How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-Ring

[yssie]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

As for your situation, it sounds like you don't see the value in buying an engagement ring, so this really is a conversation that I think you should be having with your SO rather than us. I think it really doesn't matter what any of us did, or why we made our decision. What matters is that the two of you do whatever suits both of your comforts, desires, value systems, and beliefs.

That's a very good point you make, Haven. By the way, I think well-cut diamonds are absolutely beautiful -- I only wish they didn't cost so much That actually sums up the internal struggle I'm having...To give more context, I (intentionally) live a very frugal lifestyle in an (unfortunately) expensive part of the country. Being frugal is not just about being cheap -- it's about focusing resources on the most important (often non-material) things and realizing that possessing things doesn't necessarily make one happier, unless needed for survival. The question I'm asking myself is how an engagement ring fits into our beliefs, as you said.

As a guy, I feel like society (or more precisely deBeers) has created an expectation that a diamond is the best way to show love. But really, most girls seemed to be concerned what their friends and family might think. From a minimalist standpoint, that isn't a good reason to spend so much money. Isn't it more loving to pay off the student loans of your betrothed?

I guess if I were a girl, I'd want a nice ring as a symbol of my husband's love for me. (I've purchased diamond jewelry for her before (she didn't ask for it) and she loves it, but I don't know how important a ring is to her...) Sorry for the stream of consciousness here...but I guess I should figure out what she wants...lol! back to what you (and others) said!

I reckon you should have a chat with her and bring this up, I think most women would much rather this and a plain band (or maybe one with a little sparkle ) than a big honking rock!

 

[lyra]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Honestly, when we got engaged 27 years ago, it was one month's salary, slightly less. When I got my 25 year upgrade, again it was one month's salary, slightly less. In both cases it was adequate. No we didn't take a loan out for either, although I'm not opposed to people taking out a loan that can be repaid within one year. Better not to do that, but it's for the long term.

 

[gemgirl]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

You mentioned "keeping up with societal norms", and keeping up with what's customary or societal norms is something my husband was always firmly against. He's a no boundaries, free spirit kind of guy. On top of that, he doesn't save money. So our story is different, and in fact I think every couples' story is unique to them and their life situation. The diamond mounting for my e-ring cost about a day and a half of his pay, and in the center there was a CZ. I bought my own diamond a year and a half after we were married. Very untraditional, I know.

We didn't take out loans for anything. We had a destination wedding alone (just he and I) and we paid for everything before we left.

 

[packrat]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

He bought me my first ering from Kay's for probably 1/2 a weeks take home pay. Had issues w/it they wouldn't fix, so I bought myself a new one about a week before we got married, spending about a weeks take home on it. Then 8 years later I bought a colored stone and had a new ering made, and spent about 2 weeks of his pay. There's another one in my future, and that will be less. He makes more now than he did back then..my first ring was $150..less even, I can't remember exactly. We didn't talk about it before hand-I knew he couldn't afford much, and I didn't expect him to take out a loan or something.

Our wedding was paid by my parents, *very* plain and simple. We went on our honeymoon for our 1 year anniversary and it was dumb and cost a lot more than we thought. Got my picture taken w/a pelican. Then a few months later my parents took us to Vegas w/them for about 5 days, so we consider that our real honeymoon. Got my picture taken w/Ferengi. We paid for part of that trip, they paid for most of it.

 

[Haven]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I can relate to your conundrum, boredstiff. My husband and I purposely live pretty far below our means, and we definitely don't like to own many things and we aren't typically impressed by material things. In fact, my car and my engagement ring are pretty much worth the same exact amount of money, and the only thing I'm interested in ever upgrading is my diamond.

The really cool thing about people is that we are, all of us, enigmas. Our desires and beliefs may seem to contradict each other, but that's okay. We're human, and that's what makes us interesting. If we fit easily into little, labeled boxes, decisions might be easier to make, but life would be boring. You can be frugal, yet still propose with a diamond ring. You can be spiritual, yet still delight in a beautiful and expensive piece of jewelry.

 

[slg47]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

my BF spent 2-3 months salary. This was an amount he felt comfortable with. We did not take out any loans for this. I helped him pick out the ring and was very mindful of the budget when doing so (i.e. I did not say get me a 2 carat!!!) I think whatever amount of money you want to spend is fine as long as it doesn't put you into debt.

My BF thinks it is kind of a waste to spend so much on something so small, but he realizes he will only have to do it once and I will wear it for the rest of my life. It is sort of a silly custom but if your GF has grown up wanting one then I suggest you get her one and you don't need to spend a lot of money on it, just whatever you feel comfortable with...however if you spend $500 on it and then spend $20000 on something that is ONLY for you, she might feel a little offended.

