Etiquette Check [wedding invite]

[MsP]

I totally and completely believe this is a case of guys not communicating. She asked him for his list of friends/family and their addresses. He gives her a list of the groomsmen and their addresses. If they aren't known to be married by the bride, then she probably didn't give the list a second thought. He was the only one invited because the groom didn't think to tell her your name needed to be on the invitation. I think it is as simple as that! It would be incredibly rude not to invite wives, engaged partners, and the other half of couples who live together or have been together long term. When my daughter got married a year and a half ago, it was also close family and friends, but we certainly put "and guest" on the invitations where we knew nieces or friends were in a relationship. And certainly the bridal party all had their SO's there!

He needs to ask the groom. So easy to say: Miss P's name was not on my invitation. Was that an oversight or are you not inviting the love of my life... just kidding...insert whatever words work for you!

This very well might be the case, but well... still. What if it was intentional and you say that?

 

[amc80]

But of course,I support your right to invite whom you want to your wedding. It's your wedding and you should do what you feel is right/best. Just don't be surprised when people get hurt and relationships may be forever changed.

Agreed....if I'm going to make a decision, I have to deal with the consequences. We chose to have a destination wedding and invite everyone, partially to avoid the "should we invite this person or not" issue. Destination weddings are great- they have built in head count filters. You can invite just about everyone you can think of, and only a small number of people will go. Of course, that's the flip side, you have to accept that some important people might not make it.

Ugh, that's why I hate getting DW invites. The invite feels a little insincere.

It's not like we invited people we wouldn't be happy to have. We just didn't have to decide, for example, if all cousins were invited...or relatives we hadn't seen in years. I didn't invite coworkers, other than a handful of those I consider friends. We kept the list to "people we would ideally want there and who mean a lot to us" but didn't have to make the hard decisions "well, if we invite this cousin, we have to invite this one, so let's invite neither."

We are probably going to leave well enough alone. Say nothing. Do nothing. SO will go. I'll buy myself a Mulholland bag I've been wanting and cry my sorrows into some high end leather goods. hah.

You should do a girls' spa weekend or something like that! Bet you don't even think about the wedding...

 

[tammy77]

Then they look INCREDIBLY bad and hopefully they think twice next time, at minimum.

 

[allycat0303]

MissP,

I think you handled it EXACTLY right. Honestly, I don't think it was a mistake. People don't those kinds of mistakes. If your man is in the wedding party, then the groom knows who he is dating, and how important it is. I don't think she's the nicest or classiest of brides, but I also think that bringing it up puts her in a position of having to invite you, and you can bet your life she'll be talking about so-and-so's SO that demanded an invite. I would much rather spend my money on a beautiful bag, then on her wedding present. Don't you dare cry over this! It's not worth a moment of your time, and it has nothing to do with the significance or magnitude of your relationship. It's a party that's on a budget. Nothing more. I think you're being the bigger person by letting this go.

MissStepCut: I wanted to say I appreciated the eye-rolling icon. I didn't think anything in my post merited that, as I did apologize for the typo.

 

[movie zombie]

Miss P, any update? Maybe one good social slip deserves another...just write in +1 on the invite. (99% kidding, of course)

We are probably going to leave well enough alone. Say nothing. Do nothing. SO will go. I'll buy myself a Mulholland bag I've been wanting and cry my sorrows into some high end leather goods. hah.

Fact is I'm offended but I *know* that if it's brought up they will claim it's a mistake or some such and invite me. I won't believe that it's a mistake (I mean, I got no STD...that was addressed to SO only...and I just saw the groom) and I probably wouldn't attend anyways. So what's the point? Just leave it alone. SO is totally up to jokingly questioning his friend why the no +1 or why I got no invite, but I just don't see it'd do any good. Damage done.

I'm sure this will come up at some point because I'm not the best at "letting sleeping dogs lie".

