"Trust me, I''ll handle it" Famous last words

[rockzilla]

So, I''ll admit it up front. I''m a bit of a control freak. When it came to the wedding, I kept a lot of the decisions and managment stuff myself.

One thing I had my now-husband handle was the videographer. He was in charge of making sure the payments were in on time, communicating, picking the songs for the video, etc. We weren''t even planning to get a video at first, but a number of our family members are on the east coast and couldn''t make it out for the wedding, so we got this to be able to show them after the fact.

When we had our initial consult, we asked to have the video by the end of October (wedding was in August). We figured this would give us a little buffer if the video was say, a week or two late. The videographer agreed to this (at first he was a little hesitant, but then he said he wanted to help us) and even put the delivery date in the contract.

The video didn''t arrive for Thanksgiving. However, my husband was a little late in getting him the music selections, so we told him that it would be OK, as long as we got it for Christmas (all the family is rarely around together at times other than these two holidays). Somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas, he stopped responding to communication.

What bugs me (beyond the obvious that this videographer is a complete flake) is that my husband wasn''t updating me to all this. I had to constantly ask him for updates on what was going on...it wasn''t until I asked him, a few days before Christmas, that it was apparent we wouldn''t be showing our family the video (which we had promised them at Thanksgiving). I felt like, if I hadn''t asked him, he would have never told me. And, since he wasn''t updating me, I had no idea what was going on with it throughout this process.

It has been so frustrating...especially since every time I offer to call the guy, exert some additional pressure, etc, my husband gets defensive and says "I''m handling it." My reaction is, well, maybe you need some backup? But he is insistant. Now, its almost feburary, no video, and we haven''t heard from the guy in over a month. I mean, how much can it hurt to have me call him?

The other thing I explained to him is that, with him taking on this responsibility, 50% of the job is managing the videographer, and 50% is "managing" me - if he doesn''t communicate with me, I assume nothing is happening and get frustrated. I am not blaming him for the videographer''s screw-up, but the way he has handled it so far hasnt made things any better. And we STILL don''t have that video!

 

[kama_s]

Oh my husband and I have had plenty of similar moments! I used to be really patient, like you are! Now I just say "You've handled it your way, now I'm handling it my way"

I suppose it's mean, but it gets the job done and we're both glad the issue has been dealt with.

Sucks you didn't have the video to share with your family over Christmas.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 1/21/2010 5:22:26 PM
Author: kama_s
Oh my husband and I have had plenty of similar moments! I used to be really patient, like you are! Now I just say ''You''ve handled it your way, now I''m handling it my way''

I suppose it''s mean, but it gets the job done and we''re both glad the issue has been dealt with.


Sucks you didn''t have the video to share with your family over Christmas.

+1. He''s had plenty of time to "handle it." Now it''s your turn to actually get something done!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Rockzilla, I am going to be the lone ranger and stick up for your hubby.

He is a man. He had ONE item to work on. The videographer is obviously a flake and your hubs is having a hard time coming to terms with the breach of contract. This was supposed to be his realm and when it spiraled out of control, he didn''t want YOU to know because he didn''t want YOU to think he was incompetent.

By going "over his head" and handling it your way, you are telling an outsider (the videographer) that you don''t trust your husband to handle the situation. I understand that you are frustrated, I would be beyong PO''d, but your husband is not your employee. He is your partner.

Even if he WAS your employee, it would be very bad "management" to throw your employee under the bus in front of other departments, clients or vendors.

My recommendation would be to sit down with your husband (preferably with a bottle of wine) and first and foremost explain that you TRUST him and that you are frustrated with the videographer, NOT him. Ask him if he would feel comfortable if you helped him and then ask HOW you can help. He might ask for your help, and he might not, but this will set the tone for if he will ask for your help when he can''t find the address for your next dinner party, reading instructions on how to put the baby crib together or any other tasks that may be relegated to him, but that he will struggle with.

I know it''s not the popular choice, but I would say that no matter what, you need to support your husband and remember that you are fighting your videographer TOGETHER.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Sorry, Rockzilla!

I find myself having to ask FI to do something several times before he actually does it. My biggest kicker- once we were going on a cruise for spring break, and I had payed for his ticket as a Christmas present. I asked him if he had his passport with him or if it was at his parent''s house (8 hours away). He told me that he had it. I kept asking him, and asking him, and asking him to give it to me so that I could keep both of our passports together. He just kept reassuring me that he had it.

Ready for this? I finally demanded that he give it to me (the day before we were going to leave) and he goes to get it and realizes- it''s at his parent''s house. I was FURIOUS. His mom had to call me personally and ask me to settle down b/c I had never been so angry with him. In the end, it worked out... b/c him parents DROVE a 16 hour round trip to hand-deliver his passport to him.

Ha Ha... that''s a man for ya. But I think he learned his lesson. I learned mine too... which is that I have to stay on top of him if I want him to do something.