What do you do to take your mind off it?

[pixgirl]

When I''m waiting for something and wishing it would hurry up and happen, I try to bring myself back to the present and live in the current moment. By spending so much time anticipating something that you want you are missing all of the wonderfyul things that are happening right now!

Live in the now and tomorrow will come in good time. Don''t waste today wishing for tomorrow because all you have is today. Tomorrow isn''t a promise.

 

[4ever]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:54:10 AM
Author: lilyfoot

Date: 5/2/2010 8:15:17 PM
Author:PrincessNatalie
I have recently started doing things to show I would make an excellent wife when I start thinking too much about wanting a proposal.

Everytime I open this thread, this is the first thing I see.

PrincessNatalie, if you can''t see how that statement would make us worry, then I don''t know what to say.

I stand by everything I said earlier in this thread, and I most definitely do not feel that I was harsh at all.

I think you can read the highlighted statement two ways- She is trying to prove to her BF that she would make a good wife (which most people seem to have read it as) or she is insecure and trying to prove and justify to herself that she would make a good wife.

 

[SAPHIRINA]

Hi, Natalie

Please don''t be offended! I read all the replies, and I do not believe that anyone''s intention was to be mean to you or to hurt you.

If you love to cook and clean in general, then by all means, go for it! I''m sure it''s a great way to keep busy while doing what you love. My mother is like that - she enjoys keeping her house sparkling clean, it keeps her happy (I can''t relate, I hate to clean!).

Can''t speak for others, but for me, what concerned me in your original post was that you "recently started doing things to show I would make an excellent wife", which leads me to believe that you are specifically changing your behavior to show that you are a worthy future wife. I am certain that once your boyfriend is ready to propose, it won''t be because he realizes what a wonderful housekeeper you are, but rather because he is ready to make the commitment and spend the rest of his life with you. I absolutely agree with RaiKai - there is nothing YOU can do individually to make HIM ready. The only thing you can do is have an open discussion with him about your future and make sure you are on the same page.

I am no longer a LIW, but when I was, the only thing that helped put my mind at ease was having conversations with my now FI about our future and if we are still on the same page. Because we were always very open with each other about our expectations and timelines, I was never really worried about the proposal. I knew that it was definitely coming and I knew exactly what needed to happen for him to be "ready" (he wanted to meet my family, who all live on the East coast, before proposing).

I hope you keep posting, PS really is a great place!

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Hi Everyone,

Your all right and I probably read the inital responses with a negative spin because of the troll comment – not understanding what “troll” meant here, and unfortunately I don’t really have to many girlfriends to discuss this with so I didn’t really think that the way I behave would upset or worry or offend people. In fact I have no girlfriends who are not engaged or already married or discussing marrige with their BFs and so even if I do talk about this with them they don’t seem to understand.

I do feel bit foolish and insecure in this relationship and that’s why I am even worried about him wanting to marry me, I was in a long relationship prior to this with a guy who made a terrible boyfriend (makes an ok friend now), but definitely wanted to marry me, and I have never had to “earn” someone’s approval before (and that might not be how it really is, but that is how I feel it is).

I will have to have a talk to him about it I guess.

Sorry for getting worked up. And thank you for all your kind and supportive responses, the truth is sometimes hard to hear.

Natalie

 

[Indylady]

Natalie, I just wanted to offer you another welcome.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Thank you

 

[lilyfoot]

PrincessNatalie, as you've already identified, there do seem to be some insecurities on your behalf, in your relationship. I truly hope you will talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, he probably has no clue what's going on in your head!

You should never feel like you have to "prove" yourself within a relationship, you should be accepted for who you really are. Especially in a relationship that you plan to continue for the rest of your life!

Keep us updated, we're always here to listen

ETA: Does your boyfriend do or say anything that makes you feel like you have to earn his approval? Just wondering!

 

[RaiKai]

Natalie, I am very happy that you came back!

I really do care as for one - I have been in similar shoes, and two - you seem like a very smart, warm young woman who is just great as she is. My heart goes out to you thinking that you would feel a need to prove you are worthy of marriage to your BF in any way! I think you know already that healthy love - and healthy marriages - do not work like that!

I really hope (and encourage) you talk to your BF. The worst that can happen is you find out that you are not on the same page, but theb at least you know the truth (and not talking about it would not change that!). And I hope as well that he IS on the same page after all!

 

[lightningbug]

Date: 5/4/2010 11:47:16 PM
Author: PrincessNatalie
I do feel bit foolish and insecure in this relationship ... I have never had to “earn” someone’s approval before (and that might not be how it really is, but that is how I feel it is).

Oh, Natalie ~ that''s too bad, and it must be so hard.

I was really hoping you were just letting your inner domestic goddess shine through.

