Wet blanket on my engagement...

[gladyskristen]

Sigh... I''m feeling so down now.

We told my parents abt our engagement today and they were less than thrilled. Mayb it''s cos we''re both still students, but we''ve been dating for 4 yrs now! We stressed tt we''re only gonna get married 2+ yrs down the road, but my mum feels tt a long engagement is pointless and we shouldn''t get ourselves tied down that way. So we din get any blessing from them. They didn''t say tt we can''t be engaged or anything, but this feels really really really really bad.

I don''t know wot to think now. I''m from a traditional Chinese family, so their blessing is important to me. This is really sucking the whole damn joy out of my engagement...

I even find myself thinking, "So are we considered really engaged now or what?"

 

[DMBsGirl]

I''m really sorry to hear about this! Maybe this was just initial shock? I hope your parents come around soon!

 

[Dee*Jay]

I so sorry that your engagement was received that way, but OF COURSE you are engaged. An engagement is an agreement between two people to get married, and you have that, regardless of the reaction or acknowledgement of your parents or anyone else. Keep moving ahead as if you are engaged--BECAUSE YOU ARE. Congratulations!!!

 

[snlee]

Yes, of course you are still engaged! I'm sorry to hear your parents aren't thrilled to hear about your engagement. I think it might be the initial shock. I think I read you are 21? You are young. I remember my mom not wanting me to be tied down in a relationship at that age. However, I was already in love with my now husband and he was the only one I wanted to be with. By the time we got engaged, I think my mom came around and realized it was my life I'm living. Just remember your parents only want the best for you. Hopefully they will come around soon!

 

[Love in Bloom]

**Hugs** I''m sorry they gave you that reaction. GK, your parents should be proud of you! Especially because you and your fiance (yup, you are engaged

) are willing to make a commitment to each other. Just prove them wrong about being tied down...I think you can have the best of both worlds.

 

[neatfreak]

Awww Gladys! So sorry to hear that.

BUT...I think they are just looking out for you. You have to admit that at 21 most people are nowhere near ready to make the commitment for marriage. Unfortunately, many of your peers are completely crazy at that age, so it's hard for people to take you seriously because of their perception of what being 21 means. So now it's just up to you to show them that you're mature enough to get married. I'm sure they'll come around once they can see for themselves how stable and committed you are.

 

[bee*]

Date: 6/9/2007 6:23:42 PM
Author: neatfreak
Awww Gladys! So sorry to hear that.


BUT...I think they are just looking out for you. You have to admit that at 21 most people are nowhere near ready to make the commitment for marriage. Unfortunately, many of your peers are completely crazy at that age, so it''s hard for people to take you seriously because of their perception of what being 21 means. So now it''s just up to you to show them that you''re mature enough to get married. I''m sure they''ll come around once they can see for themselves how stable and committed you are.

I agree with this-I''d say that they are just after your best interests. Prove them wrong and yes you two are definitely engaged. I can understand how disappointing it must be not to have your parents blessing, as I would be so upset if my parents didnt give theirs, but you have to live your life and just remember how exciting it was when your fiance proposed!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Congratulations on your *engagement*!

There''s no magic clock that tells you when you''re old enough to meet the love of your life or old enough to decide to get married. But to be 23 when you get married, that is certainly not unusually young. I started dating my husband when I was 18 (got married at 24).

That said, I''d give your parents time. Hopefully as it sinks in and they see how serious you are and how well you take care of yourself and each other, they''ll come around. You were surprised, so they must have been too.

 

[Pandora II]

First - Congratulations on your engagement!

I think you'll find your mother is just concerned. If I had a 21 year old daughter who got engaged while she was a student I would be worried. College is a very secure and small environment and you change so much when you begin a career and meet new people and experiences. I would be afraid that one or other of you might find opportunities that led you away from each other and for a parent watching your child have their heart broken must be very hard. I would be wary of putting too much into wedding planning etc until it was much nearer the date in case it was too much pressure (my sister didn't call her wedding off because she felt people would be angry after all the planning

)

That said, it is up to you and your FI to prove to yourselves that this is the right choice for you both for the rest of your lives - as it is for all of us at any age. Best of luck to you both!

 

[Jax172]

Speaking from experience... my husband and I got engaged out junior year of college. So we had a long engagement. We got married the summer after we graduated, so a 2 year engagement. We waited until we were out of school with stable jobs. We were responsibile about it. But we were ready to declare to the world that we intended to marry, that is what an engagement is, isn''t it? There are no time limits on them in my book. Be engaged and happy! You sound like you have a good plan, and we''re proof that a long engagement in college can work.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

WE also got engaged in college and married right after. We celebrated our 30th anniversary recently! So don''t be discouraged! When you find the right person, that is the best time to get engaged!

 

[monarch64]

Ohhh, sorry to hear this gladyskristen! Just remember, life is very short, and worrying over what your parents think instead of being excited over your engagement won''t matter in the long run, say, the next 50 years or so when you''re happily living your ever after with your now-FI! You''ll get through this, just like everything else in life. I wish you the best!

