CirqueDuMort
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2014
- Messages
- 36
TC1987|1406342676|3720784 said:Are you sure you both are on that same page? You don't have to answer here, but how long has she been single? The reason I say that is I'm in roughly the same age group, and I've been single almost 10 years. And I would not want a man choosing an engagement ring totally as a unilateral decision, because I'm an independent adult and that approach smacks of authoritarian husband, and I'd find it offensive. I'd also find it MIGHTY AWKWARD to be presented with an e-ring that I hate, by the man that I love. That's like putting someone in a no-win situation. "Hey honey, I hate that ring, but yes, I'll marry you!" I mean, just think that through, put yourself in that situation of she gives you a watch that you HATE, and you don't want to wear it every day, but exactly what do you say to her to avoid hurting her feelings.CirqueDuMort|1406156889|3719411 said:...
And somehow I wasn't clear, but I'm willing to go out on a limb and take a risk buying something unusual, and have her return it. That's preferable to something safer. It's just the way we are.
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One of the huge problems I had with recently divorced and widowed men is that they are still in the long-term married-mindset, and don't seem to grasp the fact that a new marriage doesn't pick up where the first left off, and a woman who has been single a long time isn't necessarily going to accept a subordinate role. It's one reason why I quit dating those guys, actually. They never quite seemed to get a clue that I wasn't just going to mold myself to their every whim or edict.
You could propose with a placeholder ring, like a good cz ring or a birthstone ring or just some kind of pretty ring, and then pick the real e-ring together. That's what I recommend, actually. Then you are not wasting time and money on a ring she may hate, and she won't be in the awkward position of not being pleased with the ring style that you chose. Just my $0.02. ymmv
Thanks, but yes I'm confident. We are both very fashion oriented, and I buy her stuff all the time: jewelry, clothes, shoes, bags lingerie and art. Most of the time she loves the stuff and wears it. Sometimes she doesn't and we return it. She brags to her friends about my ability to pick stuff out. (I'm not bragging, just saying for this purpose.)
I know she would prefer one I picked out if I can get it right. But there will be no disappointment on either side if it's returned and she picks a new one.