 

[FrekeChild]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

The stone was about 1/10 of his monthly salary. The setting was about 1/4 of his monthly salary. Yeah. And he is a poor grad student. The stone is a colored stone and the setting was custom. Total? Around 2 week's salary.

No loans for the ring.

My dad paid for the wedding.

I say pay what you're comfortable with, but don't go so little so that you appear cheap. My ring was cheaper than all of my friend's erings...and it is much bigger. I do love me some colored stones!

ETA: I should also mention that I have something silly like 10 "erings" but that's my issue. I have only one *real* ering.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I agree that what we spent is irrelevant. I don't consider my diamond's size an indicator of my husband's regard for me. What matters to me is that he spent A LOT of time making sure I got the best diamond for his budget (whatever that budget was) and making sure that I would be happy with it.

It sounds to me that A) you've listened to her comments about others rings and B) have done your research. I think you're good to go. Unless she wants a fancy (non-round brilliant) or has cultural reasons for wanting D IF I can't think of anyone would be disappointed with a MWM and an eyeclean G.

I think spending close to 10K is very reasonable, and wanting to pay off her student loans is smart and yes, very loving.

If you want to keep things a surprise, I think you are fine. If you want to talk to her about it... well, there are ways to bring it up without completely giving away your surprise. If she has a friend or sister you trust you can ask them to gently question her on her desires and see what she says.

 

[that_someone_special]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Way less than a month. Like a weeks salary (my original .70 OEC)

He paid by credit card for points, and then paid it off when the bill came.

We were planning on spending more, but he had lost his job the previous year and dipped into savings... it just didn't make sense. At the time I was a little upset, but now I am glad we didn't over spend.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

B. One to two months salary

It was only this much because we did the ring custom and the setting twice. Plus DH is very color sensitive, so my main stone is an E, while the side stones are D - both vs1.

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring? Absolutely not, nor would we.

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon? Nope, and we paid for it ourselves.

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon? Not at all. All was a wonderful experience, we spent what we were comfortable with, and love the day so much more because of it!

 

[diamondringlover]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

First e-ring he spent less then a weeks worth we were young and poor and it was the early 1980's for my 20th upgrade he spent (we will base it on his pay not mine or our combined) about 1 and 1/2 months worth and yes we took out a loan, we did not take out loans for our wedding, we didnt have a honeymoon and I do no regret what we spent on the ring.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Boredstiff, you are thinking about all of the right things. I do think that diamond marketers want for a man to feel that the e-ring ring is a symbol of a man's love and not what it really is, which is a not-so-great investment

I always think it's a good idea for the couple to really discuss this because it is a large purchase that will affect both of you going forward. How important is the ring to her? Why is it important (again, there could be pressure if her friends/family have larger diamonds and I can understand that)? And most importantly, where does this purchase fit into the overall financial picture? You have to prioritize.

When we first started looking DH's budget was twice as much as my max budget. Now this is a man who is very similar to you: he's always lived frugally, works very hard for what he has and sees no value in material things. The bottom line is that he would never spend that kind of money on a luxury item for himself, but he wanted for me to have something I loved. After discussing our financial priorities, he understood why I preferred a lower budget and we were both happy with the ring and the budget. Some might find it unromantic to have such a discussion, but we were two adults who were about to merge our lives permanently--finances included, so for us it made sense. I would definitely recommend sitting down with her and going through all of your thoughts, concerns and priorities. I think both of you will feel more comfortable having a common understanding and goal.

 

[RaiKai]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

As for your situation, it sounds like you don't see the value in buying an engagement ring, so this really is a conversation that I think you should be having with your SO rather than us. I think it really doesn't matter what any of us did, or why we made our decision. What matters is that the two of you do whatever suits both of your comforts, desires, value systems, and beliefs.

That's a very good point you make, Haven. By the way, I think well-cut diamonds are absolutely beautiful -- I only wish they didn't cost so much That actually sums up the internal struggle I'm having...To give more context, I (intentionally) live a very frugal lifestyle in an (unfortunately) expensive part of the country. Being frugal is not just about being cheap -- it's about focusing resources on the most important (often non-material) things and realizing that possessing things doesn't necessarily make one happier, unless needed for survival. The question I'm asking myself is how an engagement ring fits into our beliefs, as you said.

