Wrong Number Woes..

[curiopotter]

For the last several weeks, there has been a lady calling my house at least 3 or 4 times a day. She keeps leaving messages on my machine saying, "P-- why don''t you call me? I''m so lonesome, I wish you would call me. I cry all the time." I''ve picked up the phone on a few occasions and told her that she has the wrong number. She apologizes and then calls back within minutes. I tell her again, and she apologizes, and says information keeps giving her our number. Sure enough she''ll call again and again, and doesn''t seem to understand that she''s dialing the same number.

Well lately, the phone messages have become more and more concerning. She says she cries all the time, that she doesn''t know why she''s being treated this way, that she got P-- when she was 3 months old and she gave her everything...

Anyway I figured out that the reason she keeps dialing my number is because my husband''s name is the same as the husband of the lady she''s looking for. SO I got on Facebook, out of curiosity, and actually found this person AND her husband. I emailed both of them, and no response yet. I emailed her son, and no response yet. I emailed her husband''s brother or cousin or nephew, and still nothing. I looked up the lady and her husband on Google, they''re both apparently co-authors of some book about caring for your elderly parents. Ironic. Her husband is a marriage and family phsycologist who practices locally.

I called her back the day before yesterday, and told her that she''s been leaving messages on my machine but she''s dialing the wrong number. Then I told her I found the lady she''s looking for on the internet, and if she gives me a few days they''ll get back to me and I can try to have them call her. The NEXT day she calls again! With the same message! At this point, I''m assuming that this lady is elderly and maybe has dementia or altzheimers, and she just doesn''t understand. Today she called me and left just one message, "P-- please call me, all I do is cry all the time. Why have you treated me like this, why have you done this? All I do is cry all the time. I wish you all the bad luck in the world for treating me like this." And then she stopped calling.

What would you guys do if you had this same problem? It''s getting really concerning, and I''ve done as much as I can do to help this person.

 

[decodelighted]

Block her number. Can the phone company do that?

 

[Skippy123]

Gosh, that is so sad and awful. Can you call these people instead of email and tell them she claims to know them? You are so nice to do what you have done so far; I would block her too if you can't help her. That does sound like she has altzheimers; I am sorry, how scary!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Wow, Maria. You''re much nicer than I have ever been in a similar situation.

I''ve had people calling me leaving voicemails (every other day) in Spanish for years, though my voicemail is clearly in English and clearly has the company I work for in the announcement.

 

[oobiecoo]

I had a Mexican restaurant call my house at all hours of the day to confirm my to-go orders... uhhh, that wasn't me! This went on for years!

Your situation is clearly different and a little disturbing... I would maybe chalk it up to the lady having dementia. It sounds like P is her daughter? Its possible that she does talk to P often but just forgets and gets confused.

P is the one that wrote the book, right? I bet she actually does speak with her mother frequently. I'd try to find her phone number or contact the publisher to get her contact info maybe if she doesn't email you back.

 

[curiopotter]

I just feel so terrible that she''s been dialing the wrong number. When I researched those people, I found out that they lived in a neighborhood that was trashed by hurricane Ike. They must have moved and now she doesn''t have their number.

Skippy- I can''t find a number to call on their Facebook accounts. Maybe I can do a little more digging, but I really hate meddling in other people''s business. UGh, I wish someone would just write me back already!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/20/2008 7:28:37 PM
Author: curiopotter
I can't find a number to call on their Facebook accounts. Maybe I can do a little more digging, but I really hate meddling in other people's business. UGh, I wish someone would just write me back already!

If "P" wanted to be found, she would be. This isn't worth torturing yourself over ... or getting into other people's business. If this lady is as far gone as she seems to be ... even if "P" called her, she wouldn't remember 5 min later! Probably why "P" got "lost" in the first place.

ETA: you could also get your number made private (taken out of "information") so they don't keep giving it to her -- if that is indeed the case, who knows??!!!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Can you call the husband''s office and ask to speak with him? I would leave a message that it is concerning one of his family members, that it''s private and that you would appreciate it if he could call you back. I think you are right to try to track these people down. I''m so sorry you have to deal with these calls. I would personally feel tormented by these calls. That poor woman. I would want to at least know that she is ok, even if these are all symptoms of dementia.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

My Grandmother suffers from advanced dementia and it is so hard to reason, explain or even guide her these days. So, I feel for this woman deeply...and I cannot imagine how badly she must miss her daughter, or whomever P is in her life....