But for now, I think it's best.

you made the right decision although given the nasty things happening in the world i'm not sure this ranks as one of the ones to cry about. enjoy your bag. enjoy your weekend. get together with friends you don't have much time for. go out of town yourself. just don't feel sorry for yourself or get into vengence mode. life is too short and in the scope of things this is rather trivial. i'm betting you'd have been bored at the event anyway....your SO would be busy within the wedding party as he should be. however, i'm also betting that after the wedding he doesn't stay in touch with his friend in the same way. think of all the good karma you're creating for yourself by rising above this!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I totally and completely believe this is a case of guys not communicating. She asked him for his list of friends/family and their addresses. He gives her a list of the groomsmen and their addresses. If they aren't known to be married by the bride, then she probably didn't give the list a second thought. He was the only one invited because the groom didn't think to tell her your name needed to be on the invitation. I think it is as simple as that! It would be incredibly rude not to invite wives, engaged partners, and the other half of couples who live together or have been together long term. When my daughter got married a year and a half ago, it was also close family and friends, but we certainly put "and guest" on the invitations where we knew nieces or friends were in a relationship. And certainly the bridal party all had their SO's there!

He needs to ask the groom. So easy to say: Miss P's name was not on my invitation. Was that an oversight or are you not inviting the love of my life... just kidding...insert whatever words work for you!

This very well might be the case, but well... still. What if it was intentional and you say that?

Well, then they would deserve the uncomfortable moment in having to explain. I personally don't need "friends" that inconsiderate, and since we'd probably never see them again, I think the best decision would be for him to decline to be in the wedding. Why should he spend $1000+++ on clothes, bachelor party, flying to wedding, clothes, gift, etc. and not even have a date for the weekend??? That is crazy rude!

I still think it may be what I said before. The girls mom is using the STD address list for the wedding invitations and there's just no one noticing the mistake.

 

[distracts]

I think there is a chance that it was a mistake and perhaps a greater chance that it was intentional. But if they are not inviting members of long-standing relationships, or even plain plus-ones, trust me that you will not be the only person to ask them about it. If they can't handle it well, then they obviously should not have made the choice they did. If it's going to keep bugging you, ask them.

 

[ladypirate]

I totally and completely believe this is a case of guys not communicating. She asked him for his list of friends/family and their addresses. He gives her a list of the groomsmen and their addresses. If they aren't known to be married by the bride, then she probably didn't give the list a second thought. He was the only one invited because the groom didn't think to tell her your name needed to be on the invitation. I think it is as simple as that! It would be incredibly rude not to invite wives, engaged partners, and the other half of couples who live together or have been together long term. When my daughter got married a year and a half ago, it was also close family and friends, but we certainly put "and guest" on the invitations where we knew nieces or friends were in a relationship. And certainly the bridal party all had their SO's there!

He needs to ask the groom. So easy to say: Miss P's name was not on my invitation. Was that an oversight or are you not inviting the love of my life... just kidding...insert whatever words work for you!

This very well might be the case, but well... still. What if it was intentional and you say that?

Well, then they would deserve the uncomfortable moment in having to explain. I personally don't need "friends" that inconsiderate, and since we'd probably never see them again, I think the best decision would be for him to decline to be in the wedding. Why should he spend $1000+++ on clothes, bachelor party, flying to wedding, clothes, gift, etc. and not even have a date for the weekend??? That is crazy rude!

I still think it may be what I said before. The girls mom is using the STD address list for the wedding invitations and there's just no one noticing the mistake.

Absolutely ditto on this--they should be the ones feeling uncomfortable in this situation, not you! So freaking ridiculous. I understand that people are trying to be thrifty, but at the same time not inviting the long-established girlfriend of a groomsman is so beyond inappropriate.

 

[slksapphire]

MissP,

i think you are handling this by taking the high road. bravo! although i would never make this kind of decision (would switch venues, serve cheaper drinks, etc), to each his/her own.

wrt to these kinds of decisions, i think it's important to make a decision and then apply it consistently, without exceptions. how would you feel if you knew that ONLY married spouses were invited, absolutely NO SO's, fiances, etc? stinks, but at least you were being treated fairly. if this weren't the case, i'd be pretty upset, too.

in any event, enjoy your bag!