Nobody should have to feel foolish or insecure in their relationship, or like they have to earn their partner''s approval. I think ideally our parters do bring out the best in us, and we want to be as kind and loving as possible--but relationships are definitely a ''safe'' space to feel loved and accepted for who we are. We don''t get that much in the real world, so that''s why we build a nice little nest of friends and family to keep us snug and happy. If he''s not doing that for you...well, gosh. I hate to see you walking on eggshells the whole time you''re with him, trying to be his dream girl instead of being yourself. You sound pretty great just as you are!

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Thanks girls, I am glad I came back too. I don''t want to worry you all to much, I am not feeling disrespected or anything, basically we had a talk about marriage a month or so ago which stemmed from something I heard through the grapevine, but what came out of that discussion has sent me into over analyzing everything.

I think we are on the same page excepting timelines.

The reason I even started getting worked up about the whole thing is I thought he might propose this year towards the end of the year. He knows I want it to be a surprise if he ever does so I was just going by signals etc. But his mum is good friends with his best friends mum, and my best friend is marrying his best friend. So best friends mother in law to be recently said to her that my BFs mum said BF was not interested in marriage and she was glad that I didn''t seem to be expecting anything like that because he will not be ready for a long time.

My best friend said "I Hope you are not still expecting him to propose this year because it isn''t going to happen".

And when I asked him about it first he said he had not talked to his mum about anything like that, then we talked a bit more (it was all a little defensive at this point I must admit. And he said "Well, I am not ready right now and probably wont be for a long time" which I should respect I guess, but it has made me feel a bit shocked as I thought things were going really well, and it seemed as though things were headed in the right direction.

And since then I have had a huge case of WHY!

And on top of that since then he has been making comments about sending him rings I like for future reference, what on earth is going on!!? Its just making me more analytical!

But I have been doing this stuff to take my mind off it, not really to prove to him I will be a good wife, because the problem with that is he knows me, he knows what I am like really, its not like I can trick him into thinking I am suddenly an amazing super wife. Really, if I am cleaning things out of the ordinary he probably just thinks I am having one of those moments when I go a bit OCD

Anyhows thank you all for being lovely enough to listen to my inner crazyiess.

 

[luckynumber]

hello princessnatalie!

glad u came back!

nothing wrong in being a bit houseproud

but i guess some of us fiercely independent ladies were worried that you had gone back to the 1950s....!

stick around, we''re a nice bunch really!

 

[Indylady]

Oh dear...grapevines are no good. I can completely imagine having my feathers ruffled after hearing something like that.

And a little weird. At this point, I think there are just too many variables, and too many times its been told and retold, to be taken seriously at all. Its unclear if what she was talking about was her personal opinion, or something she also heard from the grapevine. I would make sure I have open lines of communication with my SO, and leave those matters between the two of us.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Oh yes, we are a lovely bunch of coconuts!

Glad you decided to stay.

BTW, is there any possibility that the "grapevine" news is a ruse and he really is planning something? If he is a surprise kinda guy, this might be his MO.

At any rate, I still advocate doing your own thing. Join a group or club (or both) that does not involve him and make friends outside your usual repitoire. If talking to your friends about their weddings all the time is bogging you down, get out and volunteer where this is not a point of continual discussion for you. Find more of your own interests--because married or not it helps you to evolve and gives you an outlet outside your home. You might not agree but I believe that independence is not only desirable but, uh hum, "sexy" .

Try not to allow yourself to be taken for granted. It undermines your confidence and invariably your feelings of security.

cheers--Sharon

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/5/2010 9:18:43 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

Oh yes, we are a lovely bunch of coconuts!

Glad you decided to stay.

BTW, is there any possibility that the ''grapevine'' news is a ruse and he really is planning something? If he is a surprise kinda guy, this might be his MO.

At any rate, I still advocate doing your own thing. Join a group or club (or both) that does not involve him and make friends outside your usual repitoire. If talking to your friends about their weddings all the time is bogging you down, get out and volunteer where this is not a point of continual discussion for you. Find more of your own interests--because married or not it helps you to evolve and gives you an outlet outside your home. You might not agree but I believe that independence is not only desirable but, uh hum, ''sexy'' .

Try not to allow yourself to be taken for granted. It undermines your confidence and invariably your feelings of security.

cheers--Sharon

100% agreed. Going out and doing new things could be really good for you. Try something totally out of what you would normally do - a new sport, a book club, volunteering. Picking up a new hobby is a great way to relieve stress and get you focused on something else. Plus, I think as you learn new things your confidence grows, and a confident woman is an attractive woman.

At this point, just work on developing you and making yourself happy. Everything else will come with time.

 

[Indylady]

Fantastic advice Sharon.