The line between precaution and paranoia for women

[firebirdgold]

Where is the line? At what point does a woman go from being cautious to being paranoid? Or am I merely facing a reality most women live with? Is this what life is really like? Walking the few feet from your driveway to your front door scanning the shadows? Being afraid to drag the trash can to the curb at night because you forgot during the day and your husband is on a trip? Locking the door behind you the minute you bring the groceries in?
Most of the time it feels paranoid to me, but I don''t want to be an article in the local paper that makes people think ''how could she be so careless?".

You know, sometimes I think people blame the victim partly so they don''t feel so vulnerable. They want to think that it only happened because the other woman messed up: parked her car in a dark alley, didn''t lock her door, didn''t fight back, walked home alone... whatever. That way they can feel safer, that they won''t be attacked or raped because they wouldn''t make themselves a target. Now that''s some nasty thoughts!

Thing is no matter if I scan the shadows or lock my windows I still feel like prey. I''m pretty sure most of the other women in my town and in my neighborhood feel the same way.


Sorry, I''m in a real dark mood right now. There''s been ten rapes or attempted rapes that have been reported since the fall in the area. Given the stats on women under-reporting sexual assaults I figure that the most optimistic figure is probably twice that. A couple of the attacks have been within blocks of my house. The attacks are getting more aggressive and more frequent. I think there''s been at least three just in the past month.


You know, being female really bites sometimes.

 

[aprilcait]

I know what you mean, Indie. It''s so frustrating sometimes. I feel like, because I''m female it automatically means that I have to give up some freedoms men have just becuse I am more "at risk" than they are... being a woman in 2007, that''s just too darn frustrating to even think about.

This cautiousness makes me dread the early twilight hours of winter and how it means I need to be *extra vigilant* heading to my car at 5:00pm to head home from work. Seriously, the only people in the parking lot are people who work in the building...that''s it, but I still need to be aware of my surroundings, have my keys out and ready, not be distracted, etc. It''s like a constant predator vs. prey feeling. Not fun.

Oh, well! I''ll enjoy the longer spring/summer days while I can..right!

 

[neatfreak]

I don''t think you''ve crossed the line into paranoid at all. I live in a very very safe area (Madison, WI) and I still look over my shoulder when I''m parking in a lot at night, lock the doors when I get home, etc.

If you were feeling this way and lived in a very very safe neighborhood, I might say you''re being a bit paranoid (but only for something like the garbage). BUT since there have been a lot of issues recently in your ''hood I would just say you''re being SAFE and SMART!

You''re getting out of there soon right? Hope your new ''hood is better.

 

[strmrdr]

code yellow

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/LymanYip1.html

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 5/24/2007 3:26:44 PM
Author:IndieJones
Where is the line? At what point does a woman go from being cautious to being paranoid? Or am I merely facing a reality most women live with? Is this what life is really like? Walking the few feet from your driveway to your front door scanning the shadows? Being afraid to drag the trash can to the curb at night because you forgot during the day and your husband is on a trip? Locking the door behind you the minute you bring the groceries in?
Most of the time it feels paranoid to me, but I don''t want to be an article in the local paper that makes people think ''how could she be so careless?''.

You know, sometimes I think people blame the victim partly so they don''t feel so vulnerable. They want to think that it only happened because the other woman messed up: parked her car in a dark alley, didn''t lock her door, didn''t fight back, walked home alone... whatever. That way they can feel safer, that they won''t be attacked or raped because they wouldn''t make themselves a target. Now that''s some nasty thoughts!

Thing is no matter if I scan the shadows or lock my windows I still feel like prey. I''m pretty sure most of the other women in my town and in my neighborhood feel the same way.


Sorry, I''m in a real dark mood right now. There''s been ten rapes or attempted rapes that have been reported since the fall in the area. Given the stats on women under-reporting sexual assaults I figure that the most optimistic figure is probably twice that. A couple of the attacks have been within blocks of my house. The attacks are getting more aggressive and more frequent. I think there''s been at least three just in the past month.


You know, being female really bites sometimes.

Is this in ABQ or SF? I understand if you don''t want to say where.

 

[firebirdgold]

SF. I guess it''d probably just be lost in the noise in a city the size of abq. I''m not the only one a little freaked. DH went out this evening for a beer run and locked the door behind him when he left! All the self defense and gun classes have booked up for the next couple of months! Including the concealed carry classes. Somehow I''m not feeling much safer!

