What to do...what to do???

[Italiahaircolor]

Okay ladies, here is another Christmas gift question for you...

My SIL has two children from her previous marriage, a daughter "K" who is my age, 25...and a son "A" who is 20.

Since we do family wide gift exchanges, I''ve always bought gifts on the small side but still thoughtful and in line with their personal interests...last year I bought K a season of Full House on DVD, and A a tee shirt and thermal from Macy''s.

This year would be no different, expect that my K moved in with her boyfriend, J. Last year we did not buy for her boyfriend, J even though K & J were together, and J had attended our wedding the previous summer. It did cross my mind to include J on our Christmas list, however, these decisions I leave up to my husband because this is his brothers wifes'' children and I am not particularly close to them and could honestly go either way. My husband made the decision that we should not buy for J so that we didn''t set an uncomfortable precident for J or K. However as it turns out, K did include J''s name on the gift K gave to my husband and I.

So, that brings us to this Christmas.

K & J have moved in together this past summer. So, obviously we will be including J on our list this year...and I have decided since they are stocking their first home together, I would treat them to a lovely handcarved wooden popcorn bowl with their names engaved on it. Normally I wouldn''t do *this much*...but this is their first Christmas in their first home and that is an extra special time for a couple.

However, A (my SIL son''s) is involved with a girl, too. They have been together since the summer of 2007 and it is moderately serious...well, as serious as two college students can be about each other...he''s very sweet on this girl, apparently.

I want to know if I should include A''s girlfriend on our outgoing Christmas list?

On the con side, I feel like my DH and I set the tone by not buying gifts for casual boyfriends and girlfriends that weren''t cohabitating in the past..but now that we are planning to include J, I feel some responsibility to include A''s girlfriend as well. But the problem is, since they don''t live together or even go to the same college--I can''t give them a couples gift...so this would mean buying her a seperate gift, and I hardly know this girl--I don''t think I''ve ever said anything more than "Hi" to her in the past..

On the pro side, no one will fell excluded or left out and I certainly won''t be hurting anyone...

What to do? What would you do???

 

[somethingshiny]

I''ve always bought for my siblings SOs for the simple fact, eventually one of them will be THE ONE and I don''t want a sibling to hold it against me if I didn''t get a gift. I realize you are referring to a different relationship, but I still think it''s appropriate to give to each of the SOs.

I wouldn''t do an engraved gift until they''re married. Who''s gonna want something with both names on it if they split? (I actually know a guy who had a serious girlfriend''s name put on something that he still shares with his new wife.) I am all for a couples gift and obviously your relative would keep it in the event of a split. I think the bowl is a good idea, but maybe hold off on the names. If they share a love of something, maybe have engraving done to represent their shared interest.

For the other SO, maybe a Christmas ornament (like a collectible), a year ornament (for if they do stay together), a Netflix membership, or a spa certificate.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 11/11/2008 11:26:38 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I''ve always bought for my siblings SOs for the simple fact, eventually one of them will be THE ONE and I don''t want a sibling to hold it against me if I didn''t get a gift. I realize you are referring to a different relationship, but I still think it''s appropriate to give to each of the SOs.

I wouldn''t do an engraved gift until they''re married. Who''s gonna want something with both names on it if they split? (I actually know a guy who had a serious girlfriend''s name put on something that he still shares with his new wife.) I am all for a couples gift and obviously your relative would keep it in the event of a split. I think the bowl is a good idea, but maybe hold off on the names. If they share a love of something, maybe have engraving done to represent their shared interest.

For the other SO, maybe a Christmas ornament (like a collectible), a year ornament (for if they do stay together), a Netflix membership, or a spa certificate.

I always give to my sisters SO...no questions asked.

But, this is a very different relationship...these are my step neice and nephew.

K, is an odd ball. Okay, maybe that wasn''t nice...but she''s just *difficult* to be around for a long period of time--she refers to the vibrate on phone as a "viberator" and sent her laptop to Africa after buying into an online scam. Once, I was wearing really cute Juicy sweatpants and she went into this big long monolog about how she would never wear sweat pants in case one of her students were to see her wearing them while she was out and about---and she''s not even a teacher. Just an odd ball.

A, is painfully quite. His girlfriend is even more shy. I''m a people person, and when I try to engage them, it''s like torture. At my wedding, A took a sincere liking to our minister. A spent the entire night talking to the minster about how to heal cancer thru prayer. But he''ll barely look me in the eyes when I ask about school...and his girlfriend is hardly the spa type.

I was thinking, if push came to shove and I get voted into buying her something...maybe a gift certificate to the book store for 10 to 15 dollars? Nothing imposing or large...and doing a gift of equal messure for him to the same place?

 

[somethingshiny]

sorry, I''m giggling here.

maybe a gift certificate to the book store for 10 to 15 dollars? Nothing imposing or large...and doing a gift of equal messure for him to the same place?

perfect

 

[EricaR]

A bookstore is always a good idea. What about a "night out" pack? Give them two movie tickets (I purchase mine from Costco) and a gift certificate to a local restaurant? The parents of my college boyfriend always gave us something like that and I always really appreciated it.

 

[2Artists]

Hmmmmmm-Cocoa? Christmas chocolates/candy? Cozy Socks? I like the movie idea too!

Mrs.2Artists

 

[diamondfan]

I think in light of the facts you could give something easy, not too personal but nice for a college kid. My niece goes to a school that has a great hang out restaurant all the kids love. I got her a gift card there for a little gift, since they eat there multiple times a week. I would not be as elaborate with her gift as she is not a live in but I would not discount her role either.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Once again you ladies have saved me!

I will do something small for her acknowledging the holiday.

I just always get so "stuck" because I have hard feelings, and I love to gift in good spirits...so it''s so hard to think in that state of mind when I''m just not.