Speechless in San Jose

[Gypsy]

Dear Abby Article 7-16-2007 : http://www.uclick.com/client/bea/da/2007/07/16/

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Nora" was very shaken by something that happened to her recently. While her six grandchildren were visiting, the oldest boy (age 13) shouted, "Let's take her down!" and all six of the children attacked her, knocking her to the ground, then groping and hitting her.
Nora is 73 and only 5 foot 2. Her oldest grandchild is 5 foot 7 and weighs 140 pounds. All of the grandchildren are large for their ages. The youngest, who is 7, weighs well over 70 pounds.

My question is, what can elderly people do to protect themselves? Nora felt helpless. She took the beating because she was afraid if she fought back, she'd be turned in for child abuse. I told her I'd have whacked that 13-year-old monster so hard he'd think twice about ever pulling a stunt like that again.

Now she's afraid of her grandkids because, even though their parents eventually pulled them off her, they did nothing to punish the children for their aggressive behavior. Is there anything older people can do to defend themselves against delinquents? -- SHOCKED IN TOPEKA

DEAR SHOCKED: Are you talking about delinquent children or delinquent parents? Nora's grandchildren were obviously never taught by their parents the importance of behaving respectfully around adults, particularly elderly adults who can be fragile. They could have caused their grandmother serious harm. That the behavior went unpunished is extremely disturbing because if parents don't bother to teach their children right from wrong, their misbehavior could escalate.

While the incident you described might be considered "fun and games" when it occurs between children, when it happens with an adult it becomes assault and battery. In Nora's case, it could be considered elder abuse.

There are two ways to protect oneself from "delinquents" of any age who act like this. The first is to avoid people who do not understand boundaries because their lack of judgment could sooner or later cause great bodily harm. The second is to notify the police and seek immediate medical attention.

 

[SuzyQZ]

I''m in shock

Between kids it''s fun and games but between adults it''s abuse????

Sounds like abuse, regardless of who it''s between!

The parents didn''t discipline the grandchildren??

I''m just in shock and speechless right now, really!

 

[poshpepper]

Yeah, pretty disturbing.

I am a daily reader of Dear Abby and Dear Margo... there is some pretty awful stuff that gets asked about.

This one did shock me more than most though. I don''t understand how you can NOT discipline your children (I do not have any but my parents always disciplined me, I didn''t get away with stuff)... that article is sad commentary on our society

 

[FireGoddess]

One of my in laws is guilty of not punishing their kid. He was a royal terror. I have never disliked a child before I met this one. Spit in his grandmother's face. Tried to spit in mine. Hit his grandmother. Tried to hit me. I waited for his mother, who was present, to do something about it. But she didn't. Well, I think my tone transcended the language barrier. He didn't get the message though - why would he? If his own mother wouldn't discipline him, why would he listen to a total stranger? I have never wanted to clock a kid in my life, but this one tempted me. I stopped at grabbing his hands mid 'swing' to prevent him from hitting anyone. I was incredulous that I, the guest, had to do this, and not the child's mother. However, I think the parents should be reprimanded first, then the kid. To allow one's child to act that way is completely irresponsible.

That Dear Abby story is absolutely reprehensible.

 

[Beacon]

FG how did you restrain yourself from saying anything? I would have told the mother straight out that she better stop her kid from spitting and hitting. OMG. How gross.

As for the poor grandmother. Yikes, that is so sick. I would rewrite my will quickly if I were her!

Wouldn''t hurt to let the parents know why.

What dreadful grandchildren - they sound insane.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 7/19/2007 7:57:27 PM
Author: Beacon
FG how did you restrain yourself from saying anything? I would have told the mother straight out that she better stop her kid from spitting and hitting. OMG. How gross.

I shot her (the mom) this look of incredulity like, ''are you going to DO something about this?'' and seriously, the mom thought it was funny. I yelled at that kid in the only word that transcended the language barrier. NO! NO. NO. NO. And grabbed his hands and pushed them away. And held up a pillow when he tried to spit at me. And you know what? The kid laughed. Actually laughed. And why wouldn''t he? His mother clearly thought it was funny too.

Man, just remembering it makes me want to clock both of them.