Aprilcait, you''re right it is a constant predator vs. prey. It just isn''t fair that women have to live with a certain level of fear all the time and men don''t. I know, I know, life isn''t fair. Doesn''t mean I have to like it.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 5/26/2007 2:01:50 AM
Author: IndieJones
SF. I guess it'd probably just be lost in the noise in a city the size of abq. I'm not the only one a little freaked. DH went out this evening for a beer run and locked the door behind him when he left! All the self defense and gun classes have booked up for the next couple of months! Including the concealed carry classes. Somehow I'm not feeling much safer!

Aprilcait, you're right it is a constant predator vs. prey. It just isn't fair that women have to live with a certain level of fear all the time and men don't. I know, I know, life isn't fair. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

I have heard a few things from time to time. I am so sorry; that is scary. One of my best friends lives in SF; I will ask her how she feels.
Did you take a self defense class? I hope they find the rapist soon

It is no fun looking over your shoulder. I carry mase with me; times are crazy.

 

[strmrdr]

10% pepper spray is the next best thing to a firearm and being in condition yellow so you have time too use it.

 

[KimberlyH]

For me, the line is drawn where I allow my fear to interfere with my life. If my fear stops me from doing things than it will have gone to far. I''m nowhere near this point. In fact, my poor DH wishes I were more leary.

I am not extremely cautious (lived alone and slept with the windows open in a reasonably urban area, etc.) but when alone in a parking lot at night I always hold a key between my fingers in case I''m attacked so I can jab my (non-existent) attacker. We live in a rural area now and I would leave the doors unlocked all of the time, DH doesn''t feel the same.

So sorry for all the bad things happening in your neighborhood, Indie. In that situation your reaction and that of your DH seems warranted. Continue to be cautious.

 

[princesss]

It''s such a hard line to define...I go to a very safe school with a very small number of sexual assaults per year, but I''ve still researched weapons restrictions on campus (no knives over 5 inches long). I generally carry a corkscrew with me (those can do a very significant amount of damage and aren''t classified as a weapon). When I leave work at night, I always have somebody walk with me to my car and I drop them off at their car, and when I have to park too far away from my dorm, I pick up my boyfriend or a friend to walk with me. I did get lucky enough to have a boyfriend who is willing to drop whatever he''s doing to come find me if I don''t feel safe, and more than once has left a party (or had a sober friend I trust leave with him) to come get me. In cabs I make or fake phone calls (I have actually called myself!) and chatted, giving "someone" a time that I expected to be there so the cabbie would know somebody was expecting me.

Yeah, I''m a little paranoid, but it makes me feel safer and all of these things are normal for me (and my boyfriend and friends) now.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I used to think I was too cautious, until I was attacked in September.

I was running through this trail that runs through a park on a Sunday afternoon. It was paved, tree lined, and there were always plenty of people running, walking, or riding bikes down the path. I had on my i-pod and I guess I wasn''t paying as much attention as I thought... A man jumped out of the bushes, grabbed me, and kept saying "I can''t wait to have me a little blonde girl." Luckily, I kicked him where it hurt and got away, but many women have not been so lucky. I never thought I couldn''t feel safe during the day on a public walk, but I wasn''t. Be careful ladies!

 

[princesss]

Wow. That''s terrifying. I''m so glad you got yourself out of that situation!

 

[beachbound]

Thank goodness you got away! I have had problems regarding these situations myself. I have been stalked, groped and almost grabbed in different situations in my life! It is ridiculous! I try not to let it bother me, but I do try to protect myself at the same time. I always carry a knife in my purse/car, have keys, an alarm, cell phone, and mase with me at all times. I refuse to become one of those women who are terrified to go out of their own homes at night. Despite what has happened to me in the past, I will not allow myself to become paranoid. I am now cautious of my surroundings. Good job for fighting back OU, it''s a terrifying situation, but luckily you were able to think and get away!

 

[jcrow]

i think of myself as very cautious while dh thinks i''m paranoid. he doesn''t get it. when he moved in i constantly had to remind him to lock the door. we lived in an apt. complex for goodness sakes! i try to always be aware of my surroundings. i pray if i''m ever in a dangerous situation that i''d be able to defend myself. thing is you never know until you''re in it.

this is something that is always on my mind.

