Step-mom advice needed!

[Independent Gal]

A while back, I said how PS was sometimes like a Collective-Wise-Auntie where you could get lots of different and helpful perspectives and advice.

So I need your guidance and ideas, Auntie!

Here's the deal: I got on pretty well with Dad's latest wife for quite a while. I was extra-careful about making her feel loved and accepted and being chill when she was weird (and vice versa, no doubt) and trying to actively seek out her company, e-mail her, that kind of thing. Anyway, sometime around engagement, she got odd and stand-offish. Would make defensive comments about her daughters (remember drug-dealer-boyfriend-step-sister?) and generally be a bit difficult. I wonder if my dad said something to her about my concerns re step-sis's drug-dealing beau?

Anyway, to make things worse, she cannot relate to DH at ALL, and DH can't stand being around her because it gets so tense and he finds her totally bizarre. Conversation at the dinner table is so stilted and awkward with her. She is very new-agey, and we are world-engaged active types. I can deal fine, but DH just can't.

Oh, and by the way, I go way out of my way to look out for her daughters too, doing them favours, helping them with their college papers, giving advice and encouragement, etc.

So, this all culminated on our last visit, which we paid at my dad's pleading insistence. We arrived at their house, and Step-mom basically told us that we were going to sleep at the neighbour's.

She said she thought we'd have more privacy there, since both her daughters were home. At my dad's/her place, we'd have been sleeping in the basement (complete with fireplace... not so bad). But her daughters often use the basement door instead of the upstairs one, and Step-mom said she was worried they would disturb us. These girls are 21 & 23 (I think?). Surely they could simply be asked to use the front door while we were there. WEIRD! MAKES NO SENSE!

Privacy? Sleeping at some random strangers' house whom we'd never even met? After we had been invited, even coerced by my dad to come visit them? It was just about the most awkward scenario imaginable. Going over the neighbour's was so humiliating. I couldn't believe I was being kicked out of my father's house. Literally nudged out of the nest! And I felt like the random stranger-neighbours would 'see' that too.

OK, so now here's the issue. I'm due for a visit before I get way too pregnoid with these twins to travel, but I just can't bring myself to stay at their house now. If I stay there, it will be super awkward, because I feel that a clear message has been sent that I'm not welcome there. I can easily shack up at a friend's place, or even get a hotel. But if I don't stay at their place, I feel like I'll be sending an equally clear message. And my dad would be so hurt.

So this is keeping me from the trip.

What should I do, Auntie PS? Advise me!

 

[Skippy123]

Indy, can you talk to your dad about why she had you stay at the neighbors? Do you think it was because your husband was with you? I am sorry that sounds frustrating. I guess if your dad won''t say anything to your Stepmom I would ask him and then see what he says.

 

[cbs102]

I agree with skippy. I think that you should certainly speak to your dad about it. afterall, it is HIS house too and you should always be welcome and made to feel welcome there!

i would NOT stay at the neighbors house though. i would stay at a hotel or stay home rather than stay at a strangers house.

 

[VegasAngel]

I would talk to your dad. There is no way I'd sleep at a neighbors? house. That is so weird, really strange. Gee come & visit us the neighbors have a nice setup waiting for you

I'd pass for a hotel.


You are pregnant with twins & at a time they should be accomodating she is sending you to a neighbor.

 

[jewelerman]

Wow...what a weird situation with the neighbors thing!That siuation was wrong on so many levels.A sitdown with dad and step mom is need and fast...or resentment will build...also you should now pre check about where you will be sleeping before you go...maybe a hotel from now on would be a better idea...maybe where you sleep isnt the issue...its that you were treated poorly and dis respected by family and that your father allowed it to happen.Healing is a process and both parties must allow for communication to be negative before it can be positive when there are problems.Be carful not to attack the step mother or father...discuss the behaviors and not personal traits.Dont give ultmatiums because that will create seperation and not solutions.GOOD LUCK!

 

[Independent Gal]

Believe me, I would NOT stay at the neighbour's house again!!! I have plenty of friends I could stay with, or a hotel. And we wouldn't have gone over the first time if it weren't for the fact that she kind of sprung it on us when we arrived nearing bedtime. We only stayed one night, and then convinced my dad to go into the countryside with us (and of course step-mom came along...)

I guess I should talk to my dad. I just feel so bad putting him in the middle. Because I know from him telling me from his last marriage how his wife used to basically say that standing up for us meant letting her down, so he's never really been one to take the kids' perspective over his wife-of-the-minute's. And it puts him on the spot.


