Surprise Pregnancy WWYD?

[Pandora II]

I would also terminate and wait for when the timing is right.

My youngest sister found out she was pregnant in October - only she was SEVEN months pregnant not the 12 weeks max that her GP thought.

I'm not trying to be mean... I am really interested. how come she didn't know she was 7 months pregnant? didn't she feel the baby move?

Noelwr - the full story is here. Trust me, she 150% didn't know she was pregnant. They told her she was 6 months, but turned out to be 7 when they did the second set of scans.

She was on meds that put you into menopause and was told she couldn't get pregnant, she didn't look pregnant, she was told that the nausea, weight gain and tiredness were side-effects of the meds, even my father who is an MD and had seen her nearly every week didn't suspect she was pregnant. Her GP thought she was 12 weeks max when she went to see him.

I went straight down to see her when she found out and she was suicidal. I have never seen my sister in such a state. Even she said that she had never believed it was possible to not know you were pregnant for so long!

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/major-dust-request.150561/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/major-dust-request.150561/[/URL]

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I really feel for you and know this must be a very difficult time.

What would I do? I would go forward with the pregnancy. There is no guarantee even if you go forward that you wouldn't have a miscarriage if the baby has defects. I would talk to a geneticist asap just to help me deal with the possibilities. Is your husband sorry his parents gave him life? I have to hope his parents are glad they had him! I would also assume YOU are glad they didn't abort him! Even if your baby did have the condition, would his or her life not be worth living?

I've just known many "surprise" babies over the years, and all were dearly loved once they arrived! As someone else said, there are no guarantees with our kids, biological or even adopted. You can't prevent all the heartache children can bring no matter what tests you have done. In spite of some heartache along the way, I cannot imagine not having any of my children. A person would not be able to ever have children if they wanted 100% guarantees that they would be perfectly healthy and never have problems. I know sometimes babies come as a surprise, but I don't believe they are accidents. Also, adoption is a beautiful thing for those who absolutely cannot keep a baby.

Take care. I hope you will have peace with the decision you make. I will be praying for you!

 

[Deelight]

*hug*

No idea what I'd do, so all I can offer are hugs and support. (For the record, both of those are plentiful.)

*hug*

Ditto this it would be hard for me to say not being in that position I have no idea what I would do as it is easy to make a choice when your not faced with the reality of the situation. I can understand the argument either way. Personally the monetary issue wouldn't worry me so much but the possibility of passing on a genetic disease would be the kicker for me - it is not an easy choice to make

*HUGS*

 

[meresal]

I have been wavering on whether or not to reply, because this is a very personal choice, but since I have been in the "surprise pregnany" boat before, I thouhgt I might a well share our 2 deciding reasons for continuing with the pregnancy...

First. We had the funds to raise a child.
Last. We always knew we wanted to have children, just not that soon. We looked forward, and said to ourselves, if we gave up this pregnancy and for some reason could never have children when we were "ready", would we look back with regrets. Both my DH and I answered that with a definite Yes. Our decision was made at that point.

My situation is different than yours though, since you and your DH never wanted to produce your own child in the general sense, due to the medical issues. I have no idea what I would do in your situation, but I can only imagine how scared you are for this child's future life.

I wish you and your DH the best in making this very tough decision. You know will know what is right for you both.

 

[partgypsy]

Personally If I was in that situation I probably would not continue the pregnancy (having a child with a life threatening genetic disability would seriously concern me, as it must for you as you have considered alternate methods of conception to avoid this). But no one can make this decision for you; so it is really immaterial what other people think, since they do not live your life.
Hugs

 

[basil]

Probably I would get the test done ASAP and run the risk of terminating at 14 weeks. I think if the knowledge that the child did not have the disease would change your decision, then I would wait to know.

The other thing to consider, with genetic diseases such as the one you are talking about, is that gene therapy is a field which is advancing VERY rapidly. By the time your child gets to the age where aortic dissection would be a risk, it might not be a risk - there might be a cure. And the treatments for the eye problems have advanced a lot in the last 20 years too. So your child's experience would not necessarily mirror that of your husband's.

 

[jstarfireb]

I can't tell you what YOU should do, but I can tell you what I personally would do, and that would be to terminate, without a doubt. The genetic disorder does complicate things, but even without that being on the table, my decision would be the same. The grain of salt here is that I actually don't want to have children ever in my lifetime. But even if I did, I'm in pretty much the same professional and financial situation as you, so I can empathize. I think it's important to wait until the timing is right, or if there is no "right," at least better than it is now.

As for the genetic issue, it sounds like your husband has Marfan's syndrome, which is usually inherited as an autosomal dominant trait. That means that your child would have a 50% chance of inheriting the disease. You sound quite educated about it, so I'm sure you know this already. But for others reading and contemplating this...realize that the chance of inheriting this disease is not at all trivial. To put this into perspective, the chance of a 45 year-old woman giving birth to a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 25...far less than the odds we're talking about here.

