Some fascinating inscriptions on old tombstones

[Madam Bijoux]

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

==============================

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

==============================

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. The Good Die Young.

==============================

In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

==============================

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Clark Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

================================

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.

================================

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

===============================

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

================================

John Penny''s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash

thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

==================================

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

==================================

Anna Hopewell''s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of

our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn''t the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and

under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there''s only the pod.

Pease shelled out and went to God.

==================================

In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so shall you be.

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:To follow you I''ll

not consent

Until I know which way you went.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths that we take, but rather by

the moments that take our breath away.

 

[Rock Candy]

Oh my gosh - those are hysterical!!! Thanks!

 

[AdaBeta27]

There was New Yorker cartoon of a headstone that said:

Gave up wine, women and song.
Died anyway.


-------------------------------------
Overheard at a funeral:
Pastor: "... he walked in the way of the Lord..."
Voice from the back: "And it served him right!"

--------------------------------------------------------
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
A lawyer's epitaph in England
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
In a Georgia cemetery
"I told you I was sick!"

Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England
Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
In Newbury, England [1742]
Tom Smith is dead, and here he lies,
Nobody laughs and nobody cries;
Where his soul's gone, or how it fares,
Nobody knows, and nobody cares.
In a Leeds graveyard [1861]
Here lies my wife,
Here lies she;
Hallelujah!
Hallelujee!
John Dryden (1631-1700) on his wife
Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she's at rest, and so am I.
The Tired Woman's Epitaph
Here lies a poor woman who was always tired;
She lived ina house where help was not hired.
Her last words on earth were: "Dear friends, I am going
Where washing ain't done, nor sweeping, no sewing:
But everything there is exact to my wishes;
For where they don't eat there's no washing of dishes...
Don't mourn for me now; don't mourn for me never -
I'm going to do nothing for evere and ever.

 

[Harriet]

Madam Bijoux, you cracked me up. Again.

 

[Ellen]

Excellent.

 

[KimberlyH]

Absolutely fabulous!

 

[lumpkin]

Are these real??? I laughed out loud, if they are real I should be ashamed! These are funny. I hope no one writes anything nasty about me on my tombstone!

 

[snlee]

LOL. Funny. I''m wondering these are real too!