I guess talking to him is the only solution though. He will DEFINITELY tell her what I say though. He thinks they are a single soul in two bodies and have all their interests and feelings in common.

So I have to word it right.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 8/25/2008 12:41:26 PM
Author: jewelerman
Wow...what a weird situation with the neighbors thing!That siuation was wrong on so many levels.A sitdown with dad and step mom is need and fast...or resentment will build...also you should now pre check about where you will be sleeping before you go...maybe a hotel from now on would be a better idea...maybe where you sleep isnt the issue...its that you were treated poorly and dis respected by family and that your father allowed it to happen.Healing is a process and both parties must allow for communication to be negative before it can be positive when there are problems.Be carful not to attack the step mother or father...discuss the behaviors and not personal traits.Dont give ultmatiums because that will create seperation and not solutions.GOOD LUCK!

I was thinking of something along the lines of opening with "Did DH & I do something to make Step-mom uncomfortable?" And then saying that I was unsure if there was something up last time, and whether everyone might be more relaxed if DH and I stayed elsewhere when we visit, now that we're all married up and stuff.

That keeps it nice and blame free.

But yeah, I kind of don't get it. I know it's really hard to be a step-mom, and maybe she's feeling threatened by my dad's huge gaggle of fun-loving, irreverent overachiever-kids. She's very serious, and I think she might partly just not know what to do with us all, since we are VERY boisterous and full of laughter. Even my dad is a huge jokester, although not around her, which is sad. He's no fun when he's with her.

So, being human, she probably sense the family culture clash and is trying to stake out her comfort zone in her home. Which I understand. But.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/25/2008 12:45:01 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Believe me, I would NOT stay at the neighbour's house again!!! I have plenty of friends I could stay with, or a hotel. And we wouldn't have gone over the first time if it weren't for the fact that she kind of sprung it on us nearing bedtime. We only stayed one night, and then convinced my dad to go into the countryside with us (and of course step-mom came along...)

I guess I should talk to my dad. I just feel so bad putting him in the middle. Because I know from him telling me from his last marriage how his wife used to basically say that standing up for us meant letting her down, so he's never really been one to take the kids' perspective over his wife-of-the-minute's. And it puts him on the spot.


I guess talking to him is the only solution though. He will DEFINITELY tell her what I say though. He thinks they are a single soul in two bodies and have all their interests and feelings in common.

So I have to word it right.

Indy, I tell him it made you feel uncomfortable or tell her, and that you rather not have to stay at the neighbors again and you do really enjoy staying with family, if it is needed then I would say please let me know ahead of time so that you can make prior arrangements w/friends or the hotel. It makes sense you want to be comfortable especially having 2 little buns in the oven.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 8/25/2008 12:50:25 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/25/2008 12:45:01 PM

Author: Independent Gal

Indy, I tell him it made you feel uncomfortable or tell her, and that you rather not have to stay at the neighbors again, if it is needed then I would say please let me know ahead of time so that you can make prior arrangements w/friends or the hotel. It makes sense you want to be comfortable especially having 2 little buns in the oven.

That sounds perfect, Aunt Skippy! That''s exactly what I''ll say. Maybe I''ll just add at the beginning that I don''t want to create trouble for dad or put him in the middle, I just want everyone to be as comfortable as possible so we can all enjoy our visits. I''ll let y''all know how it goes.

 

[Miranda]

Yep, talk to your dad. Honestly, after I was treated like that by family I would not go back. This is a long trip, no? Being pregnoid (I love that word

) with twins you need to be comfortable and not stressed. It sounds like staying with the freaky weird Step-Mother (or worse at the neighbors house!) would stress your DH out in effect stressing you out. I think you should worry less about your dad feeling hurt that you would stay at someone else''s house. And maybe I''m overstepping my boundaries here, but, where was your dad when you stayed at the neighbor''s house? Was he ok with it? Oblivious to it? I just can''t imagine why he would allow it. Granted I don''t know your family dynamics and every family is different...It seems odd to me.

