Strip Clubs VIP Rooms

[katamari]

Date: 7/24/2009 4:37:34 PM
Author: freckles127\

As for it being a general question, it is a bit that and a bit personalized. I don''t have a problem with women stripping because it''s their choice to exploit their own bodies for money. It''s the choices that guys make that bothers me, the disrespect and the connotation that we should be perfectly fine with our bfs or FIs going to strip clubs.


I wound up questioning myself so much; whether or not I was being unreasonable and asking for too much.

It is not unreasonable at all to expect your partner to respect your wishes, especially if it was something that is very important or meaningful to you.

And, I agree that it is a woman''s choice and that is not the part I take issue with. It is the exploitation of sexuality itself--as a product that can be bought or sold more than exploitation of men or women in particular. It is no different, to me, if it is happening at a bar, on television, in a strip club, etc.

 

[freckles127]

Date: 7/26/2009 12:00:08 PM
Author: allycat0303
Are lap dances only done in private rooms? I don''t know a lot about strip club etiquette. I think it''s wrong to have a lap dance. It''s very private and intimate to have my SO touching someone else...In Montreal, at strip clubs during a lap dance your allowed to touch/grab, breasts, but not lower down. That''s the standard. So obviously, if my guy is grabbing someone''s breast, this is a dealbreaker to me. As for a VIP room. Well that implies to me that things are being done in private which can''t be done in public (I don''t know, my feverish mind works overtime here), so I have a total problem with that.


You are allowed to have a problem with whatever aspect of strip clubs makes you uncomfortable. You do not have to justify the way you feel. I am always bothered when women try to convince themselves that something which is *socially acceptable way for men to behave* is acceptable to them, eventhough it is not within their comfort zone. You don''t even need to name a reason for it, or try to understand it. I get really annoyed when people say, ''Oh why does it bother you? Are you insecure because he''s going to cheat, I trust my man''. Well good for you. I feel disrespected, and I''m not going to justify that to anyone.


Incidently, BIL has for years been planning the bachelor party. Teasing me endlessly about the private stripper etc. I worried about it endlessly, fought with my husband on serveral occasions LOOONG before the bachelor party happened. In the weeks leading up to it, I was pretty zen (he had his way before mine). And all I said was that, ''What is good enough for you, is good enough for me. There is no double standard in this relationship'' My brother and cousin were invited to this party, and they didn''t go to the strippers. But my husband has gone in the past (I think twice? which was a MAJOR issue for me). For my bachlorette party, my girlfriends talked endlessly about *Nathan the hot stripper that was coming to the hotel room, dressed as a fireman to give me a very private show* I think my husband didn''t sleep the whole night of my bachlorette party because he was so worried. Obviously, this did not happen. I would rather jump out of a plane then be in that total awkward situation, but the way he felt when he *thought* that was happening was enough.


A few weeks after our wedding, some friends came down from the US, really excited to go to the contact Montreal Strip clubs. In any case, he declined the invitation to go to the strip club. He said he realized how I felt, because the thought of having a naked man rub himself all over me, was not ok with him. AT ALL. Problem solved.

Hi Ally,

I don''t know much about etiquette but from what I have heard, it really varies. I have a few guy friends that go up to Montreal just because of the more lenient rules of Strip Clubs and their VIP rooms vs. those in the US. If these were any of my FI, I would be disgusted. Really.

My mind works feverishly as well, obviously. The VIP occurence happened to close to a year ago in Las Vegas and I have not let it go because of the "what ifs" and "what happened" and more importantly, the "why" questions that have lingered.

Ha! I''m so glad that he understood and stayed up the night (your husband) because its different being the worrier. The weekend he went to LV, there was a masquerade party/ball that my friends and I got all dressed up for. It got a bit out of hand and some strangers wound up drunk and being very frisky with me. It certainly wasn''t in a strip club setting but nevertheless, it was a bit awkward and inappropriate. After I found out about the VIP room, I had mentioned my clubbing incident and think he understood where I was coming from.

