WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

[Lula]

Ridiculous to even try but:

I don't think people who have control issues or who need and/or seek therapy should be ABANDONED by their loved ones. But I believe the people who HAVE the control issues SHOULD seek therapy, SHOULD take responsibility for their own actions. SHOULD bend over backwards to work on themselves and learn coping techniques. And not make their partners PAY over and over and over again for the rest of their lives.

Also: new concept ... delayed gratification. Look into it.

Ditto to this and Deco's early post. This is not a good situation on so many levels. I rarely visit this forum because I literally get too anxious reading some of the threads on here. For the record, my husband and I talked about getting married, we agreed we wanted to get married -- and the only people "surprised" by our engagement were our friends and family, simply because they were on the receiving end of the good news. It's one thing to ask your bf to surprise you with a ring and proposal -- and then butt out! But asking for a surprise proposal and then orchestrating it from behind the scenes to keep "control" is just a mind game.

 

[Lula]

Yes couldnt have said it better myself. He is patient, and caring. And usually knows how to respond when im in the dumps. He supports me 100% and always tells me he loves me for who i am. he knows ive have a pretty crumby life, but as time goes on, everything works out. Im an intelligent person, im in medical school, and i am very responsible. He knows how extremely stressed and upset I am about things going on in my life right now.. and I got this text from him this morning while at work.

"I love you because..You dont try to change me, you love who i am, you let me be me.. i love the connection we have, mentally and physically..your direction in life is unbeleivable..we have so much in common ..i trust everything you do and i never have to worry if your off talking to some guy or cheating..you have family that loves you and last but not least.. my family adores you."

he text this because he knew i was having a crumby day.. just one more thing to love about him!

 

[luckynumber]

i have no words

ok, i have words but they aren't fit to be typed.

so i'll just repeat my face:

 

[Lula]

"knows" is always "knows" ... there is no know's. Ya know? As to the rest ... I'm ... dubious.

That makes two of us.

 

[calamityJJJ]

Ok, ok, ok. We get it. Your boyfriend "doesn't care" and puts up with this because he loves you.

But I do imagine he's really hurt that his proposal plans were not only wrecked, but then he was told to change them after the fact to suit your needs! Yet again!

I'm not sure what anyone can say to you, because you seem so committed to spewing the crazy and then telling everyone "No guys, it's like totes normal, he doesn't even care LOLZ"

I don't know you, but it's unclear whether it's us or yourself you're trying to convince, but either way you should try a break and see if you feel better.

No. I definately know that I hurt him. I felt and still feel terrible. It sounds crazy to everyone, but I guess to us it's not crazy. Every relationship has it's own set of rules. I feel like absolute crap that everyone on here now thinks im a crazy child and whatever else everyone said. I know I do not know anyone on here personally, but I would like to think that I had the support from people who I also give support to as well. Obviously not, but its over and done and I can not make anyone understand no matter how many times I repeat myself. So be it. What matters the most is I am going to marry the love of my life, and i will be engaged within the next two months. Thats all I need to know and I realize that now. Once again, Good luck to all you ladies who are waiting as well, and DEAR GOD to any girl with LIW-itis, relax.

So "na na na na na"?

Honestly I can't indulge this anymore.

 

[junebug17]

The replies to this thread have turned really mean and catty. Is it making everyone feel good to pick on the OP's grammar and punctuation? Are we all feeling really smart and superior now? It would be very refreshing if people just responded to the content of the original post, I don't understand why people sometimes feel the need to start nit-picking at somebody incessantly, over and over. How about one more post criticizing Nicole's punctuation and the way she expresses herself? I don't think there have been enough.

Nicole, you are obviously dealing with some issues and already seeing a therapist, so I would just recommend talking to her about your intense excitement over your upcoming engagement. And also try really hard not to bring it up with the bf anymore and just let him do his thing, it sounds important to him. As for looking at his texts, we've all done things that when we look back on them say to ourselves "probably shouldn't have done that." Even though you and your bf have no secrets, it's just common courtesy not to invade someone's privacy.

You sound like a sweet person who is just very, very excited to become engaged. You know it's coming, so just relax and enjoy being young and with your bf. And enjoy these single days. I know you are looking forward to being married, but remember you have years...and years...and years of being married ahead of you! (I say this because I've been married for 25 years!) Best wishes to you, I wish you well!

