What standards of conventional beauty have you struggled with most?

[jaysonsmom]

There are heels that are comfy!!! Just not the brand you posted.....LOL

That is true! I love Bandolino heels for dressy events, and in the summer I wear wedges and wedged espadrilles..... gives you height and balance!

 

[icy_jade]

There are heels that are comfy!!! Just not the brand you posted.....LOL

That’s unfortunately not my experience as someone with broad feet. If you see the diagram below and imagine all 3 trying on size 8 shoes, you can guess which one will feel like they are walking on glass more



Mine looks more like the left and it’s always been a torture to wear any type of heels. It’s sort of funny but I always felt some sympathy for Cinderella’s stepsisters who have big feet.

Used to have a colleague with narrow feet and she never had problems with pain/bunions the way I did.

 

[canuk-gal]

That’s unfortunately not my experience as someone with broad feet. If you see the diagram below and imagine all 3 trying on size 8 shoes, you can guess which one will feel like they are walking on glass more



Mine looks more like the left and it’s always been a torture to wear any type of heels. It’s sort of funny but I always felt some sympathy for Cinderella’s stepsisters who have big feet.

Used to have a colleague with narrow feet and she never had problems with pain/bunions the way I did

Bunions are quite troublesome for any foot/feet across the measurement spectrum. Gotcha.

 

[GCGDanielle]

Wearing contacts.

I had to get glasses when I was in third grade due to my bad habit of reading books with a dim flashlight after bedtime, and I picked out the most atrocious pair possible. Think WAY oversized, crystal-pink frames, and thick lenses. I was teased quite a bit in school (my nickname was actually "The Fly" for a time), and I always felt like the biggest dork and figured nobody would ever find me attractive.

So, once I was old enough, I was able to get contact lenses and I was so happy to get rid of those glasses. Never mind the fact that the contacts could be super drying, and not as easy to see with, I was finally not a "four eyes" anymore! I still wore glasses while at home, but I definitely didn't go out in public with them on.

As I got older, I cared less and less about what people thought or said, and started wearing my glasses more often. I eventually picked out styles that were a little more flattering as well.

My husband actually prefers when I wear glasses, as he thinks they make me "extra gorgeous." I also notice that when I wear glasses paired with the right hairstyle and/or outfit, I definitely get more male attention. Perhaps it's that "sexy librarian" vibe some people are so attracted to.

I definitely appreciate that glasses are more mainstream and less "dorky" than they were when I was growing up. I know it's common for people to wear non-prescription glasses just for "the look." My twin boys also wear glasses, so I'm anxious to see if/when they ask for contacts.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I’ve always been pale, so as a teen I tried those terrible tanning creams that you do yourself. Absolutely ridiculous and who knows what was in them. I looked less Baywatch and more Donald Trump.

My hair is also very fine, I have a lot of it but it is poker straight, so no full beautiful flowing mane for me.

Do you remember coppertone
It was a two pack
sp4 4 and spf 2 !
What on earth was that even going to do ????

I also used this dreadful hair blonding thing called sun-it
it said it was lemon juice based
but it did just as much damage as a bottle of bleach

 

[Calliecake]

I’ve always been pale, so as a teen I tried those terrible tanning creams that you do yourself. Absolutely ridiculous and who knows what was in them. I looked less Baywatch and more Donald Trump.

My hair is also very fine, I have a lot of it but it is poker straight, so no full beautiful flowing mane for me.

You may be way too young to remember this @YadaYadaYada but there something called QT sunless tanner that made everyone look orange. It was awful.

 

[MillieLou]

Tallness. I made bad mistakes in my youth so I went from a tall child to a short adult. Height, unlike weight, is something that I can no longer change. The term petite sounds cute and childlike, and I very much resent the notion that no great beauty can be shorter than average height, or if you're short then you also need to be stick thin.

@voce if it's not too personal, can I ask what mistakes you made that affected your height?

 

[voce]

@voce if it's not too personal, can I ask what mistakes you made that affected your height?

Melatonin and HGH, both correlated to sleep, have some important part in helping children grow taller. I had undiagnosed ADHD and depression as a child, and always refused sleep when I could stave it off with video games or books, because sleep was just boring. When I did sleep, it was always with the light on because I'd only fall asleep after collapsing from exhaustion after doing the fun stuff. I never wanted to sleep. This was my habit from age 9 to 29. I didn't find out, or chose to ignore, the importance of good sleep until 2015.

