Uncomfortable conversation with my friend today

[kenny]

I would have laughed and said " did you really just ask that?" And then change the topic.

I like this!

 

[Smith1942]

I would have laughed and said " did you really just ask that?" And then change the topic.

I like this!

Yeah, that's a good one! I'm going to remember that, with the holiday season coming up and the full complement of nosy controlling relatives!

 

[Gypsy]

I would have laughed and said " did you really just ask that?" And then change the topic.

I like this!

I like that too.

I'm super sensitive to stuff like that so I would have been pretty offended. But I am trying REALLY FREAKING HARD to change that about myself.

So here's what I would probably do if it happens again. either do what April said, (which I love) in order to let them know they pushed a boundary with you. Or just say something like "Everyone has different priorities, and you can't know what's going on in other person's finances. So I don't ask, and instead try to live and let live. Life would be boring if we were all the same."

if it came up a third time though. We're talking FIRM push back of, "this isn't the first time you've mentioned this. I'm a little concerned by your scrutiny into my personal finances. It makes me uncomfortable and I wish you would please just accept that I have different priorities for my fiances than you do, and just leave it at that. I value your friendship, and prefer it if we didn't have to have this conversation again."

 

[Polished]

I'd shock and rock her little world with your gorgeous jewelery. Christians and non-christians can get caught up in disapproval and holding others to account can become a convenient way of not dealing with your own stuff. I don't know whether by "taste" Lara meant this woman doesn't get jewelery. It sounds like she only focuses on the cost of the items with no actual appreciation of their beauty or artistic merit. Another person might have a more sophisticated approach and think along the lines of, while never wanting to part with a lot of money for a piece of jewelery, they could appreciate that they had the opportunity of encountering such a stone or love the way a piece looks on the person wearing it.

 

[nomissjane]

Oh Lara, don't give up wearing your sentimental pieces.

I'm a sydneysider and I definitely have the largest Ering of all my friends and peers. When I received my 2.12ct D diamond from my hubby I got more than a few judgmental comments of the 'what I'd rather do with that kind of money' kind.
I've since acquired a 1ct diamond pendant, earrings, eternity rings etc...and all of these received comments ranging from the lovely to the thinly veiled jealous.
When I had my ering reset last year into the VC Emylia halo there were even some visible eye rolls!!! Hehe.
....wait till I get the 4-5ct diamond tennis braclet I'm currently squirreling the pennies away for.

What I found though is that everyone chooses to spend their dollars differently. I save and buy far fewer but much more expensive pieces. Many of the people who've made comments about my collection choose to spend plenty of dollars on lots and lots of costume jewellery or shoes or handbags, none of which really float my boat and I would never, ever dream to comment on their choices.
As for me, Im as happy as a clam and don't give a fig what anyone thinks about how I spend my money.

Bottom line is it's nobodys business but yours. I'd put your beautiful ring defiantly back on as I'm sure if you were to take a squiz into their finances you'd find plenty of dollars being 'wasted' on things that are important to them but which could be waaaay better spent on oodles of lovely bling! lol.

 

[Smith1942]

I'd shock and rock her little world with your gorgeous jewelery. Christians and non-christians can get caught up in disapproval and holding others to account can become a convenient way of not dealing with your own stuff. I don't know whether by "taste" Lara meant this woman doesn't get jewelery. It sounds like she only focuses on the cost of the items with no actual appreciation of their beauty or artistic merit. Another person might have a more sophisticated approach and think along the lines of, while never wanting to part with a lot of money for a piece of jewelery, they could appreciate that they had the opportunity of encountering such a stone or love the way a piece looks on the person wearing it.

Hahahahahaaa! That is naughty but I like it!

 

[TooPatient]

I would have laughed and said " did you really just ask that?" And then change the topic.

This.

You could also do something like I've been doing with "A" -- "That is a rather rude thing to ask." then let her sit uncomfortably and change the subject.
(FWIW, I explained exactly why it was rude to ask the first couple of times so now just remind her when something is really rude. -- I don't think you should have to explain that to your friend though!)


I understand feeling uncomfortable around people with substantially more or less jewelry than you. It feels like you're really standing out when all you want to be is comfortable with those you're with. I have situations where I have the largest diamond in the room (my college classes) and others where it is the smallest (our dinner group). It can be difficult, but I do try to enjoy wearing what I have regardless of situation (sapphires & diamonds with a tank top and yoga pants...). Oh.... and I try not to actually drool on some of the rings/bracelet/pendants that I see in the other setting!