As a guy, I feel like society (or more precisely deBeers) has created an expectation that a diamond is the best way to show love. But really, most girls seemed to be concerned what their friends and family might think. From a minimalist standpoint, that isn't a good reason to spend so much money. Isn't it more loving to pay off the student loans of your betrothed?

I guess if I were a girl, I'd want a nice ring as a symbol of my husband's love for me. (I've purchased diamond jewelry for her before (she didn't ask for it) and she loves it, but I don't know how important a ring is to her...) Sorry for the stream of consciousness here...but I guess I should figure out what she wants...lol! back to what you (and others) said!

Then you need to talk to her to see if her beliefs are the same as yours on this and find out if a diamond ring is important to HER.

Despite being on this forum, I am not into the diamond scene, and have a colored stone for my ring, but some women are very, very particular about wanting a diamond...even those who might not seem to be that into diamonds at all! I have known many of my "minimalist" or "hippie" friends who still really desire a diamond engagement ring.

But, one certainly does not have to buy into the expectation. It is easy to blame society for creating an expectation, but it is not mandatory that you follow them. You still have free choice. Whether that is to choose a diamond or not. I quite honestly never cared a damn what others (including family and friends) outside my husband and I thought about my ring choice. As I said, I did not choose to even have an engagement ring at the time we were engaged for a multitude of reasons (including that I was at the time the sole breadwinner and felt more inclined to share the money for our wedding rather than on a ring for me). After we were married, I did get a ring, but I did not go diamond (and indeed, even my sapphire is lab created - sacrilege on these forums, ha!) for my own personal reasons, beliefs, priorities, financial preferences, and so on. Oh, and I would have loved to have had my student loans paid off, but that would have far, far, far exceeded my yearly salary x2! My rings were far more affordable!

 

[TooPatient]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Personally, I'd prefer the e-ring of my dreams (so long as it was comfortable financially -- which mine was) than paying off student loans.

If you really want to do something with her loans, maybe buy the ring she wants and use the rest of the budget you had in mind for her student loans. I don't think you want to say it is for your engagement though -- maybe buy the ring & propose first and then you can pay part of her loans "so that she has less to worry about while planning the wedding" or "so you can start your life together without debt".


But that is my opinion -- her opinion may be very different.

 

[lyra]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon?

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon?

Sorry if these questions are too personal -- obviously you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

We paid for the wedding ourselves, and had a small wedding of less than 50 people. We couldn't afford a honeymoon. The thing I *would* regret spending money on if I were doing it today would be the wedding. I have 2 daughters in their 20's. I would much rather see them both elope or do less expensive destination weddings with just immediate family only, than put money into a traditional wedding. They'd be so much better off using the money to put a deposit on their first home. House prices are astronomical here. A wedding is just one day in your life, no matter how good it is. It will be good no matter how small.

 

[movie zombie]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

societal norm re X amount of months salary for an e-ring = astute marketing by jewelers and the diamond industry. your choice if you buy into it or not.

mz

 

[JSM]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

DH financed my e-ring. It is .52 carats from a chain B&M. He tried so hard to surprise me and pick out the best he could afford. I wasn't happy he financed it, but I wasn't going to say anything about it less I hurt his feelings.

Paying off my student loans would have been spectacular, but of course they are way more than what my engagement ring costs!

My cousin is engaged and is getting married soon - without an engagement ring. They chose to spend all their time and energy on a home instead of buying jewelry. I think it's a great idea, and one that works for them. Bottom line, ask your lady! I wish that DH would have discussed engagement rings with me before buying - things may have turned out much differently.

 

[treefrog]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

He purchased the ring with money out of his own savings and I have no idea what he spent. He got an E because he's very color-sensitive, and the stone also happened to be fantastic. We will not be taking out loans for any sort of wedding expenses. We will do what we can afford to do without going into debt or touching money we are both saving towards buying a house this fall. If it were up to me, we would go to city hall and out to dinner with very close friends and family shortly after...I'm happier about the impending marriage itself, not the wedding and all the shenanigans and spending that go along with something more traditional!

***Threadjack***
Monnie, I guess I missed seeing this news. That's awesome. Congratulations to you both!

Treefrog

 

[monarch64]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

He purchased the ring with money out of his own savings and I have no idea what he spent. He got an E because he's very color-sensitive, and the stone also happened to be fantastic. We will not be taking out loans for any sort of wedding expenses. We will do what we can afford to do without going into debt or touching money we are both saving towards buying a house this fall. If it were up to me, we would go to city hall and out to dinner with very close friends and family shortly after...I'm happier about the impending marriage itself, not the wedding and all the shenanigans and spending that go along with something more traditional!