My brother, who likes video games even more than I do, always slept with the lights off, and whenever possible, he slept in, so if we both played games until 3am, he'd sleep until noon, while I'd be up yawning at 7am or 8am to go to school or work. My brother grew 8 inches taller, and I don't think it was all due to differences in genetics.

 

[MillieLou]

Melatonin and HGH, both correlated to sleep, have some important part in helping children grow taller. I had undiagnosed ADHD and depression as a child, and always refused sleep when I could stave it off with video games or books, because sleep was just boring. When I did sleep, it was always with the light on because I'd only fall asleep after collapsing from exhaustion after doing the fun stuff. I never wanted to sleep. This was my habit from age 9 to 29. I didn't find out, or close to ignore, the importance of good sleep until 2015.

My brother, who likes video games even more than I do, always slept with the lights off, and whenever possible, he slept in, so if we both played games until 3am, he'd sleep until noon, while I'd be up yawning at 7am or 8am to go to school or work. My brother grew 8 inches taller, and I don't think it was all due to differences in genetics.

Wow, I never thought of that. The reason I asked was there's also a similar height differential between me and my sister, and I always wondered if it was something other than genetics.

I'll be enforcing good sleep practices for my kiddo!

 

[Ionysis]

The right kind of boobs.

When I was in my teens I developed the usual “bosom” of my mother’s side of the family. I was a 32F by the time I was 18. Size ten hips, size 16 tops. If I wore a dress it looked like a tent. If I wore anything fitted a looked like a stripper.

I had a breast reduction at 21. Yay!

Then I had two children. And was left with two tiny empty sacks on my chest. Waaah!!!

So at 40 I decided to have the teeniest breast augmentation ever. I picked the smallest implants I could find because all I wanted was to fill out my empty skin.

Then Covid came and I gained 20 pounds. Now my boobs have perky little centres surrounded by crepy fat edges. FGS!!! Will life never be done with f-ing with my boobs!!!

I’ve decided at 43 to simply ignore their existence and buy more diamonds. That’ll show ‘em.

 

[voce]

Size ten hips, size 16 tops. If I wore a dress it looked like a tent. If I wore anything fitted a looked like a stripper.

I'm kind of in that situation now, but I wouldn't want to do a breast reduction because any kind of surgery is invasive. I don't hate my boobs quite enough now but would rather get them reduced than have them droop when I get older! Boob jobs are so common in beautiful celebs, and women of a certain social class, if reality shows are to be believed.

Good thing "beauty standards" don't make us have to bare our boobs as they make us bare arms and legs.

 

[LLJsmom]

Being short, like 5'2 short. People look at you like you're a child, even when you're practically middle aged. But I really can't say I've struggled with it cause what can you do? Oh wait. Yeah I did. I used to wear 3+ inch heels, until I had a bad tumble, started running a lot and then my feel got even flatter (think Hobbit) and I could not even stand on anything higher than 2 inches. So now it's Adidas flat shoes on a short person. Great.

 

[LLJsmom]

That’s unfortunately not my experience as someone with broad feet. If you see the diagram below and imagine all 3 trying on size 8 shoes, you can guess which one will feel like they are walking on glass more



Mine looks more like the left and it’s always been a torture to wear any type of heels. It’s sort of funny but I always felt some sympathy for Cinderella’s stepsisters who have big feet.

Used to have a colleague with narrow feet and she never had problems with pain/bunions the way I did.

Preach it Sister!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Well I don’t meet certain aspects of what is considered “conventional beauty” in my home country - I’m not pale, for one, and I’m short as hell. But those aren’t things I’ve necessarily “struggled” with - I like my complexion (it’s the kind of shade and undertone that lends itself to wearing literally any colour of clothing) and I enjoy wearing heels (though I do wish I was a bit taller, I’ll admit).

About the only one I struggled with is weight. I was hugely obese and grew up hearing charming things such as “you could be a model if you were just half your weight and six inches taller” and went on diet after diet to try and be a bit more acceptably sized. I used to feel like an absolute ogre because of it, despite the fact that looking back, I was still an attractive girl.