 

[movie zombie]

wait a minute. different perspective here:

why not set the date to arrive and just mention to your dad that you''ll be sleeping at x hotel or x''s house. let him be the one to ask why. speak to him of your feelings and that you want to be respectful of his household. personally, given what you''ve described, i''d rather have the privacy of my own room at a hotel.

it really could have been out of respect for you and hubby but they should have told you before you arrived and/or offered to get or help you get a hotel room. and even though he is the one that begged you to come, he went along with the sleepover at the neighbor''s so this is really his household issue.

don''t put your dad in the middle. you''ve got a good head on your shoulders and are handling the situation better than most. i''d encourage you to continue.

movie zombie

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 8/25/2008 12:53:18 PM
Author: Miranda
YAnd maybe I'm overstepping my boundaries here, but, where was your dad when you stayed at the neighbor's house? Was he ok with it? Oblivious to it? I just can't imagine why he would allow it.

Oh this is such an oooold story, going back to when I was 4, that I don't even pay attention to my dad's lack of paying attention to what goes on between his wives and his kids anymore.

When I finally spoke to him about this ongoing issue, which has sometimes got really out of hand, as a 20ish grown-up, he told me about the lectures from wives about how he had to always take their side or it would threaten the marriage. His bad. Believe me, I know. Especially when we were under 10 and couldn't be expected to even understand the weird dynamics.

Whatever. Dad is who he is. I'm the last one to make excuses for him, but I've learned to just accept him as he is.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 8/25/2008 12:55:04 PM
Author: movie zombie
wait a minute. different perspective here:


why not set the date to arrive and just mention to your dad that you''ll be sleeping at x hotel or x''s house. let him be the one to ask why. speak to him of your feelings and that you want to be respectful of his household. personally, given what you''ve described, i''d rather have the privacy of my own room at a hotel.


it really could have been out of respect for you and hubby but they should have told you before you arrived and/or offered to get or help you get a hotel room. and even though he is the one that begged you to come, he went along with the sleepover at the neighbor''s so this is really his household issue.


don''t put your dad in the middle. you''ve got a good head on your shoulders and are handling the situation better than most. i''d encourage you to continue.


movie zombie

I totally see your perspective! I think it''s very wise. I think I''m just too much of a sap and I know dad would be so sad. I know it was his bad to begin with. I just hate the thought of making him feel badly, even though he''s pretty oblivious to us a lot of the time.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 8/25/2008 12:55:04 PM
Author: movie zombie
wait a minute. different perspective here:

why not set the date to arrive and just mention to your dad that you''ll be sleeping at x hotel or x''s house. let him be the one to ask why. speak to him of your feelings and that you want to be respectful of his household. personally, given what you''ve described, i''d rather have the privacy of my own room at a hotel.

it really could have been out of respect for you and hubby but they should have told you before you arrived and/or offered to get or help you get a hotel room. and even though he is the one that begged you to come, he went along with the sleepover at the neighbor''s so this is really his household issue.

don''t put your dad in the middle. you''ve got a good head on your shoulders and are handling the situation better than most. i''d encourage you to continue.

movie zombie

I ditto this, it was my first thought, "Hey dad, we''re coming to visit and to make things easier for you and wifey, we''re just going to stay in a hotel! Can''t wait to see you!" I think saying anything else will in fact put him in the middle and make him feel bad, since he would either have to a) explain his wife''s feelings, which he may or may not understand, b) aknowledge that is was odd, which he may be avoiding thinking about, or c) accept that he hurt your feelings by not sticking up for you. Anyways, I''d just stay in a hotel and leave it at that.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/25/2008 1:02:55 PM
Author: Independent Gal

Date: 8/25/2008 12:53:18 PM
Author: Miranda
YAnd maybe I''m overstepping my boundaries here, but, where was your dad when you stayed at the neighbor''s house? Was he ok with it? Oblivious to it? I just can''t imagine why he would allow it.

Oh this is such an oooold story, going back to when I was 4, that I don''t even pay attention to my dad''s lack of paying attention to what goes on between his wives and his kids anymore.

When I finally spoke to him about this ongoing issue, which has sometimes got really out of hand, as a 20ish grown-up, he told me about the lectures from wives about how he had to always take their side or it would threaten the marriage. His bad. Believe me, I know. Especially when we were under 10 and couldn''t be expected to even understand the weird dynamics.

Whatever. Dad is who he is. I''m the last one to make excuses for him, but I''ve learned to just accept him as he is.

Ahhh, I understand now. My sister struggles with this with my parents. They were aloof or self absorbed for a good portion of our childhood. I''m not criticizing since I am happy with who I am today and attribute my childhood to my strength as an adult. The way my parents chose to parent has been a learning experience for me. My sis, OTOH, is often left feeling unloved. I really feel bad for her. I have a much more ''hard ass - let''s bear down and find a solution'' type personality so it''s easier for me to deal with, I guess. Anyway, I am glad to see that you do recognize this behavior is your dad''s choice and you have not done anything to cause it.

