What''s your love language?

[Gemma12]

Totally clean, I promise!

Another thread got me thinking-there''s a book called ''Love Languages'' that really helped DH and I when we first got together. The author is Gary Chapman (I think) and he talks about five ways that we give and receive love.

1. Doing things for each other (''Acts of Service'')
2. Cuddles (''Physical Touch'') -doesn''t include DTD!!
3. Spending ''Quality Time'' together
4. Gifts (including bling!

)
5. Saying positive encouraging things (''Words of Affirmation'').

I often think about it at work too when I have a difficult colleague-should I sit down and have a coffee with them (QT) or build them up with encouragement (WA) or give them a cuddle (just kidding!).

So what are your and hubby''s love languages?

 

[Rachie]

I love that book! I had to read it for one of my counseling classes and it is really interesting. My FI and I are both quality time and physical touch and I think that my FI is also words of affirmation (it has been a while since we both took the quiz at the end of the book). It is really neat to see how finding out another person''s "love language" can really improve a relationship. After reading the book, I thought about the "love languages" of other people in my life and realized that one of my manager''s is words of affirmation. Every time I see that he is in a bad mood or I want to ask a favor, I try to give him a compliment and it usually works!

Chapman also has other books like this one that focus on children, teenagers, and singles.

 

[bee*]

We''re kind of a bit of all those. Especially the cuddles and the QT. We wouldn''t buy things for each other all the time but if we see something that the other would like, we''ll buy it.

 

[LitigatorChick]

I am huge "words of affirmation" girl. During my mat leave, when there is no one at work to tell you that you are super and well, hubby ain''t saying you are super because you are fat and your boobs are leaking, I felt really crappy and unloved. I realized you important these words are.

 

[monarch64]

That''s a great book Gemma. DH and I skimmed it before we got married too. My language is "gifts" and dH''s is "words of affirmation." So it works well for us if he brings me gifts and then I tell him how wonderful he is. LOL!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 1/28/2008 12:22:34 PM
Author: monarch64
That''s a great book Gemma. DH and I skimmed it before we got married too. My language is ''gifts'' and dH''s is ''words of affirmation.'' So it works well for us if he brings me gifts and then I tell him how wonderful he is. LOL!

LMAO! How can I get Rusty to just understand this??? (Runs out to buy this book!)

 

[Elmorton]

I had a little bit of pre-marital counseling (finishing grad school and planning a wedding = worst idea EVER), and my therapist gave us a worksheet for the love languages. DH and I joked about it the whole time we filled the thing out (the questions were beyond cheesy), but at the end we were like "Doh!" - it really did explain a lot and we started incorporating what we learned into how we communicate. DH is a "words of affirmation", and I''m an "acts of service/gifts" so by figuring that out, we also learned how to reinforce eachother''s positive behaviors (yay for a hubby who cleans that cat box! and all I had to do was tell him how great he is for shoveling poo for me).

 

[Gemma12]

Date: 1/28/2008 12:22:34 PM
Author: monarch64
That''s a great book Gemma. DH and I skimmed it before we got married too. My language is ''gifts'' and dH''s is ''words of affirmation.'' So it works well for us if he brings me gifts and then I tell him how wonderful he is. LOL!

ROFL!

That''s great Monarch, you guys have got it worked out!!

 

[Gemma12]

Date: 1/28/2008 8:43:18 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I am huge ''words of affirmation'' girl. During my mat leave, when there is no one at work to tell you that you are super and well, hubby ain''t saying you are super because you are fat and your boobs are leaking, I felt really crappy and unloved. I realized you important these words are.

Oh, LC! That sounds horrid

!

For what it''s worth, I think most of us would want words of affirmation at that time!!

 

[Gemma12]

Rachie, Elmorton, I''m glad you guys found it useful too!

Bee*, I think we were the same during engagement-I probably needed ALL of them from DH at one time or another.

Hey Harleigh, let us know how you go!

 

[Fancy605]

Strange, just yesterday, I was thinking, "Huh, the love languages book would make a GREAT thread for P.S." and today here one is.

I really have enjoyed that book. Parts of it are cheesy, but parts of it are REALLY in tune with the way people work. One of our friends gave it to us as a wedding gift, and I have enjoyed reading it as a newly wed. Some of the ideas from it have already improved the way we communicate with each other and the way we cater towards each other. It helped me figure out "guy friendly" words to use to express my needs (which he finally magically understands).

Anyway, hands down I am a quality time person. For a while he said, "but we''re together all the time," but after reading the book, I was finally able to explain that being in the same room together and spending quality time are different. We have discovered that all I really need to be happy is 10-15 min a day (or every few days) of uninterrupted no TV no chores no being out to eat no nothing sit down and talk and genuinely listen (And he''s not allowed to try to solve any problem I may vent about from work/family/whatever. His job is to listen and sympathies b/c that in itself will make the problem vanish or at least be manageable). Easy enough! My secondary one is DEF words of affirmation.

I knew my husband''s immediately too when I read it. His #1 is Words of Affirmation followed by Gifts. Since I''ve read the book, I''ve sure to complement him on what he does right even if it''s very small and expected (like putting dishes in the dishwasher). And I try to bring him little practical gifts sometimes (A note I wrote during my break at work, a yellow apple from the grocery store, little things).

Anyway, as you can see by my overly wordy answer, I am a BIG fan of the book. It was like, "Hey, here''s several simple steps to making sure your partner is as happy as possible in your marriage that are SO easy you never even thought about doing it."