Thank yous for wedding gifts

[Linda W]

OK, maybe I am being old fashioned here. You can blast me me, I can take it.

My husband''s nephew was married on May 2nd. I just received the thank you note in today''s mail. It is a picture of the two of them. It has a printed verse on it that says "Thank you for helping to make such a joyous time of our lives so memorable". With Love, so and so. DH and I were unable to attend the wedding, it was in Hawaii.

Their names were printed on the invitation, not hand written.

No where on the thank you did they mention our gift, what it was, etc I was taught to say thank you for the toaster, etc. (No we didn''t send them a toaster, but.... we did send a very expensive gift that was on their registry

Was this an easy way out??? I don''t even know if they like or not. HA!!!


Linda

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ours were handwritten and I agree with you. I tried to make them as personal as possible. Except with money or a GC I just said thank you for the generous gift blah blah blah. I tried to make them a few sentences long. I guess even a printed one is better than none! (Been there

)

 

[Linda W]

Thanks Tacori, I agree, better than none. His sister was the opposite. She even called me to thank us.

 

[KimberlyH]

I agree, Linda, it was an easy out. Giving a gift is not an obligation, neither is handwriting thank yous, but both are kind and polite.

A bit of a hijack, but in the same vein: I was talking to DH about thank you notes earlier this week as we sent two of my second cousins, who are sisters, money for their 1st communion and 16th birthday about a month and a half ago and we never recieved a note of thanks. I was bothered by this, especially since we sent cash so perhaps they didn''t recieve them, and said I was done sending gifts. DH thinks I''m overreacting, as he was never taught to write thank you notes and I think they''re extremely important. But I also keep Hallmark in business according to him. Oh well.

 

[jewelerman]

Mass production thank you cards are a cop out ,but at least they sent you one!If i ever recieve a gift or money i ether send a thank you or a phone call letting the sender know i recieved the gift and that it will be enjoyed.

 

[Miranda]

Oh, I am so with you Linda! TYs should always be handwritten IMO!! DD got a PHOTOCOPIED TY note from a friend''s bday. I thought, Cummon Mom, take the time to at least handwrite a note and have the kid sign it! One note photocopied and sent out to everyone who sent a gift was so

tacky.

 

[jcrow]

maybe i''m old fashioned, but

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think it depends on the family. My family would be appalled. His family will think we are pretentious snobs for doing them at all. I''m not saying it isn''t unfortunate, just that interactions with other families and their expectations are no where near as high as my own

 

[Jewels305]

I am with you Linda, I think that thank you notes should always be hand written. It does seem that they took the easy way out, and I don''t really understand why it took them a month to get a generic mass produced thank you card to you.

I am kind of annoyed over a thank you note etiquette issue. I went to my cousin''s wedding 2 weeks ago with my family and my BF. My parents gave a check to the couple, my BF and I gave a check, and so did my older brother (but not my younger brother which is understandable). Yesterday, we received ONE thank you note that said thank you to everyone in my family (but didn''t mention my BF... his name was signed on the card and he gave me half of the money). The thank you card said that they wanted to send a card to everyone, but they just didn''t know everyone''s address! Ok, well, my brother and I still live at home, and I don''t think it would have been too much effort for my cousin to call my aunt, and say, "Hey, where is everyone living? We want to send separate notes." I realize that we do all live in the same house, so it''s more cost efficient to only send one, but I think that out of gratitude and respect for the gift and the gift giver, separate notes should have been given anyway.

 

[Linda W]

I guess what bothers Rick and I the most is, she didn''t mention the gift by name, so who knows if they like it. LOL. Well... I am sure they do it is what they wanted. ha ha ha ha ha.

It isn''t the way I was raised, or my daughter. I showed my daughter, who is 35 and the first thing she said is it was tacky, but alot of people are doing it now.

Thank you for the replies, I feel better.


Jewels305: Your BF certainly should have been mailed a thank you note.


People''s manners are appalling at times. What bugs me too, are people who don''t RSVP, but that is another thread entirely.

 

[ephemery1]

Hmmm... I have a lot of very etiquette-savvy friends who would definitely say that's NOT okay.

But personally, I tend to be really laidback about that stuff... after I send someone a gift, it takes WAY too much energy to worry about whether they liked it or not, or whether they're using proper manners... so I usually just put it out of my mind. Then if I hear back, great! Otherwise, no big deal. After all, I sent it because I chose to send it, not because I was looking for any sort of validation.