It sounds like you''ve done everything within your power to help...now, I''d just let it go. If P wants to be found, she will be.

 

[curiopotter]

So she called again tonight at around 9:30pm. She''s never called this late before. I made my husband answer the phone since he hasn''t gotten to experience her.

"Hello?"
"P-- I wish you would call me"
"Ma''am? Hello?"
"I wish you would call me--"
"Hello??"
"Oh-- May I speak to P--?"
"Ma''am you have the wrong number."
"Oh okay."
-Click-


DH decided to block her number. He said "I dunno Maria, I don''t think that lady''s right in the head."

*sigh* I hope P calls her or even just lets me know she got my messages. I''d really like to know she''s okay, but there''s only so much I can do. Thanks guys.

 

[mia1181]

I am going to agree with others that this woman probably has dementia. I used to work as a unit clerk in a nursing home and when the residents wanted to make a phone call I had to let them because it was their right to do so. I can''t tell you how many residents with dementia I had to let call there families even though I knew they were not of right mind at the time. Luckily it was usually their children who understood what was going on, but their converstaions were often just like the messages you are receiving. Anyway there''s probably not much you can/should do just keep in mind that she may be seeing P on a daily basis and just forgets.

 

[Kelli]

How sad! A lady I work with has a mother with dementia, and it gets REALLY hard at times. This lady does what she can to help her mother, but her mom is often angry with her. I wouldn''t wish that kind of stuff on anyone.

 

[KimberlyH]

I wouldn''t assume anything about the woman calling or the person she''s trying to reach. If the woman calling has dementia ''P'' could spend 10 hours with her, leave, and the caller would forget she''d ever been there. My MIL died of complications from Alzheimers and even though we visited her every day (my husband set up an office in her home so he could be available to her while he worked) she would tell people frequently that we never came to visit, that we didn''t call her, etc. It''s a very difficult part of the disease to handle. And there are other possibilities, like the caller isn''t related to P, she''s just a lonely person who is not quite right, read the book and decided to reach out to the author.

I''m sure it''s difficult to recieve the calls but I agree it''s not your place to interfere, you''ve reached out to the person you think she is calling and they aren''t responding for a reason. Your husband blocking the phone number is a good idea.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 11/21/2008 8:38:06 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I wouldn''t assume anything about the woman calling or the person she''s trying to reach. If the woman calling has dementia ''P'' could spend 10 hours with her, leave, and the caller would forget she''d ever been there. My MIL died of complications from Alzheimers and even though we visited her every day (my husband set up an office in her home so he could be available to her while he worked) she would tell people frequently that we never came to visit, that we didn''t call her, etc. It''s a very difficult part of the disease to handle. And there are other possibilities, like the caller isn''t related to P, she''s just a lonely person who is not quite right, read the book and decided to reach out to the author.

I''m sure it''s difficult to recieve the calls but I agree it''s not your place to interfere, you''ve reached out to the person you think she is calling and they aren''t responding for a reason. Your husband blocking the phone number is a good idea.

I have to agree. At this point you''ve done all you can - and it''s more than most people would have done in the same situation.

It''s always hard to hear someone suffering, and I think it''s wonderful that you tried to reach out.

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 11/21/2008 8:38:06 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I wouldn''t assume anything about the woman calling or the person she''s trying to reach. If the woman calling has dementia ''P'' could spend 10 hours with her, leave, and the caller would forget she''d ever been there. My MIL died of complications from Alzheimers and even though we visited her every day (my husband set up an office in her home so he could be available to her while he worked) she would tell people frequently that we never came to visit, that we didn''t call her, etc. It''s a very difficult part of the disease to handle. And there are other possibilities, like the caller isn''t related to P, she''s just a lonely person who is not quite right, read the book and decided to reach out to the author.

I''m sure it''s difficult to recieve the calls but I agree it''s not your place to interfere, you''ve reached out to the person you think she is calling and they aren''t responding for a reason. Your husband blocking the phone number is a good idea.