Anyway...
She was out of line and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable just because someone else was rude.

 

[justginger]

I would have laughed and said " did you really just ask that?" And then change the topic.

This.

You could also do something like I've been doing with "A" -- "That is a rather rude thing to ask." then let her sit uncomfortably and change the subject.
(FWIW, I explained exactly why it was rude to ask the first couple of times so now just remind her when something is really rude. -- I don't think you should have to explain that to your friend though!)


I understand feeling uncomfortable around people with substantially more or less jewelry than you. It feels like you're really standing out when all you want to be is comfortable with those you're with. I have situations where I have the largest diamond in the room (my college classes) and others where it is the smallest (our dinner group). It can be difficult, but I do try to enjoy wearing what I have regardless of situation (sapphires & diamonds with a tank top and yoga pants...). Oh.... and I try not to actually drool on some of the rings/bracelet/pendants that I see in the other setting!


Anyway...
She was out of line and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable just because someone else was rude.

I've had a few comments regarding Poppy from close friends that I field with no issues. I tell them that I saved my overtime for 2 years for my newest ring, it's a 30th birthday present to myself, and it brings me a lot of joy -- and I purchased it in the States, which always saves money. They all moved on, and regularly ask me about any future purchases out of genuine curiosity, not gossiping.

However, one girl at uni I had only just met flat out said (in front of a small group of people), "Oh God, how much did you pay for THAT?! All I could do was laugh -- but I forced out, "Really? That's a bit rude, isn't it? Would you like to see my payslips while you're at it?" She stammered that she was just curious because she works at a jeweller (one of the worst maul chains you can imagine). Hopefully, at 19 years old, the situation wasn't terribly mortifying for her, but embarrassing enough that it taught her a lesson.

 

[LLJsmom]

I would have laughed and said " did you really just ask that?" And then change the topic.

This.

You could also do something like I've been doing with "A" -- "That is a rather rude thing to ask." then let her sit uncomfortably and change the subject.
(FWIW, I explained exactly why it was rude to ask the first couple of times so now just remind her when something is really rude. -- I don't think you should have to explain that to your friend though!)


I understand feeling uncomfortable around people with substantially more or less jewelry than you. It feels like you're really standing out when all you want to be is comfortable with those you're with. I have situations where I have the largest diamond in the room (my college classes) and others where it is the smallest (our dinner group). It can be difficult, but I do try to enjoy wearing what I have regardless of situation (sapphires & diamonds with a tank top and yoga pants...). Oh.... and I try not to actually drool on some of the rings/bracelet/pendants that I see in the other setting!


Anyway...
She was out of line and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable just because someone else was rude.

I've had a few comments regarding Poppy from close friends that I field with no issues. I tell them that I saved my overtime for 2 years for my newest ring, it's a 30th birthday present to myself, and it brings me a lot of joy -- and I purchased it in the States, which always saves money. They all moved on, and regularly ask me about any future purchases out of genuine curiosity, not gossiping.

However, one girl at uni I had only just met flat out said (in front of a small group of people), "Oh God, how much did you pay for THAT?! All I could do was laugh -- but I forced out, "Really? That's a bit rude, isn't it? Would you like to see my payslips while you're at it?" She stammered that she was just curious because she works at a jeweller (one of the worst maul chains you can imagine). Hopefully, at 19 years old, the situation wasn't terribly mortifying for her, but embarrassing enough that it taught her a lesson.

Well said and well done!!

 

[gregchang35]

Hi Lara,

You have been given some amazing advice on deflection! If u so choose to leave a few pieces behind and not wear them, I am more than happy to look after them for you.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Give her a great big smile and say: "Eat your heart out."

 

[LaraOnline]

Thank you for your comments! I am so annoyed about this I even mentioned to my husband.
It's like me walking around her house and asking how much her kitchen upgrade cost.
We have been relative open with each other in the past about most things and she is much younger than me but....
Not sure why I have to be her 'process' about her stuff, you know?
And I hate to think of her critiquing me to other people I know.

I like Ginger's response - honest, unaffected, not overly thought out...
Will take a leaf out of your book, Ginger!
And next time she quotes the dollar value of my anni ring back at me, I'll tell her to triple the price based on my insurance valuation lol!

 

[movie zombie]

Whatever happened to "Mind your own business"?