 

[Indylady]

Troll?

 

[Autumnovember]

Hey Nicole!

I understand your stress, just try to relax girl Enjoy it for what it is as I hope this will be the first and last time you're ever engaged. Sometimes when posting on PS, you have to know that whatever responses you get should be taken with a grain of salt. That goes for everyone. Also, nobody on PS knows your relationship as well as you and your SO does so the advice given is from an outsiders perspective. I say, take some of the advice given and apply it to yourself in ways that you will feel will best benefit you. I have to agree that maybe therapy would be good. Heck, I think *everyone* needs some therapy. You're stressed out, in med school, and seem to have a lot of things going on in your life. Sometimes we just need a neutral party to hear us out and just *listen*. Wishing you the best, everything will turn out great.

ETA- Sorry I did not realize you are already seeing a therapist. Good for you! Ask her about different methods/ways to deal with the excitement of the proposal. I am sure she will have some useful insight to give you

 

[Amber St. Clare]

What do you have planned for him to show him how special he is? Instead of focusing so much on what you expect from him, have you given any thought to doing something special for him to show him how much you love him? I did something for my H when he got engaged {too personal, I'm not saying} but I wanted him to feel a special as he made me feel. Maybe you could focus on that.

 

[Autumnovember]

The replies to this thread have turned really mean and catty. Is it making everyone feel good to pick on the OP's grammar and punctuation? Are we all feeling really smart and superior now? It would be very refreshing if people just responded to the content of the original post, I don't understand why people sometimes feel the need to start nit-picking at somebody incessantly, over and over. How about one more post criticizing Nicole's punctuation and the way she expresses herself? I don't think there have been enough.

Nicole, you are obviously dealing with some issues and already seeing a therapist, so I would just recommend talking to her about your intense excitement over your upcoming engagement. And also try really hard not to bring it up with the bf anymore and just let him do his thing, it sounds important to him. As for looking at his texts, we've all done things that when we look back on them say to ourselves "probably shouldn't have done that." Even though you and your bf have no secrets, it's just common courtesy not to invade someone's privacy.

You sound like a sweet person who is just very, very excited to become engaged. You know it's coming, so just relax and enjoy being young and with your bf. And enjoy these single days. I know you are looking forward to being married, but remember you have years...and years...and years of being married ahead of you! (I say this because I've been married for 25 years!) Best wishes to you, I wish you well!

I agree. Can we please just stop focusing on grammar? I know I'm awful at it---so pick on me instead! Why kick someone when they're down?

There is a lot of different ways to give advice. Good ways, bad ways.

You ladies are all so nice, that it really really bothers me to see how some of you have went about giving her advice

 

[Nashville]

We're all adults here. People can choose to respond however they wish. It's a public forum, so unless you are a mod, it's really not anyone's responsibility to dictate what people should and shouldn't say. No one needs a babysitter.

That said, it just sits weird with me that there have been multiple threads started by OP outlining some behavior that raises red flags, and with each explanation of said behavior, new info somehow always comes into play. I think most people are left saying "huh?" upon reading "im in medical school" mixed in with other grammar/spelling issues not indicative of the levels of education she's claiming. It's the endless explanations and "lulzy" tone that makes the whole thing seem... well, a little off.

That said, I hope OP has taken everyone's opinions into consideration and is maybe taking a break from LIW now that she's recognized the way it's affecting her. I wish her a very happy engagement.

 

[junebug17]

We're all adults here. People can choose to respond however they wish. It's a public forum, so unless you are a mod, it's really not anyone's responsibility to dictate what people should and shouldn't say. No one needs a babysitter.

That said, it just sits weird with me that there have been multiple threads started by OP outlining some behavior that raises red flags, and with each explanation of said behavior, new info somehow always comes into play. I think most people are left saying "huh?" upon reading "im in medical school" mixed in with other grammar/spelling issues not indicative of the levels of education she's claiming. It's the endless explanations and "lulzy" tone that makes the whole thing seem... well, a little off.

That said, I hope OP has taken everyone's opinions into consideration and is maybe taking a break from LIW now that she's recognized the way it's affecting her. I wish her a very happy engagement.

