Waited2Long
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2005
- Messages
- 115
First off, thank you Pricescope for all the knowledge, help and networking you've provided. Here's the story of my journey to our engagement. Is this the longest engagement story on PS? No (I looked). But it isn't short! Pics are at the bottom if you want to skip ahead. ETA: Sorry about all the ''' in the topic. Not sure how they got in there, and I can't seem to take them out.
Deciding to propose:
My girlfriend and I had been together for over 6 years (hence my ID). We have been perfectly happy, and neither of us had ever talked of getting married. I knew I wanted to be with her forever, but living together and owning a home together, marriage seemed kind of like a formality to me. I'm a guy, after all. Admitedly, I was getting tired of people asking when we were getting married, from my mother, to former landlords to coworkers. I even contemplated telling people, seriously, that we couldn't get married because "the laws in this state don't allow it," and just let them use their imagination. What got me motivated was that I found out earlier in the year about a good friend who had terminal leukemia. I went to visit her in October and I guess the visit had a profound effect on me. I realized how short life was, and I wanted to make sure my girlfriend knew how I felt about her. I found PS (from a message I posted on Craigslist--thanks to whoever responded and pointed me here), and I snooped in the LIW forums, from which I learned just how important engagement and marriage are to most women. My gf had never brought it up, even after over six years, but I had made up my mind, and I wanted it to be a surprise.
Deciding when to propose:
This was the easiest thing to figure out. I'm in grad school and I work full time, so when I was stressed out during the semester, my girlfriend booked us a trip to Santa Barbara during the winter break. She made all the arrangements (what a sweetie!). All I had to do was drive us to and from; otherwise, I was just along for the ride as far as she was concerned. This was a perfect opportunity, because she wouldn't be suspecting anything like she might if I had planned it.
Asking her father:
I had a chance to talk to her father on the same trip home that I made to visit my sick friend. The last day I was there, I called him up to see if I could see him later that day to give him some things on behalf of my girlfriend who didn't make the trip with me. I had planned to go out shopping, find a nice gift, shave, get dressed up, etc, prior to our meeting. Well, he couldn't meet me later that day before my flight, but said if I came right away, he would be home for another 1/2 hour or so. Scruffy and in shorts and a t-shirt, I blitzed over there to meet him outside his apartment building. I gave him the book and CD from my girlfriend. We chatted for a bit, and talked about his wife's ongoing cancer treatment. He said he needed to get going, and I said there was one more thing I wanted to talk to him about. With all the sincerity in the world, I told him that he should know that his daughter meant the world to me, and I asked him if he would give me permission to marry her.
He was shocked and surprised, and very happy. He was so flabbergasted he shook my hand 3 times in about 10 seconds
. He said of course I had his permission, and told me how happy he was, and that his wife would be thrilled too. He and his wife had spent time with my parents, and they got along well, and the six of us had been out on a few occassions. I told him it was a surprise, and that he was the first person to know, and I think that meant a lot to him. I also told him he could tell his wife--as long as she could keep it a secret. I made sure he knew when it would happen so he wouldn't get antsy.Note to the single guys: It's understandable that this is a nerve-racking thing to do, but if the parents like you, you probably don't have much to worry about. They *want* their daughter to be married to the right guy, and if you have a good relationship, then they're probably looking forward to this day. Knowing this was key to not being nervous.
Finding her ring size:
What was my girlfriend's ring size? I had no idea. She owned a single ring that she wore on her right middle finger. Not much help. I figured her mother wouldn't know either, since my girlfriend didn't own any other jewelry. And I couldn't ask her without blowing my cover. Fortunately, my company gives "award packages" for time of service. It's a cheesy catalog from which you can order cheap trinkets for being there 5, 10, 15, etc years. One thing they offer are rings, so this package also comes with ring sizers--a sheet of plastic rings you can pop out to figure out your size. I figured she was about a 4, so I removed the 4 1/2, the 4, and the 3 3/4 sizers.
Late one night, I waited for her to fall asleep. This was key of course. Luckily for me (for this purpose), my girlfriend is the most ticklish person on the planet. I'm not kidding. So, to make sure she was asleep, I ran my fingers across her neck. Normally this would have her convulsing in an epileptic-like state, and seeking immediate shelter. There was no reaction.
Quietly and with one eye on her to make sure she wasn't waking up, I carefully slid the 4 1/2 ring on her finger. It went on easily, way too loose. I took it off and tried it again with the 4. It slid on less easily. It dragged a bit at the knuckle and slipped down to the base of her finger. It seemed like a good fit, but I had to make sure. I took the 3 3/4 and slipped it down her finger. It dragged quite a bit on the knuckle but then got past it. Still watching for a reaction from her, I tried to remove it. IT WAS STUCK! Holy crap, it was really stuck. I tugged and tugged. Really hard, actually. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! I began to panic. I dragged my fingers across her neck to make sure I was still in the clear, then I contemplated what to do. I thought about cutting off the ring, but I didn't see how I could pull that off without her waking up. I felt like a thief about to be caught in the vault. I had to do something quick. Sometimes she wakes up to use the bathroom, and I couldn't have her waking up to find a plastic ring on her finger!
I got a tissue and slipped it under her hand. I then dripped dishsoap over the ring and on her finger, still keeping one eye on her and hoping she wouldn't pull her hand away to where I couldn't reach it, and possibly smearing the dishsoaop all over the herself and the bed. I spun the ring 360* to get soap all around it, pulled her finger taut with my left hand, and then pulled the ring off with my right hand. I was so relieved when it came off. I wiped her finger, and then dragged my fingertips across her neck one last time to see if she was awake. Amazingly, she was still asleep.
