so called friends.

[bubbly1126]

So Sunday is my birthday... I''ll be 23. And no one seems to be interested in doing anything with me. To top it off, BF put in for the day off and it got denied. And he works the WHOLE weekend so any hope of spending time with him has gone out the window.

My friends are really bumming me out. Most of my friends live in the town I grew up in which is about 20-30 min away from me and no one is willing to come my way so we can go out. But yet, when they all want to go to a bar or something over their way, I make the effort and go.

(I do have some friends here who always go to my hometown too and for once, I would like to go some place closer to them/me. It''s only fair.)

I just feel like no one cares it''s my birthday and I''ll be doing nothing. I''ll be sitting home watching random tv shows that I don''t even like, just to keep myself busy and pass through the time.

UGH. People suck! And I''m tired of being nice!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Happy early birthday!

First of all, since it will be your birthday, I''ll indulge you in any pity party you may be having.

There. Consider yourself indulged.

It''s only Tuesday. In my experience, people aren''t thinking too much of other people''s birthdays. It could be as it gets closer to the weekend, you''ll get the calls out to dinner and what not, so hang in there.

I guess I may be in the minority, but I don''t expect people to do squat for my birthday (but I''m older and cranky, hehehehe) For the last two years when people wanted to celebrate, I invited people over to my apartment and threw a party for myself...even did the cooking. But I like entertaining. I don''t think it''s all that strange for people to call their own parties...I know a lot of people who send out emails saying it''s their birthday and to come and have a drink with them at a bar or what not.

So wait a couple more days and if nothing happens, round up some friends yourself!

 

[blushingbride]

Do you think someone is throwing a surprise party for you? Perhaps your BF??

That would be my guess if every single one of your friends is "busy" the night of your birthday. Seems fishy to me!

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 3:42:11 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Happy early birthday!

First of all, since it will be your birthday, I''ll indulge you in any pity party you may be having.

There. Consider yourself indulged.

It''s only Tuesday. In my experience, people aren''t thinking too much of other people''s birthdays. It could be as it gets closer to the weekend, you''ll get the calls out to dinner and what not, so hang in there.

I guess I may be in the minority, but I don''t expect people to do squat for my birthday (but I''m older and cranky, hehehehe) For the last two years when people wanted to celebrate, I invited people over to my apartment and threw a party for myself...even did the cooking. But I like entertaining. I don''t think it''s all that strange for people to call their own parties...I know a lot of people who send out emails saying it''s their birthday and to come and have a drink with them at a bar or what not.

So wait a couple more days and if nothing happens, round up some friends yourself!

Thanks! lol.

The thing is, I did tell all my friends where I wanted to go for a drink or two to celebrate and such and most of them don''t want to travel to get there. They want me to do it closer to them and I don''t think that''s fair to my friends here who always travel. So instead of sucking it up and doing something nice for me, for once, they choose not to come at all.

It''s frustrating!

Our place isn''t even an option because again, people don''t want to travel 20-20 min to get here. Ugh.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Honestly, this isn''t going to be what you want to hear, but 23 isn''t a big year and therefore your friends might not be focused on the fact that it''s your birthday. You''ll find that as you get older things like B-days become less socially significant. You really only celebrate the big ones like 25, 30, 40, 50, etc. It sucks, but it happens. I haven''t really "celebrated" a birthday since my 21st and I''m hitting 28 now. Maybe you could start a tradition with yourself. Take yourself out for a nice dinner and a movie, go get a mani/pedi to celebrate. Or, buy some champagne, order chinese, get a yummy dessert from a bakery and stay in and watch chick flicks. Next year throw yourself a party and invite your friends in advance.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 3:42:56 PM
Author: blushingbride
Do you think someone is throwing a surprise party for you? Perhaps your BF??

That would be my guess if every single one of your friends is ''busy'' the night of your birthday. Seems fishy to me!

They haven''t told me they are busy. They say that it''s too far and they don''t want to travel so they are choosing not to come at all.

A surprise party is always an option. However, I know my BF didn''t get off because I saw the request form he put in and the denial. So unless he''s planning a party for me tomorrow or thursday (which would be weird, lol) then I don''t think that''s the case, unfortunately.

 

[onedrop]

What''s been said previously is exactly right, at least in my experience. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and bring your friends together to do what you want. Sometimes people just forget. But don''t question the friendships because of that. If they weren''t around when you really really needed them then I''d be more concerned if I were you. Simply suggest a get together at your favorite place and invite all your friends. They will be there for you!

