...."Do this and this to improve it and then re-surprise me"....that was basically what my girlfriend told me after I had proposed. I was then told how to improve on it and then expected to surprise her again with all the corrections.
Honestly though - I feel like I''ve lost all motivation towards redoing it. I feel really crushed too that my girlfriend would rather throw away the irreplacable feelings of the first proposal in favor of receiving her perfect proposal on a second. I don''t think I''ll even feel happy redoing it. To me, the first proposal is where the magic is and will forever be. A second one just feels so.....forced.....so wrong. Even worse is the fact that one of her requests is to have the second proposal on film...recorded by a family member. I feel really hollow knowing that I''ll never be able to watch that tape happily. The only thing that tape will do is bring back memories of how gutted I felt when I was told "it wasn''t good enough". I''m suffering in silence about this, since we didn''t annouce our engagement due to the redo request. The only people that know is her and I. This is something I''ll take to the grave with me for I feel I''d die of embarrasement if I ever had to tell someone that I was asked for a redo.
However, I agreed to redo it without actually telling her how I felt. When she asked for the redo. I just said "OK", later on she asked me "Is it wrong to ask for a redo?". My emotions were in such a mix that I simply asid "No", while thinking to myself "Shouldn''t you know the answer to that question without having to ask me?". Does she even love me if she might see me as nothing more than a delivery vessel for a perfect proposal? I knew she liked gifts and romantic gestures (what girl doesn''t), but isn''t this a little extreme.? On the other hand, I havn''t done anything romantic for her while we''ve been dating so maybe she simply feels entitled to this to make up for all of that??? I don''t even know if she ever considered how I might feel about this, since there was almost no reluctance in asking me for a redo.... The proposal is definately something I don''t want us to fight over, yet I''m going to go crazy if I don''t let this out.
I''m so confused about all the possible meanings behind this, but I don''t know if I''m overanalyzing this whole situation. Am I just being selfish for not simply casting my emotions aside and giving her the proposal she wants?? As much as I want to bury it, it''s one of those things that won''t be buried and die - only bury and grow. I want to talk to her about this...yet, as I said before, fighting over a marraige proposal just feels so completely wrong. Meanwhile, while I''ve been trying to figure all this out she''s expecting the second proposal anytime now.......
Honestly though - I feel like I''ve lost all motivation towards redoing it. I feel really crushed too that my girlfriend would rather throw away the irreplacable feelings of the first proposal in favor of receiving her perfect proposal on a second. I don''t think I''ll even feel happy redoing it. To me, the first proposal is where the magic is and will forever be. A second one just feels so.....forced.....so wrong. Even worse is the fact that one of her requests is to have the second proposal on film...recorded by a family member. I feel really hollow knowing that I''ll never be able to watch that tape happily. The only thing that tape will do is bring back memories of how gutted I felt when I was told "it wasn''t good enough". I''m suffering in silence about this, since we didn''t annouce our engagement due to the redo request. The only people that know is her and I. This is something I''ll take to the grave with me for I feel I''d die of embarrasement if I ever had to tell someone that I was asked for a redo.
However, I agreed to redo it without actually telling her how I felt. When she asked for the redo. I just said "OK", later on she asked me "Is it wrong to ask for a redo?". My emotions were in such a mix that I simply asid "No", while thinking to myself "Shouldn''t you know the answer to that question without having to ask me?". Does she even love me if she might see me as nothing more than a delivery vessel for a perfect proposal? I knew she liked gifts and romantic gestures (what girl doesn''t), but isn''t this a little extreme.? On the other hand, I havn''t done anything romantic for her while we''ve been dating so maybe she simply feels entitled to this to make up for all of that??? I don''t even know if she ever considered how I might feel about this, since there was almost no reluctance in asking me for a redo.... The proposal is definately something I don''t want us to fight over, yet I''m going to go crazy if I don''t let this out.
I''m so confused about all the possible meanings behind this, but I don''t know if I''m overanalyzing this whole situation. Am I just being selfish for not simply casting my emotions aside and giving her the proposal she wants?? As much as I want to bury it, it''s one of those things that won''t be buried and die - only bury and grow. I want to talk to her about this...yet, as I said before, fighting over a marraige proposal just feels so completely wrong. Meanwhile, while I''ve been trying to figure all this out she''s expecting the second proposal anytime now.......