What should I do ??? Or not to do?

[scarleta]

I asked about this before and I am facing similar situation again...Its about people you just meet want to stay with you...This time is a bit different, because I met this person once only at a meetingExchanged few words and exchanged tel nrs so we can keep in touch.So far so good,
She called me a week after and said that she would like to bring her husband with her and visit me on the weekend at 11am.so we could have lunch. I was taken by surprise totally.
I was not expecting this to be so forward.She asked if she should bring wine.I managed to say that we don''t drink wine at 11AM and told her not sure about my plans as yet.She said she would double check with me to see which day works better.
Now I do like this person and lunch sounds like a good idea , but I find this to be far to forward.Lunch out until I get to know her ? Am I wrong? Maybe I just got out of touch? The husband coming also???
Personaly I would not dream of inviting myself with my husband for lunch at someone place unless I know the people and even then I would prefer to get invited.What should I say? How not to attract this? I have no idea ? I am a friendly person, but not too friendly and this sort of thing started happening this year and never before...Any ideas? I really would prefer not to attract it on the first place.Maybe its acceptable these days? And I am not aware of it? Has anyone experienced this and is this normal these days? Someone please let me know..

 

[oshinbreez]

I''d either make an excuse...remodeling, painting, plumbing problems....or just flat out tell them that you''d like to see them, but you don''t feel like you know them well enough to have them over to your house.

I don''t think it''s normal at all for people to act like the ones you''ve described lately. Maybe you need to quit being so likeable.

 

[monarch64]

Girrrrrrllll, you need to stop giving out your personal info, methinks. Sorry, I know you like to have a good time on vacation and you''re friendly but not too friendly, but there are just too many people in this world who are looking for folks to take advantage of, or sell something to, etc. And wine before 11 just as a suggestion sounds to me like that couple are looking for more than friendship, if you know what I mean... What does your DH think about all this? Is he ok with it, or does he know? Just curious. Sometimes we''ve gotten friendly with people when we''ve been on vacation and gotten their email address but have never given ours. Maybe in the future you could tell people you''d prefer to keep your info private but if they''re comfortable giving theirs out you''ll take their card or whatever?

 

[Kaleigh]

Stop being so friendly!!! Serioulsy, 2 threads and same bottom line. I'd make an excuse saying you are tied up at that time. Use caller ID and don't take her calls going forward. She'll get the hint.

I hope I don't come accross as being negative, or unfriendly. But this has all my red flags raised. Kinda scary.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/24/2007 2:05:35 AM
Author: monarch64
Girrrrrrllll, you need to stop giving out your personal info, methinks.

Yes.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/24/2007 9:46:38 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 7/24/2007 2:05:35 AM
Author: monarch64
Girrrrrrllll, you need to stop giving out your personal info, methinks.

Yes.

Me too! I love people too but you need to be careful.

 

[scarleta]

Thanks for beenig honest with me.I never before had a problem with this sort of thing.Always given my et nr to people that I wanted to meet again and get to know them.Over several years I met lots of friends that way.We became friends over few years.So having never experienced this before i really never expected this..
Oshinbreez : I wish I was that Likeable, I don''t think I am really.
Monarch 64:My husband thinks its so very strange and he said:NO WAY PERIOD.Having wine with a total stranger on Sunday at 11AM is not his idea of having fun. I was also wondering about wine at 11am with people I never had in my house and hardly know ...So when I told her we don''t drink wine at 11am I said its far too early in the day, she said:" its for relaxation" Well I personaly don''t need wine to relax.That in itself sounded strange.AS for just taking their card and info.I probably would phone them because if I don''t get along with a person I know how to say " no thank you" So you see if I have intention to keep in touch I would follow up and then would give them my nr anyways.I just don''t know why I somehow attract this to myslef lately.
Kaleigh: yes caller ID I have and I will use never thought of it, so simple that way yes she will get a hint.Problem solved for this weekend.I know this sounds like I m very outgoing and very friendly.I met lots of people on vacation , but only selected two to give my info to.They were more I could have done it with and I did not.So seriously this is not my problem. In the last scenario I only exchanged info with this one particular person and no one else.I find it kind of scary too and bizzare to the extreme.
Ellen: I still have faith in people and as said above I met lovely people that way and we are good friends now.
Skippy123: careful I am.None of these people actually visited me.You see I am doing something right, aksing you guys for help here.Thanks for " listenig to me" Now I can select never to give my personal info to anyone that way I would eliminate meeting anyone down the road.I know it would work, but I wonder if you guys have a better solution as to how to deal with it? so I can feel free to meet people ?

 

[chiefneil]

Where are you meeting these people???

I never invite myself over to anyone''s house. Even friends that I''ve had for years never invite themselves over to my place! I think it''s fair to say that no matter how long you''ve known someone, it''s always inappropriate to invite yourself over to someone else''s house. Even when I''m going to visit family, it''s "Hey, I''m coming to town, can you can recommend a good hotel and when can we get together?"

