The perfect date or the perfect venue?

[diamondbuggy]

Hi everyone!

I need your opinions on something. My FI and I decided a long time ago that we wanted to get married 17 December 2011. There are a few reasons that we like this date. It's 3 days after our 10 year anniversary (most important reason), that weekend is a long weekend so it's easier for guests, I like the number 17, it's also my MOH's birthday and she's so excited we picked that date.

We picked our date over a year ago because my FI has some family overseas and we wanted to give everyone enough time to plan finances so they can come over to SA for our wedding. So, since we've known the date for so long I feel like I'm so used to it already.

Now the problem comes in with the venue. I went to see a venue yesterday that I absolutely love! It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen! But they already have a provisional booking for my date. What happens now is they have to give this other person 7 days to decide if she really wants the venue and to pay the deposit. I only get it if she can't/won't pay within the next 7 days. So now I'm really stressed about this because I really want this venue! I can't imagine anyone not taking it. But if she doesn't then everything works out so no problems.

They did tell me that the 3rd of December is free and that they'll put my name down for that in case the 17th doesn't work out. But the 3rd just doesn't feel right to us. It will also be before our 10 year anniversary so it almost feels like we'll just miss that 10 year mark. I know that sounds kind of silly but I've always imagined telling my children the story of our their parents dated for 10 years before they got married. Am I being really lame?

So I'm really confused! What do I do if the 17th doesn't work out? Do we give up on the perfect venue and settle for someplace else just so we can have the perfect date? Or do we give up on the date so we can have the perfect venue? Please help!

 

[Trekkie]

Hi everyone!

I need your opinions on something. My FI and I decided a long time ago that we wanted to get married 17 December 2011. There are a few reasons that we like this date. It's 3 days after our 10 year anniversary (most important reason), that weekend is a long weekend so it's easier for guests, I like the number 17, it's also my MOH's birthday and she's so excited we picked that date.

We picked our date over a year ago because my FI has some family overseas and we wanted to give everyone enough time to plan finances so they can come over to SA for our wedding. So, since we've known the date for so long I feel like I'm so used to it already.

Now the problem comes in with the venue. I went to see a venue yesterday that I absolutely love! It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen! But they already have a provisional booking for my date. What happens now is they have to give this other person 7 days to decide if she really wants the venue and to pay the deposit. I only get it if she can't/won't pay within the next 7 days. So now I'm really stressed about this because I really want this venue! I can't imagine anyone not taking it. But if she doesn't then everything works out so no problems.

They did tell me that the 3rd of December is free and that they'll put my name down for that in case the 17th doesn't work out. But the 3rd just doesn't feel right to us. It will also be before our 10 year anniversary so it almost feels like we'll just miss that 10 year mark. I know that sounds kind of silly but I've always imagined telling my children the story of our their parents dated for 10 years before they got married. Am I being really lame?

So I'm really confused! What do I do if the 17th doesn't work out? Do we give up on the perfect venue and settle for someplace else just so we can have the perfect date? Or do we give up on the date so we can have the perfect venue? Please help!

Gosh, I seem to be stalking you today!

Congratulations on finding the perfect venue! I'm sure it is beautiful.

Have you considered Friday the 16th? It is a public holiday, so people will be off work and able to attend. I know it's unconventional in SA to get married on any day other than a Saturday, but it's quite normal in Europe. You'll have passed your 10 year mark by then and your guests will have the rest of the weekend to look forward to!

 

[diamondbuggy]

Gosh, I seem to be stalking you today!

Congratulations on finding the perfect venue! I'm sure it is beautiful.

Have you considered Friday the 16th? It is a public holiday, so people will be off work and able to attend. I know it's unconventional in SA to get married on any day other than a Saturday, but it's quite normal in Europe. You'll have passed your 10 year mark by then and your guests will have the rest of the weekend to look forward to!

Haha, sometimes I feel like I'm stalking you!

My FI actually suggested the 16th as well but I get the impression that this venue only does Saturdays. When she was showing me the available dates she only mentioned the 3rd and the 10th (which is also booked already). But I suppose I should find out for sure.

Only problem with that is we have a lot of out of town guests so I think they would all use the Friday to travel to Jo'burg.

I really thought I was doing this early enough to get my first choices. I was shocked when I saw how much has been booked already. There were dates in 2012 that were already booked. I guess I have a lot to learn about the wedding industry!

 

[Trekkie]

Gosh, I seem to be stalking you today!

Congratulations on finding the perfect venue! I'm sure it is beautiful.

Have you considered Friday the 16th? It is a public holiday, so people will be off work and able to attend. I know it's unconventional in SA to get married on any day other than a Saturday, but it's quite normal in Europe. You'll have passed your 10 year mark by then and your guests will have the rest of the weekend to look forward to!

Haha, sometimes I feel like I'm stalking you!

