things you have learned through the wedding planning process

[lala2332]

Are there things you view differently? Or that you are more/less lenient of now that you are going through the wedding planning process? Something about yourself?
I just commented on another thread, but it got me thinking about all that I have learned.

1. I will never ask a bride/groom the wedding date when they first announce their engagement.

2. more for when I am older, but the women in FI''s church are so nice and feel like they know me already. but they don''t, and they all want to hold onto me while being introduced and while talking to me. By the end of the morning I''m so overwhelmed with all the touching. So I have learned to be extra respectful of other people''s personal space especially in overwhelming social settings.

3. that guest lits are impossibly hard and to not be offended either way, +1, no +1

4. that I am really and truly not a crier. I didn''t cry at the engagement, nor when I picked my dress.

5. that you find out who your friends are come BM time, and to not rush into picking those. too many horror stories, including my own.

I''m sure there are other things, these all just came to mind.

What about y''all?

 

[Prana]

um, that it''s not as fun as I thought it would be!! jk.

I have learned that I am easier to please than I thought... I was able to find my dream dress within one hour of my first time dress shopping, lol. I thought that I be very specific over every little detail, but I''m finding that I would like to give my vendors express themselves as well (within reason of course).

I agree with you on everything else that you mentioned as well!

 

[Blair138]

I will never ask a newly engaged couple when their date is.

You truly find out who your friends are and even when you drop everything for them it doesn''t mean they will reciprocate.

Family will always cause problems.

 

[fieryred33143]

I learned that I love weddings, love being invited to them, love hearing the details

But

I absolutely hate the idea of a wedding for myself.

 

[KimberlyH]

I learned that wedding planning can absolutely be enjoyable, it''s like everything else in life it''s all about attitude and perspective.

I learned that guests are happy when they feel their effort (buying an outfit, travelling, hiring babysitters, etc.) is appreciated. It was absolutely our day, but it wouldn''t have been as lovely without their attendance and support.

Little things don''t matter. It''s a great life lesson and one that should be applied in excess to wedding planning.

A pleasant environment, good food, and good entertainment matter when planning a successful party.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

-That people love the IDEA of a wedding, but that they don''t necessarily care about them.

-That I CAN have everything I want, even if it means that I have to stay up until 1AM putting my pocketfold invitations together.

-That FI and I are so much more creative than we ever dreamed possible

-That premarital counseling should be mandatory. This is the best thing that we have done in preparation for our marriage, we attended Church preparation which was required (16 hours), but we also used the Mental Wellness portion of my Health benefits to do four months of counseling and even if the issues aren''t ever completely resolved, we have learned SOOOO much about each other, our families of origin, how to really love each other, compromise vs. sacrifice, and especially how to include FIs children in our new family, so that they benefit from our union as well.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

I will always send RSVP cards back the day I receive the invitation in the mail!

 

[Blair138]

Date: 6/25/2009 3:27:25 PM
Author: DMBFiredancer
I will always send RSVP cards back the day I receive the invitation in the mail!

YES! I have always respected people and their RSVPs but I will now send them RIGHT BACK!

 

[princesss]

Date: 6/25/2009 4:32:53 PM
Author: Blair138

Date: 6/25/2009 3:27:25 PM
Author: DMBFiredancer
I will always send RSVP cards back the day I receive the invitation in the mail!

YES! I have always respected people and their RSVPs but I will now send them RIGHT BACK!

Hahaha, I haven''t planned a wedding, but just hanging around here taught me that! I actually got one on the requested response date, so I made sure to call the bride and tell her I was coming and put the response card in the mail the next day. I felt a little silly, but she wanted an answer by that day, and dangit, she was going to get one.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I learned that I wish I had a sister to help me with all this hair/makeup/shoes type stuff.
I learned that I care more about what my guests will think of my wedding that I thought I did.
I learned that weddings are full of annoying little logistical details.

Mostly I learned that my fiance will love me no matter how grumpy I am, or how cranky I get at him.

 

[katamari]

Date: 6/25/2009 5:34:43 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
I learned that I wish I had a sister to help me with all this hair/makeup/shoes type stuff.

I learned that I care more about what my guests will think of my wedding that I thought I did.

I learned that weddings are full of annoying little logistical details.


Mostly I learned that my fiance will love me no matter how grumpy I am, or how cranky I get at him.

Yes.
Yes!
Yes!!
and, YES!

I am glad someone else is having a similar experience. I am also trying to learn that it is okay, and often necessary, to ask for help. But, still working on that one.