Just tell her that.

She sounds like a jealous little twit.

LOL, my exact first reaction!

 

[LaraOnline]

Hi Lara,

You have been given some amazing advice on deflection! If u so choose to leave a few pieces behind and not wear them, I am more than happy to look after them for you.

Thanks Greg. My 1.6 ct F e-ring would make a very elegant pinky!!
I'm an old bluestocking wrapped in a hippie wild chick wrapped in a suburban mum, so I do *conservative* well lol.
I could go brooch!!
Or maybe lovely 3.2ctw studs....
Or maybe just keep it as an e-ring and wear it when I want to feel extra married and loved (which is every day lol).

 

[Kaleigh]

Hi Lara.... I didn't read all the responses... After a while here You just know how it goes... NO not DR Phil... But girl please do not allow you to stop wearing your bling...

She has kept a check list ?? Has that amounts down to the penny??


Like who does that??

Nanny had a great saying... Leave it lay where Jesus flung it...

Meaning don't induldge her any more...

Walk away..

She's not your friend,,

Big hugs!!!!

 

[Dandi]

Yep, sounds like plain old envy to me. Please please don't let it affect how you wear your beautiful collection!! If it helps, I'm deathly jealous of your gorgeous diamonds too

You're a huge success - a wonderful mum with a beautiful, healthy family... so WHO GIVES a rat's **** how you spend your play money?! Geez. Some people irk me no end. Grrr.

Now I feel like ducking down to the shops in my trackies, shabby old moccasins and every bit of diamond jewellery I have, just because I can

Big big hugs to you, Lara my dear. We all love ya!

 

[LaraOnline]

Cheers everyone, i am feeling officially 'cheered up'.
And guess what I'm wearing EXAcTLY what I wore jewellery wise yesterday, and I feel just fine!
Hope this photos aren't too big I'm doing it on my phone.







C'est tout! And I don't give a tinker's cuss!

Dandi Andi you better watch your bracelet I have my eye on it lol.

 

[Polished]

C'est tres bon. Your rings and bracelet look fantastic. I'm actually loving the slivers of yellow gold brightened by the eternity band.

 

[LLJsmom]

Cheers everyone, i am feeling officially 'cheered up'.
And guess what I'm wearing EXAcTLY what I wore jewellery wise yesterday, and I feel just fine!
Hope this photos aren't too big I'm doing it on my phone.

Dandi Andi you better watch your bracelet I have my eye on it lol.

LOVE IT!! BRING IT ON!!

 

[MissGotRocks]

Good for you! Be true to yourself and don't let anyone guilt you out of your own pleasures. As long as she's not paying for it, she shouldn't say a word! Friends that make you feel bad aren't really good for you and not really friends either - sometimes we have to rethink our relationships - both in terms of what we put into them and what we get out of them. Caustic, sniping people just don't cut it for me - life is simply too short!

 

[Smith1942]

Good for you! Be true to yourself and don't let anyone guilt you out of your own pleasures. As long as she's not paying for it, she shouldn't say a word! Friends that make you feel bad aren't really good for you and not really friends either - sometimes we have to rethink our relationships - both in terms of what we put into them and what we get out of them. Caustic, sniping people just don't cut it for me - life is simply too short!

Hear, hear!! I totally agree. The snipers get short shrift from me too.

 

[Smith1942]

Yep, sounds like plain old envy to me. Please please don't let it affect how you wear your beautiful collection!! If it helps, I'm deathly jealous of your gorgeous diamonds too

You're a huge success - a wonderful mum with a beautiful, healthy family... so WHO GIVES a rat's **** how you spend your play money?! Geez. Some people irk me no end. Grrr.

Now I feel like ducking down to the shops in my trackies, shabby old moccasins and every bit of diamond jewellery I have, just because I can

Big big hugs to you, Lara my dear. We all love ya!

I agree with all the above times ten!

 

[Smith1942]

Lara, your jewellery is absolutely stunning! Tell me about that bracelet - do you have a thread on it? And your diamond, ohhhh A thread on that?

So basically, having and wearing this jewellery is part of who you are. Sometimes, other people just can't cope with who we are. And when that happens, time to get the hell out of Dodge! (By which I mean, time to not bother with the friendship anymore.)

Your friend clearly can't cope with the fact that you are a bejewelled person. So be it. Let her hang around with people dressed in sacks if she prefers.