I'm assuming the first part of your post applies to my post. Yes, this is a public forum on which I am entitled to express my opinion. Sorry, but I'm a little angry at the treatment of the OP in this thread and expressed my view on it. I resent being told what my post can contain. How in God's name is critiquing a person's grammar and writing style helping with the OP's issue? If anyone finds the thread suspect, then don't respond to it and let the thread die a natural death.

ETA: I realize there's an irony to my saying I have a right to my opinion, and then make comments about the contents of other members' posts. I acknowledge the flaw in my logic. FWIW, I usually make every attempt to only respond to the OP and not the responses. But in this case, when a response is solely a criticism of the OP's grammar, and contains nothing else, I feel compelled to comment.

And Nashville, trust me, I am not the first person on PS to make a comment about other people's posts, and I will not be the last. It often happens on this forum.

 

[Autumnovember]

I don't particularly pay too much attention to my grammar and sentence structure when typing in public forums, and I do not think it reflects my level of intelligence either. If you want to base a persons intelligence specifically in terms of grammar....that is just silly and absurd to me. I save my writing/grammar skills for the college papers I have to write.

I'm exiting the thread.

Nicole- good luck with everything. keep your head up, everything will be fine. take a break from PS and come back when you feel you're ready to.

 

[rosetta]

i am concerned about the OP's mental state.

Please do seek help OP, you know what to do.

 

[nicoleben]

I agree with the grammar. I save it for my pages I write on research and all that fun stuff I do. Yes, I have done a lot by the age of 24, I am proud of myself. But I admit it's hard. I really don't care how I write on here, but if it bothers so many, well then I guess I will try my best to go back and look through my post and change it. No biggie. Science majors are not great at grammar the way it is. Most important is my knowledge on particular subjects (ex: the dead people I examine).. Yes, i lived in Europe for 3 months, Yes I have received my Bachelors degree by the age of 21, and I am completing my Masters in Forensic Medicine( I am currently on my 3 month internship and will graduate July 31st!) I attend medical school for my masters degree, I took most of my classes with the studying students who want to be Osteopathic Doctors. My level is the same as theirs, but I do not have to take as many classes as them, or study for as long (I didn't want to confuse anyone!) However, I am applying to medical school as we speak so those are my plans. Oh and I do also work full time with behavioral children (which I absolutely love!) It's tough but it is no excuse for my outbursts that I had the past week. I am happy to say how great today was, and how improved my mood is that I just let everything go. My boyfriend and I did some wedding stuff today, calm, cool, and collected. haha.

I am fine with the responses, I know that everyone who responded did not try to come off as "mean". I am not going to go off of PS, only because I like to see who is getting engaged and how happy everyone is when it finally happens. My posts just won't be the topic of me, unless i get engaged of course!



and I was not saying "na na na na na" to ANYONE in that one post. I would NEVER be disrespectful to anyone in that manner!

 

[slg47]

Science majors are not great at grammar the way it is.

gaah NOT true.

Anyway Nicole I think it may benefit you to re-read your posts before clicking submit because on the internet we only know you through your posts, so that is all we have to go by. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[nicoleben]

Ok ok ok, not all are bad!! My professors have said it time and again, "We know most science majors are not perfect with grammar, just do your best." They cringe at us for it, but know we are not perfect!

Thanks again!

 

[Lula]

How come you're doing all this wedding planning but you're not "engaged" yet -- i.e., there's been no proposal yet? Is this a new trend I missed?

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

What do you have planned for him to show him how special he is? Instead of focusing so much on what you expect from him, have you given any thought to doing something special for him to show him how much you love him? I did something for my H when he got engaged {too personal, I'm not saying} but I wanted him to feel a special as he made me feel. Maybe you could focus on that.

This is a wonderful idea! Nicole, if you focus all of your time and energy into organising something special for him it will help you keep your mind off of wondering when he will propose.

 

[nicoleben]

The boyfriend and I know that we wanted a September wedding. It is a very important month for both of us (i had explained this in a prior post so please excuse me if you had already known!) The venues we are looking at are booking like crazy! We both know we will be engaged, so we saw no wrong in looking at venues together to get a feel for what we decide on. There have been ideas, in my head, about what I want in my wedding, but the venues need to be booked. No other planning, besides the venue is happening as of right now. I know it may seem odd that we are not engaged yet, but we know we will be and there is nothing wrong in planning a little early.

