visiting family

[JewelFreak]

I hope the time goes quickly, Momhappy -- faster than you expect. Having my in-laws visit was the same -- nothing in common, rude & coarse MIL, and they were just so much there. Don't feel guilty at all about your DH's golf! I'm sure he doesn't resent you. When my husband's parents came I assigned him to take them sight-seeing one day, all by himself, so I could breathe a little. They liked it too.

If you normally have a glass of something, do as usual. This is coming from a recovering alcoholic -- I would be SO mortified if my hosts gritted their teeth & gave up cocktails because of me! Because it doesn't bother me at all. The point of AA & other recovery programs is for people to learn to live in a drinking world, without drinking. Unless you fear she will grab the bottle & swill it down, go ahead with your life as you live it. Far from being sensitive, it is deeply embarrassing for others to make sacrifices for a perceived handicap that really isn't one.

Hang in there & breathe deeply!

--- Laurie

 

[Calliecake]

Hi MomHappy, I hope you are continuing to survive your five very stressful days. I can only imagine the amount of cooking you have been doing the past few days. Can you please send the leftovers to Illinois?

 

[Andelain]

Hi MomHappy, I hope you are continuing to survive your five very stressful days. I can only imagine the amount of cooking you have been doing the past few days. Can you please send the leftovers to Illinois?

 

[momhappy]

Dropped her off at airport today. The visit was as expected - somewhat emotionally draining and awkward at times. It wasn't terrible, but I'm glad it's over. She made a few frightening comments that I wish that she would have elaborated on. One of them was about some 5-year plan she has about where she's going to live (implying that she plans to move) and she made a joke in the same breath about moving here I couldn't tell if she was joking or not and I was too afraid to ask. The other comment was about how she was already planning her next visit here.
It's a rather scary concept for me thinking about having family live in the same state as us (currently, we have no family here and for the most part, we enjoy that). However, one family member has already decided to move here (hasn't happened yet though because they are waiting until their house sells) and with that family member, another one might also follow. Now, the recent visitor has joked about moving here too. I sort of feel like we are going to be invaded and I have really mixed feelings about that (and rightfully so considering the family drama/politics that they bring with). Yikes

 

[Calliecake]

Momhappy, You must be sighing a big sigh of relief to have her on her way home. it sounds like she enjoyed her stay otherwise I doubt she would be joking about moving there. Maybe next time you should make the visit not quite so enjoyable. My best friend moved out of state from her family. She said she has no desire to go back due to the family drama. In the past couple of months moving to another state doesn't seem like all that bad of an idea and I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. I think every family has drama at some point in time though. I'm beginning to think no one can escape it forever.

Relax and have nice day today. You certainly deserve it!

 

[azstonie]

I'm with Missy on this one: I hate being a houseguest. Thank god my husband does too. When we go to visit friends/family we ALWAYS stay in a hotel and we don't have any discussion otherwise EVER. Its how we are, its how we 'roll.'

Conversely, frankly, I don't much like hosting either. Its a lot of work if you are offering both a hotel and bar/grill to the guests. It completely disrupts our household routine and it truly gives our dogs fits.

After being a hotel/bar/grill for decades for friends and family, my DH and I have a new policy: One night and you're out.

That is all we can reasonably do. Since we never stay at anyone's house, we aren't in reciprocation hell anyway.

 

[movie zombie]

azstonie, we're like you and your husband: I don't like house guests and I don't like staying in anyone's home either. works for us!

so, Momhappy, i'm betting you're really happy and that a cocktail and/or glass of wine of celebration to your survival is in order!

you might want to have a talk with hubby about "the comment" 'cause that would scare shell out of me......

 

[momhappy]

Momhappy, You must be sighing a big sigh of relief to have her on her way home. it sounds like she enjoyed her stay otherwise I doubt she would be joking about moving there. Maybe next time you should make the visit not quite so enjoyable. My best friend moved out of state from her family. She said she has no desire to go back due to the family drama. In the past couple of months moving to another state doesn't seem like all that bad of an idea and I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. I think every family has drama at some point in time though. I'm beginning to think no one can escape it forever.