 

[Mara]

i am definitely cautious and maybe even a little paranoid. to me it's a total no brainer to lock the house when you are inside it, don't leave doors or windows wide open kind of thing. even screen doors are unsafe which is a drag too. are you supposed to be locked in the house all the time? typically people know the area in which they live in and if it's a hugely safe rural area, then you probably have way less to be worried about than in an urban or city situation. we live in kind of a transitional area....it's filling up with people more like us, aka DINKS, but it's in the middle of an old established neighborhood that is kind of patchy in spots in terms of people and income, a few streets are really expensive homes and a few others are not so nicely kept up kind of sketchy neighborhoods. we see all types of people walk by our house all the time though the area is definitely better than when we moved in as it becomes more and more gentrified. and we live in a townhouse so we are connected to one other house (we are an end unit) and we are friends with our neighbors, so i feel a little more protected in that aspect, but still not really. the way i think about it is...if someone really wants to get to you, they will find a way. the perv who jumps out of the bushes is most likely a random attack, but someone who actually attacks your house or similar probably has a plan and has been watching you and your habits for some time. that totally freaks me out. i just assume someone is always watching me. it makes me more cautious.

greg came in yesterday after talking with a neighbor and told me that a house 3 doors down from us on the other side of the street where an old man lives by himself was robbed this week. these guys faked being the water utility company and got in the house, sat him down, and told him not to move and he'd be fine, and robbed him. how scary is that? so obviously don't let any strange utility people in your house but seriously...what is this world coming to? the guy is so old, probably doesn't have much and he could have had a heart attack or something from the shock. and for what? these guys to get a few dollars in cash or whatever? just horrible.

but yeah your story OU about running and being attacked totally hits home for me as i take a lot of hikes and walks alone, along trails where there are typically people on them as well, but there are long stretches of no one else, you never know who might be lurking around the next corner. even hiking, if someone is behind me on a trail and it's a man, i feel a little skittish just having them back there. i think...it just takes a second for him to swoop up and push me off the trail or something. a lot of times i will stop and tie my shoe or whatever and let them pass me.

greg jokes around and says that if anyone tried anything with me they'd be in some serious pain since i'm a pretty strong girl, but i don't know if i would actually ACT or just be frozen with fear...that's MY biggest fear. sure if i fought i think i could get away but what if i somehow can't act? i wonder about that sometimes when you hear these stories about women taken from public places. i always think gosh why didn't you cause a scene? like that woman who was just taken from target and killed nearby...i remember them saying something like she struggled and she was in a huge store with lots of people around! WHY would she have gone with him? for me it's the WHY that is really freaky...not knowing. it makes you wonder.

i think i remember reading something about stats where it said if you go with the person...your chances of ending up dead are much higher than if you actually fight and make a big scene and try your hardest to get away. i think if they had a weapon it'd be another matter but i still think i would not go easily. in any case, bottom line is that i think it is a very scary world out there for women. you can be a strong, independent woman who knows martial arts or whatever and it may or may not help you. you just never know...and i hope i am really never in the situation to find out. i just try to be aware of my surroundings and who is near me, i lock the car and house when i am in it....i try not to play my music too loud when walking and keep a 'scan' on so i never get too complacent. but unfortunately that's life..and unless we want to go move to the country where there are like 10 people in the town city limits, that's what we deal with i guess.

stay safe women!!

 

[decodelighted]

I''m pretty sure I''m paranoid ... raised to see every male as a potential attacker (*shrug*) but .. geez, lately ... I feel warranted!

The girl snatched from the Target parking lot really scared me. It was still light outside, she was parked close to the store even! Strong girl -- athlete -- struggled. Some say they think the attacker may have used a stun gun on her to get her into her own car. I dunno. It''s just awful.

I lived in NYC/Brooklyn for 15 years total & probably felt as safe there as anywhere because I was very careful about not taking the subways at night ... walking down the center of streets etc .... Oddly here in the country I feel more vulnerable. My DH totally doesn''t understand. He thinks I''m KRAZEEE when I lock the doors & hide the car keys when I''m in the car by myself. I think "carjacking" -- no keys, no car running, how would we get anywhere?