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 3:50:00 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Honestly, this isn''t going to be what you want to hear, but 23 isn''t a big year and therefore your friends might not be focused on the fact that it''s your birthday. You''ll find that as you get older things like B-days become less socially significant. You really only celebrate the big ones like 25, 30, 40, 50, etc. It sucks, but it happens. I haven''t really ''celebrated'' a birthday since my 21st and I''m hitting 28 now. Maybe you could start a tradition with yourself. Take yourself out for a nice dinner and a movie, go get a mani/pedi to celebrate. Or, buy some champagne, order chinese, get a yummy dessert from a bakery and stay in and watch chick flicks. Next year throw yourself a party and invite your friends in advance.

Hmm, all very good ideas! Especially the dessert and chick flicks!

Haha.

I guess it just bugs me because I''ve been asking them to go out with me for my birthday for the last month so it''s not a last minute thing. Plus, yeah I know it''s not a big year or anything, I''m not planning on a huge celebration. I just wanted to get my friends together and go and have a drink or two. Plus, with my friends, it doesn''t matter which birthday it is, if someone wants to do something for it, they are usually up for it. Case in point, my friend J''s birthday is 2 weeks after mine, she''s also turning 23 and just started asking people to a place which is like 30 min away from the same friends I invited to go out for my birthday and they are all showing up for hers. I don''t get it?

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 3:56:20 PM
Author: onedrop
What''s been said previously is exactly right, at least in my experience. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and bring your friends together to do what you want. Sometimes people just forget. But don''t question the friendships because of that. If they weren''t around when you really really needed them then I''d be more concerned if I were you. Simply suggest a get together at your favorite place and invite all your friends. They will be there for you!

I have. It''s "too far" and they won''t come.

 

[FireGoddess]

I will empathize with you about your friends - seems like 20-30 min to travel to celebrate with you is nothing, considering you do it all the time in their direction. I wouldn't even consider not traveling that distance for a friend's birthday. Something to chew on if they really ARE being lazy about it. I mean, it's once a year, get in the freaking car.

However, if that is indeed the case with your friends, I'd do all the self-indulging I could handle, as another poster suggested. Mani, pedi, favorite movie, favorite food, and curl up and enjoy YOU-time.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

If that''s the case then maybe you need to bring it to their attention. Why are they willing to go out for X''s b-day but not yours? Could you combine the b-days into one night of celebration?

 

[onedrop]

bubbly: looks like I was posting while you were updating on the situation. In that case, I''ve got to agree with FG, do something for yourself that day. Better yet do a lot of things for yourself that day. After which I would I have a talk with my friends and try to find out what the real situation is. But do that AFTER your birthday. You don''t want to ruin the day if they if they say things you don''t want to hear.

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks everyone for letting me have my little pity party. Haha.

I think I will just do a "me" day and enjoy my alone time.

As for my friends, I am going to ask them why they can''t do it one time, for me. Maybe there is something more to that I''m not seeing, I don''t know. But I sure will find out!!

Thanks again!! It''s much appreciated!!!

 

[mercoledi]

Ahh yes, I have these friends too. We''ve driven over 800 miles to visit nearby, but they won''t meet us out 30 mins away on a weeknight.

I empathize, it sucks.

but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I agree with the others, ask again and if all else fails, do something special alone. If no one else is going to celebrate us, we had better learn to celebrate ourselves!

 

[surfgirl]

I''ve gotta agree with HH on this one. As harsh as it might sound, once you get out of middle/high school, you''re probably not going to be having those squeelishess birthdays or yore. Forget about it. Take care of yourself. Do something nice for you. The days of people getting all googly over your bday are probably gone. I know very few friends who have friends who make a big deal over each other''s bdays. The only person who notices my bday is my husband. And that''s fine with me. As long as your BF makes you feel special, that''s all that really matters isn''t it?

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks to all of you for wishing me a happy birthday!

and you all do make very good points... maybe i''m upset over something that i really shouldn''t be? i tend to be very sensitive so that very well could be the case.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/16/2007 4:42:04 PM
Author: bubbly1126
maybe i''m upset over something that i really shouldn''t be? i tend to be very sensitive so that very well could be the case.

It sounds like a couple different things going on at once ... you''re at an age when many friends kinda drift away & maybe there''s some of that. Some folks will make you a priority, some won''t -- you''ll act accordingly.