Relax and have nice day today. You certainly deserve it!

I didn't get the impression that her comments about moving here were influenced by her visit. She mentioned that she has a 5-year plan (that includes the strong possibility of selling her home and moving) and I think that it's been something that she's been putting a lot of thought into for about the past year or so. She seems really adamant about making sure that she maintains a strong, positive connection with my family (which again, could be related to her desire to move here).
In terms of family in general, DH and I have no problem at all living here solo. We hear all about the family drama/politics, but being so far removed, we don't get immersed in it like everyone else does. I shudder to think that in about 5 years or so, I could have 3-4 of my in-laws living here (and by "here" I mean right in my own city or very close)

 

[luv2sparkle]

Glad you made it through the visit! Hopefully, all the relatives moving to your city won't happen. Fingers crossed.

 

[CJ2008]

momhappy, glad for you the visit's over...

I, too, would be terrified by those comments. I've been terrified by much less

I am so jealous of all of you who have husbands who feel like you do...I hate houseguests...my husband doesn't necessarily seek them out but he would never say "no."

Thankfully we don't get many at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year...but but I'd rather none...ever...especially if it's not my family because I have much less of an issue saying "no, we can't" or "not those dates" or "we can, but only from this day to that day."

Him...seems whatever they'd ask for, he'd agree to...although he does always check with me, it's always a "thing."

 

[CJ2008]

momhappy, glad for you the visit's over...

I, too, would be terrified by those comments. I've been terrified by much less

I am so jealous of all of you who have husbands who feel like you do...I hate houseguests...my husband doesn't necessarily seek them out but he would never say "no."

Thankfully we don't get many at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year...but but I'd rather none...ever...especially if it's not my family because I have much less of an issue saying "no, we can't" or "not those dates" or "we can, but only from this day to that day."

Him...seems whatever they'd ask for, he'd agree to...although he does always check with me, it's always a "thing."

 

[CJ2008]

momhappy, glad for you the visit's over...

I, too, would be terrified by those comments. I've been terrified by much less

I am so jealous of all of you who have husbands who feel like you do...I hate houseguests...my husband doesn't necessarily seek them out but he would never say "no."

Thankfully we don't get many at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year...but but I'd rather none...ever...especially if it's not my family because I have much less of an issue saying "no, we can't" or "not those dates" or "we can, but only from this day to that day."

Him...seems whatever they'd ask for, he'd agree to...although he does always check with me, it's always a "thing."

 

[CJ2008]

momhappy, glad for you the visit's over...

I, too, would be terrified by those comments. I've been terrified by much less

I am so jealous of all of you who have husbands who feel like you do...I hate houseguests...my husband doesn't necessarily seek them out but he would never say "no."

Thankfully we don't get many at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year...but but I'd rather none...ever...especially if it's not my family because I have much less of an issue saying "no, we can't" or "not those dates" or "we can, but only from this day to that day."

Him...seems whatever they'd ask for, he'd agree to...although he does always check with me, it's always a "thing."

 

[CJ2008]

momhappy, glad for you the visit's over...

I, too, would be terrified by those comments. I've been terrified by much less

I am so jealous of all of you who have husbands who feel like you do...I hate houseguests...my husband doesn't necessarily seek them out but he would never say "no."

Thankfully we don't get many at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year...but but I'd rather none...ever...especially if it's not my family because I have much less of an issue saying "no, we can't" or "not those dates" or "we can, but only from this day to that day."

Him...seems whatever they'd ask for, he'd agree to...although he does always check with me, it's always a "thing."

 

[CJ2008]

momhappy, glad for you the visit's over...

I, too, would be terrified by those comments. I've been terrified by much less

I am so jealous of all of you who have husbands who feel like you do...I hate houseguests...my husband doesn't necessarily seek them out but he would never say "no."

Thankfully we don't get many at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year...but but I'd rather none...ever...especially if it's not my family because I have much less of an issue saying "no, we can't" or "not those dates" or "we can, but only from this day to that day."

Him...seems whatever they'd ask for, he'd agree to...although he does always check with me, it's always a "thing."