Again, knowing little about your family, do you think your dad acts sad as a way to manipulate you? I am just throwing it out there in case it is the situation. Honestly, what do YOU want to do? What is the best case scenario in your opinion? Not going? Going and staying at your dad''s house?

 

[Kaleigh]

I remember that you were asked to stay at the neighbor''s last time. I hope you do talk to your Dad. I think it''s really an awkward situtation. I just wonder how he felt about that?? Remember it''s really not about YOU at all. This is her problem.

 

[swingirl]

It is totally appropriate for a married couple with or without kids to stay at a near by hotel when visiting. You are your own family now and don't need to stay in "the nest".

I don't think you need to talk to your dad about it. He knew where you were staying last time and approved the plan. Besides, men don't usually like to get in the middle of female squabbling.

I have a wonderful family and I never stay with them when visiting. It makes it so much easier and less stressful to come and go as you please. There should be no explanation necessary other than, "we don't want to inconvenience anyone." If your dad does say anything let him know that it's uncomfortable staying with strangers.

Good luck!

 

[KimberlyH]

I would make arrangements to visit, including a hotel room, and if asked why I second Skippy's suggestion of just stating the facts: DH and I were uncomfortable with staying at the neighbors' and would prefer to make our visit comfortable for everyone so we're staying in a hotel.

Just to add a bit more perspective, I don't find staying in a hotel when visiting family odd. When I visit my parents alone I stay in their home, when DH and I visit we get a hotel room. As wonderful as my parents are, and DH agrees, my family is a bit kooky, loud, and chaotic and his was, when they were alive, the exact opposite. It's good for him to have a quiet place to retire, or a place to escape for an hour or so, while visiting.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''m not sure why you think your dad might be "so hurt" if you stayed elsewhere? He didn''t say a peep when you were shunted off to the neighbors, why would he notice you were in a hotel this time?

You''re a bigger person than I am. If this stepmom was my dad''s REAL LOVE I might feel differently, but honestly it sounds as though she could be one in a string of wives (or did I get that wrong?). I would lay claim to MY family home and the stepwife could just deal. She is one weird lady IMO.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 8/25/2008 2:43:48 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I'm not sure why you think your dad might be 'so hurt' if you stayed elsewhere? He didn't say a peep when you were shunted off to the neighbors, why would he notice you were in a hotel this time?

Dad claims that she 'finally!' really IS his real love. He won't be apart from her for 5 minutes, and when he has to be, he calls her every 5 minutes. It's kind of obnoxious, actually. He made clear, in his way (but really clear) that it wasn't his choice that we were asked to leave. But he didn't stop it either. There's a lot of history with dad here I don't want to go into. Suffice to say, I'm 100% sure he was pissed at Step-mom about it, and 100% sure he doesn't have a big enough pair to stand up to her on an issue like that. It's really her home (in terms of financial share), and she bought it 'with' my dad. I never lived there, nor did any of my siblings. A 'family home' isn't really something we've had, per se, since I was too young to remember. And yes, dad's had a string 'o wives. And he's, like, her 4th husband. She's the one who said to me, before I married, something like "Hey, if it doesn't work out, you can always get a divorce!"

I wonder if maybe I could do what Kim does, and stay with them when I go alone, but at a hotel when DH comes. Gosh. I just don't know. Which actually pisses me off a lot. I feel like I've spent a good chunk of my life trying to negotiate crazy dynamics because my dad can be such a wacko.

If it weren't for the fact that my beloved grandmother lives near him, I would insist he just comes to see me.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/25/2008 3:01:19 PM
Author: Independent Gal

I wonder if maybe I could do what Kim does, and stay with them when I go alone, but at a hotel when DH comes. Gosh. I just don''t know. Which actually pisses me off a lot. I feel like I''ve spent a good chunk of my life trying to negotiate crazy dynamics because my dad can be such a wacko.

