totally overwhelmed

[marlie]

sorry in advance that this is so long....

ugh. so, i''m knee deep in planning and it''s finally getting to me. i''ve gotten a lot done and have been really excited about the progress we''ve made. all of a sudden last night, i get a call from the florist that we are going to book and i just panicked. after we got off, i said to FI that i couldn''t believe that the flowers were so much $$. and i hated that everything is costing so much and i feel like it''s turning into a circus. a little backstory if i may...fi and i originally wanted a wedding no larger than 150 guests so we figured we''d invite somewhere in the neighborhood of 180-200. fi''s mom alone is inviting 180 friggin people. 180!! so now our guest list is around 300. so everything has been more money as a result...we needed a bigger place, a bigger band, more flowers, etc. and it just escalated. and i realized it the whole time, but thinking about how much the flowers were costing was actually making my stomach turn. what''s crazy is that my mom seems to actually WANT to spend the money. i guess i just feel like people are going to think we''re showing off or something...maybe that''s not the right wording, but, yeah i guess i feel like it''s getting a little too showy. don''t get me wrong, i''m excited about my wedding and of course, to marry fi (i''ve been with him for 13 years for goodness sake!), and i don''t want to seem ungrateful, but i think that the crazy money spending train needs to stop. its making me so anxious.

i guess there''s nothing really to comment on, i just needed to get that off my chest. sorry for whining.

 

[dani2142]

You''re not whining at all. No need to apologize. Your wedding sounds like it''s going to be huge and gorgeous! Congrats! However, if you feel like it''s getting out of hand then make sure everyone knows that you are hoping that the wedding list does not get any larger as you already have enough people coming. Weddings are crazy expensive in the first place and with more and more people being added to your list I can see why you are getting overwhelmed. I don''t blame you one bit. That''s awesome that your Mom doesn''t mind helping you pay for everything but make sure she knows you don''t want some big, huge, expensive arse wedding. It sounds like it already is that way though. LOL I guess I''m not much help...

No matter what the cost of everything just remember your wedding is going to be fabulous and once in a lifetime. You are very lucky to have your Mom willing to help you. (Not saying you don''t already know that) So try and relax as much as you can and enjoy every second. I can''t wait to see pics

 

[redfaerythinker]

Well let me say that you are a much braver woman than I. My wedding of under thirty guests has me quaking in my boots. But people scare me anyways. My advice to you is to take a deep breath and find a furry animal to snuggle. Fi will do in a pinch. It will make everything all better.

Sorry my advice isn''t technically helpful, but I hope it made you smile.

 

[tyty333]

Is there anyway to cut back on the table decorations at the wedding so they wont be so "showy"?
Sometimes less is more. Understated can be elegant (and cost less). Have you already given your
MIL the ok on 180 invites? I''m guessing yes since you are already at the flower picking stage. I definitly would
have put my foot down there. Its a party for you (not your in-laws). So nice that your Mom is willing
to pay for all the extras but I can certainly see where you might be getting the feeling that its getting
out of control. Not sure what you can do except try to cut back here and there.

 

[marlie]

thanks for listening and responding everyone. i appreciate it!!

yes, it''s definitely awesome that my mom is contributing so much and fi''s mom too. they are both spending a lot on our day and we are incredibly grateful and feel really lucky. it''s just getting out of control. i feel like it''s a bit of keeping up with the jones syndrome. and, fi and i don''t care about the jones''. we just want our day to reflect us and we want everyone to have a good time. i suppose that''ll happen either way...expensive flowers or not.

the guest list is pretty firm and has been for a couple of months, so nothing i can do about that. i''ve sort of accepted it. i guess i just had a bit of anxiety over how much this is all costing and the impression it''s leaving. i hope the #1 impression that people take away from the day has nothing to do with pretty flowers and fancy catering and everything to do with the fact that FI and I are very much in love and very happy to be married!

again, thanks for letting me vent here!

 

[princessplease]

Marlie-
I''m so sorry you''re going through this. I give you many kudos for hosting such a large event!!! Maybe you could look into non floral centerpieces to save some money. What made the price so high, centerpieces or bouquets???

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/2/2009 12:37:33 PM
Author: marlie
i guess i just had a bit of anxiety over how much this is all costing and the impression it''s leaving. i hope the #1 impression that people take away from the day has nothing to do with pretty flowers and fancy catering and everything to do with the fact that FI and I are very much in love and very happy to be married!

again, thanks for letting me vent here!

