The christmas proposal that wasn't....

[PhillyMcGee]

I hope some ladies have stories to tell and sparklies to show off!

I have the opposite of a proposal story from yesterday ( well not a break up! )
Earlier in the year my boyfriend and I had planned to go away to the US for a few weeks over Christmas and new year. We would have spent Christmas in new York. When I first joined LIW I mentioned I thought proposal may happen there. As it turned out we couldn't go away for financial reasons, my boyfriend hasn't had much luck with work this year so we weren't able to save enough to go. Added to that I started a new job in september so couldn't really ask to take minimum four weeks off a couple of months after starting! So we decided to delay the trip till later on, which is fine with me.
Anyway christmas morning we were driving to my parents place and that Jay-z & Alicia Keys 'New York' song was on, and I said 'oh we were meant to be in new york today' in a joking (very lighthearted) sort of way. My boyfriend got really upset for some reason, I was saying to him 'it doesnt matter, we'll go later in the year, it's not a big deal at all!' and then he tells me he is upset because he had planned, and told a lot of people, that he was going to ask me to marry him on Christmas day in new York. And he felt bad he couldn't do it due to the financial issues.

I didnt really know what to say about that so just repeated that we will go later in the year.
But Waaaaahhhhh!! It would have been so amazing!!! I'm so sad now it didn't work out

 

[SB621]

Re: Any Christmas proposals?

Oh honey I'm so sorry! My DH, before we got married and after, used to do things like that too. He would tell me his wonderful plan/ present/ surprize when he got irritated that it wouldn't work out. I don't think he ever knew how it just diappointed me so much more. Ignorance is bliss right?!

Anyhow I'm so sorry but just know that when he does propose it will be wonderful and so special. It stinks you guys couldn't make it work for Xmas in NYC but Spring in NYC is much better! I promise it is much more romantic when you aren't bundled up in a coat with your nose running!

 

[PhillyMcGee]

Yes, that's what I thought....don't know when we will have money available to spent on an e-ring though to be honest. I guess I don't really know what's going on with that but I'm pretty certain nothing I know it's not his fault and I'm not mad about it because I'd rather our mortgage and bills get paid first! One day I suppose. It just made me so sad that things haven't worked out like we wanted and they never seem to!

 

[MBKRH]

I'm so sorry, Philly. I can imagine how devastated you must feel right now. I see how your bf is frustrated too, wanting to propose and had plans, but finances got in the way.

I'm very much in your boat, too. BF has told me how he plans to buy a ring at some point, but it's all finances for us, too. So, like you, I don't know when he'll have the money for a ring. It's probably one of the worst feelings, knowing that they WANT to propose and WANT to have the plans they envision work out...... and it can't, all because of money.

Keep your chin up, and know that once the money falls into place, everything else will, too and you'll have your sparkly in no time!


*hugs*

 

[pandabee]

I'm sorry you didn't get a Christmas proposal in NY. That does sound amazing! It is great that he has put so much thought into his plans though...hopefully he will be able to get the finances he needs in order to get you a ring AND proposal you deserve!!!! Try to remember the good things (think madelise's thread ) and look forward to the next surprise he will have in store for you. Merry christmas all the same!!

 

[madelise]

Hey Philly, I know it's tough, *hugs*. But you know he wants to marry you. That's the most important part. I agree with Sarah, that ignorance is bliss in these parts. Can you let him know that you appreciate how he's so thoughtful, and that he thinks he can share these ideas with you because he can't pull them off anymore, but that he should probably "not ruin the surprise" and keep them to himself?

 

[PhillyMcGee]

Thanks Madelise, yes I guess I do know that he wants to marry me which is amazing (after over 10 years I'd be a bit pissed if he didn't!). I have had a bit of a cry today since he hasn't been home because I'm sad that things don't seem to work out as we would like....all because of money as MBKRH said - it is the worst because you know what you want, just can't seem to make it work out. I suppose actually I'd be more angry if we were in a position to be buying rings and planning weddings and he just wasn't doing it because he didn't want to, but this situation is much more sad. I guess all I can do is hope he gets a break with his work so we can be in a better position soon, and try not to cry whenever anyone I know gets engaged. I don't want to tell him how sad I am about it because he is already disappointed in himself and feels like its his fault we aren't engaged yet, I think. It's just one of those things.

 

[Rosebloom]

What about getting engaged with a plain band? Of course everyone has their own dreams and hopes for what their future will be - and it's important to listen to your heart - but mine would definitely tell me to get engaged with what we could afford and figure out a lovely proper engagement ring later. A band is nice because it could become your wedding band so you'll still wear it forever even after you get a more traditional engagement ring.

 

[LibbyLA]

I second what Rosebloom says! Or instead of a plain band, maybe a modest pretty vintage e-ring. You can find those for a couple hundred bucks. Once you get the "real" one, you can use a vintage one for travel or every day.

liz

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Awee Philly!!! *hugs*

I like roseblooms idea!

 

[Enerchi]

I'm in agreement as well - Rosebloom has a genius suggestion above! That would make it even MORE romantic and you aren't tied down by a financial time line... the engagement ring could be the wedding ring so you are in essence, reversing the roles of the two rings, but not being held up with a proposal!

And I'm sorry it did not work out as planned. You must be quite bummed, especially having your heart set on a specific scenario. I'm sad on your behalf... but... (and I do love a good 'silver lining'!) on the upside, you know he wants you to be his wife and be together for ever, at this point, its 'only money' that is holding up a ring. This will work itself out over the long life the two of you will spend together. Have faith, it will all fall into place at the right moment

 

[audball]

*hugs* I hope you're feeling better about it now.

 

[boysenberry]

Aww I'm sorry you didn't get your christmas proposal but it's so sweet that he cares so much about you, and asking you to marry him, that he got so upset. Don't worry, Christmas in NY is overrated! Ok, I live here and I'm guilty of being annoyed at tourists walking slowly Also on the plus side, you live in a country where 4 weeks of vacation is possible! I only get 2 weeks off a year and it's hard to visit other countries

 

[PhillyMcGee]

Thanks ladies I don't think a plain band would go down well, he wants to do things 'properly' which means saving up I guess. Luckily I have found I prefer smaller diamonds (under 1ct) surprisingly, but seem to have very expensive taste when it comes to settings. Anyway it will happen eventually I guess.

Boysenberry, 2 weeks off a year sucks! It's standard here to have 4 weeks annual leave but you have to accrue it first so as I have only recently started I don't have much accrued and have now had to use most of it over Christmas.