VENT

[lilylover]

I haven''t been around these boards much lately, mainly to calm my LIW nerves! However, BF really got to me tonight and I need to vent to all you wonderful ladies who understand what it is I am going through.

Him and I had a convo tonight:

-----
Me: "So now my dad is getting in on it.. he was asking my mom how come you haven''t proposed yet and what your deal is! I really wish you''d speak with them to let them know your intentions so that they can stop stressing me out with their comments!"

Him: "Ok, I will talk with them before we go on vacation"

Me: "Before vacation??! That is over a month away!"

Him: "Ok, I will do it before that."

Me: "I am sad now. You''ve known that I wanted to get married in May or June of next year and I see that becoming less and less of a reality. I think I am being patient but what you just told me made me really disappointed."

Him: "Sorry."

Me: "Sorry?? That''s it?"

Him: "What else am I supposed to say??"

--------
Ugh! I was really hoping a proposal would come on my bday (June 24th) but from those comments I am way off! How frustrating.

 

[FrekeChild]

Well he did say before. That means anywhere from now to then. Is he a procrastinator or something?

I think you need to ease up a bit. If I was in his situation and you said what you did to him, to me--and I''d push it back even more, or even reconsider it.

I KNOW it''s hard and frustrating and frankly, HORRIBLE to wait, but saying things like that really. does. not. help.

Been there, done that, and YES he pushed it back because I kept rubbing his delays in his face. And I KNEW when I was saying it that I wasn''t doing myself any favors.

I know it''s easier said than done. But, it''s well worth the effort.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

 

[tyty333]

Any chance of a proposal coming during vacation and he is trying to throw you off the scent?

 

[jcarlylew]

i think too, a lot of guys ask the parents to shortly pop the question after - so maybe he was planning on asking on june 23, just in time for your birthday?

it is hard, though, regardless. *hugs*

 

[stepcutgirl]

Date: 5/29/2009 12:05:51 AM
Author:lilylover
I haven't been around these boards much lately, mainly to calm my LIW nerves! However, BF really got to me tonight and I need to vent to all you wonderful ladies who understand what it is I am going through.


Him and I had a convo tonight:


-----

Me: 'So now my dad is getting in on it.. he was asking my mom how come you haven't proposed yet and what your deal is! I really wish you'd speak with them to let them know your intentions so that they can stop stressing me out with their comments!'


Him: 'Ok, I will talk with them before we go on vacation'


Me: 'Before vacation??! That is over a month away!'


Him: 'Ok, I will do it before that.'


Me: 'I am sad now. You've known that I wanted to get married in May or June of next year and I see that becoming less and less of a reality. I think I am being patient but what you just told me made me really disappointed.'


Him: 'Sorry.'


Me: 'Sorry?? That's it?'


Him: 'What else am I supposed to say??'


--------

Ugh! I was really hoping a proposal would come on my bday (June 24th) but from those comments I am way off! How frustrating.

I've has many arguments with r like this. Not over getting engaged but over other things. I too often get then "sorry" that I then follow up with getting beyond pissed that "sorry" is all he has to say after I've just laid out whatever it is I've laid out. My bf is a kind man, but the second I push his defense is to be indifferent or cold. Maybe that is what is happening here? I think it's also possible he has something planned for your vacation and you should drop it until the vacation comes. If you get home from the vacation and he has not proposed then sit down with him and have a non confrontational talk with him.

ETA:I think maybe YOU should have a chat with your parents. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is between you and him, not your parents and him. I know if either of my parents came at me asking why it hasn't happened and what not I'd be defensive for him, letting them know when it happens, it happens and that that is between us.

 

[princesss]

I agree with stepcutgirl. This is between you and him, and you and your parents, not him and your parents. He may even think you made it up to bug him about engagement again, or he now feels even more pressured to do it. I know the more pressure I heap on my BF, and the more I stress him out about it, the more resentful he gets. But if he sees me trying to keep calm, and I don''t freak out about things, he''s much happier to do whatever needs to be done. But pressure from your parents on top of pressure from you is not going to help the situation. It''s up to you to talk with your parents and say, "Hey guys, not helping. You''ll know when you know, so calm down because you''re stressing me out." It''s not up to him to do things any sooner than he planned/is comfortable with just because you''re getting a little more pressure.

To be totally blunt: he''s either going to propose or he''s not. If you guys have talked about approximately when it''s going to happen, calm down and wait for that date to PASS before you have another conversation about it.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/29/2009 5:26:23 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Well he did say before. That means anywhere from now to then. Is he a procrastinator or something?

