Two Elderly Women tricky invites

[mayachel]

My mother has two dear long time female friends who are probably in their mid to late 70''s. They have lived together for over 25 years. As far as WE know, they are "just" two good friends who have known one another a very long time and decided to live out their golden years with one another. It occurred to me about 7 or 8 years ago that perhaps they were actually a couple. Obviously my mother and I have minded our own business and don''t actually know one way or the other. Growing up, I received gifts and cards signed by both of them.

My mother feels that since we don''t know their status, they should receive individual invitations. What do you think?

 

[sunnyd]

I''d send them each their own, unless you were pretty close to them. Then I''d send one.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Do what you feel is right. We had two similar situations. DH''s aunt lives with his grandfather, they aren''t a couple but live at the same residence. We only sent one. Same with a mother daughter situation. They were not offended. We do have two brothers that live together and have girlfriends and we sent two invites to the same residence one addressed to each. I know this probably doesn''t help you. My thought is that if you have recieved cards from them together I doubt they would be offended if you invited them together.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

I agree with your mother. Send two separate invites.

 

[D2B]

You know for a ladies of that age, I would play it safe and send to seperate invitations. It is not a huge cost to send another one and you will know for certain you havnt offended or implied anything they might not want to acknoledge iykwim. Better safe than sorry , and it is only one extra invitation - so no big deal in the sheme of things.

good luck
db

 

[neatfreak]

2!

 

[kama_s]

Definitely 2 separate invites!

 

[honey22]

I would normally say send two invites, but you mentioned that when they send you cards, they sign them from the both of them? This indicates to me that they are happy with ''being considered together'' KWIM?

Maybe they are together and they assume you know their ''status''. If you send them one invite, they may feel like you have ignored their status and this might offend them? Who knows, you know them best, but considering the way they sign your cards, I would send them one.

Good luck, it''s a tricky situation.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I would go with two. Remember the TV Show "The Golden Girls"?

I could absolutely see myself living with my best friend in a purely platonic arrangement if we both found ourselves to be in our golden years and single. In fact, after reading this, I kinda want to call her and make a deal that if we outlive our husbands we will live out our golden years together. If you have been friends for that long, you are probably more like sisters anyway!

 

[havernell]

We were faced with the exact same situation, although in our case the two women were best friends of my grandmother's and had lived together for probably close to 60 years! If they ARE a couple, I give them major props for living life how they wanted even back in the 1950s!

The etiquette books say to mail two separate invitations, so if you want to go by formal etiquette, do that. However, I feel that with odd situations such as this that sometimes you go against etiquette if it just doesn't "fit" your situation. For example, how has your mother handled addressing mail to them in the past? Does she send one holiday card to them both, or separate cards? When they've been invited to past family parties (i.e. birthdays, graduations, showers, etc...) were they sent one invitation or two? If in the past you've always just sent them one invitation, it may be more natural for you (and them) in this case to invite them jointly.

It's hard because if they ARE a couple, you don't want to treat them any differently than any other couple who would get a joint invitation. However, they also can't really fault you for sending two separate invitations if they themselves have not made it public knowledge that they are a couple. So, two is probably "more safe" than one in the not-wanting-to-offend-anyone balance.

Finally, since they are your Mom's friends and she thinks they should get separate invitations, I'd defer to her on this one. When it comes to addressing invitations to your friends, you can be the final judge then!

So, basically my answer is to send two, though someone else in a similar situation could reasonably decide to just send one!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I would send them each their own invitation. That''s safest. (you may want to follow up and make sure one didn''t get lost in the mail or something, though...)

 

[purrfectpear]

2 invites positively. If they were "out" you wouldn''t be asking this question. As long as there is any doubt whatsoever, treat them as two ladies who share a house like roomies.

 

[daydreamer]

Hmm. Difficult choice, but if they''ve sent you joint gifts and cards, it is consistent to send them one invitation. It''s not like you haven''t sent mail to them jointly before (like for the thank you notes).

 

[mayachel]

"I could absolutely see myself living with my best friend in a purely platonic arrangement if we both found ourselves to be in our golden years and single. In fact, after reading this, I kinda want to call her and make a deal that if we outlive our husbands we will live out our golden years together. If you have been friends for that long, you are probably more like sisters anyway!"

"It''s hard because if they ARE a couple, you don''t want to treat them any differently than any other couple who would get a joint invitation. However, they also can''t really fault you for sending two separate invitations if they themselves have not made it public knowledge that they are a couple. So, two is probably "more safe" than one in the not-wanting-to-offend-anyone balance."

"2 invites positively. If they were "out" you wouldn''t be asking this question. As long as there is any doubt whatsoever, treat them as two ladies who share a house like roomies."

Yes, yes and yes! All of the above and the other posts. I do appreciate your opinions. It''s like you are sitting on either side of my shoulder.

My fiance thinks that regardless of it being platonic or romantic we should invite them as two, as it honors them as a "couple" which is what he thinks anyone is, who is not otherwise related but choosing to share their lives. For example, we would never invite one and not the other, and if one couldn''t make it-the other would likely not come....

All these things considered, I think we will send out two.

 

[Green with Envy]

send two invitations because maybe they both will want their own to save as a memory for a scrapbook or something.

 

[HopeDream]

2 invitations in one envelope?