As for the project, or something for my boyfriend, I actually am starting our scrapbook. I love to scrapbook, its a hobby and I have been glued to my projects I started. (I have one from my 3 months in Europe in 2005, one from my trip to Europe for 3 weeks in 2008, my cross country road trip from Pennsylvania to California, and now ours!!) He loves to sneak up behind me when I am working on my pages, but I don't want him to see the finished product until it's completely finished!!

 

[diva rose]

The replies to this thread have turned really mean and catty. Is it making everyone feel good to pick on the OP's grammar and punctuation? Are we all feeling really smart and superior now? It would be very refreshing if people just responded to the content of the original post, I don't understand why people sometimes feel the need to start nit-picking at somebody incessantly, over and over. How about one more post criticizing Nicole's punctuation and the way she expresses herself? I don't think there have been enough.

Nicole, you are obviously dealing with some issues and already seeing a therapist, so I would just recommend talking to her about your intense excitement over your upcoming engagement. And also try really hard not to bring it up with the bf anymore and just let him do his thing, it sounds important to him. As for looking at his texts, we've all done things that when we look back on them say to ourselves "probably shouldn't have done that." Even though you and your bf have no secrets, it's just common courtesy not to invade someone's privacy.

You sound like a sweet person who is just very, very excited to become engaged. You know it's coming, so just relax and enjoy being young and with your bf. And enjoy these single days. I know you are looking forward to being married, but remember you have years...and years...and years of being married ahead of you! (I say this because I've been married for 25 years!) Best wishes to you, I wish you well!

Good post Junebug - I agree with you. Let's give Nicole advice without berating her.

Every relationship is different and what is ok with one person may not be ok with others.
For example, my DH and I are very open about emails, texts and passwords. We share everything and have no issues with the other person checking our text messages/emails. In fact, I often ask him to check mine for me and reply on my behalf - vice versa.

However Nicole, you need to take a deep breath and follow what some of the PSers have recommended. Evaluate your current proposal situation because it sounds like it is NOT helping your emotional state.

I have a suggestion that may help you and your relationship. Not sure if someone has already suggested this, but I highly recommend it.

How about you arrange a proposal date with your BF?
The two of you can decide which date it will happen but he gets to decide the where and how.
This way you still have the element of 'surprise' and at the same time less strain/anxious feeling on you.
You have the wedding month planned, so why not a proposal date?

Nicole - It is great that you are seeking therapy. Hope it goes well.
I have read your other post where you have informed us you were mistreated by your ex bf. I'm assuming some of the issues stem from that relationship. I do hope that therapy will help you and you become a stronger person.

All the best to you.

 

[nicoleben]

Diva- yes... I was mistreated by an ex, and yes a lot of the problems stem from his mistreatment, and me sticking around for that long! ::shudders::

I have calmed down and I know that my engagement is coming. I have been doing things around our house to keep my mind off of things, and yes, it is working! I also have been cooking a lot more, which I am not great at, but I try! I think I will be just fine! Just getting ants in my pants.

 

[lilyfoot]

nicole, I'm sorry that some of the responses here have gone way off-topic, not to mention how just plain rude some people have turned.

For what it's worth, my older sister had a Masters and 2 Bachelors by the time she was 22. I would be pretty dubious if somebody told me that story about someone else, but she's my own sister, so I know it's true!

I think that PriceScope (or possibly just the LIW forum), is only adding to the stress in your life, at least recently. I've had a couple of people by negative towards me on here, and honestly, it did bother me. I just don't go back to those threads.

It's obviously none of my business, and only you know what's truly going on with this, but I wonder if there's more you can do to live with the Bipolar aspect better. You say you have these type of freak-outs every 3 months, for 1 week at a time. That seems like a lot .. I hope your therapist is aware of these times (you don't have to respond to any of this, it's just a point of concern for me!)

Anyway, I wish you nothing but the best!

 

[nicoleben]

Thanks Lily!!