Just the other day I was scolding him for leaving the door unlocked when he left for work and he''s all "It''s safe here" and LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY a super sketchy character showed up at the door ... all tweaked out & jittery ... telling me he was up from the city for "job training" and could he come in and ask me some questions. No clipboard, NOTHING. I refused to open the door & told him I didn''t have time and IMMEDIATELY called DH at work & was like "SEE!!! Scary dude trying to get in". I felt so vulnerable because the side door has a big ol'' window in it --- all someone would have to do to break in is bust one tiny pane & reach in. Now that sketchy guy "up from the city" knows that. Knows we have an expensive cappucino maker (visible from that entry) and that no dudes are home during the day. Also -- that our dog is tiny & not a chomping risk. AIIGGH.

 

[rainbowtrout]

ّWhen FI went to New York to rent our apartment, I tried to explain how to judge if it was "safe"--this is the guy that insists it is our civic duty to take the subway at 2am and never suggests we take a cab late at night-- I finally got frustrated and said, "Try to imagine that at any moment you might get raped, murdered, or mugged, and that there is a large change you won''t be able to do much about it. THEN tell me if you think it''s a safe area for me to live in alone 3/4 of the time!"


Point being, it is just a different world for men out there. Sometimes I wish I could walk down the street and have that lack of constant awareness.

 

[marcy]

OU, I am so glad you were able to hit that guy where it hurts and get away. That''s pretty scary.

I live is a small town but I''m pretty paranoid. I always lock the doors if I''m home alone, don''t open up windows, etc. On the other hand I''m pretty oblivious to my surroundings. When I''m by myself I check around, when I''m with my husband I feel protected and don''t pay attention to much of anything.

We were in Denver a few years ago and were leaving a fast food joint. My husband was throwing away our trash and I walked out the door. I had my purse wide open, my billfold out taking care of some money and looking down. I was totally unaware of what was going on around me. My husband is from a big city back east and came out the door and saw this guy leaning against the wall tapping a knife in his hand behind his back. The guy started to move towards me then saw my husband. I am pretty confident I was about to be ROBBED if my DH hadn''t been right behind me. My husband looked him straight in the eye and the guy backed up against the wall again and just looked down. My husband says in the city you just look people in the eye; if they are going to kill you well then that isn''t going to stop them but if they had other intentions and know you can idenitify them they will probably leave you alone. Of course since my husband is 6 ft. 4 and athletic looking he can intimidate someone a lot better than I can.

It''s all pretty scary that there are so many psychos in this world today.

I was waiting in the car while my husband got his morning coffee fix this week and a 20 something mom left her estimated 4 year old son in her car by himself. I don''t think she even locked the door when she left. I almost opened the door and asked her is she listens to the news.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/4/2007 3:57:23 PM
Author: marcyc
We were in Denver a few years ago and were leaving a fast food joint. My husband was throwing away our trash and I walked out the door. I had my purse wide open, my billfold out taking care of some money and looking down. I was totally unaware of what was going on around me. My husband is from a big city back east and came out the door and saw this guy leaning against the wall tapping a knife in his hand behind his back. The guy started to move towards me then saw my husband. I am pretty confident I was about to be ROBBED if my DH hadn''t been right behind me. My husband looked him straight in the eye and the guy backed up against the wall again and just looked down. My husband says in the city you just look people in the eye; if they are going to kill you well then that isn''t going to stop them but if they had other intentions and know you can idenitify them they will probably leave you alone. Of course since my husband is 6 ft. 4 and athletic looking he can intimidate someone a lot better than I can.

Marcy, that is so scary! A similar thing happened to me in Rome. My boyfriend has this wonderful habit of looking behind us when we get up from somewhere (a bench, restaurant, etc) to make sure we haven''t left anything. We were on a bench and when we got up he looked behind us and said, "Purse snatcher coming up on the left." Now, I keep an incredibly tight grip on my purse. It''s locked to my side, my arm is always tense and shoving my purse into my side...it''s not the easiest purse to snatch. Plus there are no outside pockets to give a snatcher additional leverage. Anyways, I looked back and sure enough a sketchy guy in a leather jacket was starting to speed up while walking towards us. Both of us looked at him and he slowed down, sat, and sulked. We play "spot the pickpocket" all the time, and he''s had to actually hit a child that was trying to pick his pocket (he''d just pulled $500 out of the ATM and the kid was watching, then went up to do the I''m-going-to-just-keep-touching-you-while-I-beg-so-you-don''t-notice-my-hand trick), but I''d totally forgotten about purse snatchers. My heart was racing, and now we always walk with my purse between us.