I promise that''s what 99.99999% of your guests will be thinking. Sure, everybody''s got a nosey Aunt Nancy who likes to gossip, but the rest of your guests are going to enjoy the evening and will be focused on what''s really important - the fact that you and your FI are getting married! I haven''t been to that many weddings, but every one I''ve gone to I''ve paid a little bit of attention to the decor and food, and a lot of attention to how happy the bride and groom are. So make sure you can enjoy the day, and everything else will follow naturally.

 

[marlie]

pp...thanks for responding date twin!! the entire floral decor overall is expensive. the centerpieces in particular are b/c we''re going to have so many tables. my mom and fi''s mom are total flower people so i know that they would never consider non-floral centerpieces. what''s funny is that they are fine with the cost...it''s me and fi who are like, what??? that''s crazy! i thought the bride was supposed to be the demanding one not the practical one! not in this case!!

princesss...thanks so much. what you said made me feel a lot better. i feel like all this crazy stuff is going on around me and fi and we are these little voices shouting "remember the point everyone! remember why we''re doing this!". i know there will be the people who comment on things being over the top but the people who matter and who know fi and me will just be happy for us that day.

 

[princessplease]

You''re welcome, Marlie. I''m sorry that you''re having a tough time with prices. Maybe you could do some sort of smaller flower centerpieces with a few flowers, but other accents. I''m not sure what kind of look you''re going for, though, so this idea may not work, but I was thinking maybe something like this Linky which has flowers, but uses vases and candles as well.

 

[marlie]

Thanks pp...i love that centerpiece!! I think my mom is going to want something taller b/c the ceilings are so high that the room kind of needs height. I think I just may talk to her about getting something simpler than we were originally planning and kind of compromise.

Oh well. I think maybe I need a weekend away from my wedding! FI''s 30th is Tuesday and I''m throwing him a party tomorrow so I''ll just focus on that. I''m sure I''ll relax about everything soon enough!

 

[honey22]

Darling, step back and breathe! It''s ok, we are all here to help.

You mentioned you have been together 13 years - congratulations!!! We have been together 13 years too, I can understand you are a patient woman

Anyhoo, deep down in your heart, what type of wedding do YOU and your FI want? Not what your family wants, what your parents want or what your friends want, but what you both really imagine for your special day.

You have both been waiting for this day for so long, and I can totally understand that. Please don''t be pushed into a huge big wedding that you don''t want. You shouldn''t feel sick or stressed about your day when you think of it, it should be exciting to plan your dream wedding.

FI and I decided we didn''t want a big circus of a wedding either. We are having an intimate destination wedding, 16 people including us. We couldn''t be happier. I can honestly say, if I won tattslotto tomorow, I wouldn''t change a thing about my wedding. It''s everything we want it to be.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is, if you want a smaller wedding, or a tiny wedding, it''s ok, it''s your day. Your parents will get over it, your family and friends will get over it.

But, if you are forced into having a wedding you don''t want, will you get over it? Or will you regret it forever that it was your one special day that you have waiting over a decade for, and you didn''t do what you really dreamed of?

Good luck sweetie and congratulations on finally getting to marry that man!!

 

[princessplease]

You''re welcome. I think taking some time away from wedding plans may be super beneficial. Here are a few taller ones I found that involve a few flowers, though

This one could be done in your colors, and uses minimal flowers

 

[princessplease]

And this one is so simple, yet formal and elegant. It can even be a DIY project.

 

[marlie]

honey...you are a 13 year-er too! fun! people look at me strangely when i tell them how long we''ve been together. do you get that too? i wouldn''t change a moment of those 13 years though! and, he was worth the wait...the loooooong (and sometimes frustrating!) wait. so glad to have someone else who totally gets it! i am feeling much better about the whole thing today. i think i had a momentary panic of oh my gosh, this wedding is expensive and i felt guilty and just a mix of stressful emotions. i spoke with my mom about things and we''re on the same page now so for the moment, all is good. thanks for your pep talk though. i needed that.

pp...you are too sweet looking these things up. i love the one with the calla lilies. They are gorgeous. you have great taste!! and the other pic you posted is gorgeous too. in fact we are having something similar to that at cocktail hour to try to keep costs down on those flowers.

i really appreciate your advice and comments during my temporary wedding insanity. you guys are the BEST.