But I'm awful with remembering details like sending cards myself, which is probably why I'm never offended when people break those types of etiquette rules. For example, we took FOREVER to get our wedding thank yous out (almost 6 months!)... but I've since decided to forgive myself for it. I've got other good qualities... if procrastination and forgetfulness are my worst ones, I figure I'm still doing okay overall as a person.

Just another perspective!

 

[somethingshiny]

I''ve received pre-printed Thankyous, and I have to say, I''d rather get NO Thankyou and assume I was overlooked than to get a generic one. I''d rather think I was forgotten rather than disrespected.

 

[arjunajane]

I don't think you're being old fashioned and I agree with you.
This brings me to something that I was slightly irked about recently. Fi and I went to our friends wedding earlier this year. We bought what I thought was a very nice gift, albeit not off their registry as by the time we got around to it there was slim pickings left.
The wedding was a couple of months ago, and we still haven't received any note. No thankyou for our presence or our gift - nada!

Now, its not like I've been waiting for one or anything, Fi and I were just discussing the wedding and the gift the other day, and I was like 'hey, did we ever get a thankyou note?"..

Fi doesn't see what the big deal is (the groom is one of his best mates), but I feel its pretty rude. We are all quite young, and they did have some pricey gifts on their registry.

There is of course every chance that they did send out notes and ours has just gone astray..So I guess I shouldn't judge unless I know...

I don't know, do I have a right to be peeved..?

 

[Linda W]

ARJ, Yes you do. It was bugging me that we didn''t get a note yet. There are such things as manners. Especially when you purchase a nice and thoughtful gift.

It seems people get lost in manners these days, I don''t know, maybe it is just me.

I showed my hubby the "thank you" note when he got home from work tonight. LOL, he said "what the hell kind of thank you note is that". Glad he agreed with me and didn''t push it off. HA!!!

 

[carabella]

It seems to me that a lot of people are loosening up a little bit too much and becoming lazy about these things -- its a shame. What happened to good old traditional hand written thank you notes!?!!

 

[FireGoddess]

I think it''s okay to have preprinted thank you cards with their picture on them. I think it''s NOT okay to send them without a personal acknowledgment thanking you for the actual item you got them.

 

[Linda W]

FG, this was my whole point!!! Not one word was mentioned.

 

[Deelight]

On the upside at least you got a thank-you note

I have been to two weddings this year, nope, nada not one thank you note from either party.

 

[Linda W]

OMG Deelight, that is so darn rude!!! No excuse for that whatsoever.

 

[Kaleigh]

Linda,
I hear you and agree 100%!! You have to make some mention of the gift. You took the time to send a gift, they should take time to thank you for THAT gift. We got a simialr thank you recently. I was dumbfounded. I wasn''t brought up that way, you take the time to send a personalized note. Period.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I agree with you 100%. Thank yous should be prompt, personal, and definitely hand-written. But I agree with Tacori as well, better than none! I''ve received none from the past two wedding events I''ve sent gifts for.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/2/2008 12:24:01 AM
Author: Linda W
OMG Deelight, that is so darn rude!!! No excuse for that whatsoever.

I agree

I have just about given up on people and etiquette when it comes to these kinds of things. Asking for money in invites, no thank-you notes etc. The sad thing is I was so excited that we got a thank you note for an engagement party FF and I attended that I was like amazed. For there wedding when they set a date and if we are invited they will get an extra especially nice pressie .

I keep telling myself people just don''t know better, rather then trying to be rude.

 

[Linda W]

I think they know better, they are just lazy or don''t care.

Lisa: I wasn''t brought up that way either.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 7/2/2008 12:45:37 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 7/2/2008 12:24:01 AM
Author: Linda W
OMG Deelight, that is so darn rude!!! No excuse for that whatsoever.

I agree

I have just about given up on people and etiquette when it comes to these kinds of things. Asking for money in invites, no thank-you notes etc. The sad thing is I was so excited that we got a thank you note for an engagement party FF and I attended that I was like amazed. For there wedding when they set a date and if we are invited they will get an extra especially nice pressie .

I keep telling myself people just don''t know better, rather then trying to be rude.

Dee, I''m so with you. I made an effort to send personal notes to all those who were thoughtful enough to give gifts at our engagement party, which I must say we didn''t even expect as we had originally gotten engaged o/seas. And to those who attended, a general thankyou for their well-wishes.
This was not to "gain points" or anything, but because it came as an automatic gesture to me and imo is just the right thing to do!