 

[allycat0303]

I''ve always considered being careful as precautions rather then paranoia.

A few years ago my sister was taking the subway home (around 4:30) broad daylight, when a guy grabbed her and tried to drag her off into an alley. This was on a semi-busy street. She started screaming her head off and he let her go.

I DO NOT walk around my neighboorhood after dark. EVER. If it is dark I do not leave the backyard on foot, unless there is someone with me. And both my parents and fiance live in very safe, wealthy neighborhoods, but that doesn''t reassure me at all. Most of the stories of abductions/disappearences that I hear about happen in broad daylight, when a woman is walking home from the bus stop, shopping etc.

I also absolutely REFUSE under all circumstances to accept deliveries, or have any maintence work done on my house without the presence of a male relative with me at the time. Because you never know. They always say, "don''t let an abductor take you to a second, isolated location" but when you have the plumber or the carpenter or whatever in your house and he''s working, he already has you at the second isolated location! One of my friends said "well they would never do anything because they would get caught" and my response is that "you never know" and even if they DO get caught, that wouldn''t make me any less dead or raped.

 

[marcy]

Princess, the attempted purse snatching would freak me out too. That''s nice your BF watches out for things. My husband does too. When we set in a restaurant he even makes me change places with him so he can face "out". I''m pretty oblivious to the evil ways of some people. I never thought of pockets making it easier to get a grip on a purse. My purses are usually loaded with pockets. The new one I just got this weekend is has the handle way too long which would make it easier to snatch. Thanks for opening my eyes to that possiblity.

 

[Nicrez]

Indie, you are totally justified!!! I think paranoia is when you have a condition, and not when you justifiably have a concern. It''s a scary world out there, city or country!

People think NY is chock full o'' bad guys, when in my opinion, it''s full of pick-pockets and homeless men who could probably benefit from psychiatric help. On a ratio of crazies to people, I think it may be equal to Any Idyllic Town, USA. But the concentration of people in one small area and so many tourists not paying attention, make the pick-pockets extra happy. The random homeless with mental problems is what scares the stuffing out of me!

Mara, you would be surprised at what you do in times of need. When I was young and still into the whole club scene, I went out with friends to an opening of some fabulous place. We were dressed to kill, and at the end of the night, it was me and my friend Julie, who was so drunk, I practically carried her home. I am not a big drinker, so I always end up playing the mother, and I dragged her to her apartment 12 blocks away, as the cabs were scarce at this particular time. We walked past the McDonald''s on W4th (sketchy to begin with), and a homeless man was calling out to us suggestively and began a tirade of dirty comments. I got her back home safely.

She forgot her purse at the restaurant. I had to go back she said, it was Gucci... Grrr...so I ran back as fast as I could past the crazy guy with her stupid bag, and he is running to catch up to me for some "quality time" with me [edited for language]. When his hand grabbed my shoulder, I dipped down and wound up for a round house kick like I have never delivered in any karate class I have ever attended. My sensei would have been proud. Mind you, I had on 4" stillettos, and after kicking him in the chest, I heard a thud and the wind knocked out of him and I ran in those heels like my feet were on fire! I didn''t feel bad that I could have hurt him with my heel or not. I was shaking like a leaf!

The real kicker is: I got to her place, and I find out the bag was a knock-off, and it had really only contained her favorite lipstick from Cover Girl! I almost kicked her myself at that point.

But besides that episode when I was about 21, I can''t remember any other street crime I have been a part of. No stolen bags, no muggings. I am VERY aware of my surroundings, and even to this day when I walk alone at night, I look back, never walk in shadows, keep my head up and alert, take large trafficed streets, and keep my keys in hand between my fingers just in case. You never know...

 

[bujiatang]

This morning I was convinced I was being followed by a black tahoe. I memorized the license plate, the driver''s discription. And what made me nervous was the way he followed as I changed roads... So I slammed on the brakes, pulled a Uturn and sped onto one of the highways. The nice thing about St Paul is that there are lots of highways. I changed roads quickly and waited a while in a wells fargo parking lot.

If I think I''m being followed again, I''ll call the cops. This time I wass being cautious.

 

[diamondfan]

OU, you are very lucky and it is just those stories that make you feel afraid, daylight, lots of people, etc...

I think it is an issue when we are afraid to live our lives, but one must be aware too.