 

[Elmorton]

My wedding was a long time ago, but there are some lessons that still stick with me as a guest/whenever I have an event to plan:

1) Never complain about the table you''re seated with. That is a mean, horrible headache for anyone to try to figure out.

2) Always appreciate a nice, hand written thank you.

3) Things will work themselves out with or without your endless worrying. If the thing can''t work itself out, it''s probably not all that important.

4) Never underestimate the willingness for people to take care of you, things that need to get done, and themselves.

5) Good people, good food/drink, good music = all you need for one heck of a party

6) The best gifts are often the ones that weren''t on the registry

7) When it''s 95 degrees, provide water to your sweltering guests

If the average temp is 80 degrees, understand that it WILL be 95 on your day

 

[princessplease]

No matter what, families always cause issues. I never thought issues would arise with my family during planning, but boy oh boy, was I wrong!

Details are extremely important. Putting everything together and coordinating everything so it flows together.

The expense!!! I was oblivious to how much weddings and wedding related things cost until the engagement and wedding planning!!

On the other hand, I learned a lot about saving money and stretching my dollar...DIY projects, enlisting family to help with things, etc.

I can be incredibly creative when I put my mind to things.

There will be no greater moment in my life than when FI slips my WB on my finger, and I do the same back to him, and we say those two words to each other.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I''ve learned that I can claaaaim I''m level headed and reasonable and frugal, but I always want the best (and most expensive) of everything.

I''ve learned that I have a hard time saying ''No."

I''ve learned that I''m not as type-a as I once thought, and the little things really don''t bug me anymore.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 6/25/2009 9:54:46 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom
I''ve learned that I can claaaaim I''m level headed and reasonable and frugal, but I always want the best (and most expensive) of everything.


I''ve learned that I have a hard time saying ''No.''


I''ve learned that I''m not as type-a as I once thought, and the little things really don''t bug me anymore.

Ditto. I''ve also learned not to go tanning a week and a half before your wedding.

 

[honey22]

From reading PS stories, I have learnt that some brides convert to rude bridezillas and forget their manners and other people''s feelings. Food for thought?

 

[SapphireLover]

Things that I have learnt (with 401 days to go) both about myself and about weddings

1. From reading this board- BM, Ushers etc are a nightmare. I have chosen one BM (my 13 year old cousin) and DF has chosen his Best (Wo)Man. We have chosen our witnesses (a couple who we are best friends with and have been married for 3 years and are so happy being married we think they are perfect inspiration). DF hasn''t chosen ushers as he is quite aware that people flake, fall out and would prefer to wait a bit before asking. I am so happy that in the UK we don''t have to appoint a MOH.

2. I have Bridezilla tendencies as much as I hate to admit. I am picky on the details eg wanting Chivari chairs not chair covers, letterpress etc.

3. I am my mother''s daughter. I sit back and reflect on my behaviour and realise that I am just like my mother. I am suprised DF hasn''t run away.

4. Guest lists are a nightmare. No more to be said on the issue.

 

[Lanie]

I whole heartedly second the comment about finding out who your true friends are. That goes with any stressful point in your life (death, divorce, etc).

I also have learned that not only is this my wedding, it's HIS wedding too. It seems like you would know that of course, but since it's HIS wedding, that means that HIS family has opinions, good or bad. His mom has had a lot of questions for me, and at first I thought she was prying and wanting to critique, but she genuinely just wants to stay in the loop. When she wants updates on wedding planning, it's because she wants to be a part of the process. I had to learn to "share" update time with her AND my own mother. Same for those days when the little babies come...

Finally, I've learned to say "I'll take that into consideration" rather than "That's an awesome idea!" or "Ummm...I don't really know about that".

 

[rhbgirl24]

- There is ALWAYS an issue, nothing is really smooth
- Your fiance and you will inevitably have different opinions on how things should be done
- Take a break with your fiance for at least one day a week w/ NO wedding planning
- Its not all fun, but most of it is
- You learn who your friend really are while in planning
- Sometimes people will surprise you
- Family will always causes issues!

 

[NuggetBrain]

I''ve learned that no matter how many times my FI says he doesn''t care about *insert wedding item/location/issue*, he really does.

I''ve learned that everything that I thought would be expensive is cheap, and everything I thought would be cheap is expensive.

I''ve learned I''m not as creative as I thought I was.

 

[Patchee]

That is all costs a LOT of money

 

[DMBFiredancer]

This week I learned that I will never ever talk to the bride or groom before the wedding about how much it is costing for me to travel to their wedding. Someone mentioned this week how "outrageous" her flight was and I felt so much guilt. Another asked who they could share a room with because the rooms were too expensive. Once again - guilt.
The bottom line that helped me get through this was remembering that on the response card, there was a part they could have checked that said that they could not attend.