And you''re realizing that adult birthdays aren''t the same as college-age b-day. Sure, 21''s a big one -- but it''s all downhill "party wise" after that!

Try not to dwell on the "not-fairness" of it all & hang out with the folks who DO want to hang out with you -- wherever that might be. Even if it''s not on yr. actual b-day. Shizzz happens, yanno. My DH was out of town for his b-day last year & we just celebrated on a different day. HECK -- we celebrated OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY a day early so I could attend my sister''s 35th b-day party & he could see a Yankees series game.

Life is easier if you just go with the flow!

 

[Independent Gal]

At a certain point as we all grow older, peoples' lives become more responsibility laden, and so more inward in terms of friends - people have jobs, families, etc., and then you have to start adjusting things for the convenience of others, even when it's your birthday, which, I agree, is less of a big deal as you grow older. So, go to them if it's easier for them!

A very happy birthday to you from all your PS buddies! I'm sure you'll have a great time one way or another. Haivng fun by yourself is entirely possible too. How about taking the money you would have spent on going out and get yourself a spa treatment, your fave chick-flick, and bake yourself a cake.... mmmm... sounds awesome to me (well, trade the chick flick for a nature doc and it sounds awesome)! But then, I love being alone.

 

[nytemist]

Happy birthday, fellow Libra!

It does kind of hurt when no one seems to want to make a big deal of your birthday. I mean I know that it may not be a huge thing to others, but it would take much effort at all to at least meet up for drinks with you or something, knowing that you have put in effort to meet them in the past? It bugs me when I feel left out or not as important to my friends. Worse now that I live further outside the city, getting together with my friends is pretty tricky, especially since I don''t have a car anymore.

Mine is the day after yours and one friend has said something about it- saying maybe she''ll go out with me is she isn''t busy. Gee thanks. Even DH hasn''t rememberd it yet.

 

[scarleta]

Bubbly: happy B.Day to you..If nothing works you will have your own company for your B.Day.You have a choice what you want to do, does not have to be TV.Make plans for yourself and treat yourself to a facial, manicure, movie out or whatever else you most enjoy.You may find that others will join in once you stop feeling sorry for yourself.We will all be with you right here to Celebrate.Just enjoy and try not to even think of what others are going or not going to do on that day...

 

[Sabine]

Date: 10/16/2007 5:26:33 PM
Author: nytemist
Happy birthday, fellow Libra!

It does kind of hurt when no one seems to want to make a big deal of your birthday. I mean I know that it may not be a huge thing to others, but it would take much effort at all to at least meet up for drinks with you or something, knowing that you have put in effort to meet them in the past? It bugs me when I feel left out or not as important to my friends. Worse now that I live further outside the city, getting together with my friends is pretty tricky, especially since I don''t have a car anymore.

Mine is the day after yours and one friend has said something about it- saying maybe she''ll go out with me is she isn''t busy. Gee thanks. Even DH hasn''t rememberd it yet.

Hey nytemist, we share a birthday as mine is the day after too! Happy Birthday!
And Happy Birthday Bubbly! It does seem unfortunate that none of your friends are willing to put forth any effort to help you celebrate. Do they know that it would be important to you that they come and that they agree to come meet you for once? And it really stinks that your bf tried to get off work but got denied. Is there any way you two could do something special before or after work? No one said a birthday has to be out for drinks in the evening, you could do a special breakfast even. But if all esle fails, there''s always the pricescope group to entertain you!

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 5:26:33 PM
Author: nytemist
Happy birthday, fellow Libra!

It does kind of hurt when no one seems to want to make a big deal of your birthday. I mean I know that it may not be a huge thing to others, but it would take much effort at all to at least meet up for drinks with you or something, knowing that you have put in effort to meet them in the past? It bugs me when I feel left out or not as important to my friends. Worse now that I live further outside the city, getting together with my friends is pretty tricky, especially since I don''t have a car anymore.

Mine is the day after yours and one friend has said something about it- saying maybe she''ll go out with me is she isn''t busy. Gee thanks. Even DH hasn''t rememberd it yet.

Well, Happy Birthday to you, too!

I don''t care if they don''t make a big deal out of it... I just wanted to do something with them to celebrate. Nothing big.

Oh, I don''t like getting responses like that... "Oh, I''ll go if I''m not busy..." Kinda makes you feel worthless.