 

[asscherisme]

This is so beyond socially acceptable! Its just weird. I read that other thread about the weekend but did not reply. That was very very weird as well.

I would NEVER invite myself to anyone''s home. And to stay? Just odd and crossing a line.

I agree, stop giving out your personal info to people you don''t know! And if it was someone who you though you could be friends and enjoy conversation with and she really wanted to have lunch, she should have suggested a restaurant. Inviting herself to your house is creepy.

Call her back and tell her you are busy!

Did you know that by having your phone number, not even name but just your phone number, anybody can find out your home address and even how much money your home is worth and how much you paid for it?

Because of my husband''s profession, when I call people, I do star 69 so my phone number won''t appear on their caller ID! Its important to be careful in our day and age.

 

[marvel]

Date: 7/24/2007 1:27:34 AM
Author:scarleta
I asked about this before and I am facing similar situation again...Its about people you just meet want to stay with you...This time is a bit different, because I met this person once only at a meetingExchanged few words and exchanged tel nrs so we can keep in touch.So far so good,
She called me a week after and said that she would like to bring her husband with her and visit me on the weekend at 11am.so we could have lunch. I was taken by surprise totally.
I was not expecting this to be so forward.She asked if she should bring wine.I managed to say that we don''t drink wine at 11AM and told her not sure about my plans as yet.She said she would double check with me to see which day works better.
Now I do like this person and lunch sounds like a good idea , but I find this to be far to forward.Lunch out until I get to know her ? Am I wrong? Maybe I just got out of touch? The husband coming also???
Personaly I would not dream of inviting myself with my husband for lunch at someone place unless I know the people and even then I would prefer to get invited.What should I say? How not to attract this? I have no idea ? I am a friendly person, but not too friendly and this sort of thing started happening this year and never before...Any ideas? I really would prefer not to attract it on the first place.Maybe its acceptable these days? And I am not aware of it? Has anyone experienced this and is this normal these days? Someone please let me know..

Not at all. I would never have anybody over to my house for lunch, or dinner, that I didn''t know very well. I would met them at a restaurant, that''s it.

 

[scarleta]

Hey, I''m coming to town, can you can recommend a good hotel and when can we get together?"



Yes Chiefnell: that is exactly how I feel and up to recently ( 2006) this sort of forwardness I never experienced.As to where I meet these people I meet some on holidays ( believe me I don''t get overly friendly, and don''t give my nr / email to everyone I meet) The last one I met locally at a garden meeting/seminar I attended.As I said I know if I don''t ever give any of my info to anyone I will never experience any problems of this kind. I enjoy meeting some people , but not all and carefully choose whom to give my nr to.
I just have no clue as to why everyone I have given my info to in 2007 ( 4 so far) wants to visit so soon and stay with us for few days, or have me cook them lunch and they will bring vine for relaxation at 11am.If I sensed anything strange about these people when I met them for sure they would never have any of my personal information.I have no problem saying " no thanks" Just trying to figure out how to handle any future encounters in such a way that I don''t loose my faith in all people.Right now if I meet anyone they are not getting my info no matter what.I first have to figure out how I can manage this better...IF you met someone you got along with and offered to exchange tel/ email how would you feel if they said " sure but only if you don''t want to visit me at my home?"

 

[scarleta]

Date: 7/24/2007 2:41:26 PM
Author: asscherisme
This is so beyond socially acceptable! Its just weird. I read that other thread about the weekend but did not reply. That was very very weird as well.


I would NEVER invite myself to anyone's home. And to stay? Just odd and crossing a line.


I agree, stop giving out your personal info to people you don't know! And if it was someone who you though you could be friends and enjoy conversation with and she really wanted to have lunch, she should have suggested a restaurant. Inviting herself to your house is creepy.


Call her back and tell her you are busy!


Did you know that by having your phone number, not even name but just your phone number, anybody can find out your home address and even how much money your home is worth and how much you paid for it?


Because of my husband's profession, when I call people, I do star 69 so my phone number won't appear on their caller ID! Its important to be careful in our day and age.






Thanks , we are not listed so my info won't show on her telephone.
IF I call her and tell her I m busy she will try this again..I think just don't answer ( use my call display ) and just ignore..That way I won't hear from her anylonger and that is fine because I obviously made an error in judgement here...Thanks to everyone

 

[door knob solitaire]

Monarch, Skippy, Ellen, AND ALL THE REST INCLUDING THE LOUDEST DOOR KNOB wants to SCREAM AT YOU!

Geeze...you are the trouble kid on this board. We worry more about our little Scarletta than Harriet and her shopping sprees.

Scarletta...this is not the day and time to reveal anything. Email. Email. Email. And not your main account. You know, frankly that is not safe anymore. Your internet connection is mapable to your front door.