I agree. I do consulting work for several nursing homes with Demetia Units, and unfortunately, this is true. Family members come daily to visit their relatives, and 2 minutes after they leave, the person has no recollection that anyone was there. It is very sad.

I think one last thing I would try is google the phone number she is calling from...maybe she is in a facility and you can contact someone there and explain the situation.

Otherwise, I think you have gone above and beyond and I wouldn''t do anything further.

 

[goobear78]

Wow, so sad, but you have gone above and beyond the call of duty here. Good karma for you! I agree with your husband that blocking the number is best. Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[coatimundi_org]

Maria--wow you''ve really done so much to help this woman. It must be hard to hear someone suffering like that--just so sad. I hope P calls her back-and I hope this woman is getting the care she needs! Kudos to you!

 

[Steel]

I agree you have dealt with this very well; over and above in fact.

If it were me, I would contact Social Services & the Police and also block her number. Ring Social and let them know what you know. I would worry just in case nobody was taking care of her, or her condition was getting worse and she needs help. Once you noify them and perhaps the police I would be confident she would get help if required.

(I would not respond to a direct unsolicited e-mail from a stranger talking about my Mother, but one with such detail as I imagine you added would cause me concern and I would respond. It would worry me that nobody has responded - assuming you got the right people. Give Social & the Police a bell and let the authorities know what you know, then let it go.)

You have done a wonderful thing.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 11/21/2008 12:55:53 PM
Author: Steel
I agree you have dealt with this very well; over and above in fact.

If it were me, I would contact Social Services & the Police and also block her number. Ring Social and let them know what you know. I would worry just in case nobody was taking care of her, or her condition was getting worse and she needs help. Once you noify them and perhaps the police I would be confident she would get help if required.

(I would not respond to a direct unsolicited e-mail from a stranger talking about my Mother, but one with such detail as I imagine you added would cause me concern and I would respond. It would worry me that nobody has responded - assuming you got the right people. Give Social & the Police a bell and let the authorities know what you know, then let it go.)

You have done a wonderful thing.

I think that this might be a good idea. I would at least call the police and ask them if there is anything they can do.

I have been working with the elderly (as a nursing assistant and nurse) for the past 17 years, and I deal with alzheimers and dementia all the time...it is such a difficult thing to deal with. I think that it is very nice that you are trying to help this woman. It is so sad. My concern would be that she is in need of some help, and I think it is very noble of you to try and get it for her.

 

[Bia]

Weird...

 

[spike13]

You could try to reverse look up the phone number. Then see if the address is a nursing home or other care facility. If it is, you could contact them and let then know what''s happening. Maybe then they could remind the woman she''s calling the wrong number before she dials.

You could also put a message on your machine that tries to explain she has the wrong number.

 

[newsboysgrl777]

I'm glad someone brought up calling the police and/or social services. Sure, maybe they've got quite a caseload, but if this woman is as sad and depressed as she sounds, she may be a danger to herself and that's where the police really do need to be concerned. Heck, people call them all the time to 'please go check on so and so for me. I haven't heard from him/her in this long' and they go! Sometimes, that's when they find things you don't want to find, but sometimes, it's a matter of an elderly person losing their phone service and not knowing it, or whatever, you know?? So I'm sure it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary for you to call them and explain what has been going on and that you're concerned for her. Also, let them know everything you've done so far and let THEM handle it from then on out.

I do feel for this woman and it's true that you don't know the situation. If it is Alzheimer's, she may not remember that this person did just visit her, or maybe like someone else mentioned, she doesn't even KNOW "P" and just recalls the name, or whatever. However, it seriously, seriously sounds like this woman may not be fit to be living on her own anyway (if indeed she is) and may need assistance?? So getting the police, social services involved is probably the VERY BEST thing you can do!!

Please update us on what happens. Again, I agree that what you've done has been so heart-warming and kind. So many people lack compassion and kindness - two things that probably have gone a long way with this woman, even if it doesn't seem like it. (Imagine someone else picking up the phone and yelling at her, telling her she's calling the same number over and over, etc. Even if she doesn't remember that she's been yelled at and still calls again, the episode would upset her while it was happening and while she was remembering AND it would probably have a negative effect on her health beyond that, as stresses often do...)