But I''m sure you''re DH will remember! I wouldn''t worry about that!

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 6:13:12 PM
Author: scarleta
Bubbly: happy B.Day to you..If nothing works you will have your own company for your B.Day.You have a choice what you want to do, does not have to be TV.Make plans for yourself and treat yourself to a facial, manicure, movie out or whatever else you most enjoy.You may find that others will join in once you stop feeling sorry for yourself.We will all be with you right here to Celebrate.Just enjoy and try not to even think of what others are going or not going to do on that day...

Yup! I decided it''s going to be a ''me'' day! hehe. And I know that a nice long bubble bath will be part of it! hehe.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 6:20:43 PM
Author: Sabine

Hey nytemist, we share a birthday as mine is the day after too! Happy Birthday!
And Happy Birthday Bubbly! It does seem unfortunate that none of your friends are willing to put forth any effort to help you celebrate. Do they know that it would be important to you that they come and that they agree to come meet you for once? And it really stinks that your bf tried to get off work but got denied. Is there any way you two could do something special before or after work? No one said a birthday has to be out for drinks in the evening, you could do a special breakfast even. But if all esle fails, there''s always the pricescope group to entertain you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Hehe.

I''ve voiced that I would really like for them to come out. I don''t know. They just don''t seem too interested. Oh well!

BF works the 3-11 shift right now... so I asked that he spend some time with me when he gets home from work saturday night (he usually plays some computer game when he comes home from work) and then spend time with me sunday before work. (Don''t know how well that will work out because he usually sleeps so late in the mornings since he stays up late... but we''ll see.)

And yeah, in between all the me things I''ll be doing sunday, I''m sure I will be on here talking to all you lovely ladies!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/16/2007 6:30:30 PM
Author: bubbly1126
Oh, I don''t like getting responses like that... ''Oh, I''ll go if I''m not busy...'' Kinda makes you feel worthless.

Geez. I hope NOONE feels "worthless" because someone else doesn''t make them a priority. Language is powerful & dramatizing things to yourself, from yourself is a sure way to work yourself into a tizzy.

People get busy. People are self-absorbed. Some folks like *other* folks more than they like *YOU*. But none of that makes a whit of difference to your WORTH. Self or otherwise.

 

[scarleta]

Glad to hear you made plans.Enjoy !!!!

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 6:45:12 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 10/16/2007 6:30:30 PM
Author: bubbly1126
Oh, I don''t like getting responses like that... ''Oh, I''ll go if I''m not busy...'' Kinda makes you feel worthless.

Geez. I hope NOONE feels ''worthless'' because someone else doesn''t make them a priority. Language is powerful & dramatizing things to yourself, from yourself is a sure way to work yourself into a tizzy.

People get busy. People are self-absorbed. Some folks like *other* folks more than they like *YOU*. But none of that makes a whit of difference to your WORTH. Self or otherwise.

Aww. I didn''t really mean that I felt worthless or anything. It''s just kind of like that first initial feeling you get when no one seems to care about how you feel or something. Like an ''Oh, gee, thanks for making me feel important'' kinda thing. No one could ever make me feel worthless. Please. I''m better than that!

(I''m not very good at explaining how I feel. lol. I guess I need to find better words! lol)

 

[princesss]

Aww, Bubbly, happy birthday! I''m sorry you''re feeling down, some of my friends are like that, too. I''m glad you''ve made plans and I hope that you don''t let this get you too down. I agree with HH -- start a tradition for yourself! Make things fun for yourself and have a great morning with your BF.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I know how you feel! As the others said, birthdays just start fading away the older you get! I had exactly one friend who even remembered my birthday this year, and she called me, which I really appreciated. It''s kind of a reminder to me that I should be a better friend.

Happy Birthday!

 

[decodelighted]

A bit off topic but it so reminded me of this thread ... on Jezebel & The Knot & The Nest a bunch of gals are discussing a husband who emailed his wife that he was angry he didn''t get sex on his birthday. Note: the wife worked 7am-4pm & spend the rest of the night AT THE HOSPITAL WITH THEIR PREMATURE BABY.

Married "Nesters" & Jezebel readers are WAY on the wife''s side -- saying the guy is a jerk.
Unmarried/engaged "Knotties" are all ... "she shouldn''t be ignoring his needs" etc.

But both sides agree: birthdays over 21 = no big deal anymore. *shrug*