Indie, first of all, watch the news and see all these missing college girls and women getting taking from Targets and malls and it IS scary. Not sure if it is happening more or because of the internet and 24 news we see it more. The world sure seems different. And grown women are at risk just as younger girls are. And I agree that we want to sort of see it as unique to the victim, wrong place, wrong time, so that the world is a bit less scary. When some of these moms or pregnant women go missing, hubby or boyfriend is almost always first person of interest and it makes it less random than if some stranger was hiding in their home waiting for a chance to harm her. But it just seems crazy in the world now, and there are things one can do to be more careful. I make sure doors are locked in my home, since we have heard of random robberies where people just keep trying doors til one is open. I have called the police when I came home and had forgotten to close the garage and my door into the house from the garage is not locked. I let them check the house from top to bottom. My taxes at work.
I notice cars that seem to be on the roads with me for too long. I make sure to valet park at the mall even if I have to pay so I am not walking far to the car. I always have my cell phone charged and ready and with me. But there is a lot that is not in our control and that is what is the most frightening. I also admit I watch Court TV and those types of shows, late at night, and it does not help. But being cautious is never a bad thing. Have you seen the Volvo commercial where the lady is walking to her car at night and they are talking about a safety feature on the car, something that senses body heat in your car, so as she is walking she beeps something and "sees" that there is someone hiding in her car so she turns back around? Or what about those emails that we all have gotten about what to do if you are ever in the trunk of someone's car, and how you should fight like crazy NOT to go off with a crazy person because chances are worse for survival if you do?

I do feel more vulnerable as a woman sometimes, yes. And a couple of my fears are parking next to a van with sliding doors (saw a show where they showed how fast someone can open the door and grab you and you are GONE). I also hate getting into an elevator alone with one guy if the guy looks dicey to me. And women hate to hurt feelings, but in a self defense class I took they said TOO BAD, waiting for the next one, act like you forgot something, but trust your instincts and do not get on if you are uncomfortable. Who cares what the guy on the elevator thinks? I am also afraid of situations where things are happening so fast...I watched a show where they showed parents how fast their child could be taken, bigger kids, not little ones...they showed a cul de sac in a very nice neighborhood, and some teenagers were coming off the bus and only had to walk a little ways. They set up a block of the cul de sac and had a van nearby, and came rushing up to these kids in what looked like SWAT uniforms, and hustled them away saying someone had a gun at the end of the street and they had to be removed and come this way and you will be safer here etc, and in seconds they were in a strange van and would have been gone. The parents were watching on a tv monitor and were horrified, because it all happened so fast no one could question or stop it. And remember the Hillside Strangler who used cop uniforms and lights on his car and fake badges, attainable at any costume shop? I would call 911 now and ask if there was a cop in the area, I would NEVER pull over in the dark alone, rather drive to the nearest police station and honk and if it is a real cop, fine.

 

[partgypsy]

Mara, you seem very athletic, I believe that you would be able to respond to a threat, though hopefully will never need to!

Yeah my scarey experience when I was young (22?) living in Chicago, did all the stupid stuff you are not supposed to do, I was walking home alone after midnight after drinking at a bar. Walking to my apartment building I think I hear footsteps behind me, I''m like oh crap. So I slow down, and turn to face whoever it is, and this guy nods, keeps walking. I think, ok just being paranoid. I go and turn to open my door and the next thing I know the guy puts his hand over my mouth and says "don''t move-" The adrenalin rushes through my body and I twist to hit him in the face, basically trying to break his nose. I only get 3 good whacks in before he backs about 5 feet away from me. I see in his other hand that he had been holding a knife (to my throat!) I keep yelling "Get away from me" hoping someone was around but no one was. He then says give me your bag. I actually didn''t mind giving him my bag as it only contained my journal (I always keep my keys and wallet in my front pocket) but was afraid once I did that he might order me into the alley (there was an alleyway nearby). I was hoping someone would come by from my yelling but no one did. I had to do something. So I threw my bag basically at him and went to open my door. I don''t think I ever opened my door that fast again! Just as the door clicks shut I hear him kick the door HARD, but it was the kind of door that automatically locks shut.
Anyways I think it is good to listen to your spidey sense. In retrospect what I should have done is a u turn and walked to a 24 hour fast food joint nearby to be around other people, assess the situation instead of ignoring somethings not quite right.
I wouldn''t want to ever feel I am a prisoner in my own home. Fear can be just as crippling/reduce quality of life as much as a real attack. I don''t want to stop being able to walk to places; I just try to be sensible about it. For example I think it would be fun to run or walk with an ipod but I would never do it because you need to be aware of your surroundings.