My FI actually suggested the 16th as well but I get the impression that this venue only does Saturdays. When she was showing me the available dates she only mentioned the 3rd and the 10th (which is also booked already). But I suppose I should find out for sure.

Only problem with that is we have a lot of out of town guests so I think they would all use the Friday to travel to Jo'burg.

I really thought I was doing this early enough to get my first choices. I was shocked when I saw how much has been booked already. There were dates in 2012 that were already booked. I guess I have a lot to learn about the wedding industry!

Hehe! Well, the next option is to offer the other bride a bribe - you must have your day!!!

 

[diamondbuggy]

Haha, Trekkie, you crack me up! I could also hire a hitman!

 

[Trekkie]

Absolutely! You can ask Dina Rodrigues or Glen Agliotti for referrals!

Funny thing about the 17th of December though... Looks like that might end up being our date, too!

My FI's mom has decided that we're getting married in December because that's when everyone has leave, and more importantly, she hates cold weather so it has to be a summer wedding.

She has decreed that we must get married in Oudtshoorn because that's halfway between where we live in Grahamstown and where they live in Cape Town.

So it looks like we might be date twins!

 

[diamondbuggy]

Absolutely! You can ask Dina Rodrigues or Glen Agliotti for referrals!

Funny thing about the 17th of December though... Looks like that might end up being our date, too!

My FI's mom has decided that we're getting married in December because that's when everyone has leave, and more importantly, she hates cold weather so it has to be a summer wedding.

She has decreed that we must get married in Oudtshoorn because that's halfway between where we live in Grahamstown and where they live in Cape Town.

So it looks like we might be date twins!

Oh cool! That's another reason now why I really hope this date works out for us!

You don't seem too happy about Oudtshoorn? That's on the garden route, right? That whole area is beautiful. I'm sure you'll find a great venue around those parts. There are a few places between Grahamstown and Cape Town you could consider. What about Knysna? I love that place! That's close to Oudtshoorn I think.

 

[Trekkie]

Absolutely! You can ask Dina Rodrigues or Glen Agliotti for referrals!

Funny thing about the 17th of December though... Looks like that might end up being our date, too!

My FI's mom has decided that we're getting married in December because that's when everyone has leave, and more importantly, she hates cold weather so it has to be a summer wedding.

She has decreed that we must get married in Oudtshoorn because that's halfway between where we live in Grahamstown and where they live in Cape Town.

So it looks like we might be date twins!

Oh cool! That's another reason now why I really hope this date works out for us!

You don't seem too happy about Oudtshoorn? That's on the garden route, right? That whole area is beautiful. I'm sure you'll find a great venue around those parts. There are a few places between Grahamstown and Cape Town you could consider. What about Knysna? I love that place! That's close to Oudtshoorn I think.

I actually don't mind too much. I like that she's taking such an interest in planning our wedding. I love the garden route - we usually spend a few days there several times a year, frequently while en route to Cape Town.

His mom arrives here tomorrow so we'll probably sit down and plan everything then...

When do you find out if the other bride is able to take up that date? I really hope she chooses another Saturday - you must have your day!

 

[diamondbuggy]

I actually don't mind too much. I like that she's taking such an interest in planning our wedding. I love the garden route - we usually spend a few days there several times a year, frequently while en route to Cape Town.

His mom arrives here tomorrow so we'll probably sit down and plan everything then...

When do you find out if the other bride is able to take up that date? I really hope she chooses another Saturday - you must have your day!

She has 7 days to decide and pay the deposit. So for the next week we'll be waiting anxiously. Hopefully we'll know sooner because I'm not very patient.

It's nice to get your FI's mom's input. My FI's parents live in New Zealand so I feel kind of bad for his mom not being involved with the planning. I've been emailing her about all things wedding related so she can feel included.

 

[Trekkie]

I actually don't mind too much. I like that she's taking such an interest in planning our wedding. I love the garden route - we usually spend a few days there several times a year, frequently while en route to Cape Town.

His mom arrives here tomorrow so we'll probably sit down and plan everything then...

When do you find out if the other bride is able to take up that date? I really hope she chooses another Saturday - you must have your day!

She has 7 days to decide and pay the deposit. So for the next week we'll be waiting anxiously. Hopefully we'll know sooner because I'm not very patient.

It's nice to get your FI's mom's input. My FI's parents live in New Zealand so I feel kind of bad for his mom not being involved with the planning. I've been emailing her about all things wedding related so she can feel included.

I hope she decides soon because I also hate waiting! Hehe!

Whereabouts in NZ are your inlaws based, if you don't mind my asking? Both my older brothers are in Auckland. They love it there! Sadly they won't be coming to our wedding but we've been invited to NZ for our honeymoon. Not sure I'd want to spend my honeymoon with my brother, sil and their two kids! But very sweet of them to offer.