You, dahling, are absolutely fabulous! Work it, work it!

 

[LaraOnline]

Lara, your jewellery is absolutely stunning! Tell me about that bracelet - do you have a thread on it? And your diamond, ohhhh A thread on that?

So basically, having and wearing this jewellery is part of who you are. Sometimes, other people just can't cope with who we are. And when that happens, time to get the hell out of Dodge! (By which I mean, time to not bother with the friendship anymore.)

Your friend clearly can't cope with the fact that you are a bejewelled person. So be it. Let her hang around with people dressed in sacks if she prefers.

You, dahling, are absolutely fabulous! Work it, work it!

Oh geez thanks Smith! It's weird, is it not? That being online allows for a certain type of honesty that may not happen irl.
Get the hell out of Dodge? That's what my husband keeps saying lol, he want to move somewhere more 'contemporary'.

I had to go to a little girl's birthday party today, and sad to say I didn't wear my 1.6ct e-ring. It stayed home... and tbh I felt more comfortable for it. Style is also about not shoving things in people's faces. Maybe it's something I will have to learn to play by ear.

The bracelet is a fun 70s-style rainbow bracelet, of heated sapphires, princess cut, 16ctw. Set in 18k yg.
Do you like it? I love it, it is so much fun and never fails to lift my spirits!
I got it from Trent Anderson, whose family has been making these for ages, he inherited the business from his father. He lives in Thailand, but they collect their sapphires from all over the world.

Perhaps I should make a proper SMTB thread. Other people, surely, love rainbow colours as much as me. I wasn't sure whether PS crowd would appreciate a rainbow bracelet!?

http://stores.ebay.com.au/Rainbow-Sapphire-Jewelers?_trksid=p2047675.l2563

http://www.rainbowsapphirejewelers.com/

 

[Dandi]

Since when have you had that bracelet??? Ahhhh I've wanted one of them for... about forever!!! Thank you for the link, I'm going perusing!

 

[Smith1942]

Yes, it's stunning! Thread! Thread! Make a thread!

Thanks for posting the info xxx

 

[JaneSmith]

Oh rainbow bracelet, I covet thee.

 

[AGBF]

I, also, have read the entire thread. In the beginning I was so thrown by the outlandishness of this woman's behavior (I hesitate to call her your friend) and your apparent meekness in accepting it that I was going to post that perhaps cultural differences between Australia and the United States made understanding each others' ways too difficult for me to help you. I was just flabbergasted.

The many postings from other Pricescopers made me see that there were a lot of things that you could say to this woman, however. And that even Americans could think of ways to handle this woman.

My favorite way, so far, is TooPatient's. I absolutely think that if this woman ever again asks you anything personal you should come out directly and say, "Well that is certainly a rather rude thing to ask, " or if it was a statement, "Well that is certainly a rather rude thing to say"!

AGBF

 

[wordie89]

I love Kennys comment! Lara, I teach children and we talk about having positive, encouraging supportive friends and family. I refer to the others as energy vampires.
Enjoy your beauties :<)

 

[monarch64]

Give her a great big smile and say: "Eat your heart out."

MB, I almost fell out of bed when I read this. Thank you for the visualization and the laugh!

Lara, your collection is beautiful. Please don't stop wearing any of your jewels because someone made such petty remarks to you. Please.

Sometimes humans are just awful to each other. I'm sorry you had this experience, but I think there's always a lesson. In your case, I think you have seen that not all friends are concerned with your comfort and happiness. And that's ok. Just make sure to draw a line in the imaginary sand and tell her where your boundaries lie so it doesn't happen again. It shouldn't be your responsibility to do so, but life just never turns out as planned, you know?

A long time ago I had a friend who loved to visit my home and ask me ridiculous questions like "when is your husband going to fix that flaw in the wall?" Or, "why do you have that weird painting hanging there?" Just very tactless, clueless questions that somewhat hurt my feelings at the time. She also copied nearly everything I purchased or did. I had threads on some of it years ago. I learned after some time that I had unwittingly bothered her to her core and that sometimes that just happens. I can't control others. I couldn't expect her to just treat me the way I treat others. We were two very different people despite what we thought we had in common. I went to lunch with her one day to hash things out, and I told her exactly why what she'd said had bothered me. We were never quite friends again, but there was some closure. Maybe you can do something similar with your friend who was not so polite about your jewelry. However you choose to deal with the situation, I wish you the best of luck.