I am not sure about the people you continally attract. They all seem to be stalkers. It is apparent that you are a spectacular individual. You must have a sparkling personality, and most interested in others as they communicate. Everyone can''t wait to get back and spend quality time with you. YOU''VE GOT IT GIRLFRIEND! But whatever IT is...keep it to yourself. You need to learn to be less friendly, less revealing, and more standoffish. (he he ''stand of fish''...fish market...ha ha...that is a funny little term that can be read both ways...sorry...you know me I get side tracked often)

If you want to get to know someone that is different. But you know something is fishy or you wouldn''t be asking the board again about this one. Something in your inner man is telling you isn''t right. Start listening to your instincts. But listen sooner.

Can''t remember what your original question was...because I am so upset

with you. But no it is not alright to meet strangers so quick after meeting them.

DKS

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/24/2007 2:58:24 PM
Author: door knob solitaire
Monarch, Skippy, Ellen, AND ALL THE REST INCLUDING THE LOUDEST DOOR KNOB wants to SCREAM AT YOU!

Geeze...you are the trouble kid on this board. We worry more about our little Scarletta than Harriet and her shopping sprees.

We do??

Oh, right, WE DO!!





*lil humor injection after you getting hit with the door knob*

She''s right.

 

[FireGoddess]

I have to laugh that this keeps happening to you. Seriously, how??!?!?!?

I think it''s great that you''re a friendly and welcoming person. Just be sure to protect yourself, because not everyone is that way.

I''d stop giving out personal info to strangers, even seemingly friendly ones. Definitely just an email address from now on.

Also, I don''t find an invitation to lunch so strange, but I do find them coming to visit you for a weekend, and asking if she should bring wine strange. Very strange indeed considering they hardly know you.

I think having this happen twice in such a short period should be some sort of...red flag to you.

 

[asscherisme]

Ummm, I hate to tell you this, but I''m unlisted too, yet certain places I call I''m told my phone number shows up on the caller ID, sometimes even my last name. It depends on the area. I called my phone company to complain and was told that unlisted means just that, I''m unlisted. Many freinds tell me I appear as private or out of area, but sometimes my number DOES appear.

And, I wanted to add, trust your instincts. You know this behavior is odd and you are posting for reassurance. We all do that sometimes, its human nature to want reassurance. But even if you did not post here, I know you know that this behavior is not OK.

And I agree about the email.

 

[Gypsy]

The only infomation I exchange with people usually is email addy''s.... and NOT my main email addy. Not the one with my fullname or last name... but another one. Free, yahoo one. If after a little emai contact I feel okay. Then I give out my phone number. And then I will suggest a meeting out for coffee. Or something like that. If you get bad vibes. Caller ID.

 

[decodelighted]

Wine. Husband. 11am? I *smell* SWINGERS!!!!

I dunno if you appear wealthy or gullible or phenomenally attractive or ALL OF THE ABOVE - but *something* you''re putting off is cat nip to ccccrazies!

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 7/24/2007 4:05:47 PM
Author: decodelighted
Wine. Husband. 11am? I *smell* SWINGERS!!!!

I dunno if you appear wealthy or gullible or phenomenally attractive or ALL OF THE ABOVE - but *something* you''re putting off is cat nip to ccccrazies!

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/24/2007 4:05:47 PM
Author: decodelighted
Wine. Husband. 11am? I *smell* SWINGERS!!!!

I dunno if you appear wealthy or gullible or phenomenally attractive or ALL OF THE ABOVE - but *something* you''re putting off is cat nip to ccccrazies!

or Amway salespeople!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 7/24/2007 2:41:26 PM
Author: asscherisme

Because of my husband's profession, when I call people, I do star 69 so my phone number won't appear on their caller ID! Its important to be careful in our day and age.

Isn't this information incorrect? Star 69 was to redial whomever last called you. Star 67 is to hide your phone number.

 

[asscherisme]

You are right, I do it without thinking. It is *67. I am going to edit my post if I can.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/24/2007 4:20:43 PM
Author: oshinbreez

Date: 7/24/2007 4:05:47 PM
Author: decodelighted
Wine. Husband. 11am? I *smell* SWINGERS!!!!

I dunno if you appear wealthy or gullible or phenomenally attractive or ALL OF THE ABOVE - but *something* you''re putting off is cat nip to ccccrazies!

I was thinking the same thing.

Yup.

 

[crown1]

hi scarleta! i have no problem telling everyone i don''t share my e-mail address. i have yet to have anyone be anything but ok with that. i, of course, am not talking about long time friends or relatives. i have never felt the urge to continue a long distance friendship with anybody i met on vacation. i think you probably have a new found protectiveness after these recent developments and you can guard against future "invites".

 

[scarleta]

Thanks to everyone and many more thanks for beeing concerned about me..So very sweet of you.
NOW I GOT IT ...Yes, me too find it so very strange and that is why I posted.It never happened until 2007 so I thought maybe things changed so maybe I was out of date? Anyways you reassured me that its not acceptable at all.I thank you all and I will be reading all the posts before i give my tel to anyone again..