Also, my new motto to people is "don''t tell me about it, just fix it."
stuff like this...
sister complaining that her BM dress is now tight = "don''t tell me about it, just fix it."
mom complaining about not liking her rehearsal dinner dress anymore = "don''t tell me about it, just fix it."

I am going to use that on the day of the wedding to everyone, too....if something is going wrong, "don''t tell me about it, just find a way to fix it."

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 7/7/2009 10:25:22 AM
Author: DMBFiredancer
This week I learned that I will never ever talk to the bride or groom before the wedding about how much it is costing for me to travel to their wedding. Someone mentioned this week how ''outrageous'' her flight was and I felt so much guilt. Another asked who they could share a room with because the rooms were too expensive. Once again - guilt.
The bottom line that helped me get through this was remembering that on the response card, there was a part they could have checked that said that they could not attend.

Also, my new motto to people is ''don''t tell me about it, just fix it.''
stuff like this...
sister complaining that her BM dress is now tight = "don"t tell me about it, just fix it.''
mom complaining about not liking her rehearsal dinner dress anymore = "don"t tell me about it, just fix it.''

I am going to use that on the day of the wedding to everyone, too....if something is going wrong, ''don''t tell me about it, just find a way to fix it.''

VERY TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I''ve had multiple people tell me that they wish they could go and they wish it didn''t cost so much money to go. All of them trying to guilt me.

My response to all of them has been the same. "I''m sorry you can''t make it, you will be missed!"

 

[mayachel]

3. that guest lists are impossibly hard and to not be offended either way, +1, no +1

I''m still early in the process, but I would say I NEVER understood all this before. I just couldn''t, as a non-bride.

And the COST involved...had a clue...but didn''t.

 

[Yimmers]

Never to personally do it again.

Everything works out in the end, somehow.

It was worth pushing myself to write some personal vows for the ceremony.

Hubby and I make a pretty crafty team

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 6/25/2009 2:56:13 PM
Author: wannaBMrsH
-That people love the IDEA of a wedding, but that they don''t necessarily care about them.

-That I CAN have everything I want, even if it means that I have to stay up until 1AM putting my pocketfold invitations together.

-That FI and I are so much more creative than we ever dreamed possible

-That premarital counseling should be mandatory. This is the best thing that we have done in preparation for our marriage, we attended Church preparation which was required (16 hours), but we also used the Mental Wellness portion of my Health benefits to do four months of counseling and even if the issues aren''t ever completely resolved, we have learned SOOOO much about each other, our families of origin, how to really love each other, compromise vs. sacrifice, and especially how to include FIs children in our new family, so that they benefit from our union as well.

I am still only in the early stages of planning but so far this is what sticks out most- no one will ever care about your wedding as much as you (which is understandable).

 

[marlie]

I''m new to planning too but I''ve learned:

-That making me, FI and our parents all happy with each decision is next to impossible.
-Not to ask the date of a newly engaged person and just let them enjoy their time on cloud 9
-Not to start sentences with "you know who you SHOULD hire?" "you know where you SHOULD have your wedding?" you know where you SHOULD honeymoon".

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 7/9/2009 11:11:24 AM
Author: marlie
I''m new to planning too but I''ve learned:

-That making me, FI and our parents all happy with each decision is next to impossible.
-Not to ask the date of a newly engaged person and just let them enjoy their time on cloud 9
-Not to start sentences with ''you know who you SHOULD hire?'' ''you know where you SHOULD have your wedding?'' you know where you SHOULD honeymoon''.

This is STILL a personal favorite of mine!

"You know where you SHOULD have gone for your wedding?" "You know when you SHOULD go on your honeymoon?"

and better:

"How much did that cost? (and when I don''t tell them) You know, you SHOULD have spent that money on something that lasts, not just a day!"

I always want to respond: Really? Because we thought we SHOULD spend it however the heck we like!"

 

[andex23]

Hello Ladies...I was browsing around today and saw this and thought that it could use a little bump.

* Things always will be more expensive than you thought
* You can''t please everyone, so you might as well start with yourself
* I will never again ask if someone has set a date, especially if they are letting me know that they''ve just gotten engaged
* I will never criticize a bride''s ideas. It''s her idea...she thought of it, I need to be supportive.

 

[mrscushion]

Haven''t gotten too much planning done yet, but one thing I know is to never be offended at not being invited to a wedding. Guest lists are just too hard, and you can''t invite everyone.