That being said, I was unhealthy and needed to lose weight for my health, and eventually I figured out how to do it, and I’m now a normal weight for my height. The only reason I even mention it or think about it still is that it’s made me incredibly self conscious of every single pound, and now if I gain even half a kilo I start thinking “omg I’m going to go back to being an ogre” even though that’s both untrue and damaging for my mental health. I also struggle with body dismorphia sometimes where I can’t see my body getting smaller in the mirror. It’s a process.

 

[lilmosun]

Long eyelashes. Always wanted them, never had them. Mine are sparse/short. I would love extensions but too much to maintain.

It would be nice to be taller and thinner.

But what I truly lack is caring enough to put time and effort into my looks. A lot of people others view as beautiful know how to maximize their looks and minimize/hide their flaws.

I've had friends do my hair and makeup and the difference is like amazing. Many have tried to teach me but it never looks the same - blending/contouring/shaping is beyond me. When I do wear makeup, which isn't often, I just slap it on. Same with my hair - it's always wash and wear. I've tried on occasion to style it but immediately give up. It takes too much time and practice. Fortunately, I was blessed with good skin and hair.

The funny thing is that my mom always cared about her looks and would never consider not wearing makeup. She was in ICU from a brain hemorrhage/stroke and the first thing she wanted was her makeup. I call her the beauty queen (she once was lol). I'm working from her house while she recovers and she is appalled that I am going on Zoom calls without makeup

 

[Kim N]

Long eyelashes. Always wanted them, never had them. Mine are sparse/short. I would love extensions but too much to maintain.

It would be nice to be taller and thinner.

But what I truly lack is caring enough to put time and effort into my looks. A lot of people others view as beautiful know how to maximize their looks and minimize/hide their flaws.

I've had friends do my hair and makeup and the difference is like amazing. Many have tried to teach me but it never looks the same - blending/contouring/shaping is beyond me. When I do wear makeup, which isn't often, I just slap it on. Same with my hair - it's always wash and wear. I've tried on occasion to style it but immediately give up. It takes too much time and practice.

All this is me as well. But unfortunately, I was not blessed with good skin and hair.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Weight. I grew up with a family of tall, big boned, thick people on my father's side and small, thin people on my mother's side. My brother and I inherited the short genes. I am 5'3" and he is 5'7". We were both very thin growing up. As time goes on it takes work to stay thin, a constant battle for me. My mother (bless her heart) would go after my 5'10" sister relentlessly because she was not thin. She was not made to be thin. And growing up witnessing that constant criticism, with her being "bad" and "fat" for just being herself has stuck in my brain. There is the feeling that gaining weight makes me unlovable and when I do gain weight I feel like I don't like myself very much.

 

[icy_jade]

Long eyelashes. Always wanted them, never had them. Mine are sparse/short. I would love extensions but too much to maintain.

Oh yes! Did extensions once, but too much maintenance and I worried about losing my already sparse eyelashes. Was fun while the extensions lasted.

 

[doberman]

These days? High heels, or perhaps any footwear at all. For someone who was fairly adept for a long time at running around on slippery surfaces with boots with knives screwed to their bottoms, I can be quite the klutz. I just sort of stand if I wear high heels...ambulating in them is a really big ask.

I remember visiting France in the winter and watching the very chic French ladies wear heels on ice. I was never so happy to be the ugly American in my functional winter boots.

 

[lilmosun]

I am a slave to comfort and stopped wearing overly high heels or spiked heels decades ago. Don't like pointed toe shoes either.

All this is me as well. But unfortunately, I was not blessed with good skin and hair.

I have friends that look beautiful all the time (strangers even comment when we pass). But I see the time it takes and all the makeup/gadgets...no thanks. I remember working with a woman who even told me she slept with her makeup and got up before her husband so he would never see her without it.

I also know a lot of friends who lack conventional beauty but people are drawn to because of their personalities. While I joke that I have no one to impress, my hairdresser says I should do it because it will make me feel good. But I am fine with and accept how I look.

That being said, society does judge and I do know there are cases when it can cause low self esteem in others. So not to condemn their struggles.

Admittedly, as I age, I put a little more effort - skin moisturizer, covering my grey hairs when they start to fill in and occasional makeup.