stag and drag

[mariewest]

I just found out that a friend of mine from college (finally) got engaged to her long time boyfriend recently. I am absolutely thrilled for her! I got an invitation to their "Stag & Drag" party which would be in mid-June. This got me thinking about the concept of the "Stag & Drag" party (also sometimes knows as Stag & Doe party.)

I know this is not very common and can be a regional thing, so I''m wondering how many people have heard of them? Anyone been to one? Thrown one?

For anyone who hasn''t heard of it before, a Stag & Drag party is like a fundraiser thrown by the engaged couple, or their friends. It''s like a big party that they sell tickets to with a "donation." There is food and music and some of them will have a 50/50 raffles and door prizes. You open it to anyone, not just those invited to the wedding.

I know some peple think it''s tacky and rude, so I''m expecting some of those feedbacks, but has anyone thought of having one to help off set wedding costs? I''m curious for opinions. I never thought about doing one, but it may not be that bad of an idea!

 

[audball]

Hmph, I''ve honestly never heard of this. I think as long as your friends are cool with the idea, and/or initiate it, it could be fun! Something I''d probably leave elder relative out of...

 

[jcarlylew]

i''ve never heard of it either...?

 

[purselover]

I''ve never heard of this either, to be honest it seems strange to have a fundraiser to raise money for your wedding, but if that''s the norm in your area why not?

 

[princesss]

I think there was a thread about these a while back calling it a Jack and Jill shower/party/somethingorother.

Honestly, I don't think it makes sense to have a wedding that would require a fundraiser! I just don't understand why it's necessary to make people pay for tickets to help fund somebody else's wedding.

That said, if it's the norm for your area and you feel comfortable throwing one, go for it.

 

[sammyj]

It is very much a regional / cultural thing. I'm from Ontario and they're very popular here. Although I didn't grow up in a city where Stag & Does were very common, my FI went to one every weekend in high school, and nearly every friend of his that is married (or is getting married) has one. They're pretty much engrained in his adolescence. With that said, we are not having one for many different reasons, one being that I don't like organizing big parties!

Before people start labeling this type of event as 'tacky' or stating that people who throw/attend these parties as having 'lack of exposure' as one PSer has commented (not in this thread), take into account that it IS a cultural event (based on region) that is celebrated and welcomed by many communities.

 

[sparklyheart]

I have only heard of them because I have a friend from Canada who happens to be getting married there. In her small town, everyone in the town *expects* you to have a stag and they all expect to be invited. From the way she explained it, more people will come in for your stag than for your actual wedding. It''s my understanding that it is a big event to celebrate the couple and help support them in financing their wedding. I don''t think it''s a way of saying you need a big wedding.. it''s a way of saying everyone around you wants to help you out because it is generally thought that engaged people are younger and therefore don''t have much money! I think it is an interesting concept but it is definitely a regional/cultural thing. As soon as she started explaining it to everyone here, we were all like "oh that''s cool!" but no one said "oh I''ll start that tradition here."

 

[Ara Ann]

I''m not a ''LIW'' but I''m intrigued by this thread! I''m in the Northern/Mid West US and have never heard of this either...could it be considered as an alternative to an engagement party? I mean, if a couple has an engagement party, guests would bring gifts or give money as well...just a thought...I don''t see this as being much different from an engagement party I guess...just a different environment!

 

[misskitty]

I''ve heard of them, but they''re not at all common in my region/within my circle, so I won''t be doing one.

 

[absolut_blonde]

I realize this kind of thing varies but I feel that throwing a party and charging your guests to attend it isn't proper. I suppose it's a 'community thing' where people want to support you? But I tend to feel like you chose to get married, you pay for your wedding. I mean, you are already getting gifts at the wedding.

So I could never bring myself to do this because I, personally, would feel tacky. That's not to say my own family/region doesn't have some tacky traditions. They sure do-- I won't be participating in those either!

For example, in SO's small town it is very common to invite a TON of people to the 'wedding dance'. Basically, those people aren't invited to the ceremony or dinner part of the reception and come later for the drinks and dancing (generally a cash bar as well). Even though SO thinks it's ok- and lots of his friends would be fine with it- I feel that is inconsiderate and we won't be doing it.

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/26/2009 3:50:19 PM
Author: sammyj
It is very much a regional / cultural thing. I''m from Ontario and they''re very popular here. Although I didn''t grow up in a city where Stag & Does were very common, my FI went to one every weekend in high school, and nearly every friend of his that is married (or is getting married) has one. They''re pretty much engrained in his adolescence. With that said, we are not having one for many different reasons, one being that I don''t like organizing big parties!

Before people start labeling this type of event as ''tacky'' or stating that people who throw/attend these parties as having ''lack of exposure'' as one PSer has commented (not in this thread), take into account that it IS a cultural event (based on region) that is celebrated and welcomed by many communities.

I know I only responded the way I did because of the OP saying, "I wasn''t going to do one, but hmmm...it could offset the cost of the wedding. Maybe not a bad idea!" If somebody had come on saying, "I''m so excited, I''m going to throw this big Stag and Doe, it''s this huge thing here where I live and everybody looks forward to it," that would be one thing. But that''s not how it was presented, so while I don''t think it''s tacky if that''s the norm and you''re super excited about it, I don''t think it''s the greatest idea ever to have the party only to get some money for the wedding.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 5/26/2009 4:53:33 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 5/26/2009 3:50:19 PM
Author: sammyj
It is very much a regional / cultural thing. I''m from Ontario and they''re very popular here. Although I didn''t grow up in a city where Stag & Does were very common, my FI went to one every weekend in high school, and nearly every friend of his that is married (or is getting married) has one. They''re pretty much engrained in his adolescence. With that said, we are not having one for many different reasons, one being that I don''t like organizing big parties!

Before people start labeling this type of event as ''tacky'' or stating that people who throw/attend these parties as having ''lack of exposure'' as one PSer has commented (not in this thread), take into account that it IS a cultural event (based on region) that is celebrated and welcomed by many communities.

I know I only responded the way I did because of the OP saying, ''I wasn''t going to do one, but hmmm...it could offset the cost of the wedding. Maybe not a bad idea!'' If somebody had come on saying, ''I''m so excited, I''m going to throw this big Stag and Doe, it''s this huge thing here where I live and everybody looks forward to it,'' that would be one thing. But that''s not how it was presented, so while I don''t think it''s tacky if that''s the norm and you''re super excited about it, I don''t think it''s the greatest idea ever to have the party only to get some money for the wedding.

I agree with this too, which is part of the reason why we''re not having one either. I don''t like asking anyone for money...not even my parents and especially not my friends. That''s just me though. FWIW princesss, I didn''t take offense to your post at all.

I have to admit, I didn''t read the OP''s post thoroughly because the minute I hear ''Stag&Doe'' my guard goes up and reactions in the past have really peeved me. I don''t know why considering I''ve only been to a couple and I''m not even having one myself. Either way, I don''t go around bashing other people''s traditions!

 

[princesss]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I''ll be the first to admit that in my social circle and my location a Stag and Doe or a money tree would be considered tacky. However, it''s an exciting part of the wedding festivity in other places. I think my reaction stems from *why* somebody''s doing something, you know?

I''m glad you weren''t offended by my post. Because this is such a heated issues (and has been debated over and over on BWW) I wanted to make sure I was being extra clear that my issue isn''t with the party itself, but with the seeming motivation behind it.