 

[diamondbuggy]

I hope she decides soon because I also hate waiting! Hehe!

Whereabouts in NZ are your inlaws based, if you don't mind my asking? Both my older brothers are in Auckland. They love it there! Sadly they won't be coming to our wedding but we've been invited to NZ for our honeymoon. Not sure I'd want to spend my honeymoon with my brother, sil and their two kids! But very sweet of them to offer.

They're in Auckland too. They just moved there in Feb so are just settling in. So far they love it. We're hoping to go visit them in March. They'll defititely be coming for the wedding. We gave them lots to time! My FI would be very upset if they don't make it for whatever reason.

Haha, a honeymoon with your brother and sil would be funny!

 

[amc80]

I say go for the venue that is perfect. There is a date I really want, and is perfect for some of the same reasons yours is perfect to you (including the birthday, odd!). But I know that logistics might not make it possible, and I'm okay with that. I figure whichever day we choose will be special because that's the day we got married. Weddings are about the memories...I'd rather look back knowing the venue was perfect and it was exactly what I wanted than know it was a certain date.

About the Friday wedding- you may want to ask. They might have not suggested it since it's uncommon.

About the 10 years thing- I see 10 years minus two weeks the same as 10 years plus two weeks. It's still 10 years.

BTW- I lived in Auckland for a year, I was an exchange student in high school

 

[NakedFinger]

I would say go for the venue, you will regret not having your dream venue more than the actual date.

I book weddings for a living, and never understood the concept of people asking for a specific date and then turning down a venue they love just because a specific date is available ie: 11/11/11, 9/10/11 because they "sound cool", or their anniversary, their parents anniversary, etc. You will make NEW memories with your new wedding date. I was with my husband for 10 years before we got married too, and would it have been nice to do it on our dating anniversary so we didn't have to remember another date? Sure But it didnt work out that way and I never would have sacrificed where I wanted to get married because they didn't have the date. You will regret settling for 2nd best.

 

[diamondbuggy]

I say go for the venue that is perfect. There is a date I really want, and is perfect for some of the same reasons yours is perfect to you (including the birthday, odd!). But I know that logistics might not make it possible, and I'm okay with that. I figure whichever day we choose will be special because that's the day we got married. Weddings are about the memories...I'd rather look back knowing the venue was perfect and it was exactly what I wanted than know it was a certain date.

About the Friday wedding- you may want to ask. They might have not suggested it since it's uncommon.

About the 10 years thing- I see 10 years minus two weeks the same as 10 years plus two weeks. It's still 10 years.

BTW- I lived in Auckland for a year, I was an exchange student in high school

Thanks for the response amc!

You're absolutely right that whatever day we end up choosing will be special. I suppose I've just had this one date in my head for too long that it's messing with my mind now.

If I find out that we don't get the venue for the 17th, I'll definitely find out about the 16th. It might be fun to have our anniversary on a public holiday every year!

I know I'm being really silly about the 10 years thing. My FI said the same thing to me about it basically being 10 years anyway. I suppose in a few years time I'll look back and it won't really matter.

Thanks! It's nice to get an outside opinion sometimes. When you're too close to it you can't always see the bigger picture.

 

[diamondbuggy]

I would say go for the venue, you will regret not having your dream venue more than the actual date.

I book weddings for a living, and never understood the concept of people asking for a specific date and then turning down a venue they love just because a specific date is available ie: 11/11/11, 9/10/11 because they "sound cool", or their anniversary, their parents anniversary, etc. You will make NEW memories with your new wedding date. I was with my husband for 10 years before we got married too, and would it have been nice to do it on our dating anniversary so we didn't have to remember another date? Sure But it didnt work out that way and I never would have sacrificed where I wanted to get married because they didn't have the date. You will regret settling for 2nd best.

Thanks NakedFinger!

The more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I'll definitely regret not having the venue. I tried to figure out what I'd feel in a few years time looking back on my wedding day, and I think the date probably won't matter at all. Whatever date we choose will be special.

I think my mistake was setting an actual date so long ago. We should've just told my FI's family December 2011 instead of trying to give them the day as well, because now I have this date stuck in my head. But you're right, another venue would feel like settling for 2nd best.

Thanks for giving me the perpective of someone in the industry!

 

[lulu66]

I would say go for the venue, you will regret not having your dream venue more than the actual date.

I book weddings for a living, and never understood the concept of people asking for a specific date and then turning down a venue they love just because a specific date is available ie: 11/11/11, 9/10/11 because they "sound cool", or their anniversary, their parents anniversary, etc. You will make NEW memories with your new wedding date. I was with my husband for 10 years before we got married too, and would it have been nice to do it on our dating anniversary so we didn't have to remember another date? Sure But it didnt work out that way and I never would have sacrificed where I wanted to get married because they didn't have the date. You will regret settling for 2nd best.