Yes I am going back on medication for the outbursts. I was off of it because I hated the way I felt. I felt like a zombie most days and would just sleep, sleep, sleep, and then sleep some more. Obviously me not taking the medication is NOT working well for me, so I have no problem with trying another medication to see how it works. It's tough to live with. I have gone from depressed and crying the other day, to being perfectly fine today. The mood swings get me every time. There have also been times where I can go a whole 6 months with no mood swings, and then there are times like now where I can have a week of being happy, to sad, to happy, to sad, and back to being normal again!.. But no worries, I called my therapist and we are working on things!

 

[kagordo4]

Um I'm late to the game here, but I feel the need to beat the dead horse a little more.

Okay, you're bipolar, and have been since 15? Responsible adults acknowledge what they need to do in order to control their medical history. My mother is a psychiatrist (as I think I've mentioned) and is a well published researcher in bipolar disorder/ manic depression. I am very familiar with the symptoms and side effects, but I am also well aware of the medications and techniques available to help you cope. My mother thinks I find it as fascinating as she does… My point? Make sure you're doing what you need to, to not appear crazy or out of touch with the world. Clearly you were not keeping yourself as healthy and as happy as you could have. You have to take care of yourself; you only get one life to lead. Driving yourself crazy, when you can treat yourself, will help no one.
Also, am I mistaken, I thought you were working on a Forensics Master's degree and attending classes with med-students? I checked some of your other posts before my response; please enlighten me if I am mistaken. Not that that is much different, I just need clarification.

I'm a biology major, and my grammar is not bad. That was a broad generalization and as a scientist, you should probably not make those without a strong evidential backing.

Oh and the grammar thing in general, I think it was addressed in response to NicoleBen (or is it Nichole? I'm sorry I've forgotten) stating she was very mature, super responsible, etc, etc. In fact someone said it gave her a "tween" appearance. This is so true, I mean seriously... How can you take someone seriously who types like my boyfriend's 8 year-old nephew? Please don't take that offensively, I just mean: how can you be viewed as an adult when you do not portray yourself as such? Typing is the ONLY thing we see here, other than pictures. Keep that in mind.

I don’t think anyone intentionally attacked the OP, especially based on grammar or spelling, etc. I think people are generally attempting to offer tough but loving advice, which is would appear the OP could you. If she does not want/need advice then posting on a public forum was probably bad form. I know I have personally had my butt handed to me, and quite frankly I was annoyed at the time but then realized they were correct. I believe it was Monarch actually, and now I must thank you for that : ) you gave me some solid advice that honestly, I needed to hear.

 

[nicoleben]

Um I'm late to the game here, but I feel the need to beat the dead horse a little more.

Okay, you're bipolar, and have been since 15? Responsible adults acknowledge what they need to do in order to control their medical history. My mother is a psychiatrist (as I think I've mentioned) and is a well published researcher in bipolar disorder/ manic depression. I am very familiar with the symptoms and side effects, but I am also well aware of the medications and techniques available to help you cope. My mother thinks I find it as fascinating as she does… My point? Make sure you're doing what you need to, to not appear crazy or out of touch with the world. Clearly you were not keeping yourself as healthy and as happy as you could have. You have to take care of yourself; you only get one life to lead. Driving yourself crazy, when you can treat yourself, will help no one.
Also, am I mistaken, I thought you were working on a Forensihttps://www.pricescope.com/wiki/d ... iamonds/cs Master's degree and attending classes with med-students? I checked some of your other posts before my response; please enlighten me if I am mistaken. Not that that is much different, I just need clarification.

I'm a biology major, and my grammar is not bad. That was a broad generalization and as a scientist, you should probably not make those without a strong evidential backing.

Oh and the grammar thing in general, I think it was addressed in response to NicoleBen (or is it Nichole? I'm sorry I've forgotten) stating she was very mature, super responsible, etc, etc. In fact someone said it gave her a "tween" appearance. This is so true, I mean seriously... How can you take someone seriously who types like my boyfriend's 8 year-old nephew? Please don't take that offensively, I just mean: how can you be viewed as an adult when you do not portray yourself as such? Typing is the ONLY thing we see here, other than pictures. Keep that in mind.

