Today''s Tykes: Secure kids, or rudest in history?

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/7/2009 8:13:24 AM
Author: Pandora II
to tackle problems.

And yet despite the ''hands off'' techniques, kids in London schools seem to regularly stab each other, take guns to school and are generally unpleasant. In the whole time I have been pregnant I have ALWAYS been given a seat on the bus or tube except once - the bus was full of school children and despite being 36 weeks and so obviously pregnant, not one of them offered me a seat. The only other time I was on the bus when it was full of school children, some tiny little chinese boy gave me his seat - his classmates then proceeded to jeer at him for his behaviour!

I also agree that guilt is a big factor in parenting. I worry about this myself. I do remember thinking it was a bummer when I was a kid that other kids had atari and I didn''t. I didn''t know why my mom wouldn''t allow me to have a phone in my room. It just wasn''t in fair in my book. But I knew I lived in their house and I live by their rules. The lack of instant gratification has done me a world of good.

However, I do worry that if my kid is the only one that doesn''t have x and y, she will be teased and ostracized, which is tough on the psyche. Kids these days seem a lot meaner. No one knew I didn''t have a phone in my room and certainly no one really cared that I didn''t have an atari system. No one had cell phones in those days and I don''t remember a lot of kids with designer clothes.

Unfortunately, I think Amelia is going to be teased for having the old fashioned mom, especially since I will be an older parent compared to her classmates'' parents.

 

[purrfectpear]

T Gal, if you raise Amelia to be self confident she won''t let the teasing get to her all that much. I''m not saying she''ll be immune or won''t care at the time, but rather than just seeing it as tough on the psyche, realize it also makes some of us a lot stronger.

I wasn''t "born" confident, I was raised confident

I was teased some in school. My mother is German, we weren''t as rich as the "in group", and I was an only child. I not only survived, I thrived. I think my upbringing was probably a lot like the stereotypical asian family? Lot''s of emphasis on education, vocabulary, manners, arts, etc. You may be nerdy or bookish in grade school but it all pays off as an adult

 

[Mara]

This morning we just heard a presentation about ''cyber bullying'' which is apparently becoming more and more rampant...an example would be where the kids from school are all on their computers playing some cyber game and then one of the kids has to go to bed early or something. The next day at school he would be made fun of and ostracized for having to go to bed early. Now while bullying has always happened in the past aka on the playground...now it''s even moving to encompass online. Nice.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m late to chime in but I will anyway.

I am so EXASPERATED with how my kids at school are behaving. I''m not a yeller, but man, they got on my nerves today. I gave directions for my students to put their stuff away and sit quietly at their desks until I called them to pack up to go home. It was as if I hadn''t even spoken. They ignored the directions I gave and I was appalled at how little they respected what I had just finished saying. I immediately called all of them to the rug so we could have a chat, and I told them bluntly how appalled I was. When my kids saw how mad I was, the room fell silent. I made them sit there for a full 3 minutes, not uttering a word (until the dismissal bell rang). Three minutes for an eight year old can feel like an eternity, but they knew I meant business.

So yeah, I think kids can be pretty rude.

Okay, I feel better now. I just had to get that off my chest.

 

[fatafelice]

Date: 5/7/2009 12:29:09 PM
Author: mia1181

I think a lot of parents today are not thinking about long term when raising their children. The reason you have a child is not to have someone to love you, it''s to create a functioning independent adult. From the very beginning, you need to be working toward that goal. You need to try and think about every decision and how it will help/hinder reaching that goal. So when little Jimmy as a toddler hits mommy, yes you need to be thinking ''how will my response to this action help/hurt his chances at becoming a happy, functioning member of society?'' If you laugh, you are teaching him ''Oh Jimmy you are so funny, you can treat people how ever you want and they will still love you!'' If you scream at him or hit him back you teach him ''Jimmy we have to make sure we get back at people when we don''t like what they do, and violence is a perfectly acceptable way to resolve things.'' But if you put him down, calmly, but firmly saying ''Jimmy we don''t hit'' or ''Jimmy I don''t want to hold you if you hit me,'' then you are teaching him that it is unacceptable and that people will not want to be around you if you treat them poorly. So I am rambling, but I think a lot of parents today just react to situations like this and don''t think about how their responses are shaping the kind of person their child will be.

BIG, FAT DITTO!

And TGal, I agree that most parents aren''t trying to/ don''t think they are raising brats, but that is because they aren''t paying close enough attention. It goes along with what Mia said above. They think making their kids happy is the most important part, and obviously, they love them, but they aren''t thinking about what kind of people their kids will grow up to be. I see A LOT of parents of my students who just want their kids to like them. Even those who want their child to be successful usually try and make it happen themselves, rather than teach their son or daughter to how to work hard.

I also want to address those who say that parents can do so much, but then their childrens'' peers will have more of an influence. The key as a parent is to actually KNOW who your child''s peers are and what they are about. I know that there was no way I was hanging out with anyone when I was a kid/teen unless my mom had met them and talked to their parents! I have told several parents that they needed to take a closer look at the "new friends" that their child has made if they wanted to know why grades were slipping and attitude was growing. My own parents actually forbade my sister to continue hanging out with my dad''s best friend''s daughter (confusing?)! It ruined our dad''s friendship, but getting away from that trouble maker was the best thing that could have happened to my sister.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 5/6/2009 7:29:21 PM
Author: ksinger
That the current crop of children is ''younger'' or more immature that 40 years ago, has been documented in a recent study of attention span and ability to stand still. So your observations are correct. (I''d have to dig for that one...I read it about 6 month ago?)

Here''s an excellent piece about this issue. It''s long, but good. I may have posted this link before I don''t recall. Still, I''m sure somebody might enjoy it this time too..

The Kindergarchy

That was an excellent article; thanks for the link.