It''s so easy committing the crime but not being on the receiving end. Still, my mind is not put to ease because in my situation, the guys were drunk and I never asked to be treated as such. In his situation, he walked willingly into the secluded room and paid for a stranger to touch him.

That''s not the same.

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/26/2009 12:08:16 AM
Author: Squirrly

Date: 7/24/2009 5:41:03 PM

Author: ficklefaye

one of my friend actually got mad at her bf for going to hooters, now that to me is a bit much

i''d be mad too, after all he knows B-dubs (i almost used the other abbreviation until i remembered i''m in the BWW forum) has far superior wings with a wider variety of sauces.

not to mention the thursday wing specials. i hear hooters does have good burgers though.

oh gosh, i''m so green, what''s b-dubs?

anyway, freckles, does FI know that this issue is still unresolved a year later? and how could he think what happened to you was the same as soliciting a stripper into a VIP room? has he never told you what happened?

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 7/26/2009 3:07:14 PM
Author: ficklefaye
oh gosh, i''m so green, what''s b-dubs?

it''s a restaurant called Buffalo Wild Wings. they have at least 10 sauces with different heat levels and yummy flavors, and if you like spicy food they have a blazin challenge (i really didn''t think it was that bad, made my nose run, but no pain. i was kinda disappointed

) and the restaurant can be abbreviated BWW though most people i know call it b-dubs, which i appreciate after joining this forum. i get really confused these days when my FF tells me he''s going to BWW.

nowhere near as confused as i was when i first got on here and saw the save the date threads. for the life of me i couldn''t understand why people were so excited about STDs and i was rather scared to open those threads. you have no idea how relieved i was to find out the "show me your STDs" thread was about cute little cards.

i just hope that when my time comes i don''t ask anyone if they got my STD yet. that would be rather, erm, special.

 

[allycat0303]

freckles,

I didn''t know that said VIP room had already happened. I asked my husband when he got home, and he said that here in Montreal, a table dance is a table dance, and all lap dances tap place in a private booth-y thing where you are allowed to touch. This is what Montreal is famous for though. If it already happened, that''s tricky. I''m sure you''ve gotten the account about what happened in VIP room between him and the entertainer. I guess the question is, what is the worst that could have happened, did happen, and can you forgive it? I assume he got a lap dance? (I don''t know why else anyone would have a VIP room, but I''m assuming here.) But I understand that not knowing, or perhpas feeling that a little more happened that he''s editing out, it would make it impossible for me to let go. How can you begin to move on when you don''t even know what you are moving on from?

And you''re not overreacting. If my husband had a lap dance and was touching another girl, (or even went in a booth with a girl and then *claimed* he didn''t touch. It would NOT be acceptable. It is a deal breaker for me, and FAR out of my comfort zone.

 

[JSM]

At one of the local strip clubs here (Iowa) you are allowed to grab breasts and butt during a lap dance. I''ve been to a number of clubs with friends (not often, probably half a dozen times or so) and the rules seem to vary. I''ve only been to one place where lap dances are not done in a ''back room''. I''ve never had one, as I''m not willing to shell out $25 for 3 minutes of someone invading my personal space. I''ve also attended a private bachelor party at a hotel room. Did NOT need to see some of that.

My husband and a few of his buddies went to a club for his bachelor party. I didn''t have a problem with it because we''ve discussed our limits (club, not hotel room!) and I trusted him (that and my brother also attended!). As they do with bachelors around here (I''ve seen it, it''s quite violent) they humiliated my DH on stage and he came back ranting and upset. Hasn''t been to a strip club since.

From what I''ve seen, clubs here are about watching pretty naked girls dance, drinking some beer, and talking s*&( with the guys. Unless you''re the bachelor, in which case they rip off your shirt, rip your undies, and whip you in front of the crowd!