Take me off the list

[Ravenne]

And no, I'm not engaged.

After a string of events that neither my ex or I had any control over, we were forced to end our relationship. I honestly believe that his parents forced him to end things with me and that if he'd had a choice, he would never have. But after the undeserved open hostility I received from his parents, there is no way I will ever allow myself to be abused so badly by people I'm supposed to be family with. The only way we could be together is for him to cut ties with them, and I know he would never do that. I would always be second place to them.

And that's all the information I really need.

So I'm picking up the pieces, trying to live as normally as possible while I come to terms with the end of a commitment that I had made with all my soul. Our 4th anniversary would've been in February. I'm sure it's for the best, but part of me will always love him, I believe. And I also believe a part of him will always love me. And that's the hardest part: knowing that neither of us really wanted to leave each other. But in the end, he will always choose them.

So yeah...

And to make matters worse my mom keeps going over it again and again saying there had to be a reason. I know the reason! She just won't accept that it wasn't the things she normally broke up with people for. She thinks there had to be something wrong with the relationship in general. She even asked me if I was cheating on him and he found out. Geez... She just won't leave it alone and it's making her anxiety disorder go through the roof and that makes me upset which only makes it worse for her. But she thinks "I got over it so fast." Bull-hockey. I'm not over it. A day hasn't gone by that I haven't cried, and I don't expect that to change for a while. That conversation just made things a million times worse. Ugh...

I'll still be hanging around here. I like reading about other people's happiness. It keeps my chin up while I wait for myself to feel normal again.

 

[pandabee]

Oh no!!! What a terrible situation. I'm so sorry to hear that it ended so poorly. I'm glad you are sticking around with us...hopefully things will turn up for you soon. (((hugs)))

 

[princesss]

So sorry to hear this. *big hugs*

 

[MBKRH]

Ravenne, I am so, SO sorry for what you just experienced. It's unfortunate that things ended the way they did.

I wish you the very best. Hang in there, sweetie! ****hugs*****

 

[audball]

I'm sorry. Really. It's terrible to have someone you love slip away from you.

But in the end, it does sound like it was for the best. You shouldn't be taking the back seat to his parents. You should be his priority. That's how a man treats the woman he loves and intends to marry. I remember reading stories of how they always made you feel inferior.

I'm so sorry. You nailed it though. You don't deserve to be abused that way.

Take care. Please stick around and let us know how you're doing.

 

[Chewbacca]

I'm so sorry to hear your news, Ravenne. I admire you, it sounds like a heart wrenching situation, and you have handled it so well.

Wishing you every wonderful thing!

 

[Schafenm]

I am sooo sorry to hear what you are going through! Remember, you are very brave to walk away from something that isn't completely right. You will pull through this experience stronger than ever!! Good luck with everything that comes your way!!

 

[mandasand]

I'm very sorry...this is a loss for you and you need time to grieve so you can move on.

I will say there is always more to the story. This was the case with my ex husband. And, you are smart and strong for getting out of a relationship with in laws that are cruel because they will never change and you would have been miserable married to that.

Stay strong!

 

[Enerchi]

Best of luck Ravenne. You took a firm "line in the sand" stance and stood by it. That takes an INCREDIBLE amount of inner strength to leave behind a relationship. BIG HUGS to you!

As sad as I am for you, I'm glad that you found this out now, before marriage, before children - that in times of stress or conflict, you would be lower on the totem pole than others. That is no way to feel equal in a relationship or marriage.

It will hurt for a long time still, but each day, the hurt will get a teeny tiny amount better. "Time takes time", as my sister told me a long while back. You will always have a fondness for someone who you invested a large chunk of your lifetime with. That's normal.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[LJL]

I'm quite proud of you to be honest....
Life is about being happy, as happy as you can be. I think maybe you always would have had it in the back (or front) of your mind that he had prioritized his family. Im sure there are a lot of situations where it would have come up in the future. I think its wonderful that youve decided to find better for yourself. Of course it doesnt FEEL wonderful now... but it will get better. This forum is full of women who had tragic breakups after years of commitment and then found THE love of their lives and couldnt believe what they put up with for so long. ::cough cough audball cough:::

it'll get better. in the meantime, try to keep your mom off your back. I also have one of those mothers -so well-meaning but doesnt always *get it*. She needs time too.

 

[madelise]

Aw, I'm so sorry you're going through a tough and sticky situation, Ravenne, but I am also so happy that you are strong enough to stand up for yourself, and draw and stick to boundaries. Not many people have that strength, so major kudos to you for being such a strong individual. I hope you all the best, whatever happens. *big big hugs*. Hopefully your mom stops bugging you for answers for her own closure.

 

[Rhea]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's good that you realised now that this wasn't something you could put yourself through. We all cope in different ways. Please take care of yourself and ignore your mother.

 

[audball]

*hugs*

I hope you're feeling a little better today. One day at a time.

 

[Ravenne]

Well, I haven't cried yet today and the day's almost over. That's a good sign.

We've texted a little to coordinate getting my stuff out of his apartment and getting the stuff he'd left at mine to his sister. Kinda irritated that I was the one that had to do all the driving there so...

I do feel better. It hurts having lost my best friend. I keep reaching for my phone to text him something funny and realizing I can't do that anymore.

 

[madelise]

big big big hugs.

Focus on the end, it'll help pull you through. It's always hard losing a big chunk of yourself when leaving a partner or friend. You can find solace in knowing you can be friends one day, when you're healed and strong enough to just be friends. Have you been getting out, and spending time with girlfriends? What are your plans for the holidays?

 

[Ravenne]

My friends have been great. I hung out with someone every day since this has happened. Even went and got a piercing that I've always wanted but never got due to lack of funds and then dating him (he found them unattractive). I realized his opinions about my body didn't matter anymore, so now I have an inverse navel piercing and I *love* it.

Granted, my mom thinks I've gone off the deep end. I got a tattoo fairly recently too, so she thinks I'm trying to look good naked for someone (thus prompting the "cheating" conversation). God forbid they're for me to admire in the mirror.

I'm going home to see my parents for Christmas. It'll be good to be home.

 

[audball]

My friends have been great. I hung out with someone every day since this has happened. Even went and got a piercing that I've always wanted but never got due to lack of funds and then dating him (he found them unattractive). I realized his opinions about my body didn't matter anymore, so now I have an inverse navel piercing and I *love* it.

Granted, my mom thinks I've gone off the deep end. I got a tattoo fairly recently too, so she thinks I'm trying to look good naked for someone (thus prompting the "cheating" conversation). God forbid they're for me to admire in the mirror.

I'm going home to see my parents for Christmas. It'll be good to be home.

That's good. Good for you.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Big hugs, Ravenne. I too am really proud of you for taking a stand.

So sorry.

 

[maccers]

I'm sorry this has happened to you, Ravenne. You sound like a very strong person and you're definitely doing all the right things to support yourself through this time. It's too bad that your mom doesn't 'get' it, I hope you continue doing what you need to feel better.