I feel with the prevelance of wedding gift registries these days, this kind of etiquette is especially important - if someone has bought you a gift you specifically asked for, well you know..say Thank You!

lol, interesing topic..

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 7/1/2008 11:05:46 PM
Author: Linda W
ARJ, Yes you do. It was bugging me that we didn''t get a note yet. There are such things as manners. Especially when you purchase a nice and thoughtful gift.

It seems people get lost in manners these days, I don''t know, maybe it is just me.

I showed my hubby the ''thank you'' note when he got home from work tonight. LOL, he said ''what the hell kind of thank you note is that''. Glad he agreed with me and didn''t push it off. HA!!!

Thankyou Linda,
its nice that others understand, I thought maybe I was being a stick in the mud.
My Fi agrees it would''ve been a good idea, but I don''t think he wants to bad mouth his friend..understandable, but I do have to say I felt we went over and above with their gift. Especially since my Fi isn''t working at the moment, so that acknowledgement just would''ve been nice..

oh well

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/2/2008 4:39:18 AM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 7/2/2008 12:45:37 AM

Author: Deelight

Date: 7/2/2008 12:24:01 AM

Author: Linda W

OMG Deelight, that is so darn rude!!! No excuse for that whatsoever.

I agree


I have just about given up on people and etiquette when it comes to these kinds of things. Asking for money in invites, no thank-you notes etc. The sad thing is I was so excited that we got a thank you note for an engagement party FF and I attended that I was like amazed. For there wedding when they set a date and if we are invited they will get an extra especially nice pressie .


I keep telling myself people just don't know better, rather then trying to be rude.

Dee, I'm so with you. I made an effort to send personal notes to all those who were thoughtful enough to give gifts at our engagement party, which I must say we didn't even expect as we had originally gotten engaged o/seas. And to those who attended, a general thankyou for their well-wishes.

This was not to 'gain points' or anything, but because it came as an automatic gesture to me and imo is just the right thing to do!


I feel with the prevelance of wedding gift registries these days, this kind of etiquette is especially important - if someone has bought you a gift you specifically asked for, well you know..say Thank You!

lol, interesing topic..

AJ I agree the note we did receive was really sweet and personal, I was very touched (gees it really sounds like I have low expectations of people

). Sometimes I even wonder if thank-you notes may not even be there norm in OZ or not as prevalent as they are in the US (correct me if I am wrong), maybe it is a Y gen thing???

One thing I have noticed thanks to PS is that so many things that are major etiquette no-no's (like gift registries info, wishing wells on invites etc) in the US many people seem to have no issues with here but that is a whole other kettle of fish. FF and I are like the only people we know that adamantly HATE wishing wells, we refuse point blank to have one when we get married. We even feel a bit weird having a registry (growing up this was the height of rudeness and very unheard of) though the idea has grown on me and him.

 

[arjunajane]

Agreed. Just one thing - how does a wishing well work? I''ve never heard..
I''m the same as you with the registry thing - I used to think its rude, but I guess now I see how it can be practical and sensible, instead of getting 4 rice cookers, lol

We''re not anywhere near the wedding yet, so all of that can wait for me!

 

[Deelight]

I can definitely see the practical side of a registry, by the time FF and I get married we will most likely have 2 houses (we have 1 already) and all that we really need after 10+ years together I would be at a loss of what to buy us if people wanted to get us something.

A wishing well is essentially a pretty decorated well that is placed at/near the entrance of the wedding where people (I still don''t have a definite answer for this) either anonymously or not a card stuffed with money. Personally I don''t like them and I would hate to dictate what my guests should bring and also you really lock people into a certain amount of spending. At least with a registry IMHO you can place a range of gifts at heaps of different price points and then people should they wish to can buy what they feel comfortable with.

A lot of times there is usually a poem included on the invite to soften the outright asking but the last wedding I went to did not even do that theirs went along the lines of instead of gifts we have a wishing well - at least it was too the point

.

I have attended 3 weddings in the last 2 years and all three had wishing wells I have another coming up later this year and they are having one as well, it seems a fast growing trend.

 

[Linda W]

I never heard of a wishing well either. I find that appalling. Good grief, what are these wedding coming too?

BTW: I received a phone call from another sister-in-law last night. She received the same thank you note we did. She spent $400.00 on a gift for them. Not a word about their gift either.

 

[Skippy123]

I don''t like it but I guess it is better than nothing. I have sent gifts and not received a thank you card. I enjoy giving gifts but a little thank you would be nice.