 

[gladyskristen]

Thanx for all ur encouraging words! I feel so much better now. Love you guys! And YEAH! We''re engaged!

 

[Harriet]

Yes you are.

 

[anchor31]

Sweetie, I was 21 too when we were engaged and our engagement will have been 24 months in total (11 months now! Woohoo!)... And my FI''s parents reaction was the same. So... I know how you feel... I''m sorry you have to go through that. I hope they will come around. Big hugs to you, and congrats again on your engagement!

 

[jstarfireb]

I''m going through the same thing. My mom doesn''t like my fiance at all, and we''re still both med students, so she''s concerned about his eventual ability to pay off his loans. He''s a very rational person with great financial sense (he was actually an economics major in college, for cryin'' out loud!).

Part of her problem is that she''s pretty controlling and wants me to be with someone she approves of. Another part of it is that she''s used to being very involved in my life and resents him for "taking me away" from her. Part of it is that we come from very different financial backgrounds and she''s afraid I''ll end up supporting him (which is ridiculous because we''re both going to be doctors). And part of it is that she''s been there when thing haven''t been so great between us, but she doesn''t realize how much our relationship has grown in the past year or so.

Anyway, she was tangibly upset when I called her with the news...not a single ounce of happiness or support for me. It wasn''t even that much of a surprise for her. I prepared her for the news once my fiance-to-be and I had started talking about getting engaged. I know that he''s right for me, and I''m the one who gets to decide this (not my parents), but it''s really tough not having my mom''s support. My dad''s actually pretty OK with the whole thing. He''s not gonna be president of my fiance''s fan club any time soon, but he''s fine as long as I''m happy.

Interestingly enough, it''s also going to be a long engagement for us, since I don''t want to get married until we both graduate, and he''ll be done 2 years from now (1 year after I''m done).

 

[FireGoddess]

Yes, you are engaged and congrats! People can only make you feel badly if you let them. Of course, it''s much harder when those people are your parents...since you know they only want to look out for you.

When I told my parents I was moving in with DH before we got engaged, they freaked a little...I was in my late 20s and wasn''t going to take it much to heart anyway, but they were like, ''why don''t you just date for awhile longer and keep your own place?'' Then a few months later we got engaged. All of a sudden it was, ''why do you have to get engaged so fast, why can''t you just live together?'' LOL. Typical parents. Anyway, we were engaged for a year and have been married for 3.5 years so all of that is water under the bridge. They will come around if you just show them that yes, you are committed and the relationship is stable and you''ve thought it all through!

 

[sugarplum]

Gladyskristen- sorry to hear about your parents'' reaction but yes you are engaged (congrats!)! I know how you feel about wanting your parents'' approval/blessing because you''re from an Asian family. I''m sure this came as a shock to them, especially since you and your fiance are both students and education is greatly stressed in Asian culture. You always hear older Asian folks saying, "No boyfriends or girlfriends! Not until you finish school. You have to focus on your studies!" A friend of mine was not allowed to date until she finished school (and by school I mean college) and her parents basically told her she couldn''t get married until she was 30!

You should be happy and enjoy this engagement period. Maybe you could sit down with your parents to get their point of view and then address their concerns? Show them that you understand and respect their feelings but explain that you''re a mature, responsible adult who knows what she''s doing. Good luck!

 

[bronniejade]

A lot of people have already posted their words of wisdom, so I don''t have much to add.

All I can say is, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT!

 

[gladyskristen]

Oh Jstarfireb, I''m SO sorry tt it''s happening to you too! *BIG HUGZ* This is exactly like my situation, in the sense that FI is also graduating 1 year after me! I''ve just graduated from nursing school. Both my parents are pretty ok with FI though (thank God!).

My dad just wants us to be financially stable, but my mum is practically trying to make me an old spinster! She regretted marrying at the age of 23, cos she felt she didn''t enjoy her singlehood enough and never fails to bring it up whenever marriage is mentioned. Now she''s like trying to live her lost youth thru me by making ME marry late. Her mentality is the later the better and 32 sounds good to her!

I pray tt everything will turn out great for both of us! I''m now putting all my focus on getting my e-ring done up properly.

 

[dianne]

You are absolutely engaged. I hope you get the blessing you are looking for before too long.

I say CONGRATS!!

 

[mrs.ROC]

Gladyskristen-CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! Being an asian female myself, unmarried (user name is wishful thinking), dating, I can sympathize with your situation with your parents. My traditional family still believes in the girl (myself) living at home until I''m married. So far so good, I''m not signing on for a therapist just yet, thank goodness. I think that only you and your FI only know what''s best for the BOTH of you. And if you feel that you''re both ready, then GO FOR IT!!! By any chance did your FI ask your parents "permission" for your hand in marriage, before proposing? If not, maybe they''re feeling as if they weren''t involved. I know that''s how my family is. Good luck with your parents, stop reading your post, and GO POP A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE & CELEBRATE YOUR ENGAGEMENT!!!