I don’t think anyone intentionally attacked the OP, especially based on grammar or spelling, etc. I think people are generally attempting to offer tough but loving advice, which is would appear the OP could you. If she does not want/need advice then posting on a public forum was probably bad form. I know I have personally had my butt handed to me, and quite frankly I was annoyed at the time but then realized they were correct. I believe it was Monarch actually, and now I must thank you for that : ) you gave me some solid advice that honestly, I needed to hear.

I did not say ALL science majors were bad at grammar! In my schoolwork, I am perfectly fine with my grammar, I have great grades, but on the internet I really can care less how I spell, if I want to shorten words who cares. If no one likes the way I write, then I am not pulling anyone by the hand and making them read what I write. If they get annoyed with my posts, then oh well, they don't have to answer and they can move on. I understand where if someone wants to view me as an adult I have to write properly on a forum. Is it truly bothering me? Not at all.

I know the responses are just "tough love" and at the time yes I admit i was upset and didn't want to come back. Now, I realize and understand why some people left those posts. I am fine. I'm over it.

The bipolar- yes I was on medication from age 15-20 something ( i honestly cant even remember) and took myself off of them because I was a walking zombie. I didn't have a personality, no emotions, nothing! I am going back on them only because my outbursts have been pretty crappy lately. I know I have a lot on my plate and that can be a contributing factor, so hopefully everything works out. I have not ignored my condition at all since I was diagnosed!

 

[nicoleben]

and yes kag- I am getting my masters degree in Forensic Medicine by August 15th! My internship experience is simply put, very interesting and is exciting! I do assist in autopsies about 2x a week, I love it. I also assisted in autopsies back in 2007 with my bachelors degree and loved that as well. Studying and learning new things is amazing to me. I wish my career could be a full-time student! haha

 

[Pushin40]

Hi Nicoleben!

I just want to say KUDOS TO YOU for maintaining your composure in this thread. I personally would have freaked out by now and told everyone to go F themselves. For Gods sake, you've had to defend just about every thing you have posted....

I tend to keep things not too personal with my posts. I can be sensitive and I don't like to be too vulnerable, because people can be downright mean and hide it under a facade of "we just care about you" . Bottom line is, they just don't know the whole story, and the whole story is frankly impossible to put down in words. You may want to reconsider how much you share (I think you may have already gotten this message!!)

I can tell you have a lot on your plate, you seem VERY open and honest, and you are dealing with (and sharing with this community) a very serious disease. The fact that you have accomplished SO MUCH in your short life is nothing short of amazing and you should be VERY proud!

So relax, enjoy this time, and let it all just happen! I can tell you are a good person.

And hey - you are not perfect and neither am I. It took me about 10 minutes to do this post because I am the worlds worst typist (MISS TYPO) yet I am educated and very intelligent with a great job.

Good luck to you!

 

[fieryred33143]

Oh and the grammar thing in general, I think it was addressed in response to NicoleBen (or is it Nichole? I'm sorry I've forgotten) stating she was very mature, super responsible, etc, etc. In fact someone said it gave her a "tween" appearance. This is so true, I mean seriously... How can you take someone seriously who types like my boyfriend's 8 year-old nephew? Please don't take that offensively, I just mean: how can you be viewed as an adult when you do not portray yourself as such? Typing is the ONLY thing we see here, other than pictures. Keep that in mind.

I don’t think anyone intentionally attacked the OP, especially based on grammar or spelling, etc. I think people are generally attempting to offer tough but loving advice, which is would appear the OP could you. If she does not want/need advice then posting on a public forum was probably bad form. I know I have personally had my butt handed to me, and quite frankly I was annoyed at the time but then realized they were correct. I believe it was Monarch actually, and now I must thank you for that : ) you gave me some solid advice that honestly, I needed to hear.

LOL!

Hi, I'm going to come in to a thread that I admit is a dead topic and say all of these offensive things to you but then ask you to not take it offensively.

kthxbai

 

[Indylady]

Haha, Fiery, I agree. I did a combination of when I read that.
Or is it Feiry? Or is it Firey? Whatever, I don't know or care. (Just kidding Fiery! )



Sometimes, I just want to sing the Barney song:

"This is the song that never ends,
and it goes on and on, my friends.
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
Therefore they continue singing it forever just because..."