***Threadjack***
Monnie, I guess I missed seeing this news. That's awesome. Congratulations to you both!

Treefrog

Ummmm...YEAH--my thread in LIW has been up since Sunday--WHEREYABEENTREEFROG??? LOL! Go look!

 

[treefrog]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Ummmm...YEAH--my thread in LIW has been up since Sunday--WHEREYABEENTREEFROG??? LOL! Go look!

I occasionally browse in there to check on everybody but given that I'm not a lady and not in waiting, I don't spend much time there. Obviously, I've been missing out. Heading over to about this great news...

 

[monarch64]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Heehee--I know you're a dude but I've seen you post over there a time or two, haven't I?

 

[treefrog]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Heehee--I know you're a dude but I've seen you post over there a time or two, haven't I?

Once or twice... just to keep the estrogen/testosterone level in check.

 

[honey22]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I think you should spend what you feel comfortable with and what you can afford. IMO, if you can afford a 1-1.25ct stone in 2-3 weeks pre-tax, then I don't think that's a huge amount for someone on your salary to afford. If she doesn't want something too big, I think the size you are looking at is perfect. You don't have to pick DEF unless you want to. If you want to maximise your budget, then how about a G VS2 or G SI1 (eyeclean of course).

Actually, I noticed that Brian Gavin Diamonds are having a sale on their Signature line, I believe it's 8% off. A great stone for a good price, you can't go wrong!

You're right. I'm just being cheap. I saw the BGD sale, but nothing really jumped out at me. I think just certain of their diamonds are on sale, not all signature rounds.

borestiff, I am so sorry if you thought I was calling you cheap. I really didn't mean it in that way, honestly. I was just saying that if you felt bad or uncomfortable about that money, I was just thinking in terms of your salary, it's not a huge sacrifce KWIM? If you had of said, I needed to spend 7 months salary pre-tax or something like that, then I would be thinking, hmmm, maybe that's not as realistic with that wage.

Bugger you didn't find something at BGD. I didn't have real good look, just a quick glance. I am 1000% positive that you can find a killer stone in a classic setting (the Mark Morrell you mentioned is stunning and classic). If you wanted to post your budget and needs in Rocky Talky, I am sure you will have a few fabulous options very quickly suggested for you. Good luck with your search. Take you time and relax, you are certainly on the right track coming here.

 

[HVVS]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I'm in the process of looking for an engagement ring. Being a frugal 30 year old guy, I can't decide how much to pay for the ring. I have enough cash saved to buy a pretty big diamond, but I don't think it's prudent to spend that much money on one small object. So can we do a quick poll to see what you guys or FIs spent on e-rings (expressed in weeks/months of salary to normalize the results)?

A. Less than one month salary
B. One to two months salary <<< The diamond I bought, 2 months. Don't know what my ex actually paid for the e-ring. 2-3 months, maybe.
C. Two to three months salary
D. Over three months salary
E. Over six months salary
F. Over a year salary

Right now, I'm thinking 1-1.25 ct (this corresponds to roughly 2-3 weeks pre-tax salary). It seems like a lot to spend though...plus I'll probably be paying for the wedding & honeymoon myself, so that will be extra $$$.

For those of you who picked D E or F *** EDIT -- spent more than three months salary ***, what was the justification? To impress her/others? Expression of love? Picked an F because I upgraded to a larger size, wanted a superbly cut Si2, and the F just happened to squeak into my upper limit. It's a diamond I purchased for myself, not an e-ring.

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring? No, I paid cash. But my ex-husband did get a loan to buy my e-ring, a approx. $3700 .82ct, G, VVVS1, 5.8mm RB of older non-ideal but nice cut. He was age 32 at the time. In retrospect, his having to take out a loan for that at that age should have been a red flag, huge one, since he was a college grad, employed full time as a manager, childless, and it was a first marriage.

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon? No. We paid for the modest wedding and then made a down payment on a house instead of taking a honeymoon. Those were our priorities, as 30-somethings.

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon? Dunno. I lost all track of my ex, lol. I kind of regret the way that the whole marriage turned out, though.

Sorry if these questions are too personal -- obviously you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

type type type tttttt

 

[HVVS]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Isn't it more loving to pay off the student loans of your betrothed?

