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- Jun 25, 2007
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On Saturday, DH babysat my nephews (ages 11, 7, and 5) because my baby shower was that day and my sister's husband refused to keep them ALL day. DH was really nervous as he has VERY limited experience with kids and wasn't sure how he would tend to the boys for several hours. When we caught up later, he actually said they had a really good time but there was an "incident" with my oldest nephew when he took them to the playground. So, I'm trying to figure out if I should say something to my sister.
Here's what happened:
DH took the kids to the playground and was mostly occupied with minding the two little guys, fortunately with a lot of help from the oldest. While doing a headcount to make sure everyone was okay, DH passed the oldest nephew, J, who was talking to another boy. DH heard the boy introduce himself, ask my nephew's name and ask if he wanted to play. DH kept walking, accounted for the other two children, then made his way back to the bench where he was sitting. He passed J again and overheard him telling the child (who was African American) that he didn't like any of the African American students at his school because they're all snobs. The boy asked why and J told him because he thought they were better athletes than all of the other kids. DH let it be and sat on the bench still within earshot of the boys. He couldn't hear some of what was said but a moment later heard J say "I'll tell you what. I do think that Abraham Lincoln did the right thing when he freed the slaves."
DH was MORTIFIED and rounded up the kids and left the playground. He felt awful and honestly felt like shouting from the rooftops that this was NOT his child. In hindsight, he wishes he had done things differently - maybe interrupted the conversation, maybe addressed it with J, maybe apologized to the woman who was supervising the other child or the child himself.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I say something to my sister. My sister's ILs are very vocal about how they feel about certain groups in front of her children. My sister herself does not agree with their opinions (or at least has expressed that to me) but she does nothing to stop it. I feel like she should know that the things that are said around J are clearly influencing him and that he doesn't have the maturity or social skills to filter this information or to know what's appropriate. I feel bad because I think they're setting him up for failure by being so vocal about their beliefs and arming him with information (or misinformation in many cases) that he doesn't know how to handle. He's a tad socially awkward as it is (as if you can't tell from the bits of conversation DH overheard!) and, while this child seemed to just ignore his rude comments, others may not.
What would you do?
ETA - I'm just trying to figure out if telling her could RESOLVE or ACCOMPLISH anything and I guess that all depends on how she handles it. I would hate for J to be *in trouble* and would hope that my sister would address this with her ILs but I obviously don't have any control over what she does with the information, KWIM?
Here's what happened:
DH took the kids to the playground and was mostly occupied with minding the two little guys, fortunately with a lot of help from the oldest. While doing a headcount to make sure everyone was okay, DH passed the oldest nephew, J, who was talking to another boy. DH heard the boy introduce himself, ask my nephew's name and ask if he wanted to play. DH kept walking, accounted for the other two children, then made his way back to the bench where he was sitting. He passed J again and overheard him telling the child (who was African American) that he didn't like any of the African American students at his school because they're all snobs. The boy asked why and J told him because he thought they were better athletes than all of the other kids. DH let it be and sat on the bench still within earshot of the boys. He couldn't hear some of what was said but a moment later heard J say "I'll tell you what. I do think that Abraham Lincoln did the right thing when he freed the slaves."
I'm trying to decide whether or not I say something to my sister. My sister's ILs are very vocal about how they feel about certain groups in front of her children. My sister herself does not agree with their opinions (or at least has expressed that to me) but she does nothing to stop it. I feel like she should know that the things that are said around J are clearly influencing him and that he doesn't have the maturity or social skills to filter this information or to know what's appropriate. I feel bad because I think they're setting him up for failure by being so vocal about their beliefs and arming him with information (or misinformation in many cases) that he doesn't know how to handle. He's a tad socially awkward as it is (as if you can't tell from the bits of conversation DH overheard!) and, while this child seemed to just ignore his rude comments, others may not.
What would you do?
ETA - I'm just trying to figure out if telling her could RESOLVE or ACCOMPLISH anything and I guess that all depends on how she handles it. I would hate for J to be *in trouble* and would hope that my sister would address this with her ILs but I obviously don't have any control over what she does with the information, KWIM?