I think you need to ease up a bit. If I was in his situation and you said what you did to him, to me--and I''d push it back even more, or even reconsider it.

I KNOW it''s hard and frustrating and frankly, HORRIBLE to wait, but saying things like that really. does. not. help.

Been there, done that, and YES he pushed it back because I kept rubbing his delays in his face. And I KNEW when I was saying it that I wasn''t doing myself any favors.

I know it''s easier said than done. But, it''s well worth the effort.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Ditto. Besides, it doesn''t have to take a full year to plan a wedding. I feel like I''m running out of things to do and I still have 5+ months to go.

 

[lilylover]

Thanks, ladies. You always bring me back to reality! I am so thankful for this place!

I am not going to say anything more to him about it. Before last night, I hadn''t really said anything to him in over a month, which is huge for me because I am a big talker. I have to talk about what''s on my mind. But, yes, thanks for the perspective.

 

[16ocean]

Date: 5/29/2009 11:09:29 AM
Author: princesss
I agree with stepcutgirl. This is between you and him, and you and your parents, not him and your parents. He may even think you made it up to bug him about engagement again, or he now feels even more pressured to do it. I know the more pressure I heap on my BF, and the more I stress him out about it, the more resentful he gets. But if he sees me trying to keep calm, and I don''t freak out about things, he''s much happier to do whatever needs to be done. But pressure from your parents on top of pressure from you is not going to help the situation. It''s up to you to talk with your parents and say, ''Hey guys, not helping. You''ll know when you know, so calm down because you''re stressing me out.'' It''s not up to him to do things any sooner than he planned/is comfortable with just because you''re getting a little more pressure.

To be totally blunt: he''s either going to propose or he''s not. If you guys have talked about approximately when it''s going to happen, calm down and wait for that date to PASS before you have another conversation about it.

Its tough to do but princesss advice is good. Keep combing back to chat/vent

 

[swingirl]

I don't know why he should answer a question that your parents are posing to you. You need to answer their question with an, "I don't know but you'll be the first to know when it happens."

I am guessing you want him to be embarrassed when face-to-face with your parents. Sorry, but I think that is a little immature and doesn't exactly show "wife" to me. Patience otherwise you'll get no where.

 

[lilylover]

Date: 5/29/2009 11:55:38 PM
Author: swingirl
I don''t know why he should answer a question that your parents are posing to you. You need to answer their question with an, ''I don''t know but you''ll be the first to know when it happens.''

I am guessing you want him to be embarrassed when face-to-face with your parents. Sorry, but I think that is a little immature and doesn''t exactly show ''wife'' to me. Patience otherwise you''ll get no where.

No, I definitely do NOT want him to be embarrassed! In fact, I defend him constantly to my parents, telling them that BF knows when he wants to propose and he wants to keep as few people knowing about it beforehand as possible. They love him, but are traditional in that they want to be asked permission before the proposal. I think they are slightly offended that he hasn''t done this yet. Not saying they have a right to be, but I think that is where they are coming from.

It''s just hard... when you have people constantly asking you what''s up, why hasn''t he proposed yet ... it wears on you after a while. We are getting it from everywhere. Friends, family, you name it.

I apologized to BF today and told him that I was out of line. He was very understanding and told me that he is thankful for my patience, that he knows that it is hard, and that the wait will be over soon.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 5/29/2009 11:55:38 PM
Author: swingirl
I don''t know why he should answer a question that your parents are posing to you. You need to answer their question with an, ''I don''t know but you''ll be the first to know when it happens.''

I am guessing you want him to be embarrassed when face-to-face with your parents. Sorry, but I think that is a little immature and doesn''t exactly show ''wife'' to me. Patience otherwise you''ll get no where.

Ditto. It drove me crazy when people kept asking me ''so when are you getting married'',''have you set a date yet'' blah, blah, blah....

What people fail to realise is that marriage isn''t about a big dress, a party and showing off about your big day to your friends. It''s about a LIFE LONG COMMITTMENT that should be taken seriously when both parties are ready and able

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/30/2009 1:13:59 AM
Author: lilylover
He was very understanding and told me that he is thankful for my patience, that he knows that it is hard, and that the wait will be over soon.

aww, i''m glad you two talked and he''s being so sweet about it.

and your wait will be over soon?! DUST!!!! your FF sounds like such a sweet guy so i can''t wait to hear how he proposes to you!