This link is a bit controversial, but here is a website that you may find helpful if you choose to exercise your right to terminate the pregnancy. It's a collection of women's stories of how abortion did not leave them emotionally scarred or guilt-ridden. Just know that despite the majority of people saying they would continue the pregnancy, there are women out here who would support a decision to terminate 100%.
http://www.imnotsorry.net/

 

[Dreamer_D]

Probably I would get the test done ASAP and run the risk of terminating at 14 weeks. I think if the knowledge that the child did not have the disease would change your decision, then I would wait to know.

The other thing to consider, with genetic diseases such as the one you are talking about, is that gene therapy is a field which is advancing VERY rapidly. By the time your child gets to the age where aortic dissection would be a risk, it might not be a risk - there might be a cure. And the treatments for the eye problems have advanced a lot in the last 20 years too. So your child's experience would not necessarily mirror that of your husband's.

These are my thoughts too. A 50/50 odds ratio is not enough for me to opt to terminate without all the information, and though we have emotional issues around terminating at 14 weeks as opposed to 4-5, the result is the same and I would personally risk the extra emotional turmoil on the chance that I had an unaffected child.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Anon: You haven't been around to respond, and I'll bet you're doing some serious heart/soul searching. Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and sending positive, decision-making, caring vibes your way. I hope you and your DH are doing as well as can be given the these tough circumstances. It's a rough spot to be in, for sure. Take care of yourself!

 

[Kay]

Anon, I am sending you hugs and support as you make this difficult decision. None of us can make the decision for you, but since you asked what we would do, personally, if the genetic condition really is the determinative factor in whether or not you want to continue the pregnancy, then I would have the test done as early as possible and make the decision then. If it is just not the right time for a multitude of factors, then I would terminate now.

Our situation is different because DH and I were ready for children, but with both pregnancies we delayed telling people about the pregnancies until after 18 weeks when we had the amnio results back, just in case. Up to that point, I just tried not to get too attached, which is easier said than done.

 

[sympathy]

Anon,

I am also going anonymous for this one...and I am sorry I am late seeing your post--but I wanted to express my heartfelt sympathy as to what you're going through. I found myself in a similar situation back in mid-May 2010. I was newly married, was on birth control, had been out of work for a long time, was virtually broke, living in a tiny one-bedroom rental with my husband and I had JUST gotten a new position to begin in fewer than two weeks. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant (I am policystic and would often go longer than a month without a period).

After many many tears (and tears later on), my husband and I decided that the termination was the most responsible thing for us to do at that time. We do want to have children eventually but in addition to all the other negative issues I listed above, I had had an MRI about two weeks prior, had just gone through a bit of a smoking/drinking bender of a weekend after finding out I was getting a new job and was concerned in general as to what I would do about my future, especially because I am in tremendous educational debt and had not yet had an opportunity to make any money in my chosen profession. I was set to be working for a company with about 10 employees and I would definitely lose the position if and when they found out I was pregnant (and no, that's not actually actionable discrimination where I live...and, in fact, before hiring me full-time, my boss point blank asked me if I was pregnant).

I am still very sad that I was in the position where we had to make that decision but I know it was the right one for myself and for my relationship with my husband. I know I will always think of what could have been (my husband will too), but I am hopeful that when we are ready, we will be giving a much better life to a child we plan for.

If you have any questions about my experience or want to talk, please let me know. I hope you and your husband are feeling at peace with whatever decision you have made.

Many hugs...

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Anon and Sympathy, I'm sending T&P and lots of hugs in your respective directions.....

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Since you are posting this question I think you do not want to terminate. You and your DH have had a plan and now that is all shot to heck. Which is scary. But it seems to me that you two are trying to control the uncontrollable. Yes medical science may have been able to help you and your DH have a child that is free of DH's disease but that's not to say that your child would not lead a medically challenged life with some other affliction. That's just the risk you take when you become parents. Which, again, is scary but you can't be so afraid of something going wrong that you don't embrace life and it's challenges.

Good luck to you.

I disagree. It may be that she does want to terminate and is having a tough time with the decision. I don't know what the OP truly wants. Since she asked WWYD - I would have an abortion. I in no way believe the statement that life doesn't throw at us more than we can handle. "Life" is not some higher power. "Life" is what we choose to make of it and if we can't handle something then that is okay. I look at it this way. If the child has the condition, what would be worse, aborting it before it's even a person or watching it grow up only to pass before ever really having a life?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

To the OP:

If I were in your shoes, I would terminate. The health risks alone would not be worth it to me. Whatever you do I wish you luck and peace with your decision.