck, we can TTC again in the next month!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Finally got a BFN today on a HPT for the first time since the mc. Hopefully AF returns in the next few weeks, so we can start trying again soon. My cycles are not terribly irregular, they usually vary between 22 and 27 days. So, with any luck, we can TTC again in the next month!

Coda, has your doctor said anything about when AF might return?

 

[coda72]

No, the only thing she told me is that it might take a few weeks post mc to get a BFN. Then I should wait until after one normal cycle to start TTC again. I'm thinking that if my HCG levels have dropped down to zero (which I know that HPT can't determine) my cycle should return to normal soon. I'm just hoping I'm correct on this , and I get AF in the next few weeks. I've never been so eager to see AF in my life!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I hope it comes soon, Coda! I am rooting for you!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Coda, keeping my fingers crossed that AF shows up soon for you. You have nice short cycles, which is great for TTC. I'm a big fan of OPK's, but I'm not using any now and I figure if DH and I do the deed every other or every few days, my bases are covered.

Are you planning to wait one full cycle before TTC? I know it was the docs recommendation, but based on what I've read here, it seems like it is safe to TTC during your next cycle. Your doc may have a good reason for wanting you to wait, so maybe it's worth talking to him/her about, but my understanding is that there is no medical reason to wait one more cycle to TTC.

 

[JGator]

Coda, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm 41, and I became pregnant for the first time at 40. I had a MC 10 weeks later. My cycle returned about a month after the MC. We were able to conceive again 4 months after the miscarriage with 1 chemical pregnancy in between. I gave birth to a healthy daughter at 41 in October of last year. I wish you the best of luck, and don't be too discouraged by your age. We had the CVS test done at 12 weeks to alleviate our fears/concerns and were so happy/relieved to find out that we did not have any genetic issues with our daughter. I think there are some definite advantages to being an older mom - we were able to travel all over the world, and we had some great experiences as a couple prior to jumping in and becoming parents.

ETA, my obgyn said to wait to get our genetic test results back before TTC, but we went to see an RE who said there is no medical reason to wait especially at my age. So, I would suggest going for it!