 

[diamondfan]

Wow, that is scary, glad you are okay. Did you call the police immediately after? Did you see him at all? You remind me that if they ask for your wallet etc, or bag, THROW it as far from you as you can and run the other way. Pepper sprays are okay if you have time, but often do not affect drugged people (at least they did not a while back) and if you spray and miss, or hit yourself due to the wind, could be worse. Using your thumb on their eyes, kicking in the groin and kneecaps, and using your palm in an upwards motion to smash a nose in are good, but I would be so scared I am not sure I would remember. Though with adrenalin flowing you can lift up a car so you just might be a force to reckon with...

 

[partgypsy]

Diamondfan I thought I had a good look at him, but he was pretty nondescript (white male, straight hair). I immediately called the police and we drove around trying to spot him, but as there was a subway station about 2 blocks away I''m sure he was long gone. I went to the station and looked at books of photos, but could not positively id anyone, which was frustrating. I still remember when I was driving around with the police right after, I asked what I should do to protect myself from this kind of thing and their comment was "Move to a better neighborhood." Um, thanks.
Yeah I was trying to do that hit where you hit upwards on the nose. I don''t think I broke his nose, but hurt him enough that he stepped away from me, which is all that matters.
It''s funny where now that I''m a mom, me, whatever, but if think if someone touched one of my kids I would go medieval make sure even if they got away they could be identified by the gouges on their face, missing eye, etc (sorry if too graphic!)

 

[diamondfan]

PG, when you are a mom and someone at all threatens your child, hello, it is like a can of whoopass being opened. I remember hearing a story where a mom had the strength due to her adrenalin to life a car off a her child and I realized the power of motherhood and adrenalin. Very powerful stuff, of course you collapse after but hey, it gets you through the moment. Not a helpful comment by the police either. I had an incident not quite so close but very creepy and during daylight with a man, uhm, doing something that should not be done on the street, when a busload of school kids will be passing by, and the cops in LA were less than helpful when I tried to deal with it. I know there are more dangerous things, but this really annoyed me, because it happened to me and it did freak me out a bit. At least you are okay, which is what matters most.

 

[luckystar112]

I...thank God...have never had something awful like these stories happen to me. I know I''m lucky, because I am so vulnerable and naive. I grew up in a very safe neighborhood in Maine. We never locked our car doors or the doors to our homes. I could walk home in the middle of the night and feel completely safe.

Now, I live in TX. I STILL don''t lock my car door.

I do lock every door and window in my house, and I''ve stopped walking by myself at night...or even during the day. I really miss feeling "safe". But just because you don''t hear about stuff like that happening in Maine doesn''t mean that it WON''T. So I''m glad that I kind of got a thicker skin down here.

I''m afraid to go to gas stations at night. I''m always convinced they are going to be robbed when I''m in there. Most of the gas stations just have a little window to speak through...and that makes me nervous too! Because anyone that sees me talking to the guy behind the counter obviously knows I have money.

A girl I work with was held at gunpoint a couple of months ago at a gas station. Scary scary scary.

About a week before I left for Italy, my boss''s wife was there and got robbed while walking back to her hotel with two other people!


And on a funnier note...also about Rome....
My BF''s uncle told us a story about how he always keeps his wallet in one of those traveling stomach wrap things...(Not a fanny pack...but something that actually straps around your torso under your shirt.) and he would keep an empty wallet in his back pocket. Well, one day he was walking down the street and all of a sudden felt something pelt him in the head. It was the wallet....apparently a pick pocket took it and was quite angry that there was nothing in it. lol

 

[diamondfan]

That is funny, but serves the pick pocket right. In Europe pick pockets consider it an art form. There is a supposedly school called the School of the Ten Bells, not sure where and if it is a real thing, but if you can pick all ten pockets without ringing a bell attached to it, you "graduate", woe to all of us innocent passers by. I always heard those stories in Europe, and that they tag team you to distract you, so they can take stuff while your attention is diverted. That is why you must always look and be alert, and seem purposeful. People who prey on others look for the one that seems distracted or somehow less aware...it gives them the edge. That is why it is important not to appear anything other than focused.