 

[luckystar112]

The dear abby that made me mad was the one from yesterday. Some woman wrote in about her pregnant 15 yr old daughter, and how she wished she would have had "the talk" with her.

Abby wrote back and said something like, "You should talk to your kids because a lot of school only have abstinence based education."

I wanted to SCREAM into my newspaper..."No...you should talk to your kids because that''s your JOB as a parent, and anything the school does in that respect is a bonus!

"

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I have 2 words for kiddies like that: military school.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/19/2007 8:00:34 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 7/19/2007 7:57:27 PM
Author: Beacon
FG how did you restrain yourself from saying anything? I would have told the mother straight out that she better stop her kid from spitting and hitting. OMG. How gross.

I shot her (the mom) this look of incredulity like, 'are you going to DO something about this?' and seriously, the mom thought it was funny. I yelled at that kid in the only word that transcended the language barrier. NO! NO. NO. NO. And grabbed his hands and pushed them away. And held up a pillow when he tried to spit at me. And you know what? The kid laughed. Actually laughed. And why wouldn't he? His mother clearly thought it was funny too.

Man, just remembering it makes me want to clock both of them.

My goodness!!!

Sorry you had to put up with this FG. As for the OP, I have no words - except to quote MB - military school.

 

[suzi]

Date: 7/19/2007 8:46:32 PM
Author: luckystar112
The dear abby that made me mad was the one from yesterday. Some woman wrote in about her pregnant 15 yr old daughter, and how she wished she would have had ''the talk'' with her.

Abby wrote back and said something like, ''You should talk to your kids because a lot of school only have abstinence based education.''

I wanted to SCREAM into my newspaper...''No...you should talk to your kids because that''s your JOB as a parent, and anything the school does in that respect is a bonus!

''

Oh, I read that one, too! I was in disbelief of those parents. There is NO WAY I would depend on the school to teach my children everything they need to know about morals...and my kids go to CATHOLIC SCHOOL! We have always had very open communication with our kids about everything...sex, drinking, smoking, drugs, racial issues (we live in a very racially diverse community and sometimes race relations are a bit turbulent). All parents should educate their children on those and other subjects. And do it often! Kids need LOTS of reminders.

Same thing goes for discipline (thinking of the episode with the children attacking the grandma). Kids need frequent reminders on how to behave.

 

[simplysplendid]

Date: 7/19/2007 8:46:32 PM
Author: luckystar112
The dear abby that made me mad was the one from yesterday. Some woman wrote in about her pregnant 15 yr old daughter, and how she wished she would have had ''the talk'' with her.

Abby wrote back and said something like, ''You should talk to your kids because a lot of school only have abstinence based education.''

I wanted to SCREAM into my newspaper...''No...you should talk to your kids because that''s your JOB as a parent, and anything the school does in that respect is a bonus!

''

Totally agree. I think it is so important to teach children respect and how never to speak or act disrespectfully. It is one thing to be playing and having fun but when it crosses the line to being rude or abusive, it is another thing.

 

[simplysplendid]

Date: 7/19/2007 8:00:34 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 7/19/2007 7:57:27 PM
Author: Beacon
FG how did you restrain yourself from saying anything? I would have told the mother straight out that she better stop her kid from spitting and hitting. OMG. How gross.

I shot her (the mom) this look of incredulity like, ''are you going to DO something about this?'' and seriously, the mom thought it was funny. I yelled at that kid in the only word that transcended the language barrier. NO! NO. NO. NO. And grabbed his hands and pushed them away. And held up a pillow when he tried to spit at me. And you know what? The kid laughed. Actually laughed. And why wouldn''t he? His mother clearly thought it was funny too.

Man, just remembering it makes me want to clock both of them.

Geez. I would look at the mother with disdain and ask "do you actually allow your son to spit at you?". I would not hesitate to show her how disgusted I am at her lack of discipline around the kids.

I once saw a mother carrying her 3 or 4 year old kid and the kid was pulling hard at his mother''s hair (so hard till her head would jerk when he pulled the hair) and throwing smacks on his mother''s face. Both his father and mother said or did nothing. I just shook my head..

 

[Skippy123]

Gosh, how sick!!! Reading that made me very very sad.