Maybe. But there might be either a real legal mess or some hurt and bitterness should she break the engagement. I'm not an attorney, but most of what I've read says that the e-ring, unless given to the woman as a birthday, Christmas, or other gift-occasion gift, is a gift based on the promise that marriage will occur. If she breaks the engagement, judges have ruled (at times) that the e-ring goes back to the man. If marriage and subsequent divorce occur, then the e-ring is usually awarded to the woman, because she did meet the terms (marriage.) Now, if you pay off her school loans, and she later says "Oh, sorry, this isn't working out. Engagement's off," and walks, then how will you feel. I hate to be the gloom and doom all the time, but where I live, I see a lot of broken engagements, lots of gold-digging high school grad women with no employable skills and aspirations of having a man support them financially, and also higher than a 50% divorce rate. Lots of people here (like everyone but young women, lol) are starting to vocalize that the diamond ring should only come AFTER the wedding is proven successful, say after a year or two, at the earliest. I have read those sentiments all over the 'Net in the past year, too.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

He spent about 2 weeks gross salary on my original e-ring. Our upgrade was about 2 months of his current gross, or one month of our combined gross.

BUT who the heck cares what we did. If you can afford it, you should buy her exactly what she wants I adore diamonds and love a nice big rock -- it is not a symbol of my husband's love, it is jewelry and my passion and it brings me joy. Worth every single penny and more if I could swing it So I encourage you to find out what she likes somehow. You cannot go by her friends or your friend or anything else. My diamond is much much larger than anyone I know. I am just a diamond nutter. Maybe she is too? Or maybe she would like the student loans.

You are just going to have to find out somehow.

As to the other Qs he did not take a loan for my ring, our wedding was paid mostly by family though we did go into about $8k of dept at the time. I do regret spending what we did on the wedding. The ceremony was the most important part for me, and though our guests had a wonderful time and still talk about our wedding, I would personally have rather not had the debt afterwards, or had a little more down payment... or a larger diamond

 

[yssie]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Isn't it more loving to pay off the student loans of your betrothed?

Maybe. But there might be either a real legal mess or some hurt and bitterness should she break the engagement. I'm not an attorney, but most of what I've read says that the e-ring, unless given to the woman as a birthday, Christmas, or other gift-occasion gift, is a gift based on the promise that marriage will occur. If she breaks the engagement, judges have ruled (at times) that the e-ring goes back to the man. If marriage and subsequent divorce occur, then the e-ring is usually awarded to the woman, because she did meet the terms (marriage.) Now, if you pay off her school loans, and she later says "Oh, sorry, this isn't working out. Engagement's off," and walks, then how will you feel. I hate to be the gloom and doom all the time, but where I live, I see a lot of broken engagements, lots of gold-digging high school grad women with no employable skills and aspirations of having a man support them financially, and also higher than a 50% divorce rate. Lots of people here (like everyone but young women, lol) are starting to vocalize that the diamond ring should only come AFTER the wedding is proven successful, say after a year or two, at the earliest. I have read those sentiments all over the 'Net in the past year, too.

Good point.

 

[waxing lyrical]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

My first set was half a month's salary. My upgrade+reset just over three month's salary. We eloped. No wedding. Our honeymoon was Disneyland.

 

[VRBeauty]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

As a guy, I feel like society (or more precisely deBeers) has created an expectation that a diamond is the best way to show love. But really, most girls seemed to be concerned what their friends and family might think. From a minimalist standpoint, that isn't a good reason to spend so much money. Isn't it more loving to pay off the student loans of your betrothed?

I think the question is... is your GF "most girls" and mostly concerned (according to you, btw) about diamond size? Or does she feel that the commitment's the thing, and the diamond desire is manufactured by deBeers?

It kinda sounds like you're not sure.

You do know of course that the whole "propose on one knee and whip out the perfect ring to seal the deal" thing is also largely manufactured by 5th Avenue? At least where new rather than heirloom rings are concerned? And unfortunately, that trying to follow that "tradition" is keeping you from having potentially important and enlightening conversations with your sweetie...? To discuss, for example, whether...

she feel that e-rings are basically frivolous... thought I doubt it
she might want her ideal ring now, to wear forever, no upgrade ever...
she might want a small ring now so the two of you can take care of debts/buy a house/whatever, and plan on upgrading later
she might want to go ring shopping with you, so you can find the ring that you both agree looks just right on her
She might prefer a smaller stone... or a larger stone....

I know it's not as romantic, but talking about how you see the engagement ring... as a symbol, as an expenditure, and as an opportunity cost (money you could spend on other things (such as student loans or a house)... could really be a very, very intimate experience!

 

[tyty333]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I think your best bet is to get engaged without a ring then work out the ring thing together. She may prefer to get a
really blingy wedding band instead or might choose to go the second-hand market route to find what she wants with a resonable price
tag. It would really be nice to know more about what she would like.