IG, I''m so sorry you''re feeling so frustrated, it''s hard when we can''t just talk to people about what''s going on in a matter-of-fact way about such seemingly simple things that are turned complicated by not wanting to rock the proverbial boat. It really helps my DH to stay in a hotel when we visit, but in your case I would have a backup plan in place,a hotel reserved or a friend on standby for example, in case there is an attempt at you dumped off on the neighbors again.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 8/25/2008 3:01:19 PM
Author: Independent Gal

Date: 8/25/2008 2:43:48 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''m not sure why you think your dad might be ''so hurt'' if you stayed elsewhere? He didn''t say a peep when you were shunted off to the neighbors, why would he notice you were in a hotel this time?

Dad claims that she ''finally!'' really IS his real love. He won''t be apart from her for 5 minutes, and when he has to be, he calls her every 5 minutes. It''s kind of obnoxious, actually. He made clear, in his way (but really clear) that it wasn''t his choice that we were asked to leave. But he didn''t stop it either. There''s a lot of history with dad here I don''t want to go into. Suffice to say, I''m 100% sure he was pissed at Step-mom about it, and 100% sure he doesn''t have a big enough pair to stand up to her on an issue like that. It''s really her home (in terms of financial share), and she bought it ''with'' my dad. I never lived there, nor did any of my siblings. A ''family home'' isn''t really something we''ve had, per se, since I was too young to remember. And yes, dad''s had a string ''o wives. And he''s, like, her 4th husband. She''s the one who said to me, before I married, something like ''Hey, if it doesn''t work out, you can always get a divorce!''

I wonder if maybe I could do what Kim does, and stay with them when I go alone, but at a hotel when DH comes. Gosh. I just don''t know. Which actually pisses me off a lot. I feel like I''ve spent a good chunk of my life trying to negotiate crazy dynamics because my dad can be such a wacko.

If it weren''t for the fact that my beloved grandmother lives near him, I would insist he just comes to see me.

Indy I hear you, I too have a father who I accept warts and all and feel no need to change or assert anything with! I think it is very simple to just stay in a hotel, it doesnt'' mean you can''t hang out at their house until late at night and go over for breakfast! I do this when I visit my grandparents because they are old and it is easier for everyone.

 

[VRBeauty]

Plan from the get-go to stay at a hotel or with friends. No need to explain unless asked. You owe it to yourself not to have to worry about that kind of crazy behavior, and you owe it to your husband not to have to deal with the stress of your step-mom''s behavior towards him. If it makes your dad unhappy -- well, maybe it''ll wake him up.

 

[movie zombie]

you''re pregnant: tell him to bring grandmother to visit you.
but if you go their direction....with or without your hubby....stay at a friend''s or hotel.

it is clearly step-mom''s house and rules. its not the childhood home. let it go and just enjoy your dad...and grandmother....while you can.

its your dad''s relationship . he''s not about to change his habits. you''ve got a new family of your own and that''s where your thoughts and energy belong....not on whether or not your dad has hurt feelings. he''s an adult and responsible for himself.

movie zombie

 

[Independent Gal]

After hearing all your great advice, I am completely torn between just planning to stay elsewhere and letting them know right before I come and raising the issue in advance. There is merit in both approaches.

I also don''t want to overthink this TOO much. I have more important things to get stressed and worry about if I''m inclined that way.

Like my mom and my twin fetoids.

So I think I''m going to sleep on it, and act on whatever option seems best when I wake up first thing tomorrow morning. Sometimes, we have the most insight when first awake. Know what I mean?

One thing is for sure, from now on, when DH comes, we are staying at a hotel or with our friends whom he loves (and who have invited us many times). Minims makes an excellent point that I owe it to DH. I will probably go on my own a lot, but when he does come, it really isn''t fair to put him in that position. He comes first. Thanks for the insight.

But now I''ll just work out what to do for when I''m on my own, like I will be this time.

Thank you, oh wise PS Auntie!

 

[justjulia]

I know it''s an expensive option, but really a hotel is the best way. We decided to do the hotel route after many visits when we were worried we were having to creep around not to wake people, or watch tv late, or have to sit around making small talk when we were exhausted. The only way to change things is when you have your own children. That''s our strategy anyway.

 

[jewelerman]

IG,
You dont want to put your father in the middle?He is very much in the middle and should be in the mix to help find a solution.It can be a win /win if all involved are willing to work on it.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is odd. And I have odd relations too, which is terrible sometimes as you cannot be logical or sensible where they are concerned.

I think your comfort is utmost. If you do go, before you get too pregnant, I would clarify that you need to know you will be housed with your father or will need to get a hotel. I would not stay with the neighbors.

I am sorry you DH is uncomfortable. My mother in law does that too, she is weird and off the wall and dinner conversations get strange. Very tense and yuck too.