20 minutes later, as I was looking at diamonds on PS in the office, she woke up to use the bathroom. I had a hard time falling asleep that night. To this day I cannot believe my luck.
Picking the diamond:
This was the hardest part of course. The more I learned, the harder it became. I decided early on that buying online would provide the best value on a really good cut. I learned all that I thought I needed to. Originally I wanted a princess diamond because of the name. I quickly changed my mind and decided on an RB for its brilliance. Having never seen a rock up close, I went to a local B&M to get a feel for physical size of various carat weights. In hindsight, they really withheld a lot of info regarding cut and its effect on beauty. The sales pitch would leave me to think that cut determined whether you got an RB or a princess, and that all RBs would look pretty much the same. Because of PS, I already knew better, but I played dumb. Comparing what I eventually bought to what I saw that day, it's obvious why they omit such info. The difference is astounding.
My original budget kept growing and growing, and ended up 50% higher than what I originally set. We are both very frugal normally, but I could not convince myself to make the tradeoffs necessary to stay within budget. I didn't want this to be a starter stone, because I suspected my girlfriend would have a strong emotional attachment to it and would never want to upgrade. On the other hand, I knew I wasn't going to get a behemoth stone like one of our friends, who went way above and beyond when he bought his engagement ring. As part of my quest, I quizzed women in my class about their rings. One woman had a good-sized stone but regretted it wasn't a better cut. Another had a 3/4 carat stone and wished for a larger one. A third had a very healthy-sized, well-cut stone and was very happy with it, and was happy to talk about it and show it off.
To get more of a feel for relative size, I marked my pinky where it was a size 4 using a caliper to show various diameters. I wanted a 1+ carat so it would stand out, but I also didn't want it to be much larger, as my girlfriend is rather conservative. Buying online, without seeing them in person, I decided to get an ACA stone. I could place my confidence in the brand--in that the stone would have passed the tough scrutiny of a professional to a level of detail that my untrained eye could never discern. This means that more than likely I would be paying for quality that I can't see, but that was OK with me too. What I was paying for was "mind clean".
I ended up picking a 1.23C, F/SI1 ACA stone. I compared colors at the B&M. I couldn't tell D from F, but I could tell F from G. I expected the SI1 to be eye-clean, and asked to make sure that it was, but unfortunately it isn't to me, though it is to my girlfriend. Still I am happy with it. I purchased it several weeks in advance, and had them hold off delivery until a few days before our trip.
Picking the setting:
I picked the Vatche X-prong in platinum as our setting. I have read that the biggest downside to this setting is how common it is. But I picked it "in a vacuum", so to speak. With no knowledge whatsoever of brands, styles or prices, and after looking at dozens, maybe hundreds, of settings online, it was the nicest one to me for the price. If it's too popular, it's because it's so darn attractive. I knew my girlfriend preferred platinum to gold, and that she would like something simple, yet distinctive. Paves and halos are just not her style. She loves it. She asked how I knew she would like it. I answered "because I like it." It's true. We just have such similar tastes.
The engagement:
I knew we would be going to Santa Barbara in December for a few days just after Christmas, and that I wanted to propose there. But I had never been there, and I didn't want to just wing it. So I took off from work a few weeks before our trip to drive out there. I drove around and found out where the beach accesses were. I took notes. I took videos. I marked up maps. I asked the concierge about different restaurants in the area. I looked up the sunset calendar for Santa Barbara. I wanted to be *PREPARED*.
On our trip out there, I had planned to propose on the first day, to spend as much time engaged as possible. But we got a bit of a late start, and there was a LOT of traffic going up. It took us nearly twice as long as it should have, and things just didn't feel right. We were a little tired, and it would have felt kind of like just completing a mission to have done it that day, so I decided to wait. It was a good decision.
The next day, we had a nice leisurely time exploring the historic parts of the city, and walking up and down State street. Santa Barbara is a beautiful town. We got back to the inn in the afternoon, and I suggested we hit the beach around 4:00 to watch a sunset. We parked near the beach a little after 4:00. I dug out a chair, a camcorder and a tripod from the trunk, then I set off up along the bluffs above the beach with the girlfriend in tow. We went down a set of stairs to get to the beach, which was quite rocky. I looked for a good spot away from everyone else, and with a great view of the setting sun. I set up the chair next to a large flat rock and asked her to have a seat. I took some video of the surroundings. I set the camcorder up on the tripod and aimed it at my girlfriend. Then I took some more pictures with our camera. I could not have asked for a better setting. I had plenty of time, so we talked a little. I fiddled with the remote for the camcorder, but it wasn't working, so I'd have to just leave the camcorder on record. I thought maybe she was getting suspicious, but the lauch sequence had been initiated; there was no turning back.
As the sun set, I dug the ring box out of my jacket pocket, and kneeled down next to my girlfriend to watch. I started saying the loving things I had rehearsed in my head. In my mind it would be a sweet, one-sided declaration, but she started replying to each statement, saying how I was so good to her too. Things were getting awkward, and I had to act fast, so I planted a huge kiss on her lips that pushed her back into her seat. She got the hint apparently, and kept quiet after that until I was finished telling her why and how I could never live without her. I asked her if she would marry me. Before I could even present the box, she said "yes"
We enjoyed the rest of our stay in SB, had a delicious dinner that night, and headed back home the next day.PICTURES!!!
They're worth a thousand words each, so I'll keep the captions brief.
Pic from the drive up to Santa Barbara:
A couple views from our spot on the beach.
A shot of us *just prior* to engagement...:
...And just after:
Pic from WF:
Some final pics just before dinner:
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