Thanks NakedFinger!

The more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I'll definitely regret not having the venue. I tried to figure out what I'd feel in a few years time looking back on my wedding day, and I think the date probably won't matter at all. Whatever date we choose will be special.

I think my mistake was setting an actual date so long ago. We should've just told my FI's family December 2011 instead of trying to give them the day as well, because now I have this date stuck in my head. But you're right, another venue would feel like settling for 2nd best.

Thanks for giving me the perpective of someone in the industry!

i agree with all of this! go for the venue like you said "whatever date we choose will be special"---it will be your anniversary!

 

[CharmyPoo]

No need to worry until you find out. In the venues I visited, they told me that most people that don't book right away don't end up booking at all. 5 years ago .. I said I was going to get married on August 28, 2010 but we just didn't have enough time to plan. It was a beautiful day in Toronto

I have been having wedding date regrets lately. I got convinced to go with 9.3.11 but keep wanting 9.10.11 ... too late now because our photographer is already booked on 9.10.11.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Give up the venue and keep the date. The only get the venue once and just for a few hours. The date is very special to you and will stay with you for years to come.

 

[diamondbuggy]

i agree with all of this! go for the venue like you said "whatever date we choose will be special"---it will be your anniversary!

Thanks lulu! You're so right, our anniversary will be special on any date.

 

[diamondbuggy]

No need to worry until you find out. In the venues I visited, they told me that most people that don't book right away don't end up booking at all. 5 years ago .. I said I was going to get married on August 28, 2010 but we just didn't have enough time to plan. It was a beautiful day in Toronto

I have been having wedding date regrets lately. I got convinced to go with 9.3.11 but keep wanting 9.10.11 ... too late now because our photographer is already booked on 9.10.11.

Thanks for the response CharmyPoo!

I really hope you're right about people not booking right away! Everyone's posts have made me feel better about maybe having a different date but I would obviously love it if it works out for us!

Sorry you're having regrets about your date! I really hope it works out for you! I can only tell you what amc said to me, any day you choose will be special.

 

[diamondbuggy]

Give up the venue and keep the date. The only get the venue once and just for a few hours. The date is very special to you and will stay with you for years to come.

Thanks Sparkly Blonde! But now you've confused me!

I was just feeling good about the whole date thing and now you're making me think again. Unfortunately, I really do think I'll regret settling for 2nd best with the venue. It was one of those things when I just knew it was The One, love at first sight.

I'm crazy, I know!

 

[bee*]

We went for the perfect venue. We were in a similar position in that we wanted to get married on our 10 year anniversary but our venue was booked for the day so we settled for 3 weeks before that date. We were so thrilled that we went with our perfect venue instead of the date and now we have 2 anniversaries to have an excuse to celebrate.

 

[CharmyPoo]

The date is just the date - what makes the date special is that you got married on it. I definetly think having your venue and vendors is more important than the actual date.

My concerns for my date is more around logistics challenges.

 

[Trekkie]

Two days until we find out if you can have your dream date!

Have you heard from the venue, yet?

 

[diamondbuggy]

Two days until we find out if you can have your dream date!

Have you heard from the venue, yet?

I've heard nothing yet. I'm hoping that's a good sign. Surely if those other people wanted to book they would've done it by now? At least that's what I'm telling myself!

I'll definitely let you all know as soon as I hear something!

 

[diamondbuggy]

We went for the perfect venue. We were in a similar position in that we wanted to get married on our 10 year anniversary but our venue was booked for the day so we settled for 3 weeks before that date. We were so thrilled that we went with our perfect venue instead of the date and now we have 2 anniversaries to have an excuse to celebrate.

Thanks bee! I think I'll probably go with the venue as well if the date doesn't work out.

I haven't thought about celebrating 2 anniversaries. That's a really good way to look at it!

 

[diamondbuggy]

I have good news! Seems I was stressing for nothing because the 17th of December is available now! Yay!

Thank you to everyone who posted! You all made me feel a lot better, but luckily things worked out!

 

[TooPatient]

I have good news! Seems I was stressing for nothing because the 17th of December is available now! Yay!

Thank you to everyone who posted! You all made me feel a lot better, but luckily things worked out!

Congratulations!!!!!!

I'm so glad you get to have your dream venue AND dream date!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Congrats on your dilemma being solved!

I just wanted throw in that my SO and I will be married 16 days short of the 10 year anniversary of our first meeting. But, I will still say we got married 10 years to the month of knowing each other. It's close enough! Who needs to nitpick about two little weeks when you've been together 10 years, right?

 

[lulu66]

I have good news! Seems I was stressing for nothing because the 17th of December is available now! Yay!

Thank you to everyone who posted! You all made me feel a lot better, but luckily things worked out!

oh my gosh, that's so awesome! YAY!! glad it all worked out perfectly for you