Otherwise, yes I think her two grown daughters could have been instructed that you and hubby would be in the basement and that THEY COULD NOT ENTER THE HOUSE VIA BASEMENT DOOR FOR THEW DURARATION OF YOUR VISIT. Geeze, is that hard to explain to two young women? NO. She would rather put you and your dh out than ask her kids to do something very normal and reasonable.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 8/25/2008 7:00:18 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is odd. And I have odd relations too, which is terrible sometimes as you cannot be logical or sensible where they are concerned.

I think your comfort is utmost. If you do go, before you get too pregnant, I would clarify that you need to know you will be housed with your father or will need to get a hotel. I would not stay with the neighbors.

I am sorry you DH is uncomfortable. My mother in law does that too, she is weird and off the wall and dinner conversations get strange. Very tense and yuck too.

Otherwise, yes I think her two grown daughters could have been instructed that you and hubby would be in the basement and that THEY COULD NOT ENTER THE HOUSE VIA BASEMENT DOOR FOR THEW DURARATION OF YOUR VISIT. Geeze, is that hard to explain to two young women? NO. She would rather put you and your dh out than ask her kids to do something very normal and reasonable.

Some people just have no common sense.

Seriously, who in their right mind
1) Asks their neighbor if their daughter-in-law and husband can crash at their house
2) Thinks that that is a perfectly acceptable request?

I''m laughing out loud. How nutty!
She reminds me of my in-laws.

They don''t have any common sense either.

I''ve told this story before but when I first met DH''s family (a family REUNION) I was forced to sleep in a room with two distant cousins that I had never met while they carted DH five miles away to another HOUSE. Like that was perfectly normal and there was no WAY I''d feel uncomfortable.

Sleeping separate before marriage is one thing, but in separate buildings five miles away from eachother?

We were also forced to stay at the neighbors for this year''s reunion. Luckily, the neighbors weren''t home! But his parents had scheduled our trip before any of the family even got there (they all arrived on the last day...again, his parents are kind of flighty. Some reunion for us!), so there was no reason why we couldn''t stay at the other house. Instead every time we were hungry or wanted to do laundry we had to walk over there. Made no sense. But they have no sense, sooooo.

 

[VegasAngel]

Date: 8/25/2008 7:19:09 PM
Author: luckystar112

Date: 8/25/2008 7:00:18 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is odd. And I have odd relations too, which is terrible sometimes as you cannot be logical or sensible where they are concerned.

I think your comfort is utmost. If you do go, before you get too pregnant, I would clarify that you need to know you will be housed with your father or will need to get a hotel. I would not stay with the neighbors.

I am sorry you DH is uncomfortable. My mother in law does that too, she is weird and off the wall and dinner conversations get strange. Very tense and yuck too.

Otherwise, yes I think her two grown daughters could have been instructed that you and hubby would be in the basement and that THEY COULD NOT ENTER THE HOUSE VIA BASEMENT DOOR FOR THEW DURARATION OF YOUR VISIT. Geeze, is that hard to explain to two young women? NO. She would rather put you and your dh out than ask her kids to do something very normal and reasonable.

Some people just have no common sense.

Seriously, who in their right mind
1) Asks their neighbor if their daughter-in-law and husband can crash at their house
2) Thinks that that is a perfectly acceptable request?

I'm laughing out loud. How nutty!
She reminds me of my in-laws.

They don't have any common sense either.

I've told this story before but when I first met DH's family (a family REUNION) I was forced to sleep in a room with two distant cousins that I had never met while they carted DH five miles away to another HOUSE. Like that was perfectly normal and there was no WAY I'd feel uncomfortable.

Sleeping separate before marriage is one thing, but in separate buildings five miles away from eachother?

We were also forced to stay at the neighbors for this year's reunion. Luckily, the neighbors weren't home! But his parents had scheduled our trip before any of the family even got there (they all arrived on the last day...again, his parents are kind of flighty. Some reunion for us!), so there was no reason why we couldn't stay at the other house. Instead every time we were hungry or wanted to do laundry we had to walk over there. Made no sense. But they have no sense, sooooo.

Dont forget pregnant daughter in law. Why was I thinking about this when I was out shopping today,lol? I'm sorry it's just so strange. To me it s
eems like MIL is purposely trying to get you to not want to stay. Why doesnt she or your dad make hotel suggestions or offer to pay for one, something.


Sorry, I mean step mother